Today in the news
Ncholas cage was woken up by a naked guy with a fudgecicle. If my wife had a nickel for everything that happened at our house. Actually, the other day I decided to take Ambien, then make mac and cheese which I promptly spilled in the bed, and then attempted to cover with a towel. But yeah, naked man + fudgecicle = #losing.
Some jackass tried to sneak snakes into the country in his underwear. This on the heels of another dude having an Eel swim up his pintu. Seriously guys? This is why I wear a condom 24/7. Ok, it’s not a condom, it’s a thimble and some ducktape, but you get the idea.
For years I have been screaming from the Mountain Tops that Journey is evil, and Matt Burden wouldn’t listen. Well, I was right. I would rather have the Eel take up refuge in my junk than listen to Journey. But you know who loves Journey? Satan.
Tedy Bruschi is right, Ochoincompletion needs to set aside the Twitter and contemplate how he got 14 yards on the day Brady threw for 17000 miles. You know who doesn’t use twitter? These guys who were arrested for not having reflectors on their buggys. (BTW- Dude on top right, last I saw you you were at the Council of Elrond! How you doing my man?)
The Country that Had No Gays has banned TV programs showing half-naked men and love triangles. There’s a joke somewhere in there about Tom Brady, Vlad Putin and me on a tilt-a-whirl wearing banana hammocks, but I can’t formulate it right now.
Closing out is my “usually I have to pay extra for this” file….
Milton Ellis, 69, told police in St. Petersburg, Florida, that he and Josephine Smith, 22, met on the street and went to the porch of a vacant restaurant to get out of the rain. He said he fell asleep in his motorized wheelchair and woke up to find Smith on top of him.
Ellis told authorities that she said, “I’m a vampire. I am going to eat you” and then began to bite him.
Over/under on her weight versus Albert Haynesworth…..Girl ain’t no vegan.
UPDATE: Jonn found a picture of the vampire chick from the Scandis. Kinda looks like the girl from Roseanne. Think her name was Tom Arnold. (See what I did there?)
Category: Politics
The worst part of the Mac and Cheese incident was that because he was on the ambien he didn’t make it right, it was cheese water and noodles, so when he spilled it in the bed it soaked all the way through to the mattress pad. He saw how mad I got then told me not to worry he would clean it up and threw MY bath towel over it and declared it clean, then couldn’t understand why I insisted on taking the sheets off the bed to wash them.
LMFAO!!! That’s a priceless story, Missus TSO. See, that’s why I wanted you to come to the HHC, so we could get all the stories straight from you.
Holy Crap it is the ENTIRE Amish basketball team. Why look at those two freaks of nature that are almost 69″ tall!
Every time I think of you and TSO at home together I feel really sad for you Mrs. TSO. I’ve seen how he lives.
Also – great Haynesworth story, in DC, when the mini-earthquake hit (and our heart goes out to the thousands who very nearly lost their balance) one of the reporters covering the Redskins at Redskins’ Park was in the press room and looked up and said “Albert’s back?”
Good times.
You think eels are a menace? Check out the Candiru Catfish, particularly Jeremy Wade’s description.
It is definitely NOT safe to go back in the water!!
Wow, I wonder which one of them is Happy, Sneezy, and Doc? And if the blonde is Snow White, I’m finding a new damn fairy tale cause this one just went to shit.
Apparently the gentleman with the snakes in his pants wasn’t smuggling them into the U.S.. The article says that he was “preparing to board a flight TO Brazil last month.” I suppose he was doing his part to personally help propagate the python population.