Subscribe
If you enjoyed this article, subscribe to receive more just like it.
Get On Board
Enter your email address below to receive updates each time we publish new content.
Browse Archives
Please Support our Efforts
Search the Site
Recent Posts
- Some women are getting sterilized in response to Donald Trump’s reelection
- Sunday FGS
- Boomer’s Sunday
- Stupid people of the week
- The Atlantic – Donald Trump’s plans for the military will weaken it
- Navy Vet Earl Holliman, 96, dead
- Daily FGS
- Weekend Open Thread
- Man arrested for making threats against Donald Trump and his family
- Team Biden imposes sanctions on Venezuelan officials for post-election crackdown
Recent Comments
- Hack Stone on Some women are getting sterilized in response to Donald Trump’s reelection
- Hack Stone on Some women are getting sterilized in response to Donald Trump’s reelection
- Hack Stone on Some women are getting sterilized in response to Donald Trump’s reelection
- Green Thumb on Some women are getting sterilized in response to Donald Trump’s reelection
- SFC D on Some women are getting sterilized in response to Donald Trump’s reelection
- MSG Eric on The Atlantic – Donald Trump’s plans for the military will weaken it
- Odie on Boomer’s Sunday
- Slow Joe on The Atlantic – Donald Trump’s plans for the military will weaken it
- Bubblehead Ray on Navy Vet Earl Holliman, 96, dead
- Skivvy Stacker on Stupid people of the week
- Hack Stone on Some women are getting sterilized in response to Donald Trump’s reelection
- David on Some women are getting sterilized in response to Donald Trump’s reelection
- Deckie on Some women are getting sterilized in response to Donald Trump’s reelection
- Skivvy Stacker on Navy Vet Earl Holliman, 96, dead
- Skivvy Stacker on Some women are getting sterilized in response to Donald Trump’s reelection
We didn’t ask for it, but we’ll post in it.
Rats… Two minutes!
Oh boy!!! First Weekend Post.
Thinking of Jonn:
I recently found out that I did not promote to O-4 for a second time. I was offered a ‘Selective Continuation’ but, I have chosen to ETS and transfer my commission to the Army Reserve. I was a direct commission just before I turned 42 and will have served 7 years upon reaching my ETS date. It’s been a great experience and I was able to get 3 deployments. One to Iraq for 12 months in 2009, Afghanistan for 9 months in 2012-2013 and again for 5 months in 2014. It’s been a great learning experience and would do it all over again(even knowing the outcome). I look forward to serving in the reserves. Have a great weekend everyone!
Life Lesson: We do what we can! Everything else is gravy. BZ!
Okay, gonna rant about something that pissed me off to no end.
I was clicking on YouTube the other night, and pulled up a trailer for “Unbroken,” which I intend to see, and read the book. Louis Zamperini, God rest him, was a truly amazing man. He had more manliness in his toenails than ten of me combined.
So what pissed me the fuck off was this: I scroll down to the comments (I know, I know, first mistake). It’s nothing but hundreds of dumbass wapanese fanboy queer douchecunts gushing about how much they love the Japanese dude in the trailer, how they don’t care what the movie is about, they’re just going to see it because they LOOOOVE the jap, he’s so great, etc.
I considered pointing out that A) most people even in Japan probably neither know nor give a shit who the Japanese dude is, B) you might have noticed that your little gay-fantasy idol plays (realistically) a sadistic racist bastard who liked hurting people (you know, the traits the Japs liked for POW camp guards), and C) I dunno, THE WHOLE POINT OF THE GODDAMN MOVIE!!!
I decided not to comment, because what’s the point? Those basement-dwelling cartoon freaks who wish they lived in Japan–despite the fact that the Japs utterly detest guys like them–would never get it. I might as well get into an argument with my refrigerator. Still, it pisses me off to the point that I really want to reach through the monitor and strangle me some shitbags.
God, I need to shoot something.
Prepare to copy 12 digit grid OVER.
The Other Whitey……..I’ve read the book. Great read. You won’t be disapointed!
These are the same kind of douchenuggets that gush and swoon over that fucking booking photo from my old department. By and large, they aren’t worth the water to wash them down the sink and most shouldn’t be allowed outside without adult supervision.
http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/jeremy-meeks-mugshot-convicted-felons-hot-picture-2014206
Three Words:
HOT ASIAN CHICK
Yeah, that too. 🙂
Emily Chang – an up and comer.
All the better!
Is that the girl in the picture above?
Yes.
Hot.
I know I’ve mentioned it once or twice before, but my wife is a HOTTER asian chick. Emily Chang is still hot, though.
What can I say… Heart breakers and love makers all.
http://beautyisinside.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/LoveYouLongTime.jpg
I should get that shirt for my wife.
How ’bout “HOT ASIAN CHICK wearing a tight black dress, black nylons and spike-heeled leather boots” *drool*…
Oatmeal raisin nut cookies.
Navy Beans, Ham Hocks, and Cornbread.
CLAW, I had the very same thing for dinner.
That’s what I had for supper yesterday and will have it again tonight to finish off the crock pot.
I don’t have the patience for a crockpot or that overnight soaking thing. I just put them in my pressure cooker for 40 minutes and eat.
Navy beans are one of those comfort foods I remember from when I was a kid, my mom made them all the time.
Roast beef w/gravy, mashed potatoes, stuffing, steamed carrots, steamed veg w/snow peas, for supper.
Since my heart and stomach are connected, add biscuits and you just stole them both.
Ex, How many people are you cooking for? When I lived alone I ate the very same meal, from Swanson’s. Once and awhile I would go all out and have a seven course meal. Steak and a six pack!
Biscuits – check! And corn muffins.
RogerinRepublic, just for me, but I cook ahead so that it isn’t just leftovers. It’s pre-roasted chicken or beef, plus enough broth to make a bodacious pot of gravy. The potatoes, vegs, salad, dessert all come with the meal, all diferent each time so I don’t get bored.
OK …. This is my SITREP:
I am in the Peoples Republic of Vermont. The Vermontonians here are OK … a wee bit odd (they don’t look in your eyes), but in a comforting (double locking hotel room door) and very laid back way (triple counting my change)!
This weekend is dedicated to training the next generation of skiers, all USSA U-10 to U-18, extremely talented and the all the skiers are great kids.
So I will try to check in this weekend if I can!
Oh … Almost forgot …
Bernath is not, never was nor will he ever be a Genuine or Honorary CPO. PERIOD!
NOTE: I am calling the tournament now … he is the winner!
What part of town I got Cigars?
Okemo.
I’m pretty sure that coming in first place in the Stolen Valor tournament does not a winner make.
I agree, Chief… He who flies with empty fuel tank must win. The Stupid is strong in the phoney Hon CPO.
B-nasty bedwetter.
Any thoughts on ladies getting tattoos?
Uhhh, my wife has one. I guess it’s okay!
Depends… Keep in mind that they can/will fade with age.
Or probably warp/sag,
My wife has 9…I think, I’ll ask her to strip down so I can count again. They are all hidden though, nothing to big…hidden in all the right places.
My wife has eleven. But she were a Jarhead. YMMV.
Chevy for the WIN!!! He will pull it out. Chevy is THE ONE! Fake everything!!!
Chevy over the future disbarred CA lawyer?
No chance …
When you add up expenses, scumbaggery and damages … There can be only one!
Of course the “thing” you cite is at the whale shit level on the food chain. But, much of his asshattery may be mental and pathetic.
My boy Chevy is just an asshole. As I posted on the other thread, Chevy married 7+ times. He sprang for an AF helmet and painted a phony call sign on it. He embellished his CAP uniform. He worked hard to get his TX State Guard membership look like real soldiering, and, perhaps, the greatest achievement, got canned by the TX State Guard…a volunteer organization of play soldiers where you have to buy your own shit!
That is going balls to the wall to win this coveted award. Chevy fakes everything! Cop, Airman, Soldier, Husband. You-know-who just acts like a buffoon and he runs away with it. Chevy probably already has a drawing of the trophy ready to put on his fake police car as a logo. Now we know how Hillary felt: she had it in the bag until the community organizer came along.
The Fat Lady Hasn’t even warmed up! Chevy for the win!
And I was reminded there that I left off cheese.
And don’t forget…. Chevy is HUNGRY. No telling what he might do. I wouldn’t be surprised to see him post his chrome dome on Generalissimo Francisco Franco’s festooned body. Anything Birdbath can do, Chevy can do better. He’s MESNA for Christ’s sake!
And did I mention he’s HUNGRY?
And another thing. Dude’s a Electronic Countermeasures Expert. People hire him to testify in court! He might just steal the election with his mind. He’s MESNA for Christ’s sake! He has his own drone! He reverse engineered a surplus squad car! Did I mention he is HUNGRY?
Yeah! He’ll fly that C-130 Compass Call right over your ass and it’s lights out MoFo’s!
Know Chevy is reading this: Cowboy…get your final asshattery action plan on the front burner. Do not execute yet. You have plenty of time to conduct the final round surprise. MCPO, a mighty force, has all his chips on you-know-who and he will be pushing that outcome. You have several of us in your camp (albeit just to make the contest interesting) and we can help you. Plus one of your 7, 8, 9, ? ex-wives will come forward to boost you over the ledge. This is your your final chance to show the world what a loser you are. Suck it up big boy! Put on that helmet! Sit in your fake police car. Go buy a wheel of Gouda! Get the good stuff! CHEVY ALL THE WAY.
Hungry?
Who else in the world can demolish an entire 7-pound block of cheese, besides Gerard Depardieu?
And without even tapping the wine cellar?
That takes some chutzpah!
Yeah but, we got stuff on the non-flier, non-lawyer, fraud, former bus driver that Chevy could never even dream of!
You mean a “Bus Driver” sans a CDL with a Passenger Endorsement? Ooh, once it’s proven, there could be some hefty fines from his State DOT, and fines like that end up turning into jail time if they’re not paid!!
Hey, all you sailors out there…know of a good online source for US Navy stuff? I’m looking for a sweatshirt for my 87 year old dad, late WW2 veteran, he spent a year in the Navy before getting out and going home. He didn’t get overseas, but he’s proud of his service and I’d like to get him something he can wear to the store and show off his Navy pride.
I’ve already gotten him a Navy flag and had a photo of the ship he sailed on for a two-week postwar cruise to the Bermudas in the Reserves, along with a photo of his fellow reservists on the cruise. A thick, good-quality sweatshirt would serve him well on those cold West Michigan nights. Any and all suggestions appreciated.
Go to the “Goat Locker” Google hit. They have great vendors linked to site.
I have the same challenge for my new Father In Law. A great 83 yr young AF Master Sgt. Until I came along, his family never heard him mention the AF! He just says he crew chiefed Gooney Birds, sometimes in Vietnam.
I want to do a medal box etc for him. I’ll get his 214 tomorrow under VA pretenses.
Check out the ads on the side of the main page. My service pride is a good site and hey by clicking on the ad it supports this site.
I normally block ads but turned the blocker off several days ago. Have seen no ads for the medal stuff. Looked because someone mentioned it awhile ago and I wanted Jonn to get a hit.
Medals of America has good stuff too. Used them to replace the odds and ends that didn’t survive the divorce. Good presentation boxes and run by Vets.
I am feeling pretty darn depressed. I come to this page every day and enjoy everything I read. But lately I have been having my hopes and dreams crushed. Every day I show up with high hopes of being entertained….and every day I have my hopes crushed like nuts in a nutcracker………DON I NEED MORE PHONIE SEAL OF THE WEEK VIDEOS!!! I NEED IT, IT IS MY DRUG!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am relapsing without you Don, please come back to us soon. Please Don, Please help me!!!! I love you Don…No Homo.
Call the VA hotline …
Maybe I’ll get a hot girl on the line
Judging by the women that work at the VA; doubtful!
I don’t know about that Brian, I was just at my local VA clinic, My MD was a smokin hot Asian. grrrrrwow.
Brian, I gotta disagree with you on that one.
I have spent tons of time in both the Milwaukee and Houston VA Hospitals and a couple of clinics between Houston and Milwaukee.
There are some damn beautiful ladies in the employ of the VA.
There are regular women too, the ones that are beautiful as they work for all of us.
Hell, I asked my NP from the Heart Failure Clinic in Milwaukee how much I would have to pay for her to get a divorce and run off with me to Texas for a life of sin and adventure !!!
All I have… Is my shaggy, smelly dog and Phuzzz the cat…
Sigh…
I fell in love with that woman the instant I saw her !!!
Yep, lots of beautiful ladies at the VA !!!
My last Doc at the VA in Albuquerque was a smoking hot young lady. My new one is a Paki witch who I do not like at all, but she is cute.
My prostate doc at Walter Reed was a hot CPT. I got shrinkage though when she said: “Ok, stand up, drop trou, bend over.” That’s a quote. Didn’t ask if I wanted a gown or same sex observer. Sniff.
SJ…Had the same thing happen to me when I was about 21. Then, whenever I had to strip down for a an annual exam and put on a paper wrapper, I got a giant blue vein, diamond cutter on. Always thinking, well you asked for this so, you get the Full Monty, I’d pull up the gown before turning around. Though she was a very professional Major and never said a word, I did see a glint of a smile on her face.
I had the opposite problem…but I’m a geezer.
Senior Chief’s new video…
Phony Navy SEAL of the WEEK. Tarrant, Nease, Liston and Carpenter. Phony Navy SEAL.
Toasty Coastie for the WIN! You are definitely SF in my book!
I call BS on that, NO SF in the USCG!
Drops microphone on big toe and breaks it and limps away!
Speaking of the Grand Haired One; for the tourney we each get a vote per computer (per the official rules) in each bracket (or something like that-hell I don’t know, didn’t really read them).
Anyway, are there exceptions for distinguished personnel such as him where he may be authorized additional votes? Just wondering…
Sunday is December 7.
Yep. Check here just before 1PM.
Also..some dude is getting Eaten alive by an Anaconda……
Stupidity of the kind which ensures that my job will never be boring…
Ex-PH2…Yes it is. I will be remembering my father and many uncles tomorrow.
A day that remains in infamy, 73 years later.
Commander Phil Monkress (CEO: All Points-Logistics at Merritt Island, FL) works balls while avoiding calls seeking explanation and clarification on his SEAL, Native American and Law Enforcement Claims.
All of this while his senior executive staff support and advance his claims for personal monetary gain.
Thieves, lairs and losers.
APL style!
Daniel A. Bernath, whom MCPO NYC rightfully says WILL NEVER be a US Navy CPO, Honorary or otherwise, STILL accuses the wrong man of being me. He/it has accused at least three innocent Men of being me, and despite his spittles that he will find me and serve me, he has failed. OY VEY, I still think that Daniel A. Bernath is a SHMENDRICK!!
Word.
To the shitlord I know will be reading this: My name isn’t Nelson.
Go play centipede with an elephant fed on a steady diet of burritos and curry.
OK, I think I sprained something laughing.
You’re getting really good at this swearing thing, HS. I pity the man that goes toe to toe with you.
I know; I spend way too much time here and on Terminal Lance.
I need help.
Holy crap, you’re a TS’er too!
Awesome, here I was thinking I was the only guy under 20 here who knew about that…
/x\
(Don’t judge, that’s the best LCpl chevron I could make…)
Yeah, I am. Max has created something mighty special with TL.
I can surf the comics and the forum pages for hours.
Honestly, I can’t wait for “the White Donkey” to be released. I’m super pumped for it.
I’m pretty sure Garcia’s gonna die, though.
Probably.
On a brighter note, it will herald the birth of a new drinking game—one shot downed for every porta shitter jackoff scene.
He also accuses two different women of being me, neither of whom is me, and neither of whom do what I do.
I DO NOT do watercolor art. (I could never get the hang of that medium.)
I DO NOT write children’s books. My stuff is for people over the age of HSJunior.
This is how dedicated he is to the Navy: he uses ‘floor’ instead of ‘deck’, ‘wall’ instead of ‘bulkhead’, etc., etc., etc.
He is the epitome of BLAH-BLAH-BLAH-BLAH.
But you ARE part of an illuminati plot to kill all the Vietnam era veterans (which, I guess would include yourself), right? 🙂
Of course I am.
BTW, do you know how to use a typewriter?
Fraid not; those were a bit before my time.
How come?
It’s one way to keep internet snoops out of your stuff. Even your mom can’t find it if it’s typed and hidden in that secret space in your closet.
That is helpful. I’m a died in the wool millennial, though, so I can’t really imagine not using Microsoft Word. Guess I’ll just have to get really good security software.
I’ve used them before. There’s something to the sound of it.
Learned to type (sorta) in Germany on a manual typewriter wearing trigger-mittens (me wearing them, not the TW). My NBC building had no heat and maint wouldn’t take hand written forms for broken equipment. Spent hours typing one form.
At least I’m up to being able to type with 3, sometimes 4 fingers.
I still have an IBM Selectric III.
Set the marings, insert the paper into the carriage, start crankin’ copy. Just remember to hit the return key when you hear the margin bell.
Durn, I love that machine. It’s the sound of the type hitting the paper and the clatter of the keys as you go.
Some places are starting to sell record players again.
Yes, exactly. The clacking, the dinging, the whirring…
Even the later digital typewriters (the ones with spellcheck and the ability to write lines out ahead of time) still had that satisfying sound.
Finals weeks.
It approaches.
APUSH research paper deadline.
It also approaches.
Oh, God, APUSH.
Depending on your teacher, that’s either a complete waste of time, or it’ll actually teach you something semi-useful.
I’m telling you, mate; you’re better off just reading history books if you want the truth now-a-days.
The teacher I’m with is excellent. He talks about it from different angles and through different lenses, and he debates the stuff. He’s also an economics teacher in his other classes, and those folks always seem to have the highest degree of common sense. He’s no ivory tower academic.
I enjoy it, personally. Did you take it?
Sounds like you got one of the good ones, HS. My compliments to him.
I can’t remember if I took the AP class (I believe I did), but I did have a good teacher.
I’ve heard horror stories from students of other teachers…
Likewise.
“Hey, so for tonight’s homework guys, I’d like an eight-page essay detailing the various causes of the civil war due tomorrow”…
Hah, if only.
There was one teacher in my High School who only talked about Monica Lewinski and Sex every day.
Another reached the furthest he had ever gotten in the curriculum the year I left; Watergate.
The books go to 2009 in history.
God, I lucked out.
I’ve had zeros like that. Best ones are the ones who invariably spend half the class time ranting at us to stop talking and talking about how much better and disciplined kids were back in the day.
I’m an APUSH teacher … and I agree with you. If you have one of those teachers who got “stuck” with the class, they make it boring as all hell. But I don’t. I spent a long time as a radio/TV entertainer (part time, mostly) and actor so I have some skills to bring to the classroom. That helps. The kids say they like it and they do well on the annual AP test.
That would definitely come in handy.
APUSH is a really-fact heavy course (memorizing names, dates, etc.), so it’s all in how you present the stuff; you can make it like Professor Binn’s magical history class in Harry Potter (substitute “really boring” if you’ve never read them), or it can be engaging.
Sounds like your class is the latter.
It’s only boring if you’re not Hermione Granger.
Because she’s just a boss, even before Emma Watson took the role.
JK Rowling made us love her.
Emma Watson made us want to make love to her 😀
Whoop whoop.
Open suggestions on a new ccw semiauto. No 1911 or old man revolvers. .40 striker fired no manual safety preferable.
Go!
Glock is always a choice, I’ve got several. But I love my XD-S .45. Only downside is small capacity Magazine but it’s perfect for concealed carry. It does have a grip safety, but to me that’s a plus, Glock triggers always make me a little nervous with IWB or pocket carry. The trigger on the XD is perfect for me too.
Did someone say Glock?
http://youtu.be/PN6BdtsW2_s
Fat…..since you have a problem with the 1911 and you say you don’t want old man revolvers. Whatever that means. May I suggest the pink .38 (smile)
If you just have to have a plastic pistol, the Springfield XD kicks ass. Glocks are gay.
Then again, I’m a 1911 guy. The XD is the only striker-fired polymer-framed weapon that doesn’t offend me. And your comment regarding revolvers makes me think you have confused “old man” with “old school.” Besides, I know some old men who are Grandmasters in asskicking.
PS: The thing about glocks being gay was a joke. No need for any butthurt among the legions who worship at the altar of Gaston Glock’s asscrack. They ARE gay, but I was only pointing it out for the sake of humor. Seriously, though, if you really are one of those rarer-than-they claim individuals who really does shoot better with a glock, then by all means get a glock. Just don’t be surprised when your voice gets higher and your nipples start aching–I’m kidding. To all you glocktards out there, you know I love ya–in a totally not-gay kind of way!
[Runs for cover and gets ready to return fire*]
*With a man’s gun!
Whitey………I too prefer the 1911′ however not for the reason one might think. While flying with the Air Cav, I carried a .38 with the 4 inch barrel. However I also have a 1911 Colt that belonged to WO David Meyer. A pilot who did not make it home. My choice of the 1911 Colt is more personal than anything else.
SIG P229 .40. I used to have one back before the tragic boating accident.
Already have a SA/DA SIG.
Thompson submachine gun.
If it was good enough Cagney, it’s good enough for me.
Ex-PH2 – Ever fired one of those? Love the look and sound, but geez louise, they are incredibly inaccurate at anything above point blank range. heavy, too, which is why so many WWII paratroopers ditched theirs in Normandy in favor of Garands.
No, Currahee, but the look on Cagney’s face in ‘Public Enemy No. 1’ when the off-camera ex-Navy machine gunner stitched the side of a set with real bullets is priceless.
But they worked great for their intended purpose! Speaking of a Man’s Gun…
That would be a Thompson Model 1927
FUn to shoot but useless on full auto, was the originator of the spray and pray term. Rides up on you like a cheap pair of boxers.
Adding a better muzzle brake helps the situation.
It fires from the open bolt position. one of the favorites that may or may not be in my collection
Just once in my life, I want to shove a 50-round drum mag into a Thompson, put the selector on Full Auto, and let ‘er rip. I hear there’s an indoor range in Vegas where you can rent one and do that.
Its like shooting a Barrett 50 BMG for the first time, you cant help but laugh when you do it.
The GLOCK 14 in .40 is small, concealable and no manual safety. Trouble with mine is that the grips are short and I have carrot fingers. Tried to get the daughter to trade me for her SIG 9 and she just rolled her eyes at me and laughed. NO SENSE OF Respect!
I’m happy. I hot all my household goods yesterday. The only thing that posses me off is they took apart and broke a 150 year old antique desk that has been in my family for generations. I go all my guns back. My wife thought I was paranoid. I took pictures of all my guns with serial numbers, made an inventory by serial number, videotaped my guns and zoomed in on each serial number, videotaped the mover reading the serial numbers out loud, and videotaped him signing the inventory.
“…broke a 150 year old antique desk…” Ouch. If it splintered, put the splinters on a baggie. They may come in handy when it’s repaired.
I already had the furniture guy in town look at it. It’s not going to be a problem to fix.
Happy to hear it. I love old desks, old tables, and old phones. They are personal, unlike so many antiques that are collected or retained for their monetary value. I like to imagine what issues (worldwide and family issues) the objects were privy to during their lives. Your desk, for instance, may have been around for the Civil War and most certainly stood during the Spanish-American, both world wars, the advent of flight, from Kitty Hawk to the moon landings. Love that stuff.
Good move on videotaping.
Things have an odd way of “walking off” sometimes.
That’s why my family never, ever hires movers. We take advantage of the large numbers of able-bodied cousins with trucks when there’s a move to be made. Cheaper, safer, guaranteed zero theft. I take it Twist doesn’t have that resource available to him. Hopefully the movers give him at least some of his money back. I’d be pissed about that desk!
Want to see me do a Houdini? Just mention that you’re moving and need some help. Like a snowflake on the water, I am GONE.
Yeah, not too many people willing to help me move from Indiana to Alaska.
I wouldn’t count on it, Whitey. I used “professional” movers two years ago when I got into the place in which I live now, and they broke one of the footboard pedestals off of my bed. They said “someone” would contact me about repairing it … didn’t take long for me to find out they don’t know who I am or why I’m calling them. So I fixed it myself. Movers. Sheesh.
I cant count the number of times i have helped people move. The one and only time I needed help called everyone I knew. Only one person showed up and he had a broken foot.
Just watched a segment on Fox & Friends where they were interviewing a gal about Hillary Clinton’s remarks about our enemies. Her name is Jesse Jane Duff and is billed as a retired Gunnery Sergeant and Fellow at the London Center on something something (think tank). Um, I know some retired female Marines and none of them look like this woman. She’s fricken HAWT!!! A big plus is she doesn’t mince words or go for nuance, which makes her that much more hot!
Ah, yes, it’s that time of morning to take a Giduck. You can always tell by the pre-emptive intestinal distress, a longing almost to rid one self of the oversized lincoln log contained within. “Heavy Chevy” doesn’t begin the describe the feeling or the girth of this monster. each Giduck brings a choice: test the plumbing in wherever I am or duckwalking out the full length which gives me the advantage of adding a DQ twist at the end. This day, I find my way to the white porcelained throne of power and might. It’s a solemn place with festival seating so I seat myself without needing to say, “seating for one, please, preferably with a view”. I know that we are close as the weekly Giduck begins as an involuntary strain against this exponentially increasing internal mass. I bear down despite the ripping and tearing that has already started. I feel pain despite all of my Lamaze breathing methods. Only the seat itself holds my hand through the effort. At last, an explosion of both sight and sound. Something hits the still water below like a out-of-control jet fighter hitting the ocean. The wreckage of what just re-entered the atmosphere bobs for a moment through the accompanying sonic boom and then slowly sinks to the bottom of the bowl. I exhale and wipe the sweat from my brow. It is a worthy effort to bring such joy to the TAH readers. I resist the impulse to ask if it is a boy or a girl. I know it is a Giduck in all of its glory – something to be looked at in awe akin to a maligned chocolate and meatloaf faberge egg encrusted in bejeweled corn. It leans against the side of the bowl as casually and as out of place as a man out on the street corner in a zoot suit leaning agaist a street lamp smoking a cigerette. I try to place the scent which seems to be a mix of the internals of my bowels and shame. I bite my lip a bit and… Read more »
By all the Muses, fsckityfsck, you are not only funier than a dog with an apple, you have inspired me.
Like you, I was stuck. Chapter 1 & 2 are complete and satisfactory, but may require some additional verbage later on. But Chapter 3: well, to say stuck is illusory. Bogged down with the addition of a geologist and a jetboat driver, my team was struggling with forward motion.
Rondo and Hardware had both acquired explosively active food poisoning from contaminated canteloupe. And under protest, EVAC’d to the hospital, where they are sharing a room. Aside from the smells and noises, the unanswered questions remained: Where to go? What to do?
Now I am no longer faced with that dilemma. The tank triathlon looms, then it’s off to the Steppes of Central Asia.
Thank you!!
Does All-Points Logistics have a contract to provide janitorial services for your toilet?
Janitorial Contract? No, think Phildo, a length of 3/4 inch siphoning hose, and a free of charge service.
fsckity!
Thanks for that! I haven’t laughed that hard in months. That’s as good or better than the Yankey judging a Texas Chili Cook-off!
Strange habits..
Ok, confession time. There are some things I still do out of force of years of habit. All of my clothes are hung up with the buttons facing left and the open part of the hangers to the rear. I didn’t realize I was doing it until my wife mentioned it. Bugs me when they’re just in there any which way.
I finally got her trained to do it right 🙂
Any one else pick up any habits that for no logical reason don’t go away?
oh, I still butt my smokes and discard them properly. Irritates me to see someone just toss it. “Double arm interval…”
When I go to the range, a small part of my brain is still listening for “Ready on the left?..”
jerry920…You too eh! My closet portion, though small compared to the wife’s, looks like my old military locker. Everything hung correctly and evenly spaced. Hers on the other hand, makes me shudder to look at. Makes me want to call her outside and smoke her ass after I throw all her clothes on the floor and toss them around the room. (Note to the newly married, refrain from trying to smoke your wife’s ass over small things or any things. It NEVER WORKS OUT IN YOUR FAVOR IN THE SHORT OR LONG RUN!) But at least she has come over to the “orderly” side when hanging my few items.
I don’t know. I gave away all my ‘office clothes’ when I retired. I kept the fun stuff. Much more room in my closet.
I have two pairs of jeans with zippers that broke within two months of starting to wear them. Normally, I would replace the broken zippers. Not this time: both pairs of jeans are far too big and beginning to wear out from multiple washings and wear and tear, and when they truly rip out, I will try on the next smaller size down.
I think I discarded all those old habits once I retired.
I still hear that guy in the tower telling me to “watch yoooouuuur lane” in that deep, Don Pardo voice.
As far as habits that have a hard time being ditched:
-saying “out” when hanging up the phone at work
-saying one zero or two niner instead of 10 or 29 (or whatever the # is)
-lacing my shoes and boots left over right
-combat parking the company truck and referring to the weekly checks I do on it as PMCS
-always ensuring that my coat or jacket is always zipped/buttoned and not flapping in the wind (however, I do finally feel okay keeping my hands in my pockets for more than two seconds)
LOL, yes I forgot that one. All buttons buttoned, all snaps snapped. Bugs me until I check them all.
Damn. Chevy isn’t focused on the prize. Instead of coming up with a final round asshatery push, Chevy has a whiff of strange and is on a tangent. From his FB page:
“Guys, have you ever been involved with a women that is so sexy to you and so sweet that you would do anything for her?
Tell me what you have been through”
Did you notice that “gal” he is engaged to is “employed at The Centre”?
If it is true that “The Centre” only hires military veterans, it is entirely possible that Chevy is taking a page out of Master Bateman’s book. Chevy’s future wife might have more combat experience than him!
I bet that excites him.
I don’t see that. His FB page or somewhere else?
It was on Facebook. Here. I found it.
https://www.facebook.com/andra.lorenz.1?fref=ufi&pnref=story
I wish I was still the cold, heartless bastard that my ex-wife and some of my troops thought I was – I’d send my congrats to her also in true TAH fashion. But as of right now, she’s still not a legitimate target. Gotta follow the ROE…
I think The BeSig said he sent her a FB message. I don’t want to warn her. Heck, the way I figure it, odds are 50/50 she might be running her own game. I used to work with a guy that took a cute looking gal upstairs at a bar in boys town. I think he still has nightmares. Sometimes the ladies are not what they seem.
Speaking of which, I find it very ironic that our boy wonder rants on his ex-wives for being everything from drug addicts to deceitful to crazy etc. The stupid sonofabitch is supposed to be a profiler! Go MESNA!
YGBSM! Does she know how to Google? Hope they have both been “fixed” so there won’t be any progeny from that union.
Speaking of old habits dying hard, as posted above, I spent some time last week thinking about all the stuff I learned in “A” school, so very, very long ago, and before I went into the Navy. It has stuck with me all these years. I realized then that when I sold my Nikon F4, I was dumping reality. The F4 was the dream machine for sports photographers. It could and still does handle all Nikon lenses. The only thing it doesn’t handle is the VR feature, which is exclusive to higher-end digital cameras. Otherwise, if the lens has the F mount, the F4 takes it. I was noodling around on the ‘net recently and found the company I had sold my F4 and F100 to. I sat there staring at the F4s on the ‘for sale’ list. Then I realized I want my old friends back. I want my big Mamiya back. I want to dig out my 4×5 film holders, load ’em up, drag Big C out of her carrying bag and head into the field with a boatload of large format in my backpack. I want to spend time calculating the bellows factor for shooting 8×10 sheets with a Horseman and a landscape lens. I want to fiddle with the swings and tilts to get the entire field of view into focus. I don’t give a crap if the battery for the light meter in my F2 is dead. I can get another battery. I had that baby completely overhauled and it sits on the shelf collecting dust. Even if the battery is dead, I still have that ASA/ISO exposure chart engraved on my brain cells. Who the hell needs a light meter? If your film speed is XXX, adjust your shutter speed and aperture according to light levels. And use a tripod, for Pete’s sake. You think you’re nostalgic for the good ol’ days with range time and the smell of gunpowder in the morning, and coffee afterwards? Well, same here. There is no digital camera image that can compare to the clarity and sharpness of… Read more »
This is a good thing that you do. It is a very good thing. And it’s about time. Good hunting.
Thanks, AirCav.
I’ll have an online gallery up one of these days… when something else completed. 🙂
i noted that the passing of The Honorable Marion “Crack Pipe” Barry merited no special mention at TAH this week. Thank goodness. However, there is a four-hour televised tribute to him occurring as I write this. It’s happening at the D.C. Convention Center. Talk about ruining a Saturday. I bet that there are more cameramen there than there are viewers. For sheer humor, I can’t help but wonder how all of the speechifiers will be able to omit Crack Pipe’s womanizing and drugging. And before someone tells me I ought not to speak ill of the dead, the exception to that rule of etiquette is if one also trashed them when they were alive. So, I qualify to speak ill of him.
I thought of him while I was visiting the latrine/library.
This is a case of where it’s perfectly acceptable to speak ill of the dead AND the idiots who kept voting for him.
He’s a DC democrat,
He’ll be back on the ballot, and voting, in 2016.
Dudes and Dildos: The Phil Monkress Story.
I will just leave this here:
Dave … classic! Too funny!
Just in, video from the bad Santa- I’m lookin at YOU TSO.
I was given the Master Crapsman set last year. No Shit ! The stuff really works.
http://www.amazon.com/Poo-Pourri-Master-Crapsman-Gift-Set/dp/B00FEJ1S30/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1417920268&sr=8-3&keywords=poo+pourri+spray
Awww.Poor Barry. He had a boo boo sore throat so Walter Reed did a CT Scan. Sure any of us that checked in at WR or a VA hospital with a sore throat would get one too.
Or would it be: “take 2 salt tablets and drive on”?
Salt tablets? Those will kill ya!
I went into a drug store about 18 months ago and asked them where the salt tablets were. They looked at me like I was an alien from another planet. They informed me I should drink Pedialite. Yeah, uh huh. I just started a nice salt package collection from my favorite burger joint.
I think someone was looking for BRIAN TARRANT from Bloomington, Illinois, RYNE NEASE from Chicago, Illinois, BRIAN KEITH LISTON from Hueytown, Alabama, and MICHAEL WAYNE CARPENTER from Gulfport, Mississippi, you can find them here:
http://valorguardians.com/blog/?p=56895&cpage=1#comment-2307593
Hey folks, I rewrote a song to the tune of 12 Days of Christmas. Here’s the final verse:
On the twelfth day of being busted as a Phony Chief, This Ain’t Hell Gave to me:
12 flaming squirrels
11 rusty chainsaws
10 Bushes a Quivering
9 go fuck yourselfs
8 imaginary death threats
7 self catheter bags
6 cases of shingles
Fiiiive Federal Agencieeees
4 local prosecutors
3 state courts
2 talk show hosts
and a US Assistant District Attorney
Maybe JRM will grace us all with a cover of this as a Christmas present if we ask nicely.
GREAT SITE Guys and Gals!
I enjoyed the visit and will be back for more.
Just as a side note……Lots of new neighbors here at Arifjan. Colorful BDUs and tasseled berets. MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Enjoy your time at “Camp Cupcake”. (smile)