Five days of Facial Hair with TSO
Day 1: The Unabomber look
Look favored by: lunatics who live in log cabins and eschew technology; people who stand around with signs foretelling the end of times; anyone living in the wild who owns a pet bear; guys who have no shot at female companionship.
Strengths: A man walks around with a beard like this, and people know he means business. And by “business” I mean making corn whiskey out back in a dangerous contraption. Snacks are readily available from the flotsam stuck in the hair from previous night. If you purse your lips, your boston terier can’t quite get his tongue in your mouth. You can put on manjammies and walk away from Taliban attacks, only to explain to the unit that picked you up that you were sent here by Odin to monitor the work of Leif Erickson. People tend to stay away from you on public transport.
Weaknesses: Female companionship is as unattainable as Valhalla. Guinness drinking makes you look like a “Got Milk?” commercial. Possums living under your deck think you are a bear, and go for the snout.
Overall: I give it a 5/10. It’s not totally horrid, but it itches a lot. Kissing my wife is nigh on impossible, since I just end up with a mouth full of red/grey hair. Also, the chin strap for the helmet rather irritates it. I actually had to comb it at one point to get dry powdered eggs out of it.
Category: Politics
Beards save lives. StrikeFO’s shirt said so.
I do wish I was able to grow such a fine specimen of facial hair in less than a year. But alas, God plays cruel tricks on those blessed in other areas hormonally. Or kind ones.
At least I don’t scare animals and children.
I don’t know, TSO, it kinda gives you that lumberjack/Mr. Edwards from Little House on the Prairie look. You could do FTD commercials now!!
Maybe Rogaine commercials.
I believe there are (at least) two distinct types of personalities who grow beards.
One sort, like myself, simply hates to shave. To us the beard isn’t about fashion, but about freedom from the tyranny of the razor. A certain rebelliousness perhaps? We try to keep it crumb free and clean, but if a morsel escapes our attention… so be it.
For others a beard is a fashion statement. Nary a hair out of place, and, oddly, more time is spent in front of a mirror fiddling with the thing than if they had to shave twice a day?
Different strokes for different folks…
I’m currently on the “10 day homeless dude asking for change” beard right now. And wondering where the hell all of this gray hair came from. None on top, but half the beard is gray.
Some people waste hormones growing hair…
Others use it for more ‘recreational’ purposes…
Zero–put me in category number one. I shave once a week, whether I need it or not. Usually not. And when, after four or five months, the chin fur does finally come in, it ends up looking like a rat crawled on my face.
What’s also notable is that this creature appears to be in it’s natural habitat- hanging around coffee kiosks and airports…
Too bad no pics with the hookah during the trip…
Raise your hand if you ever had to tell a grown man to consistantly wipe his face.
He actually did pretty good with the beard.I’m looking forward to the de-evolution pics.
I feel like you should haves trout in your mouth and Bear as a steed. That’s how manly your beard looks
Some ladies LOVE facial hair.
The women in my life who matter have decided that I should keep mine, too. I guess they’re happiest when they can see less of my face. But, I’ll admit that I look like I should be saying, “I don’t usually grow facial hair, but when I do, I still look interesting.”
@4- No way. He’s the Gorton’s fisherman without the yellow rain gear.
Still want to say there’s some minor resemblance to the Tax Masters guy in there, too.
5 days??? Is TSO a Yak??
It would take me a year to grow out that much and even after a year it still wouldnt be as badass or otherwise una-bomberish as the TSO beard. But then I am a pale American of Irish descent and not a swarthy Man of Action.
Kinda reminds me of the famed Canadian lumberjack commandos.
ha! No, I am downsizing it in 5 days. Tomorrow I will be rocking the Civil War look.
Is TSO a Yak??
Don’t make me bust out with the Ren and Stimpy references.
There is a solution to this problem, it is called a razor. You might want to treat yourself to a professional shave, but you should engage in this action post haste.
That is a very nice beard. Mrs. TSO is very fortunate, in that she can have her choice, and have a good looking man either way. 🙂