William Derek Church; the Round Ranger
I’ve been giggling like a little girl since I sent this guy to Mary a few weeks ago. He’s like “The Round Marine” and Paul Tillson rolled into one. But his name is William Derek Church (he goes by Derek Church) and these are pictures from his wedding, I guess. He’s on Facebook somewhere, but I can’t find him. You can tell he’s legit because he doesn’t care that his Ranger beret is dressed over the wrong eye, and he wears the full-sized Purple Heart on the wrong side of his uniform.
He’s a steely-eyed killer who can’t be bothered with details like getting his drawers tailored. Yes, that’s a Ranger scroll with no tab on left shoulder;
I almost didn’t bother to get his records, because he has 8TFU written all over him. but we got his records today. He spent about 18 months in the Natural Guard (don’t blame me, blame the NPRC) and over a month on active duty. But he made it to PFC.
And see how the Purple Heart is on the left of his other medals that he’s wearing wrong? Well, that’s because he remembered that the highest medals are supposed to go closest to your heart – but that only counts when you wear them on the left side of your uniform, dingus. It took me forever to disabuse privates of that notion when we got the Valorous Unit Citation to add to the Presidential Unit Citation. They kept trying to put the PUC to the left of the VUC. Privates suck, just ask this guy.
ADDED: Here’s his Facebook, by the way.
Added by Sporkmaster.
It seems that he has another friend who faking along side him, because he was “there”. Also I like how his friend threatens to send the 75th Ranger Battalion on people. As if.
Added by Sporkmaster
Also it seems that we are finding out more about him from his local community.
Category: Phony soldiers
Yeah, well, he promised in several earlier posts that he was done, but being a lying liar, it means nothing.
Just in case anyone wondered: there doesn’t seem to be any “William Derek Church” listed on AKO.
In fact, none of the six “William Church” listings on AKO have a middle name beginning with the letter “D”.
AKO accounts have been mandatory for all members of the Army since the 1990s – including the USAR and ARNG. And retirees are listed, too.
Someone who was medically retired in 2006 would indeed be listed there.
Wow Derek. You really stepped in the shit here when you could have let it go, fixed it and been done with it. I figure there is some big family pressure on you about now and that is why you are hanging on to this BS by your fingernails. Has the wife called a divorce attorney yet? That what it is? I mean, local sheriff’s office, NCNG, Charlotte office of FBI. Man you are really making the big time in RECORD time! You know Derek, we have heart here. No seriously man, we really, really do. We can take an apology and coming clean with the truth as quickly as any bunch of folks. But you have kind of spent your last dime here and the meter is now running out. Good luck with all this going forward.
You guys have it all wrong. He went into Iraq BEFORE the rest of the troops. His mission was SO secret, he didn’t even know he was there until after he left.
What is a SSGT in the US Army?
The closest I got through the Interweb was:
Schema Subset Generation Tool (SSGT)
So in honor of Fat Boyee Church I renamed it:
Schegma Subset Generation Tool (SSGT).
@#252:
That would be correct on the fiscal as opposed to calendar year. As a member of a group that supports a Ranger Training Battalion, I have been able to learn that.
When I was offered a “shot at Ranger School”, my young ass was busy chasing the bar girls in Hopkinsville, and I “didn’t have time for that”.
“Deployed to Iraq; Boots on Ground 20 Sept 2001- March 2003?
Thanks Hollywood. They have single handedly made idiots think it is plausible to pull a guy (who says he was discharged because of mental problems 5 years prior) off the street and send them into a foreign country a scant 9 days after 9-11 attacks. Guess 8 days is all they need to train you to be some super secret killer who it is important for national security, and necessary to be in Iraq 2 years before everyone else? Newsflash clown that DOES.NOT.HAPPEN. You couldn’t be trained to find your own pecker in 8 days let alone infiltrate a sovereign nation. You have to be insane to believe the bull you are selling.
@258
He didn’t know he was there until the sun came up and the blindfold came off!!!
OK guys.
Jonn has the REAL CLASS picture, it will turn this thread upside down!
Sorry to tell you guys this!
Hopefully, Jonn will get it posted so we can all see for ouselves!
@244… You owe me a monitor. LMFAO!
Derek Church, are you familiar with the saying “If you can’t run with the big dogs, stay on the porch!”. You’ve been mauled, and it will only get worse as you continue to prod us, you’re like a teacup toy poodle screwing with German Shepherds, Great Pyreneeses, and Rottweilers!
Oh, and like the Old Farmer said, “If you find yourself in a hole, the best thing you can do is stop digging.”, and you’re still digging at full throttle!
I wonder what color jump suit he will get this time working for the NC DOC ??
@236: He claimed TBI, Sparks, so he’s getting around to it.
@233: Yeah, you do have to answer to us, you moron. You show up in public in a uniform that I, and many others, have worn and it looks like Joe Blow the Rag Man put it together. THAT is what you have to answer for. THAT is what got your nuts in the vise. Then, you go full retard with the threats in #73 and I say, I’m your huckleberry. It’s not the first time I’ve been threatened with bodily harm on this website and it probably won’t be the last. You can’t invite someone to come to your home and then threaten to kill them if they show up; that’s a crime, even in North Carolina.
Now, I really believe that you believe you are SSG Church, Ranger, Death Dealer, Sniper, and all around Badass, but the records tell a much different story. You still haven’t squared your timeline, but tell us it’s fine, when everyone and their dog in the joint knows it’s not “fine”.
Do yourself a favor and come clean, apologize, and then go away.
@261: There WAS a guy who could have pulled off a single-man infiltration into Iraq nine days after 9/11, but his name would have been Derek FLINT, not this derek dumbass…
Okay Derek, I’ll take the weed approach.
I love ya man, no, no, I mean I really love ya man. Let’s get our asses on over to the “Darby Queen” and knock back a couple of double meat burgers and wash it down with two, three banana splits. Hee, hee, hee. I crack myself up Derek, don’t you? This is some GOOD shit man! Here, ya want another blast? Hey, Hey…wait I’ll shotgun ya man! Comon’ I’ll like, uh, what is it, uh…drive, that’s it man I’ll DRIVE. Cool, way cool. I love those double meat burgers man! You know…uh…I love ya man. I say that already? Don’t Bogart that you fat ass! Hand it over here, man!
Wow, like…really really wow.
@ 266
They have a lovely burnt orange jumpsuit for most of our “guest workers” here in North Kackalacky!!
@244…Gotdamn it…..That is some FUNNY SHIT THERE.
/pissed off *I* didn’t think of it.
//Starts the slow *golf clap*
http://assets0.ordienetworks.com/images/GifGuide/clapping/citizen_cane.gif
@246: That’s some high speed shit right there.
I’m not sure why he’s calling a Ranger School class photo his “Ranger Battalion” photo.
I’m piecing this together from all the hot air coming out of BSPlenty, every time he posts, plus other stuff, too.
He has an alter ego named William Chamberlin, who has a Facebook page where he befriends younger girls – MUCH younger girls, if I understand it correctly. He has the usual Walter Mitty chairborned worm complex that lets him live in his fantasy world, which includes getting dates of stuff all wrong so that he gets caught with his pants hanging (not down – don’t want to go there!) and hides behind his wife’s name as an alias so that he can ‘defend’ hisself, like the coward that he is.
When I see a list of exploits like the one he posted @163 above, I keep thinking of those shelves and shelves at the bookstores loaded with fan fiction for Star Trek and Star Wars, and I realize that nobody can have as many adventures as Captain Kirk and Luke Skywalker have foisted on them by adoring fans, and still live to tell the tale.
So, in fact, we are in the presence of someone who not only has Dullas Whipitnflogit’s braindead mentality and inabiltiy to support his own claims – which are mostly air, anyway. We also have someone who has pulled a wickre, let us know what a coward he is by using his invisible friend and his wife as aliases, and who is so fascinated with his own attention-seeking behavior that he just keeps coming on back for more.
AS TO, AS TO, AS TO!!!!
Like I said, if you’re going to tell stories, you start with ‘No shit, I was there….’
As is not unusual with these turds…once again…his sense of self preservation outweighs (no pun intended) his concern for Kiaya and the kids.
He would rather to continue to jeopardize their future well being, shame and ridicule in Lenoir…by not only continuing to lie..but making it worse every time he opens his pie hole
Than to simply be a man and tell the truth
Shows what kind of character he has…and makes one wonder what else he is up to
Putting BS on your FB page is one thing….creating false facebook friends to lend credibility to your BS page…AND fooling your spouse into believing they are real people…that is a whole new level of scumbaggery…
Like I said..I’d keep him away from the kids and the bank account
I love this thread! This is the best one we’ve had in quite some time. I get up to go take a…Number 1 and come back to 10 posts!
Does anyone know William Chamberlin’s Facebook address?
@274… it is “No shit, there I was… knee deep in grenade pins and spent brass sipping on my iced coffeee…”
“There I was” as opposed to “I was there”
@276- it’s here: https://www.facebook.com/willchamberlin12
@Sparks
https://www.facebook.com/willchamberlin12
Never mind…I found it.
I have it! He’s a ‘wondermuffin’.
I wonder if Church met his wife on facebutt and regaled her with tales of his daring do and that’s who she fell in love with? now we are threatening his carefully (not) crafted lie. Let’s face it, people pose on this level of retardation for three things, to bask in the adulation of strangers,for money, or for women.
rb325th: some versions substitute “two against (some large number) . . . . ” for the “sipping on my iced coffee. . . . ” (smile)
Thanks guys anyway.
You know, Panama, Iraq (pre-war), Afghanistan…the only place this guy hasn’t claimed is Mexico with Pike and “The Wild Bunch”!
The Army uses SSG as the abbreviation for Staff Sergeant, not SSGT.
Ex-PH2: more like a “nuthinmuffin”. With extra nuts.
Sparks just wants to see some JB
“In Panama for the ‘war on drugs'”. Hmmm. Wonder if he and Shane know one another?
Hondo, I remember Bob Hope in the movie saying, “it was three against a thousand”.
@rb325th, there are variations on it. I have several: ‘this is no shit’, ‘no shit, there I was’, ‘no shit, I was there, I saw it happen’, etc., It depends on what the story is and who is telling it.
@ Hondo
That’s it! We need to track Ladner down and see if these two will confirm each other’s stories
You know this motherf*cker is sitting at home right now, sweating his ass off…reading these comments…wondering how the f*ck he is going to get out of this mess…
Sparks: that works too, amigo. Sometimes there’s a
conspiracygroup of more than two involved in telling theliewar story. (smile)Yeah, he’s now carefully guarding that FB page so that you can’t see it unless you’re signed in. He really IS afraid of being found out, but it’s already happened. Now it’s just sorting out the BS from Plenty.
And apologies to B.O. Plenty, who was Sparkle Plenty’s father.
@287 Love ya man!
@163 “War on Drugs”? What am I missing? I suppose Operation Just Cause was part of the war on drugs but it started in December of 1989 and ended in January 1990. Operation Promote Liberty started in 1990 and ended in September 1994.
Don’t most vets say they were in, at, or aboard Operation this or that?
Also, ANG usually means Air National Guard.
Ex-PH2: the way his story stinks, maybe “BO Plenty” is an appropriate nickname for this tool. (smile)
Dennis: I don’t think this guy’s elevator quite makes it to the penthouse, if ya catch my drift.
Looks like he forgot a page. I’m certain this is the same poser. His friends are the same as the deleted page.
https://www.facebook.com/william.d.church?fref=ts
Famous Quotes:
“My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.”
Winston Churchill
“My most brilliant achievements were crafting a totally ficticious military career, blundering through life looking for a weak woman to marry, and subsequently my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.”
William Derek Church
And BINGO was his Name-o.
How about a “Church Derek”
https://www.facebook.com/william.d.church
Just picked this one out. Found it at his “currently deployed” Friend Will Chamberlain’s page. Imagine that.
Get on over and grab a few screencaps before it gets shut down.
We’re already down to the “I know what I did and the facts aren’t going to confuse me” phase. This guy moves fast given his girth. I love this thread!!!
Not for nothing, but regarding Mrs Church. For as educated as you say you are, you sure can’t string together any intelligent comments. I guess capitalization, spell check, and punctuation weren’t taught at the schools you attended.
I wonder if his wife is prepared to sacrifice a leg for his phoniness like Shane Ladner’s wife did.
Just think Ms Church, just to help him perpetuate a lie, you too could find yourself in a position, to be on a flatbed trailer hit by a fast freight train.
I am sure that Shane Ladner’s wife didn’t think of that possibility when she chose to “stand by her man” through lies thick and thin.
What say you, Mrs Church?
@Pam
Awwwww…that hurt. Really. Are you another of Derek’s sock puppet relatives?
If you will notice…several of here have nothing but pity for Kiaya.
You should start by helping her to see the light.
If you will read through the pages of this blog…you will readily see that rarely do these guys pull this BS in a vacuum. It almost ALWAYS come part and parcel with other nefarious activity.