Jeremy Dewitte, Fake Cop / Real Sex Offender Is Back

| February 15, 2021

Trick or Treat

Jeremy Dewittte, who has previously graced our blog here: Valor Guardians Link, has decided to take his case to the Silver Screen. His venue of choice? Dr. Phil, of course. I’ve never personally watched the good Doctor’s show to date, but may make an exception here.

penguinman000 sends.

Playing Cop … Or Just Doing His Job?

Jeremy owns his own funeral escort company but says he’s being falsely accused of impersonating a police officer, and if convicted, could face up to 85 years in prison. Jeremy says videos from his funeral processions have been leaked online, received millions of views, and as a result, he is being victimized in his community and misrepresented in the media – and now, he and his attorney want to set the record straight. Dr. Phil meets Jeremy and takes a closer look into components of his business, including his motorcycle, uniform and badge. Is Jeremy “playing cop” or just doing his job? And, what’s on Jeremy’s duty belt? You won’t want to miss part one of this two-part show.

If any care to watch: Dr. Phil Link
Thanks, pen.

Category: Guest Link, Media, Valor Vultures

Comments (79)

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  1. I see what looks like a palm tree in the background and am wondering if he is from Florida. I always thought that the PD provided Funeral escorts and then found out that they were a private company that did this type of service.

    • Mason says:

      Of course he’s from Florida, Jeff. 🙂

      • Green Thumb says:

        And probably an employee of All-Points Logistics.

        He seems to have that “Phildoesque” quality about him.

        • ChipNASA says:

          gitarcarver said ” Dewitte “worked” in Orange, Seminole, Lake, Volusia, and Osceola counties, all of which are central and east central Florida.”

          Well I don’t know about all that. It’s probably true, BUT, you know what I do know is an absolute fact (allegedly) GT?
          Not only as a person, and a convict, Jeremy Dewitte has and probably does and continues to…work Balls.

          And I don’t mean he’s changed his business strategy from Funerals to a formal social gathering for dancing.


    • gitarcarver says:

      Dewitte “worked” in Orange, Seminole, Lake, Volusia, and Osceola counties, all of which are central and east central Florida.

      I am unaware of any of his work in Brevard County, (one county over from Orange, and one county south of Volusia) which is where All Points Logistics is, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.

      But yes, sadly, this stain on the face of humanity is from Florida.

  2. Mason says:

    I’ve set my DVR to record. I can’t wait. It’s a two-parter! So you know it’s going to be juicy. He’s a personal favorite unrepentant poser.

    Rumor is that the State of Florida has given him a 5 year prison sentence plea on his last round of charges with the stipulation that he has to disband his Metro State poser patrol. If the rumor is true, the judge in the case thinks that too lenient and wants him to take 10 years.

    • gitarcarver says:


      Impersonating a police officer (multiple counts), lying to the police (in two Florida Counties and in Chicago,) multiple counts of illegal recording, Stolen Valor (there is a video of him making a claim of his service and having that person pay for drinks because of the claim)……

      Yeah, I’d say that merits more than 5 years – if nothing else for the number of instances where he broke the law.

    • Noemi says:

      Oh I can’t wait to hear the lies he has up his sleeve…. I KNOW HOW MUCH OF A LIAR HE IS… IM THE “15YEAR OLD” HE VIOLATED AND TOOK ADVANTAGE FOR A LONG TIME. I AM NOW 31YEARS OLD.

      • ChipNASA says:

        Glad to see you here to respond however, that being said, I am truly sorry if (not questioning you, just commenting) you were a victim of his in the past and I certainly hope, you have had the opportunity to seek counsel and professional assistance addressing this trauma.
        I’ve been through it, but different trauma.
        My heart feels for you.
        Keep coming back.

  3. rgr769 says:

    So, this demented midget is back on our radar. It looks like Dr. Phil is broadening his scope to include nutcase POSers.

  4. Hack Stone says:

    Did he provide an escort for the funeral of Honorary Chief Petty Officer Daniel Bernath?

  5. Hack Stone says:

    For some reason, that photo above looks familiar.

  6. Hack Stone says:

    Okay, to save you all the trouble of clogging your DVR, the first part is scheduled to be aired on Friday February 2021. Any chance that the episode will spawn another Facebook meme craze, all “Cash me outside”?

    • Penguinman000 says:

      I’m going to take a day of PTO and day drink with my popcorn. This guy is the gift that keeps on giving.

      Every time he says he didn’t do something that was caught on his own body cam I’ll take a drink. I expect to be housed 10 minutes into his interview.

  7. KoB says:

    So, comes ye here again the Dimwitted Jeremy DeWitte, FAKE Cop, but REAL Sex Predator POS? Musta not got enough attention when he brought his, Jeremy DeWitte, lying, fake, child molesting ass onto Dave’s Radar Screen last year. Everybody wants to be a Cop till it comes time to do REAL Cop stuff. PHUQUE HEEM!!!!

    I don’t usually watch Dr Silly Philly, personally think he’s a two faced POS himself. Besides, in my AO, IIRC, he comes on opposite High Chaparral and/or Matlock. Cowboys or Brynn Thayer/Nancy Stafford/Julie Sommars beats crossdressers, cheats, and perverts anyday. I may catch this, just for gits and shiggles.

    Maybe the lying, fake, sex pervert Jeremy DeWitte would like the attention of a deployment of the Hemisphere/World/Planet of Insults issued in his name? Maybe the pervert fake cop Jeremy Dewitte feels slighted or lacking in attention since he missed having said deployment last year?

    I make the MOTION for said Deployment. Do we have a SECOND and an AYE?

    • Atlanticcoast63 says:


    • HMCS(FMF) ret says:

      DO IT, BAYBEEE!!

      • ChipNASA says:

        Dang it, I *JUST* read this and I have to do an edit that’s worthy of Jeremy, BECAUSE, I want to go back and see if Jeremy is a two time HoI WINNAR!!! (yes sp)
        I’ll catch you tomorrow with a fresh HoI because it’s 11:30 so, HOLD THE LINE.

    • The Stranger says:

      Segundo y Sí!
      Con una chingada, SI!

    • ChipNASA says:

      OK Folks,
      I believe I have reviewed this and everything is in order. We’ve met the requirements for the TAH Roberts Rules and we’ve also had the appropriate votes so, without further ado, I give you…


      The Hemisphere of Insults®™
      (aka, “This Ain’t Hell” Thesaurus)
      FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!!
      DANGER CLOSE!!!!
      MOPP LEVEL 4!!!
      TAKE COVER!!!!!
      … Jeremy Dewittte.…HEY DICKLESS WONDER, We all hope you read this and come back here and try to defend your actions, but, you won’t because, YOU’RE A STRAIGHT UP COWARD, , NOT a Police Officer, NOT Security, vile, flaming piece of skunk shit, ALLEGEDLY, but not confirmed or proven, but in some people’s opinion, works balls, tickles taint and tongue punches hobo’s crusty fart boxes all, I Guess, while being a syphilitic, turd-sucking feces factory, HOLY Baby Ape Shit Breath, Bitch-ass Fuckstick guzzler, pile infested, onion-eyed flapmouthed butt-bailiff, “Fowl” mouthed Chicken Fucking Chickenfucker, You flaccid piece of tofu, Simply a fart in life waiting to be fabreezed away, moral equivalent of pond scum, THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS A WALKING TURD, inflamed, “Towel boy” in a gay bath house, DILLY DILLY!!, Ambulatory verbal dissembling anus, Fucking one cell spermatozoon with a tiny flagella, gaping giant ass walking fungus shit nugget, Bag of seasoned dog shit, Cambodian cunt sauce, he deserves to have his private parts gnawed by angry badgers, Anyone who ever loved you was wrong, bucket of ass chum, Poopy Headed ball working asshole, JERK OFF !!, Soup Sandwich, if you Mom would have known you were going to turn out like this, she’d have prayed for a miscarriage, Diaper-Sniper, you’re such a pussy, when you get a haircut they charge you for a bikini wax, suck a big diseased gorilla dick and open those ass cheeks for the bull elephant that has been eyeing your lying ass, Poster-child for post birth abortion, Testicle face, This twat waffle is dumber than a bucket of goat piss, I pray thou shalt be pursued into the mountains by sex-mad baboons, O thou creature of the pit!, If you are married, The only thing your wife wants for Christmas is a folded flag, Dick Swallowing Jerk Wad Spooge Sampling cum gobbling parasitic infection bunghole tonguer, Klootviool, Dude–even your balls are made of pussy, should be ass raped and tea-bagged, at the same time, by a Rabid Rhinoceros, you were the kid that had to sit alone at lunchtime, you’re the afterbirth that slithered out from your mother’s filth, you have always been picked last, you are a puck shot, catcher’s mitt double dribble field goal miss, you are the trash bag after a barracks/frat house party, the Stanley Cup could be your Mom’s dildo, I wish you were an EOD training power point presentation. Not the cool, highly trained bad ass EOD guys, the recipient, He’s more fucked up than a spotted Zebra, shirt-lifter, This guy stepped on his dick so hard it made mine hurt, when your Mom was pregnant with you, the dry cleaner used to charge her double for extra coat hangers. She had bad aim, If this wasn’t so sad, it would be as funny as watching a monkey try to fuck a football, I’m surprised he didn’t award himself a Purple Heart for stepping on his dick., Anus tonguing shit slurping fuckwitted hemorrhoid munching dick lips wanktoaster, pud-knuckling pus-nuts, farting dive bubble cock gobbling Pigfucker, lientery steatorrhea, sperm burping dickchops, Sloshing bucket of Hippo Diarrhea, short strand DNA ‘tard, a bathroom selfie loser, fake “death stare” makes you look like a semen sucking cum vampire on his way to a flying J truck stop hobo ball sac buffet, Cuntosaurus Rex, Bulbous Bleeding Batrachivorous Butthole Burrito, enjoys being attacked by and being sunk by meat torpedoes, Pudwhack, pillock, Saltimbanco, zounderkite, Minger, Felonious Ass Pirate, get bent like a fucking pretzel, I mean, what in the roll tide, only has sex with family after Nascar, butt chugging box wine, mushy meth mouth, mountain dew snorting, corn dog anal injecting, only listens to Lynyrd Skynyrd when making cornbread, fuck, is going on, Fucking less worthwhile, hairier, dirtier and uglier than Hillary Clinton’s taint, if this guy even *had* a woman, or any balls, he’d keep them in her purse anyway, failed fido fluffer in doggo pron, even using an entire jar of top quality, organic, gourmet, peanut butterIf you started fucking off today and kept fucking off until the sun burns out you still wouldn’t fuck off far enough to fuck off, Fuck you Fucksicle, You’re so fucked up that his imaginary friend took a Restraining Order out against him, This pissant is such a genius of monumental proportions he can skullfuck his own asshole, You man meat munching, spunk bubble blowing butt sponge, You are a disease, worse than a crotch tick, you puerile, one-handed, slack-jawed, drooling, meatslapper, Boy, you couldn’t lead a fresh turd down the bowl, Thinks that he is in the “dark” secret ops, not realizing that he has his head up his ass, You were born stupid and had a prolapse, In need of an appointment with a brass-knuckles Amateur Dentist, exposure to diseased posers is also known as “the Result of Cyclospora” with * “Symptoms of cyclospora include diarrhea and frequent, sometimes explosive bowel movements, according to the CDC.” I say, I say, That boy’s about as sharp as a sack o’ wet mice, Dear fucking 8 pound 6 ounce baby Jesus on a cement tricycle, banjo eyed, insignificant and inconsequentially ignorant imbecilic idiot, single strand DNA refugee from a blow job, not worthy to lick taint lint off my cats backside, Unable to prevail against his one brained celled activity taking him over, so he types, talks, acts as if a retarded ghost possessed him. dickwad that can’t make a good seal on Tupperware, Buttcrackiula, tit, Oh, fuck you sideways with a roll of horse liniment coated concertina wire…you sorry, miserable, posing, shit eating goat fucker, You look like the product of an orgy at a family reunion, got-damn cum drop, You’re funnier than a sock full of frogs and tougher than a jar of marshmallow crème, Sharmouta, hey douche bag, I bet your ass is jealous of the shit that comes out of your mouth, sniveling, codpiece licking toilet seat sniffer, as worthless as a Toyota airbag, lying bucket of Chihuahua shit, taintpimple, Pillow bitin pickle smoocher, meat-gazing walrus fart hamster queef that should have stayed a tittyfuck cumstain in the back seat of an AMC Pacer, Bowl of ass soup, Festering fuckwart on a sewer rat’s ass, I heard you volunteered to go to the Middle East to take on terrorists…dressed as a goat, I believe you to be one of the few, proud pieces of shit that flies won’t fuck on, You’re not the dumbest person on the planet, but you sure better hope he doesn’t die, needle dick bug fucker, wad of fungus on a pile of roach turd, Drongo, Satan even said about you, “Boy is this guy a DICK!, Sparklepony, Toilet weasel, pigshit fungus, grubby little dick-beater, You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john, Connoisseur ,worthless, Vice Admiral of the Narrow Seas, Blows winos behind bus stops for a nickel and gives change, jejeongsin-iya?, whore-hopping fecal wart, Soppspiste Pitbulkukkforhud, stench-ridden, Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; you only gargled, shiftless, monkey-buggerer, petrified shit biscuit, More worthless than rubber lips on a woodpecker or tits on a boar hog, ignoble itching buttcrack, You’re the reason God created Irritable Bowel Syndrome, moldy bowl of ratshit, would wear Richard Simmons’ used jockstrap as a facemask, lickspittle, useless bag of monkey fuck, dickbutt, rectum circling colon goblin, Asshole casserole, Vafanculo, Nut hugger, People like you are the reason God doesn’t talk to us anymore, salad tosser, gonorrheatic urethral cliff diver, smeerlap, fud, rancid floor buffer wax spreader, both of your Grandmothers should have had an abortion, just in case, Harebrained duckfucker, I’ve seen bigger wieners on a cocktail plate!, You look like something I’d draw with my left hand, untreated, festering pus pocket, you have a chronically, domestically abused, tiny pee pee,

      • ChipNASA says:

        this valor poacher thinks he’s so hot and such an intellect, that he gets a semi chub (all that he is able) by his actions and subsequently, is in danger of raising blood blisters on his Third Thumb due to the protracted use of his Special Purpose Magnifying Glass and eyebrow tweezers, You just **HAVE** to have any attention you can get, eh you rabbitfucked, chihuahua, shit-for-brains, don’t you? DON’T YOU?!?!, the only currency he should be dealing with is cigarettes (fags for you Brits) while he’s in the pokey and he is known to be a pack a day smoker of the cock, Sphincter reaper, That ‘stash you may or may not have (if you had one) looks like Goal Post for a Dick…. Blower and boffer of balls, Devil of cock gobbling, Bacha bāzī “boy”, Dildohead, cunt giblets (Thanks ASMDSS), If this goose shit gobbling mongoloid were an MRE, he would be Spaghetti and Dick, is a sack sucking semen slurper, nut nibbling nincompoop, and jizz juicing jackoff. This guy, I mean, this fucking guy right here, is the poster boy for Fetal Alcohol Syndrome as a fucking cross eyed, cock gobbling, 55 gallon drum of cock snot, dumpster fire, nsumbyeotchkizzmyazzwingwipineffoffanbeholdemyfieldofphuquesyouphuquingphuquer, Mayor Grundle Butter of Scrotumburg and Anusville, waste of oxygen, Grandstanding cunt, prickwrinkler, Holy cupcake munching monkeys, clitwart, cuntscab, his breath smells like he ate a dead man’s underwear, Fuck you, you nutless chickenfuck cocksucking rat-bastard piece of roach shit! Eat a whole fucking ConEx full of dicks!, anal sphincter canyon yodeling phallic squeezer, numbnuts, malodorous odiferous felonious fido fucker, snowball, Coprophagous fop, Gonorrhea breath, swizzle tits, giggling beerflecked canker blossom, how did you survive infancy, rectal rapee, Dude looks like he smells like hot dog water, GonnoSyphaHerpaClapAIDS Patient Zero monkey buggerer, ball-tickling & ball gargling bullshiat artist, R2-Dildo, You suck dick for beer money and you don’t even drink beer, secret squirrel masturbation specialist, hand in your badge, Adolf, you fart repeatedly just to make yourself smell better, spunk-trumpet, Bakrauf, face down ass up weak kneed pillow biter, maybe this hero could strap a suicide vest to himself, go out in the open desert and make people confetti out of himself, Wait, of all the lucky sperms that came outta your daddy, you’re the one that WON??, He’s so much of a dickhead he takes Viagra thru a nasal spray, and he’s still limp, How I the fuck do assholes like this sleep at night? With one hand on their tiny dick and the other thumb in their ass, Holy shit, maybe a “buggerer of little boys”, rottencrotched, rump wrangling, colostomy bag curator, A butter knife amongst razor blades, Rusty Trombone Virtuoso, he is the kinda guy who likes meeting up with two strange men so they can sword fight in his mouth, he’s the kind of guy you’d find hanging out around highway rest areas because he’s frequenting the public bathrooms trying to gargle marbles for change, culo de chongo, booger eating fuckbucket, Lemon Party-lusting, Pissflap, fucknuckles, is about as real as a Civil War Issue polyester blanket, Menstrual quimsquirt, you’re as useful as Anne Frank’s Drum Set, overzealous polyp burglar, poser quim squirt, bed wetting, follows in Victorious Felder’s bovine excrement -filled boots, I wanna get a running start and drop kick him right in the ‘ol yogurt gun, Fustilarian, Knobgobble, prancing pony penis puffer, Likes to turn his mouth into a day care center with guys baby gravy behind the local truck stop, I hope his rectum is popped so hard, he will achieve liftoff on Mr. Tiny’s launch pad, less popular than a Cheese and Veggie Omelet MRE, You are so full of shit, your ears stink, I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral, butt-pirate, as popular as an SBD fart in church on a packed house Sunday, you should get dorked in the squeakhole with the Barbed Cock of Satan, toadstool slime-inhaling dick-drizzling sludge, putrid barrel of fermenting manatee prostatic fluid, prodigious jenkem huffer, You’re a dirty coffee mug on a Monday morning filled to the brim with steaming frothy panther piss, Asparagus-dick, as fucked up as an opossum eating shit out of a hairbrush, Champion Jailhouse Baloney Pony Rider, You’re dumber than snake mittens,
        His erectile dysfunction and impotence is so severe that his continual dick-beating of such pointlessness amazes anyone that is so unfortunate as to be acquainted with him, Wooden dildo, assplow, Piss Whistle, moron, Poodle Raper, cunt fart, Prevaricating orally diarrhetic sphincter mouth, lintlicker, Wino sphincter/ballsack coinesseur, Cock Bagel and Dick Doughnut, Stronzo, Pie-Faced Crotch Pheasant, Road apple, Mule muffins, Buffalo bagels, Beaver biscuits, pony pucks & Pigeon pellets (Shout out to M*A*S*H Col. Potter) (Not Colonel Potter but if he’d have thought about it, he’d have said it. ) one giant pile of Moose marbles, Straight Up Stupid Motherfucker, manpleaser, you are such a disappointment to the human race, I think I’m gonna have to court your slovenly, unhinged, cow of a Mother, in real life, second only to the character Annie Wilkes in Misery, and then hate slam the psychosis right out of her dirt box, such that another chromosomally challenged creature like you never occurs again, this buttmunch needs to eat out the rotten asshole of a road-killed skunk, baby unit, one eyed snake charmer, this is the kinda guy who’s feet swing when he’s on the toilet, People like this make me wanna hatefuck a dumpster, on fire and then give sloppy seconds to a menstruating porcupine, perpetual Turd that just keeps circling the bowl and will never flush, Shit-Slot Cosmonaut, Proper Daft Cunt, you thought you had a hair on your dick until it peed, zombies would take one look at you and walk the other direction, Do you know who has more friends and is more popular than you? The Shit Pool at Kandahar Airfield Afghanistan, he has less brains than a bony eared assfish if he thought he would continue to get away with his bullshit, Fair suck of the sav, This motherfucking guy makes my ass itch, is so unimaginably and extraordinarily vapid and mindlessly stupid that he could get lost in an elevator, Meretricious, you’ll never be the man your mother is, Odious Twonk, spaghetti straw-sized personal organ, real boy babies have bigger nuts, putting the squeeze on this nugatory nut nibbler is not worth the juice, there are ants that are smarter than this dorkwad from the bottom of Poontang Pond, he is just a rock with lips rocking the dick head look, likes to suck the turds out of rabid dogs bungholes, is a lying sack of wet doughnut batter, He looks like the kind of guy that really needs to take a bath…with a toaster. baby cave, analconda, Grade A chode yodeler, tittilating scrotalator pole smoker, Vaginal Sand Fairy, Drollenpijper, wide open mouth pivot man in a circle jerk, feral abacus, leg humper, You look like you were conceived through anal, meadow muffin, ax wound drippings, you’re such a loser, when you spank your little wee-wee, your hand falls asleep, horse squeeze Ball Cheese, you were born after your Dad cream-pied her asshole then finger fucked her vagina, your “heroic “ career is less believable than UFOs, Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster, you are the poster child for ED, when I want to terrorize my children, I tell YOU are under their bed, when I saw this sperm receptacle, soggy biscuit eater, my eyes rolled so hard I saw my own brain stem, I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid, Stupid, so stupid it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid, you emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid, nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid.Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know, Schlumpadinka, wazzock, Tampon Tunnel, used toilet paper-sniffing Turbo knob vacuum of a meat gazer, terminal crotch infection, asshat, roach turd-munching shit-for-brains, a black hole would spit you out, the founding fathers said all men are created equal….except for you, you make scientists contemplate the possibility that there’s a negative IQ number, if you an 2 other guys ran a race together, you’d come in fourth, dick pickle, gòrach pìos de cac,

        • ChipNASA says:

          It looks like he smeared Gorilla Glue on his lip and chin and went down on Whoopi Goldberg’s cootchie, You make PTSD/TBI look like a state fair, a 3 ring circus and Disneyland all rolled into one, likes to gargle with a mouthful of unborn crib midgets, He can shit and fall in it as far as I am concerned(This one is for the Ladies and Medical Staff) this prancing fairy is about as popular as a failed Episiotomy with a 4th degree perineal tear, wanker, herpes-ridden dung beetle target, feejackapeesack, first volunteer for being part of a jailhouse human centipede, bunghole warrior, cockwomble, bread loaf end slice, should eat a nice steaming pile of monkey shit you ass clown, looks like hammered dog shit, puborectalis spasm, you are so bad, you’re a disappointment to the table of elements and the molecules that they represent, that came from space to form humans on Planet Earth, you are so awful, you make humanity want to beg for a near extinction level, asteroid impact event, Your mother may have told you that you could be anything you wanted, but a douchebag wasn’t what she meant, If Mr. Rogers were alive, he’d piss on your grave, helmet wearing short bus riding window licker, Head paddler in the douche canoe, Uncle Fucker, more ate up than a chocolate dildo in a crowded gay bar, shitbag, dipstickus giganticus, Humpty Dumpty cleanup man after the fleet visits Naples, Herp-Burger, poofter, intergalactic cunt muffin, knob gobbling, fimicolous galactic Jackoff, Deputy executive assistant jizz mopper in training, chronic hemorrhoid, stugatz, inbred, toe-jam from an infected Filipino hooker that specializes in foot jobs, tortured turnip turd, Sea Donkey, festering pool of anal leakage, your penis lives in eternal darkness, I’d hate to see your toilet, retardus maximus, Microcephalic Toad Licker, can go suck a fat baby’s dick, steaming rat-felching bucket of moldy monkey fuck, Bellicose ball gnashing raper of babies with rabies, Pecker-puffing pickle licker, catcher not pitcher, bawbag, about as useful as a white crayon, Arschloch, impotent koekeloeren, slaptard, couldn’t even be trained in my AFSC in the USAF to suck farts out of C-5 seat cushions, mumpsimus, reverse dirty sanchez lover, scunner, he claims to have PTSD and he really does have PTSD, PTSD” when it stands for “pretty talented suckign dicks, kutomba wewe, Cryptosporidium-ridden tire tosser, fudgepacker, turbo douche & enema nozzle, mental midget, likes to molest small farm animals, dead and alive, is a hemorrhoid, 100 retarded monkeys could jerk off in a stagnant swamp and generate a better life form than you, You are about as useful as a knitted condom, nasty enough to pass gas during a colonscopy, thinks a GI lavage is a mixed drink at a party, if I had the taste of you in my mouth, I’d lick the taint of a dead rotting water buffalo in the Vietnamese jungle just to get the taste out, just to fix your shit, you could make a Jew deny the Holocaust, consuming connoisseur of the chocolate starfish, Cocksucking Catfish, anal & vaginal prolapse, giant anal Q-Tip, this freak fancies himself performing fellatio on a variety of pinnapeds, He went all vaginal. You *never* go all vaginal, fucked himself faster than a horny chihuahua by lying about his Military Service, you are the reason Jesus can’t play peek-a-boo, he has holes in his hands, you are a 0 EPR/OPR, you are worse than a Dishonorable Discharge….from your Mom’s vagina, Massive, back alley, bucket of schlong fuck juice, cockalorum cum-guzzling gutter slut, Dalton Coldiron’s bunny-butt buddy atomic sphincter goblin, If you stuck your brain up a gnat’s ass, it would look like a BB in a boxcar, Jackanape, Fuck Tart, Sitzpinkler, lispian, pussytits, Milksop, you’re such an embarrassment to your family and your father is so ashamed of you, he’d refuse a free blowjob out of fear of further spilling his seed, Forrest Gump points and laughs at you, you suck so bad, AIDS and Cancer have nightmares about you, your shit is about as funny as Anne Frank, Helen Keller and Terri Schiavo having an orgy in the showers at Auschwitz, you suck so bad, puppies, kittens and babies hate you, you are so loathsome, looks like the kind of guy who lets his wife gets her shit pushed in by Mr. Ouch while he watches, Gandhi would ass rape you for giggles, you are about as welcome as a yeast infection, hemorrhoids, gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, genital wards and herpes, you’re one of the reasons Trump is President, you make God want a do-over, You vacuous, toffee-nosed malodorous pervert, pillock, puss soaked jackwagon, waste of trace elements and water, Jizztissue, knob breath dick biscuit, Pettifogger, Bunghole Baby, Rear Admiral of the Butt Piracy, donkey raping shit-eater, twatface, pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo it, may he lay a lip lock on the snotty end of a moose cock,butt munch, deep sea crotch lobster, man of the night in a large animal bordello, I bet you’re the kind of guy that would fuck your own mother in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give her a reach-around (Thanks R. Lee Ermey, R.I.P), NOT a Police Officer, NOT Security, HE IS a registered SEX OFFENDER, WELCOME TO MORE GOOGLE FAME, Ass Baby, Is about to be at least, Nationally but maybe *Internatinoallyyou are worse than the Devil’s Hemorrhoids, TOTALLY a retarded, soul patch ball dusting, burn pit of worthlessness, you know the old saying “don’t throw the baby out with the bath water?” You would be the exception, he can go fuck a hill of dildos, you’re so fugly, you could make the Sun go down and not want to come up again, you make people that know you, want ass cancer, you make Hillary Clinton’s vagina look attractive, should be blowing everyone in cell block D and taking it up the ass, simultaneously from everyone in cell block C, This guy is a piece of lint on stinky goat nuts, You fucking LAND WALRUS, shit snorting stain on Hillary Clinton’s yeast infected kootchie covers, you’re lucky we don’t dress you up in drag, drop your ass off somewhere in the Middle East and let an entire battalion of ISIS soldiers and supporters butt rape you until you’re turned inside out, This guy has spunk. And by spunk, I mean he likes to ingest copious, and I mean immense, monumental and breathtaking, amounts of Baby Batter, Ball Barf, Trouser Gravy, Man Chowder, High Fructose Porn Syrup, Daddy Sauce, Choad Nectar, Throat Yogurt, Penis Colada, Nut Butter, and Weiner Sauce, remember that story in the news a while back about a guy that was arrested for fucking his girlfriend’s dog that had been dead for a few days, in front of a daycare center? Yeah, you’re worse than that guy, you make child rape and crib death seem funny, you are such a fuckgasim, you’d leave Don Rickles speechless, you could make Goodwill, the Salvation Army and the Red Cross give you the finger, You make your own Mother cry on Mother’s Day, you’re the reason proctologists are a thing, seeing you frolicking around in all your finery makes me understand why Abba wrote the song Dancing Queen, I’d rather watch AFRTS than see this guy’s shit on the Internet, if you were a planet, you’d be Uranus, YOU are the reason monkeys throw poop, you stupid toilet mint licker, Hitler wishes he had you as a mentor because now he feels like a failure, you weak-kneed no-load pus-nuts pisspants needle-dicked cockroach-fucking slug-licking bucket of lying cockroach shit!, Ball Basting Boy Wondor, What an oily little meatgazer, planetary level atomic flaming douchebag, Santorium, lying shitbag wanna-be fucknozzle cleaner, Impacted breaching turtle head, Rumpleforeskin, parasite on society, What in the bipolar fuck, fuckstain skidmark on the underwear of life, anal bum cover (LOL SNL Jeopardy), taint cookie, Mr. Men’s Room Wide Stance toe tapping glory hole hero, Fartleberry, Some NCO Should have beat you within an inch of your life, insult to humanity, I hope his ego hits the floor like a turd from a tall cows ass, shit-filled meatsack, masturbates to videos of Jar-Jar Binks, pisses off more people than the clackers on an abacus, prepare your anus, karma is going in dry, You are a moron. A window pane licking, urinal cake eating, lying moron, YOU’RE THE REASON ALIENS COME TO EARTH IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND STICK THINGS UP OUR ASSES BECAUSE EVEN ADVANCED CIVILIZATIONS CAN’T FIGURE YOUR SHIT OUT, walking shart shooter, minge, moldy dingleberry on a roadkill swamp rat’s ass, test subject for Preparations A thru G, Remedy critch, Gnard gargling queefsquirt, I heard you were created via frozen embryo, you must have thawed, obstreperous shit-whistle,

          • ChipNASA says:

            what’s gross, a truckload of dead babies, what’s grosser than gross, a truckload of dead babies with a live one in the middle trying to eat its way out, what is more disgusting than that? You, stupid enough to try to sandpaper to a wildcat’s ass in a phone booth, Handgallop, twatscicle, Obamawad, tool, bint, sleezebag, weaksauce, Gobshite, fuck hole, Pillsbury Dough Bitch, Should NOT be around WOMEN OR CHILDREN, touches himself inappropriately, Turd-Burglar, rimjobber, turd lizard of a roadkill opossum-humper, cum-dumpster, Inbred buck-toothed slimy toadstool on a Swamp Donkey turd, Useless mangy crotch-dropping, needle dick buttfucker, Putz, rectal inspector, this swollen, sweltering manhole should be infected with herpegonasyphilaids, ferger, Sheep tits, gonad, queefer, chicken shit, choad, Puppy fucker, dopus, Blue Falcon and Blue Waffle, Fuck Apple with mold, twizzletits, tallywacker, Bozack, Fiction-flinging Richard Gere’s Ass Gerbil Felcher, dingleberry circling ass buzzard, bitch, Saprophyte, ATM, pap smear, bukakke glazed shitmitten, Dandy prat, Tazmanian Dorkwad rat fucking, shit-sucking warthog’s asshole, gimp, bescumber, coccydynia, you lying sack of mosquito, Siberian bag of cum-stained hadji sheep shit”, mangina micropeen, Fuckrag, Syphilitic Turd Burglar, possibly likes to pick his teeth with his OWN used catheters, Hircismus, cheat, You couldn’t make a point if someone gave you a pencil sharpener, should be pounded in the poop hole with a turret of a M1 Abrams, and then fired a WP round therein, pope-fondling, turbo apeshit crazy, Cacafuego, Cock-juggling *Pussy* thundercunt, And a new addition thanks to Sarge I hereby introduce you to the ALPHABET ASSAULT:
            Annoying asinine Ampharos asshole assistant to APL; bulimic ballsack biting butt buddy at Brucie’s Bathhouse (entrance in the rear); chronic cocksucking clymidiacic chickenfucking cretin; dumbass dumbshit dickguzzling dimwitted douchebag, erratic earwax eating enema expert; fowl felching monkeyfucking ferret fluffing Uncle Fester look-alike; gregarious gangrene carrying Grinch; hypocrtical hippo humping hackeysack full of horse shit; idiotic inbred imbecile with a low IQ and impotence issues; jumping jackass with jockey shorts full of jellyfish jism; kooky kommunistic klown kitty fucking knave; lying loathsome limpdick lillylivered lazyass llama blowing loser; manmeat mooching meatslapping moosecock muncher; no good ninja nippled needlenutted nobody; obsolete overfucked octopus orgy observer; penis pumping pee filled poster child for proper prophelactic usage; queasy queef quaffing quantum horsesqueeze; ratt fucking rump ranger who plays the rusty trombone; Shit surping semen burping dick sucking sorry sonavabitch with syphilis; taint ticking test subject for tits on men at Tiny’s Truck Stop; unclefucking ugly ass unborn umbilical discharge; valor Vulture and volunteer for vile vaginal discharge vacuum duty, wanks to blue waffle porn while waiting for winos to blow at the aforemention truck stop; useful as an upset ugly unicorn uterus; yodleing yellowbellied yak yanker; zipper gazing zealot with zits on his zero inch dick. Fuck off, eat shit, die in a fire.
            I meant to say, this dick gobbler is about to be Nationally and more possibly, INTERNATIONALLY famous,

            If any of this offends you, I’m sorry. If something here *doesn’t* offend you, I’m not trying hard enough!

            We now include the NEW & IMPROVED
            /FREE with every deployment of an equal or greater value
            The Hemisphere of Insults®™

            FUCK YOU, ASS HAMSTER!!!
            Can I get an AMEN?! (Or your choice of exclamation/interjection.)
            Here endeth the lesson.


            I don’t think that Jeremy DeWitte is going to garner any public media attention as the Foley and Jowers case and subsequent Posts.

            Got it and standing by. I also agree this douche canoe needs the full load.
            As with other deployments of the The Hemisphere of Insults®™ , I’ll stand by for 1. The appropriate Roberts Rules here at TAH to vote on it and 2. A momentary review and consideration that this individual and their posting is generally not going to generate any undue influence or attract attention from local, regional or national media organizations, so as to not impede any further investigation into his behavior and distracting from linking to MP or TAH by a due deployment of said and glorious, The Hemisphere of Insults®™

            (Please excuse me but I’ll keep posting this disclaimer just because there may be some that don’t realize what was going on in previous threads and/or behind the scenes because of the previous deployment of the The Hemisphere of Insults®™ , this is just a reminder)
            1. This is a Dave post and I don’t want to stir shit when he had to edit one of the last ones because…
            2. Sometimes, TAH and MP attract outside attention from the local/regional and sometimes, national media. In one of the previous threads, the Foley and Jowers case, it attracted media attention and they were very hesitant to link or mention TAH, because of the deployment of the The Hemisphere of Insults®™ . I don’t want to hamper legitimate investigations or mentions or using TAH as a resource in reporting Stolen Valor to the public because to the outside world, the The Hemisphere of Insults®™ can be somewhat off-putting (to say the least, of which I am quite proud.)
            Hat Tip to “Sarge” and request the Staff Summary Sheet of Shame

            ————- ————

            Oh and one time Blake Morgan said: “ I swear I was hearing “O Beautiful for spacious skies… For amber waves of grain” playing as I was reading this…. “

            So without further ado, here is a link to the New York Orchestra performing America the Beautiful, at Carnegie Hall, for your listening pleasure, if you want a musical accompaniment to the The Hemisphere of Insults®™

            • KoB says:


              KoB wept.

            • ChipNASA says:

              Patton Quote added to the end …

              On George S. Patton: (Multiple sources but… )

              “He could, when necessary, open up with both barrels and let forth such blue-flamed phrases that they seemed almost eloquent in their delivery. When asked by his nephew about his profanity, Patton remarked, “When I want my men to remember something important, to really make it stick, I give it to them double dirty. It may not sound nice to some bunch of little old ladies at an afternoon tea party, but it helps my soldiers to remember. You can’t run an army without profanity; and it has to be eloquent profanity. An Army without profanity couldn’t fight its way out of a piss-soaked paper bag.”


              • ChipNASA says:

                NOW, with all that being said, it is my understanding that in reference to Dave’s past comments about deploying the HoI and with local/regional/national exposure as in the past Foley and Jowers cases being posted about their failed political campaigns, Mr “I can’t get enough of myself”, Dewitte-less, is about to make an appearance on the (at least) Nationally and maybe even Internationally, broadcast, Dr Phil show.
                SO, if need be ADMIN DUDES, if folks find their way to TAH/VG via Dr Phil and understandably are clutching pearls because of the HoI and you see fit to sanitize it for the good of Mr Butt Pirate Dewittte’s increased investigation and exposure, then in advance, I understand and so be it.
                Cheers and I await the denouement.
                Gentlemen…(and Ladies of course..)
                😀 😀 😀

                • MarineDad61 says:

                  Well, since we got Elvis in this now…

                  Here’s Johnny Devlin,
                  the “Elvis of New Zealand”, who got the opening act gig for the Beatles during their tour of Australia.

                  Wearing fake black leather,
                  Johnny Devlin sings Elvis songs,
                  and does the hippy hippy shake,
                  while singing lyrics fit for a charity organization band of Stolen Valor phonies sporting black leather vests and
                  chanting “C’mon Everybody.”

            • Hack Stone says:

              Hack sees that his insult about Phil Monkress (If you were an MRE, you would be Spaghetti & Dick) made the cut.

              May Hack make a few more contributions?

              When he wants to put on some mood music, he has Alexa play Dueling Banjos.

              The only thing that he is good for is pulling targets on the Hand Grenade Range.

              If he was on Prison Bachelor, he would offer his cellmate his brown rose.

              He never joined Columbia Record Club because he could not afford a penny.

              He is so stupid, he buys matinee tickets at a drive in theater.

              His mother made it be known that he had a Do Not Resuscitate declaration when she would take him for a haircut.

              He is so stupid, he overdosed on placebos.

              • Green Thumb says:

                This clown dresses up like the False Commander “Phony” Phil Monkress (CEO of All-Points Logistics) for Easter.

                Enough said.

                • ChipNASA says:

                  Absolutely and also adding something about dropping colored egg out of his ass.
                  How about….

                  “This clown dresses up like the False Commander “Phony” Phil Monkress (CEO of All-Points Logistics) for Easter… (my addition) “and likes to squat and drop colored Easter eggs out of his asshole, for the assorted homeless that gather for such festivities, next to the dumpster and used grease and cooking oil disposal bin, behind the
                  Pilot Flying J truck stop, until either the consumables are depleted or the mob disperses. Bonus points if an accidental, bleeding, rectal prolapse and depressed crying occurs for the gathered audience. And the crowd goes wild!!”
                  Too Much? Nah, done
                  😀 😀 😀 😀 😀

              • ChipNASA says:

                Yes, absofluckingloutly

  8. MarineDad61 says:

    The Dr. Phil link is a tease ad, dated in the future,
    Friday, February 19.

    It’s a funny minute.
    The phony motorcycles are so reminiscent of what we’ve seen here,
    from Elko and elsewhere.

  9. penguinman000 says:

    Dr. Phil could get a whole new schtick, “analyzing” (or whatever it is he does) posers. That would keep their schedule full for at least a couple of seasons.

    Imagine if it were a double header of Dewitte and select members of the DRC? That would be entertaining to the extreme.

  10. 26Limabeans says:

    Dr. Phil is still alive? Wow.

    • Sapper3307 says:

      And a real doctor ,,just like Biden’s wife (controller).

      • Mason says:

        He’s more of a doctor than her. While not a medical doctor, he has a doctorate in clinical psychology and practiced. I think his title of “Doctor” is appropriate.

        • rgr769 says:

          Yes, Dr. Phil actually has a license to treat patients. Gropey Joe’s wife doesn’t have a license to provide therapy to anyone, unless we are talking about giving a warm puppy and play-doh to some triggered college student in a safe space, and we want to call that “therapy.”

          • Mason says:

            Joe said the only reason she got that useless sheepskin (bought, not earned judging by her thesis) was because she wanted a title like her senator husband. Shallow and vain much, Doctor Biden?

      • rgr769 says:

        I am thinking I should demand everyone call me “Doctor rgr769,” since I have a Juris Doctor degree. I have also treated some people–to a bad day at the courthouse when they were in the witness box.

  11. Sapper3307 says:

    I did the combat jump with him into Ramadi, and verify he 110% real deal.

  12. OWB says:

    Oh, yeah. This fool is impossible to forget. He is very special, just not the kind he would have you believe.

    Been in a whole bunch of funeral processions over the years. Not one involved sirens, air horns, or foul language at warp volume.

    Crazy, man. Maybe Dr. Phil will fix what ails him.

    • Sapper3307 says:

      I had women on her phone try get behind the hearse while I was riding beside her passenger door on the interstate. She could not hear my words or see a shiny red Ducati.

  13. charles w says:

    Somebody should have slapped his mamma.

  14. HMCS(FMF) ret says:

    Jeremy doesn’t need an intervention from Dr. Phil… that won’t help him one bit (except stroke his frail ego). He needs that 85 year stretch in a poundhimintheass prison for his shitbaggedry…

  15. Animal says:

    I arrested a security guard for evading arrest in a motor vehicle. He ran from me when I turned around on him for speeding. He gassed it when he saw me turn around and was soon out of sight. I turned on the first road that turned right after I lost sight of him. I used that trick several times during pursuits and had good results from it. Half a mile later there he was sitting on the shoulder of the road, stopped by a train. While I handcuffing him he asked for a professional courtesy and not take him to jail. Security companies are eat up with guys like this.

    • Hack Stone says:

      He must have used the memo that law enforcement professional courtesy does not extend to a guy making $12 an hour standing by the exit at Try N Save.

      Speaking of which, here is the caliber, pardon the pun, of who gets hired as a Private Security Guard.—%20Baltimore%20Police%20say%20an%20armed,police%20Saturday%20afternoon%2C%20leading%20to%20an%20officer-involved%20shooting.

      • timactual says:


        There are, of course, exceptions. I had to be licensed by the state, so you know I was okay.

        Then again, the clowns I worked with were also licensed, including the guy who liked to wave his loaded gun around with his finger on the trigger, and the kid with a trunk full of police gear and a weapon or two. And our lieutenant, a former police officer who liked to advise us to “blow away” anyone we saw trespassing on our areas of responsibility.
        Interestingly (to me, anyway) they gave us six rounds for our issued revolvers, which was three more than the Army issued me when I stood guard. And the Army told me to shoot three rounds in the air if I was in trouble and needed help. I guess I shouldn’t complain, that’s still two more than Barney Fife got, and we got to actually put the rounds in the gun.

      • Mason says:

        That video’s hard to watch. Everyone sounds like Charlie Brown’s teacher wearing those damn masks.

    • timactual says:

      “Security companies are eat up with guys like this.”

      Only worked a few months as a security guard, but I agree. Police wannabees, police usedtabees, and just plain nut cases. With guns. I still enjoyed the job, but the pay was crap. Managed to learn a few things, in spite of the company.

    • Carlton G Long says:

      He didn’t try to hand you 15 cents?

      A former neighbor of mine (whose license was perpetually suspended) once swore to several of us that handing a police officer 15 cents was guaranteed to get a person out of a ticket.

      I asked him why, with this knowledge at his disposal, his MVR was such a hot mess. He just mumbled “reverse discrimination” and something about having seduced numerous cops’ wives.

      Now I’m wondering if he was lying about having been a Marine Corps general at age 26 before quitting over the 2000 Presidential Election.

  16. Hack Stone says:

    If his Private Security gig dries up in Florida, he can head up to Tennessee and hitch his wagon to Ambassador Worldwide Protection Agency and Thomas “Turd” Bolling.

  17. 5JC says:

    I watched some of the videos and I am trying to figure out how he is still alive with all of his limbs attached. Based on the behavior he exhibits it seems very likely he is mentally ill and a danger to himself and others.

  18. MarineDad61 says:

    Fake CIA?
    Fake Kyle?
    Shipley just nailed a guy, really bad,
    bad enough to deserve his own VA/TAH article.
    The photoshop Smith is the kicker.

  19. MarineDad61 says:

    Now I remember why dopey DeWitte reminded me of Dinky.
    This is why.
    RIP Dinky.

  20. Hack Stone says:

    This guy captures Jeremy DeWitte’s career pretty well. Jeremy really should reach out to Ambassador Worldwide Protection Agency. He definitely is AWPA material.

  21. MSGRetired says:

    This guy is a Clown… No matter what he is told he just doesnt understand……

  22. Ex Coelis says:

    DeWitte should forget the rope and do everyone the favor of applying both hands to his neck and just choke himself to death. Can’t imagine being trapped in such a vile skin.

  23. rgr769 says:

    Jeremy was on Dr. Phil yesterday. Dr. Phil had had lie detector expert on his show with this douche canoe. The lie box man said a -5 rating shows deception. Jeremy had a -36 score on the questions he was asked about impersonating a police officer, which he continues to deny.