A Trio of Sniper-esque PG13 Public Service Announcements

These are going beneath the fold, since we run a clean shop around here!

First up, I hereby unconditionally support Slut Walk, which may be the best chance the vast majority of our readers have of getting a woman to have dinner with them without sharing bloodlines:

From their Manifesto:

Amen Sista!

For you sluts in Boston and Texas, your invites are on Facebook, HERE and HERE. I’m putting the odds on the Boston event being a Southie Sausagefest at +180.

Nonetheless, speaking of sluts in Texas, here’s one dude that will be looking for a new one….

[MLB took it down, but guy told interviewer, with fiance standing right there, that his wedding day would be the worst day of his life.] 

Here is picture, thanks to Bar Stool Sports:

Now look, I’m not the brightest dude of all time, and my nomination for Husband of the Year is unlikely to be forthcoming after I went to bed last night while my wife slaved away at making an Apple Pie and some Oreo Cookies for me to bring to work for a coworkers birthday, but even I know you can’t say thing like that. The other day I said the best day of my life was November 27, 2004 when UMASS beat Kentucky in Basketball. My wifes eyes turned bright red and she was powering up the optic lasers. I recognized it and added “in sports anyway.” Case resolved, no thrown dishes, and only moderately painful stomach problems when I realized how close I came to death. Referring to your wedding day as the worst day of your life is a bad call.

Which brings me to the Mylie Cyrus love doll, that Assclown McRangersfan will be ordering today with the money he saved on his Honeymoon. Now, I won’t show the object d’art that is this product, but I would be remiss if I didn’t thank “Jason Carpenter” of Sacramento California for his excellent product review:

I recently purchased a Finally Mylie! Love Doll at my local sex store and I have to say I am extremely disappointed. I opened the box waiting for my own Mylie (or MYlie, as I always say, or just started to say right now) and all I got was a flat lady made of plastic!! Don’t Buy!

EDIT: lol oh didn’t know I had to inflate it! Thanks mom!

EDIT: Awww man. I got tired of blowing it up, so I hooked it up to one of those machines that my creepy uncle uses to inflate his matress in the basement and it got too inflated! Mylie looks like Kirstie Alley! (Note To Self: Patent Kirstie Alley sex blimp)

EDIT: I had to poke a fourth hole in Finally Mylie to let out some air. Oh well, now she’s just like my ex. This isn’t too bad, I mean if you like to have sex with a semi-inflated trash bag as you balance on one arm while you pray that it doesn’t pop, and if it pops that no one hears it. The last thing I need is for my parents to find me lying naked on top of a flattened Miley Cyrus . . .again.

A little birdie told me that “Jason Carpenter” is Paul Rieckhoff’s pen name, but I have no independant proof of that.

Category: Politics