Happy 4th! Joey vs. the troops at Ft. Bliss
A very happy 4th of July to all the DWs and DWettes of VG/TAH. Stay safe, have fun, and try not to do anything too foolish. Or at least don’t get caught (but you can send video, we promise it’ll stay confidential.)
A little more optimistic piece is in order…I tend to do my columnns in clumps, anywhere from two to five columns at a sitting. So if some columns talk about something days old – may not have been when I wrote it. As I write this just after the IDF column (the original article was heartbreaking to me) I need some cheering up. So Happy 4th and keep this in mind today.
Ft. Bliss (thank God it was named for a person or it would be one of the most misnamed Army posts in history) is hosting a celebrity today. And who better on the ultimate hot-dog grillin’ day than Joey Chestnut?
Chestnut currently holds the hot dog eating world record, consuming 76 hot dogs in 10 minutes at the 2021 Nathan’s competition.
Officials from Major League Eating announced on June 11 that Chestnut, who ate 62 hot dogs at last year’s contest, would be barred from competing in the annual competition after Chestnut signed with another hot dog brand, according to the Associated Press.
Yeah, might be a little embarrassing if the Ford spox won the Chevy contest, huh? Seeing an opportunity, the Ft. Bliss MWR sent this to Joey:
@joeyjaws, Soldiers at Fort Bliss heard you might be looking for a place to eat on July 4th. We would love to invite you to our Pop Goes the Fort July 4th Celebration to celebrate with our troops and see if you can take on some of our Soldiers in a hot dog eating contest!
Joey’s game:
“ABSOLUTELY,” Chestnut responded. “I’m honored to celebrate America’s birthday with U.S. ARMY soldiers and their families. Bring me your best 4 eaters and I’ll take them down, combined!”
So Joe takes on four of Ft. Bliss’ finest and says he can put down more than all of ’em combined. Might be a problem with that – usedta be when the duckhunters were there, he might win, but nowadays, they are 1st Armored, Old Ironsides. Joey might be in trouble.
Dunno if you can call it good HEALTHY fun, but it’s a damn sight more entertaining than a unit run at 0600.
Category: America
He will lose to both a base housing Dependapotomus as well as a Tricareitops. You ever seen them eat? They destroy boxes of Twinkies and 2 liter bottles of Orange Crush. Chestnut doesn’t stand a chance.
Oh, Lawd they’re coming…
😂
My eyes!!!
4 tons of love
I was just looking at the doggies behind them. My kids want dogs now, so all I see is dogs and how much they cost, upfront and in maintenance. Eff my life.
My eyes!! OMG, my stomach!!!!!!!! I may return, after I have a chat with RALPH.
Jabba no badda!
Well, you brought it up so I’m gonna have to throw this in there too
Hat Tip to my favorite Terminal Lance
I don’t know, in today’s “diverse” military, there are more than a few members of the Pride Brigade who can swallow dozens of wieners in one setting.
Hot dogs?
It’s all we can barely afford.
Unfortunately the second from the bottom is on sale.
And some are trying to extend that sale for another 4 years.
Good on Joey Chestnut. His previous sponsor is probably bumming about a missed opportunity for marketing.
As far as the unit run at 0600, that has been postponed until Friday, July 5th. Time to find out who overindulged or ignored the holiday weekend safety briefing.
His new sponsor is Impossible Foods.
He made his bed. Granted, it’s probably a mattress stuffed full with money.
He didn’t have a previous sponsor. The competitive eating organization that runs the Nathan’s contest walked back their ban because they had no legal authority to ban him and invited him back. Joey said never again without a public apology and gave them the finger.
He represents fake meat and knowingly signed on with a (supposed) competitor of Nathan’s.
I get walking back the ban (I’m not a huge fan of bans, in general), and a direct, personal apology does seem warranted. Demanding a public apology seems petty and vengeful – though, were I Nathan’s, I might have issued one just to get him back in the competition….
Impossible Foods’s primary (only?) demographic is militant vegans – what better way to undermine their base than letting their spokesman gobble down dozens of real American frankfurters?
There’s real irony in comparing fake meat and hot dogs. It’s like figuring out what an ‘American Car’ is.
Given the transnational nature of automobile manufacturing today, it’s a hell of a lot harder to determine what is an “American car.”
Nathan’s didn’t ban him. Major League Eating did, then found out they couldn’t as there was no contract. Nathan’s doesn’t run the contest.
Fair enough, I appreciate the added detail.
My biggest concern is what Joey had to commit to get the Impossible sponsorship – does he actually have to eat their crap? No amount of money is worth that.
And all the cows asked… “what are they fattening you up for”.
He shouldn’t take on the soldiers
He should take on some of the dependas
That would be a sight
A little BBQ humor, at least to me.
https://www.thefarside.com/2024/07/04/4
My man Phil Monkress (CEO of All-Points Logistics) could swallow 76 poles in 10 minutes.
Are Uncle Bosey Burgers on the menu?
Long pig. Never tried it, myself, but it smells amazing.
Gotta imagine a Biden cut is better than Angus – coddled like Wagyu and marinated in illicit drugs.
He was barred by Nathan’s because of his switching sponsorship to impossible foods version of hot dogs.
https://www.espn.com/espn/story/_/id/40328161/joey-chestnut-banned-nathan-famous-hot-dog-eating-contest
Hot Dog, nice post
Meh. For me, that dog won’t hunt.