William Derek Church; the Round Ranger
I’ve been giggling like a little girl since I sent this guy to Mary a few weeks ago. He’s like “The Round Marine” and Paul Tillson rolled into one. But his name is William Derek Church (he goes by Derek Church) and these are pictures from his wedding, I guess. He’s on Facebook somewhere, but I can’t find him. You can tell he’s legit because he doesn’t care that his Ranger beret is dressed over the wrong eye, and he wears the full-sized Purple Heart on the wrong side of his uniform.
He’s a steely-eyed killer who can’t be bothered with details like getting his drawers tailored. Yes, that’s a Ranger scroll with no tab on left shoulder;
I almost didn’t bother to get his records, because he has 8TFU written all over him. but we got his records today. He spent about 18 months in the Natural Guard (don’t blame me, blame the NPRC) and over a month on active duty. But he made it to PFC.
And see how the Purple Heart is on the left of his other medals that he’s wearing wrong? Well, that’s because he remembered that the highest medals are supposed to go closest to your heart – but that only counts when you wear them on the left side of your uniform, dingus. It took me forever to disabuse privates of that notion when we got the Valorous Unit Citation to add to the Presidential Unit Citation. They kept trying to put the PUC to the left of the VUC. Privates suck, just ask this guy.
ADDED: Here’s his Facebook, by the way.
Added by Sporkmaster.
It seems that he has another friend who faking along side him, because he was “there”. Also I like how his friend threatens to send the 75th Ranger Battalion on people. As if.
Added by Sporkmaster
Also it seems that we are finding out more about him from his local community.
Category: Phony soldiers
@1158 – a *lot* of grief. Brain cramp.
@1158 part II: if he had owned up to his deception *from the beginning*. Post-lunch stupor. I need a nap.
I have turned them over to a surplus store here in my community so that other veterans if needed can get them for reasonable prices. Once again no money was obtained. I just wanted rid of it.
You can rest assured this will NEVER EVER happen again. I’m going to do the best I can to make my relationship work and I cannot go back to any of these ways an do that as well. God’s forgiveness is divine and I have found solace there with him. I’m truly changing into a man that deserves the wife I have and the wonderful children that love me. I’m going to be all I can for my God, my spouse, and my children; because they deserve the best of me. I have replaced the uniform with a black suit for occasions that call for it. This is over, I am done with all of this, I owe you nothing more. You have gotten a sincere in depth apology and that should be plenty enough. I now have earned my privacy, my right to move on, and my chance to start over.
Which surplus store? There are five in the area and I want to call them and check. Of course, it wouldn’t be hard to check all five.
You have earned absolutely nothing, you idiot! You disgrace this country and her veterans and come here demanding what we do in reaction to your lunacy?
Nope. Not good enough. Only time will tell if any part of what you said was sincere. You had no right to demand anything from us when you began all this and you have no right to demand anything from us now.
You have obviously learned nothing from this experience. There is always hope that you might some day but it doesn’t look like that is going to happen today.
@1162—I don’t suppose you documented this purchase by any chance, did you? Oh, and even if you did, Jonn isn’t taking any of this down, as he should.
Follow up—photocopy us the receipt of the transaction.
I’m guessing his “apology” (I use that term loosely right now) has a whole lot to do with what was said by his wife’s cousin in #1158. I’ll give the dude a lot of credit (SSG Keyes, not William Derek Church the Round Ranger [BING]), if my cousin married a stolen valor fuck like Church, their wedding would have been one for the record books (or at least YouTube, haha). Props to you man, but make sure the whole family knows what a lying sack of worthless monkey shit she married.
William Derek Church the Round Ranger (take THAT, Metacrawler!) – What’s the name of the surplus store you turned your uniforms over to?
Couple other questions for William Derek Church:
How come you’re friends with so many junior high and high school girls on Facebook?
Why haven’t you had a job in seven years?
How did you get so fat being unemployed? I was unemployed and broke for 3 months and lost 15 pounds, what’s your secret?
I am all for accepting his apology and moving on. We accomplished the mission. He apologized and I’m sure the uniform will not be part of his wardrobe anytime soon.
The man has some issues, and he needs to get his stuff together. Continuing to monkey-stomp him when he is down isn’t going to do anygood.
Im glad he stepped up and took the blame, and admitted that he dragged his wife into it with him. He has a lot of work to do building her trust back.
I don’t wish any more stress on his family and hope he has learned his lesson. I hope he gets some sort of help, Taking the resonsiblity is the first step.
Get better William Ward Church, good lucj to you and your family.
William Derek Church : For the sake of your wife, children, parents, and most of all, your immortal soul, I hope what you have just posted here is accurate and true.
Looking for verification of turning over the uniform and accoutrements to the surplus store, and that the Facebook pages are gone. Then I’m done with this.
@1169 – I want to believe that, but half of me is thinking he’s giving us lip service so we’ll leave him alone. If I can get confirmation the ASU’s have been given away, I’ll be good. His penchant for telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth leaves a LOT to be desired.
You guys are appalling. Is it really any of you business how I gained weight or why I’ve been unemployed? Your problem was with the lie I told. Stay out of my personal affairs. No when you donate something you don’t have to get a receipt and I didn’t because I did not want to take it off on my taxes. My name is not anywhere, your free to call and check… I could careless. I folded it, bagged it, and donated it. As far as the facebook thing I know all of those girls/women. I am not the pedophile you are trying to make me out to be. It’s a facebook page which is no longer in existence and I have no use for facebook anymore anyway. God you people are relentless, your not going to be happy, nothing I say will make you happy or get you to stop. So I’m done with the discussion. I’ve done my part…I owe you nothing else. I’m out.
It’s not our fault that you came up on our screen, Church. Yeah, we’re relentless. Remember that. Tell your friends. You were pretty relentless when you were clinging to your lies, too. Want to go over your text messages to me again?
Just tell us the name of the store you dropped the uniform off at, and we’re done. I’m pretty sure yours will be the only set of ASU’s that got dropped off today.
Old dog: While I completely agree with you in theory, what he just did was make a half-assed attempt to deflect responsibility. Not quite the same as mending his ways and moving on. Only time will tell if he ever decides to grow up and man up.
I know it’s hard to let go off this guy fellows, because its hard to accept that he is genuine, but lets take a deep breath and see what happens. We have other phonies popping up like wack a moles.
Church is down for the count. We have an apology. We can debate how genuine it is all day. Continuing to kick his teeth in isnt going to get any better results.’
I don’t really care where the uniform is as long as her never tries to say he earned it.
@1169 Old Dog: I agree with your well reasoned post. If he pops up again, then Xin Loi. Until then, there are more fish to fry.
Jonn – I did it. I called the two closest surplus stores; Berndt’s in Hickory, NC, and Catawba in Maiden, NC. The first didn’t pick up, and at Catawba’s, I got a voice mail, so I looked at their website, and they’re closed on Sunday. I’d be willing to bet that Berndt’s is closed as well.
So that begs the question: what was the name of the store you dropped your uniform off at?The two Army Surplus stores closest to you are closed on Sunday.
How’s that for relentless?
@1176 Old Dog I have to say I am with you on this one. I do accept his “apology” albeit with a grain of salt or three. But I am leary. I still have one thing that nags my mind…the uniform. I will put that concern in my next post addressed to Derek Church.
Derek Church,
The uniform you donated to a surplus store and the medals associated with it was a good idea. However I have to believe as small as your community is, that you know which one you gave it to. As well, the uniform you gave them is unique to what is usually found in small surplus stores and would stand out. I will implore you to please write here which store you gave it to. I am sure even if you left it in a bag they would remember a bag with a dress uniform and those medals inside being just left. Surplus store owners are pretty sharp about their inventory. Especially something like that being “left” there. This is assuming you dropped it off with no conversations at all with the owner or clerk. So again, I would highly encourage you to simply save everyone the time and name the store you gave it to. It can then be easily confirmed. It will go a long way to people here in accepting your word at face value. Short of that Mr. Church, it simply sounds like another lie to cover an older lie. This is not rocket science, it is simple truth of the name of the store you donated to. I again, encourage you to take the further step toward honesty and integrity by being forthcoming about the uniform’s donation. Do yourself an easy and simple favor here Mr. Church. It will go a long ways in my mind towards the validity of your apology. I say again, please help yourself here. No one else can.
Here’s what’s gonna happen. I’m going to call every Army Surplus store within 20 miles of Lenoir, NC tomorrow. There’s only 5, so it won’t take long. I wonder if any of those stores will tell me that a set of XXXXXXXXL ASU’s have been anonymously donated. I doubt it, but I guess we’ll see, won’t we! Tune in tomorrow folks, for what COULD be the grand finale.
You could save me at least a little bit of time, and tell me what store you dropped them off at. I’m still going to call to confirm, don’t you worry your big head about that!
Mr. Church, you still have mot acknowledged that you did not do any of the things you claimed….. that is the rub.
@1181 E-6 type, 1 ea…I am afraid you will find the truth about this and it will be another lie, yet again, from William Derek Church. His silence to my appeal in post #1180 is deafening. I imagine next we will here that he decided to burn it in the barbeque instead but didn’t want to tell us that. Or some such other crap.
The guy comes on here looking for sympathy in the form of an almost demanded, acceptance of his apology. To take all he wrote at face value, no questions asked. However it was Church who brought up how he disposed of the uniform. (Personally Church I would have opted for the barbeque thingie but you said “surplus store”.) Which brought up a whole other set of questions.
He can’t expect folks to take him at face value because as he himself wrote, trust is a delicate thing, easily broken and hard to repair.
So, E-6 one of a few things will happen. Nothing at all and no response from Church. Or next you will find out the truth from the surplus stores tomorrow. Or…tomorrow morning at zero dark thirty there will be a guy standing outside a local surplus store with sack under his arm, pacing and tapping his toes while he waits for them to open. Hoping against hope, if he hears their phone ring inside that he can toss that darned bag in as fast and far as he can heave it, then beat feet before the owner can even say, “hey buddy lemme’ grab that phone real quick and I’ll be right with you”.
Derek you aren’t helping yourself here. You won’t accept an offer of good advice from my post #1180. This is my last appeal for Church to do the right thing and tell the truth and the whole truth about the uniform. Otherwise, I will not accept his apology and he will remain the small man in my mind he has been all along. Despite whether this thread dies out or not. Again it’s up to you Derek Church.
I had posted 3 things for him to do on the Lenoir Topix site. He failed to follow the instructions. I am sure if Jonn received an e-mail from one of the three places he was instructed to turn in the uniforms we would have heard.
The second thing was to delete the facebook page with the Ssgtsniper tag line remove all photos of him wearing military attire and third post a public apology outlining his lies on his facebook page. Still hasn’t Happened. His above comment is a half hearted attempt to get us off his back. Not sure if my conversations with the NC Army Guard had anything to do with it but I hope it did.
I’ll be waiting on some type of confirmation about the uniforms especially the Purple Heart Medal, and for him to follow the 2nd and 3rd set of instructions.
It should be easy to determine if he dropped off his ASU’s.
The ASU’s above in the picture have a sewn on 82nd patch.
You don’t sew combat patches on ASU’s!You wear a CSIB badge!
It will be as easy as calling over to the surplus store and asking “Did any dickhead turn in a fucked up pair of ASU’s with a battle patch sewn on them?
I will not quit until we find out where the Purple Heart and uniforms are at.
I do not believe him that he dropped them off at a surplus store, based on the fact that he is a known liar.
I also don’t like his “playing the victim” and basically demanding we leave him alone.
He is 100% to blame for what happened to him and 100% to blame that it got this far. Instead of coming in here, leveling threats that he was going to bury us and be at our funeral, he could have came in an apologized from the start!
Let’s find out where the uniform and medals are at.
I would also like to commend the real SSG that turned him in. Thanks for not putting up with William Derek Church’s bullshit.
Also Church
Like it was stated above:
“Mr. Church, you still have mot acknowledged that you did not do any of the things you claimed”
Let’s hear that you are not a Sniper, Ranger, Airborne, Purple Heart, Combat Veteran!
William Church-I am in Morganton and I have lived here for my entire life (minus time in service). Tell us what surplus store you gave the uniform to and I will personally check it out and let Jonn know the truth of the matter. Otherwise I am going to post the wanted poster among all my friends here locally via my wife’s facebook (as Jonn has frequently noted, sociopaths like myself do not have one) and notify the local VFW.
Fail to do this and I am going to assume that you are just trying to lay low and wait for the attention to blow over before you go back to your fakery. Don’t screw around with us-if you want to make this right and you’re not lying, we can confirm that. Otherwise, it won’t bother me one bit to bring more attention to your idiocy here locally in the unifour, I’m comfortable living here and I’m not going anywhere.
@1188 – Here! HERE! Sociopaths of America, UNITE!!!
We don’t need no STEENKING Facebook! 😉
A fat, funky, frivolous and fucked-up fraud Derek Church is…..
William Derek Church,
I have gave you the benefit of the doubt, which is more than most people will. If I find out you lied to me/us again about your uniforms its going to be on like Donkey Kong.
I wouldn’t believe derek church if he told me the sky is blue and today is Sunday…
I am sure William Derek Church is viewing this thread.
What Army Surplus store did you drop your costumes off to ?
You might want to go and do it tomorrow morning before we start calling around.
Also, are you still sporting the Hat with the SSG rank and 82nd patch? Include that with the uniform.
To MPSSG at @1058, thanks for dropping the dime on the fat ass poser derek church. Must be tough when it happens within the family; my salute to you, Staff Sergeant…God Bless and drive on…
William Derek Church the Round Ranger, you can SAY whatever you want, but talk is cheap.
DEEDS, NOT WORDS!!
William Derek Church is so fat, he even mentioned he was fat in # 1172.
PS: I don’t believe him. And I won’t stop till LE gets involved.
Church, try this: if you and your bride want to play dress-up like a pair of little kids, fine. But do it with Starfleet and Star Wars shit, and stay away from the military. Got that?
If you dress up at Starfleet, you can be a fracking starship captain, go to Star Trek conventions, be anything or anybody you want to, and no one will tell you that you can’t. You can even invent your own character(s) and ship’s name and class, form a local club, etc., and no one will give a hoot.
I’ve done that and it was so much damn fun I stuck with it and met Mark Lenard, who played Spock’s father, as well as John de Lancie (Q) and Jimmie Doohan (Scotty, the kissing bandit) AND Patrick Stewart. I have photos of me with Nichelle Nichols (LT Uhura), Scotty, and Q and buried somewhere, Robert Beltran (Chakotay).
It was fun and inspired me to go into writing books in retirement. NO, NOT Star Trek stuff. I’m not so lame I have to copy what someone else did.
But stay the Hell away from the military crap, because if you don’t, these merciless Hounds of Hell will make castanets out of your testicles.
That’s assuming that slobbering beached Manatee has a pair!!
*LURK!*
*WOOO-HOOOO!* 1200!!!
@1197.
No offense, Ex, but you should get out more.
@1201 GreenThumb, I do get out. But with the outdoor temperatures hovering around 5F, I’m not inclined to spend much of my time on it right now. I’m waiting until spring. All cameras are charged, cranked, loaded and ready to go.
Strange how he never admitted his “service” was so much BS, nor did he offer to tell his REAL story.
Now I’m no lawyer but if one allocutes, are they not supposed to be contrite and completely truthful in said allocution?
Seems to me he’s trying to wiggle out without doing the really hard stuff that he needs to do in order to come clean.
I have been busy most of the day and I feel that William Derek Church’s so called apology and story of dropping off those ASU to his local surplus store is total BULLSHIT. I don’t buy any of his watered down apologies at all. He came here when he knew that an active duty family member would also come here to further expose the round ranger’s bs.
Now then fat fuck William Derek Church, I would like you to go to this link, http://www.navy.mil/ah_online/ftrStory.asp?id=78069 read it as many time as you need to in till you realize that your whole self existence from the day you were born, till the day that you die, you will never amount to even a single squirt of EM2 Bud Cloud’s piss. He is someone you will never even be able to walk in his shadow. So, you worthless, fat, unemployed loser. Take your worthless apology and shove it straight up your worthless ass.
I live in Lenoir. I’ll go put my hands on the uniforms and medals. Just let me know where you dropped them off.
Or you can meet me at the Sherrifs parking lot, say 8am and hand them to me.
That is a safe place to insure no harm to you. I’ll be alone in a black jacket with a black baseball hat.
No worries. No questions,
Let’s see if this apology is sincere. Let’s see the uniforms~!
I am in the parking lot. He didn’t show. This is only about a mile from his house.
@1207, USMC CWO, I’m shocked, just shocked, that church did not show up…(sarc)
USMC CWO: You should knock on his front door and kindly ask for the awards, uniform and that silly dress up hat with the SSG rank and 82nd patch.
There are people on the Topix site that know both parties and are questioning if Derek really made the apology. They are suspecting it is his wife.
http://www.topix.com/forum/city/lenoir-nc/TUGP0Q05KGRJ6AASI/p5
Being that Derek didn’t admit he wasn’t a Ranger/Airborne/Sniper/Combat Veteran/Purple Heart etc…
I find it likely that he did not make the apology.
Also they suspect he was tipped off by a family member that the honorable SSG that turned him would be posting.
All this can be solved by turning in the uniforms.
William Derek Church is so fat and dumb, he truly beieves he can fool the US military, all current and former members, those who have pasted (represented by the living), the ever-so-strong families of the aforementioned and all good American Patriots!
YES … FAT and DUMB!