‘Big Balls’ proves he does in fact have big balls
Edward ‘Big Balls’ Coristine
You might remember this kid Elon brought in to work on DOGE after Trump’s inauguration. The media/left tried to get him fired by pointing out that a few years ago (when he was a younger, dumber teenager) he went by the online moniker ‘Big Balls.’ Well, Trump and Elon didn’t care, and Edward Coristine kept on trucking in D.C. with DOGE (though it appears he may have left that organization).
Earlier this week, Mr. Coristine became just the latest victim of violent crime in D.C. He took on ten or more urban troubadours that were demanding a female give up her car. Proving that the kid formerly known as ‘Big Balls’ actually has a pretty healthy set on him.
From the NY Post;
A 19-year-old former Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) staffer was beaten and bloodied by a mob of 10 minors early Sunday morning as he thwarted a carjacking attempt in the nation’s capital, according to DC police.
Edward Coristine, whose LinkedIn handle earned him the nickname “Big Balls” at DOGE, was with a woman near downtown DC when he saw the group of juveniles approach their car and “make a comment about taking the vehicle,” according to a Metropolitan Police Department incident report obtained by The Post.
“At that point, for her safety, [Coristine] pushed his significant other … into the vehicle and turned to deal with the suspects,” the dramatic report continues.
“The suspects then began to assault [Coristine],” the ex-DOGE staffer told officers, who rolled up on the scene at the same time he was being attacked.
Officers patrolling the 1400 block of Swann St, NW – a popular area with several shops, bars and restaurants about a mile north of the White House – noticed “a group of approximately ten juveniles surrounding the complainants’ vehicle and assaulting [Coristine],” the report states.
“The officers immediately exited their vehicle, and the juveniles began fleeing on foot,” police said.
DC police were able to nab only two of the youth suspects, who were later positively identified by Coristine as being among his attackers.
A 15-year-old male and a 15-year-old female, both from nearby Hyattsville, Md., were arrested and charged with unarmed carjacking.
Coristine was treated on scene by DC Fire and EMS for injuries sustained in the assault, according to DC police.
The software wiz also had his iPhone 16, valued at $1,000, stolen during the attack.
President Trump shared a photograph of the aftermath of the assault on Coristine early Tuesday afternoon, showing the former DOGE staffer sitting on the ground, bloodied and with his ripped shirt barely hanging on his body.
Trump, 79, raged that “crime in Washington, D.C., is totally out of control,” in the post, where he also threatened a federal takeover of the district.
Marko Elez, a one-time colleague of Coristine’s at DOGE, claimed in a social media post that he snapped the photo of his friend shortly after the assault, and described his actions as heroic.
“My friend Big Balls … is a hero,” Elez wrote on X. “I took this photo after Edward protected a young woman from an attempted carjacking by 8 thugs near Dupont Circle.”
“Violence like this in the heart of DC is completely unacceptable.”
Former DOGE chief Elon Musk also posted about the incident on X, without naming Coristine as the victim.
Coristine resigned from DOGE in June, according to Fox News, less than a month after Musk departed from the agency.
Nicely done kid, knowing you’re likely to take a beating to protect those you love is definitely one of those actions that identify the tough guys versus the sallies…
If he didn’t love her, by then, I certainly hope she’s repaid his efforts by now.
A group of 10 (diddendunuffins?) and the 2 who were caught are juvies. Wasn’t there a time when the parents were responsible for their kids until they turned 18, or is that rayciss, old fashioned or cute that one thinks that way.
^
At that point, had it been me in Big Balls’s place, there wouldn’t have been just those two individuals taken into custody by the police; I’m not saying I’d win the fight, but there would be at least a few individuals being taken into custody by the coroner.
10-1, 8-1, even 2-1, means weapons enter the conversation. When that 1 is myself plus another innocent, 1-1 means the weapons come out.
I can’t out-box everyone, I can’t out-shoot everyone, and I can’t out-stab everyone… but the streets ain’t a duel.
Good on him, protecting the woman he was with and standing his ground despite being outnumbered. He’s just lucky he wasn’t outgunned as well.
The “innocent” (according to their single mothers’ if/when the kids get their comeuppance) minors have been a problem in DC for decades. I had a rather unique Soldier during my first stint in DC. He was born in Mexico, raised in South America, and spoke almost no English when he enlisted. He was also one who fluctuated a lot on the 2-mile-run for the PT test. Sometimes he’d barely pass with a high-15-minute time (I think he failed it once or twice), while other times he’d max it, running under 13 minutes. One day, he walked to the post office near M St. SW, less than a mile from McNair. About 30 minutes later, he came back in, out of breath and sweating. He’d been walking back when a gang of teens started following him. The faster he walked the faster they did, and it was obvious they were looking for trouble. He managed to outrun them, but I have no doubt they were looking to rob or simply make an example out of him.
There were a few times where Alpha Company Soldiers were mugged or assaulted on the Waterfront. I can’t say it was teenagers every time, but the local criminals knew that every Friday and Saturday there’d be young Soldiers walking to or from Cantina Marina and other bars, and that the 1st and 15th of the month, they’d usually be loaded with cash.
“Trump, 79, raged that ‘crime in Washington, D.C., is totally out of control,’ in the post, where he also threatened a federal takeover of the district.”
The feds would simply screw it up, but this is nice in theory. From what I recall, DC was carved out of VA and MD to provide a neutral ground of sorts for our federal government to operate: free of state politics and potential interference from a governor or other non-federal politician. The areas south of the Potomac (including Alexandria) were returned to Virginia in the 1800s. As for the District’s government, it seems they didn’t even have a mayor or council until 1974. Why not reduce the District to the Federal District that it was originally supposed to be, and return the outlying areas (where a lot of the crime and poverty lies) to Maryland, regardless of whether or not they want it? DC residents want statehood, give them a state! I’d support that as a “Native Marylander”. 😁 I don’t really bring it up, but my family is from the Eastern Shore of VA, and the only major hospital on the Shore is in Salisbury, MD. Anyway, I guess retrocession has been a topic for two centuries, so enough of that.
Turn MPD into a fully federal force, under the oversight of Congress. Hell, save some money by eliminating the various DC-Specific uniformed agencies and creating divisions under MPD, with some exceptions. Agencies such as the Park Police, Postal Police, and various DoD police forces like DA and Pentagon Police have fairly wide jurisdictions, but it seems that every federal agency has its own uniformed police force, complete with patrol vehicles. Either that or make every uniformed cop in DC responsible for District-wide law enforcement. I’d love to see Secret Service Uniformed Division or FBI Police taking down the dealers outside of McNair. They used to make transactions right outside the gate knowing the MPs couldn’t touch them.
Washinton DMZ.
The president already fills most of the functions of a governor. He leads the National Guard, appoints judges, has the authority to take over the police to quell unrest (among other things) and the budget is run by Congress.
I can already tell you what Virginia will say about getting some of DC back; “nah, we are good”.
Federal agencies aren’t going to give up their fiefdoms for a unified federal uniformed law enforcement force. Nobody really wants a national police force anyway.
Federal agents couldn’t tell you what DC legal code says and probably wouldn’t take the risk of engaging with anything but a heinous felony occuring in their presence. They have no radios or working relationship with any of the DC police agencies. They certainly aren’t going to take time out of their day to arrest some street dealer, take him in and book him, work up a case packet, visit the DC Grand Jury and then testify at a trial (likely never happen) over a couple of grams of dope or some shoplifter with a case of beer. Most non-LEO people only ever see an arrest and maybe an investigation, for every non-warrant arrest there is about 8–10 hours of paperwork and other time lost from associated activities, if there is a trial it could be a lot more.
I probably wasn’t too clear, but I’m not saying that Special Agents or agencies like those I mentioned above (Park Police, etc.) should act as DC law enforcement, or that MPD should be a national police force. Just that most of the various uniformed divisions should be consolidated, e.g. have White House and Capitol Hill divisions of MPDC doing what the Secret Service Uniformed Division and Capitol Police do now. Also, make it where a cop assigned to the White House has the obligation to intervene if he sees a crime occurring at Union Station.
I’m pretty certain VA got all of its former DC areas back in 1847. I definitely agree with you that they wouldn’t want anything currently associated with DC back nowadays. Being a native Virginian, it’s hard enough for me to accept that Northern VA is part of the Commonwealth.
Or do like Texas – believe every LEO is a TEXAS peace officer and has jurisdiction all over the state. Bet it’s fun to try “but your out of your jurisdiction” out on a cop and see what happens…
Your belief is correct. The only caveat being that they can’t enforce traffic code state wide. Also if you are arrested for an offense in Austin, the officer has to deliver you to the Travis County Sheriff as soon as is feasible. He can’t drag you to Smith County and put you on trial there.
Most people don’t realize that most states aren’t like this. In my state only State Police have state wide arrest powers. A county deputy can make an arrest in adjacent counties but if he goes several counties away any arrest he makes will be a citizens arrest and he assumes liability for torts, so again most likely it will just be heinous felonies.
Virginia definitely isn’t like this. I recall hearing years ago about Richmond City cops arguing jurisdiction with their Capitol Police and VCU Police counterparts.
Here in Louisiana, Sheriffs have jurisdiction across the entire parish. In Virginia, a lot of Sheriff’s Offices basically just run the courts and jails, with county or city police doing the law enforcement. Down here, the Sheriff is the chief LEO across the parish, including those incorporated areas with police. So, while a Tangipahoa deputy has no real power in Iberia parish, he can enforce the law in Hammond or Ponchatoula just as cops in those cities can. Baton Rouge itself is unique in that it’s a city-parish, with the mayor also being parish president. So, while BRPD patrols within the city limits and state DPS officers guard the state capital, EBRSO deputies cover the entirety of East Baton Rouge.
There are some interesting interactions when it comes to out-of-jurisdiction cops. Years ago, I a Baton Rouge cop in a marked cruiser pulled over another Baton Rouge cop driving twice the speed limit in his personal vehicle: Baton Rouge Police Officer Brian Harrison Does What he Wants to do
This happened in my parish, where a lot of out-of-jurisdiction cops live. For what it’s worth most parishes require Sheriff’s Deputies to live in the same parish they serve. This seems to be relaxed or done away with altogether depending on the size of the department and current recruiting needs. I’ve had my application for EBRSO ready to submit for the past three years.
Nice to know there are still young men who understand what it means to protect those in their care. Well done Edward.
So much to unpack here.
19 is that age when you know you are going to live forever, therefore trying to go Jackie Chan on a pack of Troglytes makes sense until it doesn’t. Good on the kid for trying, he is lucky he survived, they would have probably beat him to death without a second thought if the police hadn’t shown up.
Trump really doesn’t want to take over DC. Crime is dropping. Murders will probably be at their second lowest rate since defund the police movement started, although slightly up over last year, which is different than everywhere else. The juvenile offenders were from PG, which is actually more shitty than DC. But it doesn’t make a good example for getting DC crime under control.
Looks like they were near Gypsy Kitchen which is a great little restaurant if you get the chance to check it out. Just make sure you go properly equipped.
Sometimes circumstances don’t give you a choice.
He got caught in a situation where it was give up his girl to the thugs (and the car) or fight. He did what a real man does – fight against impossible odds to defend a woman under his protection.
Given what we know, I agree with his choice, just pointing out the end could have been much more tragic.
I concur with that.
Scrotal elephantiasis?
Just kidding. Good job, young man. The administration is dumb for letting you go.
Just sayin
“Justice”
Ooh! Look at that white privilege in action.
Take those juvies away from their parent(s?) (who probably only has them for the welfare and SNAP $$$$) and treat them to the mark Twain method of child rearing;
Put them in a barrel and feed them through the bunghole.
At age 21, everyone gathers around and votes to either break open the barrel or plug up the bunghole.
If that young lady is smart, she’ll realize that she has a young man who will defend her regardless of the odds, and marry him forthwith.
So the perps must have been, let me guess, … Amish Anarchists?
Their bad actions have been on the rise in recent years! You may be correct.
A concealed carry would have stopped that BS quickly!
We were not supposed to notice -that-.
I remember watching a documentary (I think it was the late ‘90s) showing a lioness being attacked by a cackle of hyenas. The narrator kept saying that, while a few hyenas would probably die in the process, killing the lioness was a worthwhile goal for the clan.
The entire time the narrator was speaking, unseen by either him or the viewer, the lion had been stalking up on the scene.
The moment he pounced, a hyena died with a shriek and what had been a half-hour battle with a single cat dissolved into twenty-some terrified scavengers tearing off in desperate fear for their lives.
Unlike that lion, we have the means to hunt down those who would scavenge off us. I’m left wondering why we never do.