Time Warp – Afghanistan. Chuck Z. Style
We all recognize that Afghanistan is only barely emerging from its own sort of dark ages.
Major Chuck Z. may have accidentally discovered a way to move the process along?
Afghans, it seems, have their own slavish adherence to regulations, at least in terms of religion. The call to stick your ass in the air came about 20 minutes early today. I was in my office at the Border Police headquarters I have several offices, this one is where I work from to ensure that our mentorship and partnership with these WOGs goes well) but that’s a whole ‘nother ball of wax.
Anyway, there’s a PA system in my office. Lots of lights and buttons. May as well put a “wet paint” sign on it too–I’m going to play with it. I pushed a couple buttons, and the pre-recorded call to prayer starts up. I figured it wouldn’t be a big deal, people would check their watches and realize the error.
Allah is never off time, it seems. About 20 seconds into the recording (while I was pushing buttons, again, to make it stop) the mosques around the Headquarters started playing the call to prayer. All the Afghans started filing out of offices and barracks to go pray.
I asked one of the terps about this–he said that when the prayer call is heard, you go pray, period. Not everyone has a watch or can tell time, but everyone can hear the call to Allah. And if a call is heard by a mosque, they will make their call and the others will follow. Then they will adjust their clocks, so the next call is sounded at a set time from the last call.
So, I may have figured out a way to establish Chucks Daylight Savings Time. Just adjust by a couple minutes every day, and soon, I can get Afghanistan off the weird 30-minute time shift (Afghan Time is +30 minutes to everywhere else in the time zone) and eventually have them on Eastern Standard Time. Sure, their prayers would all be in the middle of the night, but Allah wants what Allah wants.
To be sure, humans are creatures of habit that CAN be screwed with regardless to their ethnic/religious background, but the image of Chuck frantically trying to un-fuck the situation cracked me up.
I never knew Chuck before he got blown out of his tank in Iraq, but gotta wonder if maybe he has developed a sort of perverse TBI symptom that subconsciously makes weird stuff happen to him.
A few days ago the timing of his bowel movements saved him from getting blown up yet again so my question ain’t as silly as it seems.
Category: Geezer Alert!
Oh, were I a younger man, and not as kind and gentle as I am now, I’d view this as a golden opportunity to royally fuck with someone’s heads for, well, EVER.
Chuck Z= The truly “Man’s man”. I can see it now, both the view on the streets as well as Major Z working to undo what he did. Love it Chuck, America needs more of your type over there.
“I never knew Chuck before he got blown out of his tank in Iraq…”
With respect: screw with their call to prayer, publicly mock their religion and call them “WOGs.” All with terps around who know how to use the internet.
Yeah, yeah, the accidental button-pushing is funny, but as someone who has spent a decent amount of time with ANP, ANA, IP, IA, I don’t appreciate the attitude. Why? Because it’s what helps incite some – especially the Afghans who apparently have more itchy, xenophobic trigger fingers – to snap and fucking kill American trainers who are forced to live with these guys.
Flit: American behaviour isn’t necessary for Afghans to kill Americans,or each other. The twin monoliths of Islam and Despair are all that are necessary. There is a silver lining to this. Any time the Taliban or the taliban attack, Chuck Z hits the call to prayer and buys himself some time.
Flit–we’re dealing with the religion of perpetual outrage here. Maybe I’ll give a shit about their God or their sensitivities when they stop humping boys and goats, and modernize themselves to at least 8th or 9th century standards.
Flit: I would offer, with all due respect, that your attitude, expressed in your comment, is doing more to enable the situation with the Afghans than anything Chuck might do, or our comments might provoke.
The only way to improve the situation in Afghanistan is to drag them kicking and screaming into at least the 19th century, if not the 20th. Unless and until someone does that, Afghanistan will continue to be a festering sore on the world’s body.
Like the Borg in Star Trek when they receive the order to “Sleep.”