This Week’s Friday Afternoon Funny
An acquaintance sent me this, and I thought it worth sharing – thanks, Sam.
Enjoy.
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PUNOGRAPHY
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
PMS jokes aren’t funny, period.
Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.
Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.
I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
Broken pencils are pointless.
I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
Velcro – what a rip off!
Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
Venison for dinner? Oh deer!
Earthquake in Washington obviously government’s fault.
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.
Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
Never fall in love with a tennis player because to a tennis player, love means nothing.
Category: Pointless blather
I was studying to become an optometrist, but I couldn’t focus…..
or my grandson’s favorite….
I f4rted in church and had to sit in the pew……
Thank you!
How do you confuse a miner? Show him two shovels and tell him to take his pick.
Whaddya do Hondo, find 100 Readers Digests in the garage? Jeez. These are so bad they’re funny.
2/17 Air Cav: no, I was serious when I said a friend had sent them to me via e-mail. I’ve always liked puns that were so bad they were “groaners”. (smile)
I might have to try and dig up the other one entitled “French Military History” I found some years ago one day. That one’s pretty good too.
OFF TOPIC
Okay, here’s my Friday contribution. If you go to the link, you will be amazed at what you hear. It’s music to win a war by–or something. If you have headphones, use them. If you have good speakers, so much the better. It’s O Fortuna by Orff and will cost less than 3 minutes out of your life. For an insane listening experience, open the link, hit play, and then open a second link and hit play so the two overlap. It’s wild stuff.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdIpoE2LEps
Thank You Hondo, great way to end a workweek!!
@5: When puns are so groan-worthy, it’s like a form of pun-ishment.
They ought to send you to the Punitentiary for those…….
That post was 2/3rds of a pun. PU!
Did you hear the one about the dyslexic devil worshiper who sold his soul to santa?
I told folks I was a seal, but I was a lion and couldn’t bear it.
Let me see if I can improve the wording of my feeble attempt at an original joke that I’ve made up all by self – – – ,
“I told folks I was a seal, but actually, I was a lion.”
Now, IF ONLY I can figure out a way to work some other animals into that joke – – – ?
But, then, I’m not a real comedian – – – , just another wannabee.
Excellent! My dad tells awful puns so I sent him the link 🙂
Why was fmr CSA GEN Shinseki so unpopular with soldiers? He would constantly beret them.
Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic who questioned the existence of doG?
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