We Have It from Excellent but Anonymous Sources…

An excellent confidential source, whom we refuse to disclose for obvious reasons, has revealed that during the last congressional recess, Harry Reid was observed entering a rural Nevada brothel with a small flock of very attractive, heavily made-up, Rhode Island Red hens, all of whom were provocatively attired in teeny French garter belts and matching shelf bras and brandishing little whips which they playfully kept stroking across Harry’s tight derrière while clucking suggestively.

We also have it on very good authority that Harry’s often media-cited boxing career was brought to an early end by the man’s simple inability to land a meaningful punch. Supposedly, according to those who may have been present at the time, all being excellent sources, of course, Harry had a propensity for whiffing his blows. It is rumored, by those worthy sources, of course, that he simply lacked the inherent talent to lay a glove on a figure of his own stature, perhaps reinforcing that rumor from back within the Beltway, where, another excellent source, who shall by all means remain equally undisclosed, tells us he watched astounded as Reid entered a nondescript room at the rather sleazy Jaipur Palace on South Highway 1 in Alexandria, accompanied by a swarm of agitated dwarfs, some of indeterminate orientation, who were loudly humming “Here we go again,” while air-boxing merrily about them in the parking lot.

We do have our standards and it is because of that we absolutely refuse to relate the incident reported to us by an excellent source that Harry was long ago ejected and banned from the tony but now defunct Washington dining hotspot, Rive Gaucherie, for his seemingly endless propensity for using the establishment steak knives to carve holes in the wooden panels separating stalls in the men’s room. We simply refuse to perpetuate that rumor even though it did come to us through an excellent source who corroborated his account by pointing out to us that Harry more than once sported a circular bruise around one eye the exact dimensions of a perhaps angrily-jammed, cardboard toilet paper tube.

OK, OK, so we let that one slip, but we’re serious about not repeating the long-whispered story about Harry and those who seem to flock to him.

Ewe know what I mean?

Category: 2012 election