Ventura off the grid, off his nut

| February 5, 2014

Professional conspiracy theorist, Jesse Ventura’s, or Jimmy Janos’, whichever you prefer, cheese has finally slid completely off of his cracker. He says that he’s “off the grid” hiding from drones, says Politico;

“I’m off the grid. I move about with my TV show so that the drones can’t find me and you won’t know exactly where I am,” Ventura said, talking over the host’s question as to whether it was a hoax.

The former third-party governor hosts a show called “Off the Grid” on Ora TV. Ventura said he could remain off the map “as long as we have solar power and we can reach the satellite.”

“I view the United States, today, much like East Berlin. And I’m off the grid. I’ve tried for 20 years to warn the country about the Democrats and Republicans, and nobody’s listening.”

He should be hiding, since he decided to sue Chris Kyle’s widow – America’s veterans are more dangerous to him than the government. But, it was a good move on his part to hide his show on a network with which I’m not familiar and probably most Americans. He should try hiding even better if CNBC’s reporters can find him.

Category: Shitbags

Comments (44)

Trackback URL | Comments RSS Feed

  1. Old Tanker says:

    Kyle didn’t punch him back into reality…did he?

  2. Bubblehead Ray says:

    And off his meds apparently.

  3. Hondo says:

    Old Tanker: given the above, obviously not. (smile)

  4. Marine_7002 says:

    He’s whining ’cause no one is listening to him.

    It took him this long to figure that out?

  5. MGySgtRet. says:

    My response to this fuckstain being off the grid is, Who Cares?

  6. Nicki says:

    Two words: douche nugget.

    Thatisall.

  7. rb325th says:

    Paranoid Schizo affective disorder…

  8. A Proud Infidel says:

    JIMMY “THE MEGA-DOUCHE” Janos rants again!!!

  9. RM3(SS) says:

    Janos, how can I miss you if you won’t GO AWAY!!!

  10. OIF '06-'07-'08 says:

    And to think that he was a Governor once.

  11. A Proud Infidel says:

    Apparently, being a has-been Entertainer is one thing that can get you elected to Public Orifice in Minnesota as long as you’re wacko and/or liberal enough. Look at who they allowed to steal one of their Senate seats!!

  12. A Proud Infidel says:

    YES, Aaaal Franken, HE THOUGHT he was good enough, smart enough, AND GOSH DARN IT, he had enough con artist lawers suing to steal the election!

  13. Eric says:

    This is the epitome of hollywood personality:

    “I’m off the GRID, but as long as we can reach the SATELLITE.”

    He should’ve been punched more than once.

  14. Hondo says:

    Proud Infidel: there’s considerable evidence that Franken was elected via pervasive voter fraud.

    Nearly as many convicted felons have been documented to have voted in two counties in MN alone as Franken’s alleged margin of victory. (Under MN law, felons can’t vote unless their voting rights have been restored.) Statewide, it’s a cinch that well more than that the number comprising Franken’s alleged margin of victory voted.

    Data from past elections indicates that convicted felons historically vote for Democratic candidates by about an 8:1 margin.

    Bottom line: it’s virtual certainty that Franken was not legitimately elected to the US Senate his first time around. Coleman was a fool not to contest the election longer, and if necessary take the matter to the SCOTUS.

  15. jonp says:

    ” I’ve tried for 20 years to warn the country about the Democrats and Republicans, and nobody’s listening.””

    Somebody disagree with this statement?

  16. jonp says:

    @15: I will be less generous than you. Franken was elected by rampant voter fraud. Period

  17. Veritas Omnia Vincit says:

    We elect a lot of has been and not so has been actors to office Proud Infidel….one of the conservative favorite presidents in the last century was a governor first and president second…in fact that president was in the first “Million Dollar Baby” movie….it wasn’t a fight movie though…

    Ventura is still doing what he has always done, promote Ventura…as long as everyone understands that this man is first and foremost about promoting his own name (like all “pro” wrestlers) everything else makes sense. Outrageous stories are just part of the deal…he’s not much different from the vast majority of self promoting hacks that constitute popular culture these days

  18. OWB says:

    Oh, the irony.

  19. Ex-PH2 says:

    Let me see if I properly understand this.

    No. I don’t understand it.

    But it’s Jimmy Janos, who probably had far too many close encounters with explosives as a frogman, and also probably likes sniffing blasting powder. Naw, he’s just after attention again. If he didn’t tell anyone he’s off the grid, how else would we know he’s off the grid?

  20. Sparks says:

    “as long as we have solar power and we can reach the satellite.”

    Got some news for you brainiac! If you can reach the satellite for comm, TV, Internet…it knows where you ARE! 30 plus years in telecommunications, landline, fiber, wireless and satellites have left me with a “little” info.

  21. MCPO NYC USN Ret. says:

    “as long as we have solar power and we can reach the satellite.”

    I am going to EF with The Body. I am calling my buddies at NASA and NSA. We will redirect the sunlight and shut down his satellite connection by COB today!

  22. Sparks says:

    @21 Master Chief, morning sir. Good idea for numb nuts. I knew we had the capability all along, you know, to turn off sunlight in selected places. He’ll be stringing tin cans and string before it’s over!

  23. David says:

    “and nobody listens.” Yep… and still not.

  24. Hondo says:

    Anyone know if HARMs can be tuned to satellite uplink frequencies?

  25. Don H says:

    I’m surprised he hasn’t been featured on “Doomsday Preppers” yet.

    Speaking of being off the grid, an interesting article here about the former Congressman from Frederick County, Maryland, and what he’s been doing since HE went off the grid:

    http://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2014/01/roscoe-bartlett-congressman-off-the-grid-101720.html?ml=m_b6_1

    I was stationed at Fort Detrick twice, and he was always a big supporter of the installation.

  26. The Other Whitey says:

    Janos is still alive?

  27. Veritas Omnia Vincit says:

    @24 Yes it can that’s how they disrupt the weather by frying the stratosphere between the satellites and the ground uplink signals….

  28. Hondo says:

    I believe you’re thinking HAARP there, VOV. That targets the ionosphere vice stratosphere, actually.

    HARM = High-speed Anti-Radiation Missile. It’s also called an “AGM-88”. (smile)

  29. Marine_7002 says:

    Put a bullshit sensor in the HARM. That way, after the missile is fired, it will find him even if he isn’t radiating.

  30. Hondo says:

    Marine_7002: I’d be concerned that the “aura” emanating from Hollywood or DC would drown out Janos’ BS and the missile would head towards one of those two instead . . . . (smile)

  31. Veritas Omnia Vincit says:

    Apologies to Dewey….(Ventura Lie Way)

    Promoting his own silly ass,
    Like a giant load
    Tell me, how long you gonna stay here, Jesse?
    Some people say you have a bullshit show
    You don’t care, I know

    Ventura lies all day in the sunshine
    Where the days are longer
    The lies are stronger than moonshine
    You’re show sucks I know

    ‘Cause the tin foil hat covers your lack of hair
    And the lies surround your desperate air
    Jesse crying it’s not fair
    black helicopters in the air, in the air

    Did di di di dit …

    Wachin his own falling star
    Hopin for stardom a-gain
    Sorry boy, but I’ve been hit by HAARMS rain
    Aw, come on, Janos, you can always
    Change your name
    Thanks a lot, I lie, just the same

    Ventura lies all day in the sunshine
    Where the days are longer
    The lies are stronger than moonshine
    You’re show sucks I know

    ‘Cause the tin foil hat covers your lack of hair
    And the lies surround your desperate air
    Jesse crying it’s not fair
    black helicopters in the air, in the air

    Did di di di dit …

  32. Veritas Omnia Vincit says:

    Uh that should Haarps rain as Hondo so aptly points out…too much multi-tasking too little sugar and caffeine

  33. Farflung Wanderer says:

    Your new lyrics for songs are great, but I don’t think I know what this one used to be (of anything). What is it supposed to be?

  34. the Al says:

    @33- Ventura Highway, by America(at least, I think it was America)

  35. Jesse talked a real good game when he ran for Gov,but it went out the window after the election.Blamed everything on the Media.Maybe.
    But anyhoo,my barber was his neighbor for 10 years.
    Said his wife was nice.
    Hymie

  36. Marine_7002 says:

    @30 Hondo – well, in the case of Hollywood, some collateral damage might not be a bad thing!

  37. Valkyrie says:

    It’s hard to take anyone seriously after you’ve seen them roll around on the floor in his undies with another man all oiled up.

  38. Sparks says:

    @36 Marine_7002 First, thank you for serving sir.

    Second, yes let’s please not see Jesse in another movie!!!

  39. Veritas Omnia Vincit says:

    @33 Dewey Bunnell and America’s Ventura Highway….good tune check it out on youtube…for old school old farts like me…

  40. GDContractor says:

    Under the banner of “they’re all self absorbed idiots” and HAARP… Dr. Nick Begich is the brother of Sen. Mark Begich from Alaska. Dr. Begich (some kind of honorary PHD from a holistic institute in NM as I recall)used to be a regular on the Art Bell show where he often played the role of the HAARP expert. I think he wrote a book called Angels Don’t Play This Harp. I haven’t heard much out of him in a few years. Either his brother locked him in the basement, or perhaps he went off the grid.

  41. Marine_7002 says:

    Thank you, Sparks! I think the Corps did me a big favor when they lowered their standards just enough to let me in the door. My drill instructors get credit for straightening out my young dumb 18-year-old ass.

    I don’t know which thought is worse – Jesse in the movies, or Val’s vision of him ‘rasslin’. Blech.

  42. Redacted1775 says:

    Yep, scruff face lost his shit. Starting to wonder if he ever actually had it.

  43. A Proud Infidel says:

    @Hondo, jonp, I DID say “…and he had enough con artist lawers suing to steal the election!” didn’t I ? Yeah, I remember watching that saga unfold, EVERY precinct recounted found more votes for Fraaaanken, none ever found votes for Coleman.
    @VOV, I concur, Ronald Reagan started out as an actor, but Franken is a washed-out second rate SNL has-been!

    As for Janos, I remember his first attention whore stunt as Governor, wearing a suede jacket with a Jimi Hendrix T-shirt to his inaugural ball. That, and he soon started bawling about how mean the media was to him,… Jimmy Janos obviously took way too many hits to the head when he was a “Pro-Wrassler”, he has NO functional grey matter left in his skull!

  44. B Woodman says:

    If you’re so “off the grid”, than why am I still hearing from you, and about you?