William Derek Church; the Round Ranger
I’ve been giggling like a little girl since I sent this guy to Mary a few weeks ago. He’s like “The Round Marine” and Paul Tillson rolled into one. But his name is William Derek Church (he goes by Derek Church) and these are pictures from his wedding, I guess. He’s on Facebook somewhere, but I can’t find him. You can tell he’s legit because he doesn’t care that his Ranger beret is dressed over the wrong eye, and he wears the full-sized Purple Heart on the wrong side of his uniform.
He’s a steely-eyed killer who can’t be bothered with details like getting his drawers tailored. Yes, that’s a Ranger scroll with no tab on left shoulder;
I almost didn’t bother to get his records, because he has 8TFU written all over him. but we got his records today. He spent about 18 months in the Natural Guard (don’t blame me, blame the NPRC) and over a month on active duty. But he made it to PFC.
And see how the Purple Heart is on the left of his other medals that he’s wearing wrong? Well, that’s because he remembered that the highest medals are supposed to go closest to your heart – but that only counts when you wear them on the left side of your uniform, dingus. It took me forever to disabuse privates of that notion when we got the Valorous Unit Citation to add to the Presidential Unit Citation. They kept trying to put the PUC to the left of the VUC. Privates suck, just ask this guy.
ADDED: Here’s his Facebook, by the way.
Added by Sporkmaster.
It seems that he has another friend who faking along side him, because he was “there”. Also I like how his friend threatens to send the 75th Ranger Battalion on people. As if.
Added by Sporkmaster
Also it seems that we are finding out more about him from his local community.
Category: Phony soldiers
He’s probably in hiding.
In those Army blues, he might appear to be a blue whale.
The Japanese have not given up whaling, you know. It’s that season.
It’s obvious that William Derek Church the Round ranger is only sorry he got caught!! If hr meant what he/it said, he’d have met up with someone or given a legit answer as to where he dropped off his yoo-nee-ferm’s!!
Checking,… NOPE! my Giveadamnometer still registers ZERO!!
Oh, CURCHEEBOIEE! WILLIAM DEREK CHURCH, LISTEN UP!!!
I did mean to add that, if you plan to send the 75th Rangers to my house, please let me know what day and time, so that I can have enough food and drink on hand to welcome them.
I’m a good hostess. I treat my guests well. I’m always happy to have the Rangers, the SEALs, the WHATEVERS over because I know they won’t wreck the furniture or leave marks on the floor. They also help with the dishes.
I aint buying anything that comes out of that fat asses mouth. Name of the Surplus store and their contact information. That “store” better be verifiable too.
William Derek Church is so fat, during a recent visit to the dentist, he was refused service due to “an excessive and inordinate amount face and neck fat that would have drastically impacted the quality and effectiveness of basic care.”
He was given a 10% discount ticket for the local bait shop and sent on his way!
You have to wonder what “surplus store” means in their world. Is that Goodwill? Sam’s? Who knows.
I think it’s understood that his “apology” and him turning in the uniforms are complete bullshit. I’m going to call the surplus stores here in a minute, but Im almost positive what they’re going to say. If we can’t get anything else out of Church, I’d at least like to gain positive control of the purple heart.
USMC CWO – Any chance you could make that happen?
@1217 – he said surplus store so other veterans could get it cheap if they needed it. That to me says Army Surplus. Then again, he’s so fuckin dumb he might have dropped it off at a JC Penney’s. But I’m betting minutes to memories it’s still in his closet. He’s like Gollum with the ring. My precioussssssss. Hahaha!
No surplus store within 30 miles of him has received any ASU/dress blue Army uniform donations in the last month, let alone yesterday. By the way, just like I said, they were all closed yesterday too, so there’s no way he dropped them off then.
It’s so fucking on, fat ass.
Wow, fat-assed church lied about turning in his stuff…it’s like he’s a liar or something…(sarc)
Why Derrick….WHY!!!!!
Oh wait, I know, cause you are a lying sack of shit valor thieving wannabe fuckstain!!!!
Derek Church, yesterday I made an impassioned and kind hearted plea for you to do the right thing. Just one thing, name the store. It is obvious now you are still the liar you have always been. Your apology, or attempt there of, is off my table now. You are back in the shitter in my book where you belong. The war is now ON. You were losing before, now you will be completely and utterly defeated.
@1220 Thank E-6 for making the calls.
@1207 Thanks USMC CWO for taking your time to show up there to help.
@1220 E-6 type, 1 ea – I was willing to give this fool some grace, but he appears to be stuck on stupid.
USMC CWO – Thanks for the effort.
Just An Old Dog – He made his bed, now let him sleep in it. And Donkey Kong it is …
@1214 EX-PH2 – You let me know if any of those groups show up at yor place,I’m house broken also. Sorta.
@1188 68W58 – If you want some help with the printing cost of the posters let me know. I’ll call a local place close to you and order a few myself. I’m not close enough to offer any other help.
I wish we could get a few posters for the other posers. I’d be willing to plaster Central Florida with any and all that apply to this area. But I’m not smart enough nor have the ability to create them myself. I do however have lots of tape and time. Plus a winning personality that would convince shopkeepers to allow me to hang said posters.
Disclaimer – Alright I might have been fibbing about the personality thing but I do have a southern accent and can cry on demand. If that fails I’ve got a bit of a temper. So we’re covered.
He just posted on Lenoir topix
This is what was posted (assuming it was him):
William Derek Church
Lenoir, NC
#98
19 min ago
I made a mistake, and I am sorry. Please tell me what I can do to set things right.
OK … Turn over all the uniform items to a TAH representative and I will stopp with the fat and dumb jokes.
I don’t know about anyone else!
Consider yourself lucky … if you turned those items over to me, I would be marching straight to the nearest LE agency with jurisdiction and insisting on an full investigation.
He still hasn’t admitted he’s a lair.
@1228 Master Chief I responded to him AGAIN at Lenoir Topix, exactly what he has to do. This guy is posing being dumber than he is…and that is pretty dumb to start out with. He will NEVER learn.
Yeah, what a joke!
“I made a mistake, and I am sorry. Please tell me what I can do to set things right.”
First, William Derek Church did not make “a mistake.” He made a series of mistakes; committed violations of law; dishonored this country, her veterans, and his own, albeit brief, military service; and underestimated the effect all this has on the veteran community. Since William Derek Church brought the Lord into the conversation and claims to be all churchy and stuff, we should also point out that he willfully violated several of the Ten Commandments in the process of seeking internet infamy.
Second, it may go without saying that William Derek Church is dumber than a rock or he would not have done any of this in the first place, but exactly how many times and in how many ways can “…what I can do to make things right.” be stated?
Third, so we are to believe that was actually posted by William Derek Church? What, did he suddenly find spellcheck and took a quicky course in the use of the English language?
Note to William Derek Church: You really, really, REALLY need man up, and grow up. Sending others in to save your sorry ass just isn’t cutting it. Actually, following your apparent lifelong habit of allowing everyone else to take care of all your needs and wants only makes this particular situation much worse than it should be.
Looking at his “apologies” and his wife’s post, I have to agree with someone on the Topics page. He did not write all of it. The first one is a bumbling attempt at writing but then suddenly half way through one everything is spelled correctly and bigger words are used. Either his wife tried to make it appear that he was writing it and then forgot who she was writing as, or she walked in on him attempting to type with his dick felt sorry for the poor machine and took over. Since it’s been proven he has lied about “donating” the uniforms, I’d be shocked if anything from him was the truth. So far the only language he seems proficient in is lies and fat.
I just posted this on the Topix page, I hope the conditions set forth are agreeable to everyone..
William Derek Church, you really are that stupid. You couldnt follow previous instructions so here are a new set for you to follow.
1. Deliver all Military Uniforms, awards, decorations, medals and anything else that resembles military attire including pin on SSG rank and anything with military patchs on it to your Wifes Cousin’s Wife. No other way this is going to work, so she can post a picture of the received items.
2. You have taken down your Facebook with the SsgtSniper tag so create a New Facebook with your name and no military type tag lines. Post a Detailed Apology for your deceptions outline each claim you have made being a Lie.
3. Post on TAH a full detailed Apology as above.
Do NOT Complete 2 or 3 Until 1 has been completed and verified.
I believe these instructions will satisfy everyone involved. The Bull Crap needs to stop and STOP Now. 1 more lie and this will never stop, you will be a Target for ever, and the daily ridicule will NEVER STOP !
The wifes cousin is MPSSG and his wife I believe is ArmyWife ..
@MSGRetired – I told him to drop it off at a NG Armory r with the local legion or VFW and then post which one. I’m fine with whatever as long he doesn’t have it anymore, and we can verify that he doesn’t have it. I’m more concerned about the Purple Heart than anything else. That needs to be accounted for. I told him he had 24 hours, which just happened to be exactly noon eastern time.
@ 1234 MSGRetired.
William Derek Church is so fat and dumb, he probably believes post # 1234 is a recipe and he is at home cooking the uniform items and getting ready to eat them!
@1236
The guy looks like a sloth. I can’t imagine him moving that fast.
Fuck this guy, I was willing to accept his rather weak-ass apology for the sake of the family members he drug into this. Then he lies again about what he did with his uniform. You are an unorganized, spastic, lying piece of amphimbian shit.
May Karma bite you in your fat, pimply ass. I hope that young naive kid you married comes to her senses and leaves you for a man who actually works for a living and doesnt sit on his ass like you do.
I hope your parents disown you and your kids grow up, see what a piece of shit you are, change their last name and never see you.
I want you to suffer through a long incurable disease that makes you unable to speak as bed sores and abcesses wreck your flaby useless body and eat away your flacid testicles and useless shrimp-like penis.
I hope you die alone, in terrible pain in some shacke ot trailor and the only way you are discovered is because of the stench of your rancid corpse reaches 1/2 mile to the nieghbors house.
When the coronor arrives I hope rats and insects have consumed your hog-face to the bone and they have to burn your shack with you in it to prevent the spread of disease.
There will be no memorial service for you because your kids wil be in other states and wont care and both your ex wifes will celebrate that they dont have to hear anymore bullshit from you.
Last but not least I hope the area where your corpse was burned becomes the site of a pig farm, and pigs root around and shit on your remains for years.
Good to see that you have joined us, OD!
Well, except for the part of hanging on to the wife being a victim part. She was screwing around with this clown while her husband was deployed. I can’t quite give her any sympathy now for reaping what she sowed.
His parents are supposed to be good people, as are his wife’s family. Thats who outted him, Shes no gem, but she won’t ever get her shit together by hanging on to this asshole. She would be better off trolling for a man at the local tructstop.
@1242.
That would be tough.
Church is already “working” that territory.
Green Thumb,
All she needs to do is set up a date between Donut boy and Psul ( of the ballsack).
They would betoo busy trying to find each others shriveled penises under the folds of fat to bother trolling truckstops for at least a month.
I would be happy to meet Mr. Church anywhere to take custody of the uniform items but especially the Purple Heart. I will take pictures of the items and post them as evidence of his compliance with the requests on this site.
I will not harm you Mr. Church. I will meet you in a mutual safe location of your choosing.
Just let me know when and where.
I will burry the PH at the grave of SSgt Jason Ramseyer USMC. This local Marine from Mr. Church’s community gave his life in Al Anbar Province on April 20th 2006.
Semper Fi
Hey, leave Willy alone! I can vouch for him & his sealed records! We were in the brig together when this Army Major (looked a lot like Lee Marvin) came and get me, Willy and 10 others sprung. We were trained for a secret mission behind german lines and….wait a sec…no, yeah…no…that wasn’t us……nevermind….
I’m definitely not derek wife. Shew. I do know them, like I said not by choice. I am a very close friend to SPC Beheler. He’s getting a kick out of all of this by the way. Yes I know all details and if anyone has questions I will answer them. I’ve followed the page since day one but didn’t feel I needed to post until I felt it was the right thing to do. Yes kiaya left SPC Beheler for that tub of lard. Yes she blames her ex. She is a spoiled rotten brat who gets everything she wants. They don’t pay for anything they have. Derek takes his bills to his mommy as well as kiaya. SPC Behelers child support pays for a lot of it. SPC Beheler is a great man who served his country and would still be doing it but the Lord had other plans in place. Yes kiaya married him because she thought he would never come back from overseas. All it was was money for her. He payed for her schooling (which she doesn’t have but only a certificate for medical assistant no associates degree so yes she lies too) he allowed her to stay home with the children while be busted his ass. She uses it against him till this day. He loves his kids with everything he is. Yes he is engaged again and yes he is very happy. She treats him well and they are honestly as happy as can be.ad for derek he is a low life pos. And karma is catching up quickly. And yes that is their home and yes it is a dump. They are to lazy to clean. They don’t feed the kids they have to fend for themselves. If the kids need to get up at night and potty they are yelled at. Derek has spit in so many vets faces I don’t think this will ever go away. I hope and pray he lives with this for the rest of his life. Kiaya is just as guilty as he is. Especially trying… Read more »
@armywife
We have been nothing respectful for SPC Beheler. We believed he dodged a huge bullet! Tell him we said hello and Karma is a BITCH! LOL
I cannot fathom PFC Church stealing anyone’s wife. I mean, he is at least 15 years older than her and truthfully he is morbidly obese.
So one of the “National certifications” she has is of a medical assistant?
WTF! There are many Doctors and Nurses I have met on this website (Me included).
I have a few questions for you
1. Does the general community know in Lenoir about this?
2. Do Derek’s parents know of this deceit?
3. Has he still be wearing that costume hat with the SSG Rank and 82nd patch?
4. Do you know of any further avenues of approach we can use to either retrieve the uniforms/medals or embarrass PFC Church in that community?
5. Derek came here and ran his mouth saying that he was going to “Bury us where we stood” and made threats about kicking our asses. Is like that in real life?
I can’t imagine anyone feeling threatened by someone as morbidly obese as him. I hope SPC Beheler didn’t have to put up with that crap.
Thanks for the insight!
This whole thing could have been over… had we taken possession of the medals and uniforms.
Turn them in now and we will stop!
Speaking of which, I noticed someone here got Gregory Charles Banks on the local news.
Can this same approach be taken with William Derek Church?
Let’s get him on the local news!
You mean she didn’t marry Derek for his svelte, sun-bronzed, God like body? Color Me shocked. If she is an opportunist she will dump his fat ass eventually, there is absolutely nothing he can give her that a 20 something cant give her, plus he probably suffers from severe erectile dysfunction.
It’s just a matter of time before their marriage ends.
Think about it. Their wedding photos show him in a costume of lies. No woman can forget about that. Everytime she thinks about her wedding.. she will remember the deceit!
Sorry I messed up. She is a certified clinical medical assistant.
1. People at the fire department are aware. He was kicked off of the fire department for a year ago for lying about his military background and we’ll as breaking up their marriage. He is not a paramedic nor emt. He wishes but does also play dress up with those clothes as well. Not many people are aware. But the poster sure did help the community does need to be aware.
2. No his parents don’t know but from what everyone says is derek takes stacks of bills to his mom to church so they support him. His parents are very sweet people and his dad has worked hard his whole life.
3.yes he still wears the hat. I’ve seen him out and about. Kiaya also wears the pins and patches on her pocketbook. Speaking of uniforms it’s disgraceful that he still wears the fire department stuff when he was kicked off. Just saying.
4. No derek is a puss and will not confront you in person about this anyways. If anything his wife will.
5. Yes. He is a BOY who isn’t fearful of hurting people. Not going into details so don’t ask but he is involved in several investigations in the area. Dss has been made aware by a lot of people in the community of the concerns that they have of the treatment of all the children. And there are a lot of concerns. And yes SPC Beheler deals with his mouth on a daily basis but trust and believe all hell would break lose if it was to be found out that those kids have been hurt and he has been told.
@1247 Army Wife
A big THANK YOU to your husband MPSSG for his service AND for turning in this POS.
Thank you to SPC Beheler for his service and a fervent hope that he will get custody of his children after all this crap. William Derek Church’s Facebook friendships with young girls creeps me out.
SPC Beheler did not dodge a bullet when kiaya took up with fat-boy, he dodged an 8-inch artillery round…
Sure hope that his posing as a firefighter is also being investigated. There are laws (in some cases much more severe than for stolen valor) against such things.
His new Facebook is bill n Louise church….you didn’t get it from me lol
Not to say that his parents are anything but nice people, but they have to know that he is worthless if they are paying his bills. And have been for a while. They may not be aware of the full extent of his crimes, frauds, and whatever else he either is or is not doing. But they will be aware of it all very soon. He cannot hide the truth from them forever.
Sounds like both sets of parents are enabling this mess big time. But this is not about them. It’s about the fraud William Derek Church. He made this mess for himself and his family. He is responsible for all of it.
@1254, CH, more like a round from a 16 inch Naval Gun or a Tomohawk!
http://youtu.be/XT5jo7aZzTw?t=33s
^^ This. This is what he dodged.
William Derek Church will be starting his internship at All Points Logistics before you know it. But first, he needs to be measured for his custom made spandex suit.
William Derek Church will be posted a sincere apology shortly. He is just waiting for the counter to run up to 1369, because we all know that he is an unlucky…….. Do I really need to finish my comment?