William Derek Church; the Round Ranger
I’ve been giggling like a little girl since I sent this guy to Mary a few weeks ago. He’s like “The Round Marine” and Paul Tillson rolled into one. But his name is William Derek Church (he goes by Derek Church) and these are pictures from his wedding, I guess. He’s on Facebook somewhere, but I can’t find him. You can tell he’s legit because he doesn’t care that his Ranger beret is dressed over the wrong eye, and he wears the full-sized Purple Heart on the wrong side of his uniform.
He’s a steely-eyed killer who can’t be bothered with details like getting his drawers tailored. Yes, that’s a Ranger scroll with no tab on left shoulder;
I almost didn’t bother to get his records, because he has 8TFU written all over him. but we got his records today. He spent about 18 months in the Natural Guard (don’t blame me, blame the NPRC) and over a month on active duty. But he made it to PFC.
And see how the Purple Heart is on the left of his other medals that he’s wearing wrong? Well, that’s because he remembered that the highest medals are supposed to go closest to your heart – but that only counts when you wear them on the left side of your uniform, dingus. It took me forever to disabuse privates of that notion when we got the Valorous Unit Citation to add to the Presidential Unit Citation. They kept trying to put the PUC to the left of the VUC. Privates suck, just ask this guy.
ADDED: Here’s his Facebook, by the way.
Added by Sporkmaster.
It seems that he has another friend who faking along side him, because he was “there”. Also I like how his friend threatens to send the 75th Ranger Battalion on people. As if.
Added by Sporkmaster
Also it seems that we are finding out more about him from his local community.
Category: Phony soldiers
@1107 Sorry MSGRetired, I hit the Submit before I saw your post. Good deal MSG!
I wonder how much and what brand of soap he uses to clean his two-hole?
1089: that is not the look of a man who has confidence that his spine won’t snap under the load he’s desperately trying to hang on to. My guess they only got one take for that pose.
I have to wonder how long fat fuck William Derek Church would last doing PT with an actual Ranger platoon. I say two minutes max.
Don’t sweat it, Sparks. I am sure that by now all of the finer citizens of Lenior are brought up to speed on the military accomplishments of William Derek Church. I bet if someone were willing to waste their time and researched his family tree, they would find that William Derek Church shares DNA with Gunny Driveway.
@1111.
“PT” is Phildo Training.
I would venture a lot longer than two minutes.
MSGRETIRED, thanks for restarting the thread.
Morning post in the new thread complete. Still nothing from the NCARNG PAO. I sent them a picture of Fatass, I hope they all didnt die of laughter..
Come on you loser walrus….if he can do it, then so can you….
http://www.torontosun.com/2014/02/05/canadian-military-imposter-turns-in-uniform-after-years-of-pretending-to-be-officer#disqus_thread
@1117 I posted that link over at the Topix thread.
We are going nowhere Derek Church. This has only begun!
I haven’t offered any Goggle love in a while so:
William Derek Church
William Derek Church
William Derek Church
William Derek Church
William Derek Church
William Derek Church
William Derek Church
William Derek Church
William Derek Church
William Derek Church
Hodo’s caution @1103 is gold: …”um, no. Not a shoe-in to win at all. With other a-holes out there literally stealing stuff from dead/seriously ill folks and passing it off as their own, IMO he’ll be lucky to make the semifinals. Church the Round here is a piker by comparison.”
I just KNEW who the winner would be in the past tournament of losers and nary a one got even close. The voting is brutal and sometimes it happens that 2 jewels will end up in the same seeding.
@1120.
The competition appears to be fierce this year.
William Derek Church is so fat, when he steps on a scale it says, “To be continued.”
@1122 MCPO
William Derek Church is so fat, when he steps on a scale it’s the Richter scale.
Don’t let up on Church!
Folks,
I just caught a message from the photographer that took the pictures. They were put in an awkward position, as they had been paid and were obliged to shoot the photos. Though not a veteran, they had family that served and felt something was a bit off. Rather than make a scene, and because they didn’t have enough evidence to confront the wedding party, they took the photos they were paid to by the Bride and Groom.
It turns out their gut feeling was justified, and Church is a poser.
In a way its good they did take these photos, because it is the huge piece of evidence that prooves Church is a LSOS. and it’s no smear on their professionalism that Church did what he did. They have taken the pictures of Church off their site, not because they are tring to cover for Church, but because they don’t want to be considered as part of his scam, as they are a reputable business.
@1125 Who’s car is it in the picture? I am guessing Eugene Church… Derek’s dad,
Can you post the entire message from the photographer?
@1125.
It personally think it is cool they stepped up.
Good for them.
I wish them and their business prosperity.
The photographer can at least claim credit for capturing an image of Bigfoot on film.
Now they should sue Church and his bozo and obviously less than intelligent bride for cruel and unusual punishment for having to look at much less photograph them.
Plus the additional costs for procuring/purchasing a lens that could actually fit both of them into it!
The car was a “prop” provided by a friend of the Wedding Party.
@1126,
The convo has a lot of the photographer’s PPI in it so I just summed it up. They just want to get the whole thing behind them.
Just An Old Dog is digging up some rather pertinent insider information. Nice! huh, Some friend. Friends don’t let Friends prop fat chicks up on a car like that. They just don’t…
I thought Fat ASS PFC Church built that car from the ground up?!
Waddlin Willie the round ranger has gone dark on facebook. Apparently he has a habit of deleting pages then popping up again when coast is clear. Something about all those “friends” he has that are teenage girls. His wife’s page has gone dark too.
Waddling Willie is even lower that we thought. He has been rockin’ so many lies for so many years. He conned his young bride into thinking he was some secret squirrel, and she tried to stick up for him. The reality of it pretty much leveled her and he had to beg and plead for her not to dump his sorry ass.
He is trying to make it up to her now, thats why she is so smarny in her posts. But she knows better then to rock his lies anymore.
He is pretty much on “probation” with her, so he is walking on eggshells so she wont dump his ass.
The thing is that he is so pigheaded he won’t come clean in public or admit that he lied his ass off to her. He dragged her into this mess, made her look like a fool then he left her standing in the middle of the impact area.
He dragged his Parents name through the mud and though she did come on here and go off,it looks like Kaiyla Church was duped by this clown too.
Unless she comes on here and spouts off again, which I doubt, she is not really a part of his asshattery. William Derek Church, you are still fair game, You need to come clean about your bullshit, in addition you need to admit how you manipulated your naive wife to make a fool of herself defending you. If you don’t she should dump your ass like a hot potato. Which is probably what she should do anyway,since you are a liar and a manipulator.
tucking ferd.
He can’t afford for her to dump him since she’s paying for everything. That’s why she sees him and so “supportive and loving” to her. He has to support her going back to school and making something better for herself so that she can get a better job to better support him and his lazy ass.
I hate when someone has to have someone there for them. It’s like they are afraid of being alone and has to have someone else to “define” who they are. Come on women! It’s ok to be alone and it’s ok to support yourself you do NOT need a “hanger on” bringing you down and living off your hard work! This goes for men also! Love yourself enough NOT to need anyone else. Unless you need a jar opened then it’s alright to need someone else.
The wifes facebook is still up
https://www.facebook.com/kiaya.beheler
Here is another page created last month
https://www.facebook.com/JAKK.12612
I want to Thank everyone who posted on the Topix site to get it back up to number 1 for hot topics. Great job keeping the heat on !
william derek church is a fat, cretinous lying sack of shit poser. Everyone in Lenoir NC who walks past him should just laugh in his face and then ignore him…
This was posted on the TOPIX thread about The Liar of Lenoir, William Derek Church by “Wrong again”, a poster that knows Derek and is threatening to give us more insight into this Sick, obese, twisted bastard!
http://www.topix.com/forum/city/lenoir-nc/TUGP0Q05KGRJ6AASI/post33
Wrong again: Ok here we go I will start with one and more will come out unless he admits his guilt. We all know he said he was in Iraq but he was not ,we all know this . I am not sure if anyone knows that he has also claimed that while he was in Iraq that he (being the sniper he was)had to shoot down a child , a little Iraqi boy who the enemy used as a suicide bomber. He has said because of this he has nightmares of it and it haunts him . He says it has caused ptsd.
I love the wanted poster on Facebook ! I dont know who did it but AWESOME Job !!!!
@1139 MSGRetired — Thank you!
–ghp
Link: http://imageshack.com/a/img853/9758/v41c.jpg
–ghp
awesome poster! We need a “Veterans Against William Derek Church” on facebook!
We need someone local to plaster that wanted poster around facebook and at the local Dollar General, food stamps office (wherever Derek and Kiaya Church visit)!
I can post them all over Lenoir. I don’t live but a few minutes from there.
Here is a public listing of his address and phone number
William Derek Church
We don’t list phone numbers and addresses here.
Hello all, I’m the wife of the SSG who notified TAH.
First, don’t take pity on a woman who allows herself to be fooled. Well educated, intelligent women who know how to manage their lives/family, also know how to protect themselves from posers. I most certainly ran a background check on my SSG when we started dating, long before we were married. There are so many tools, resources and empowerment campaigns available in the USA to women, so they can take care of themselves. If an educated woman is blind to seeing the truth, that is her own fault.
Second, my Dad was a SF Ranger, with the All American 82nd out of Bragg. So I also made sure while we were dating to take my SSG to Daddy for inspection and approval. Guess what? He passed! Why, do you ask? He gave truthful and accurate information.
It deeply saddens me to see anyone impersonate or use for gain misinformation about our service men and women. And it makes me absolutely livid to know that there are people who walk around stateside, disrespecting the commitment of my husband, father, friends and countless others.
I do not know if there are civil or criminal penalties for the impersonation, buy sincerely hope that there are. People shouldn’t be allowed to get away with mocking those that protect us.
Mrs SSG, Out
Enough is enough. I’m fine with you attacking my family and my friends. I’ve apologized to them for the hurt and Tribble I’ve caused. I’m very remorseful for what I’ve dine and I’m ding my best to move on and make things right. Although I never received anything monetary out of this, benefits or money, I’m offering an apology to those of you that deserve it. I respectfully request that you leave my family alone and let us try to rebuild on what we do have. My wife believed what she thought to be the truth so the problem you have is with me, not her or her family. My apology is sincere and I’m deeply regretful. Now please let is continue or lives in peace.
Assuming that it really IS you, nope, not good enough.
You do state one truth. Our problem is with you. You brought this all on yourself, so live with that reality.
Well, that is a start, spelling errors not withstanding. I would assume that means that your “five shots to the chest” (or was it six?), was fabricated. If you really would like to settle the mater, I think that an apology to those that you threatened to kick their asses at Darby Queen would be a step in the right direction. There is also the matter of those uniforms and decorations.
And please extend my condolences to the surviving family members of your late battle buddy Will Chamberlain.
That doesn’t come from the same IP address as his other comments and it comes from Sycamore, Georgia, so it’s not conclusive that it is indeed William Church.
You know what I don’t get…The fact that you harass me, tare my life and my family apart because you want me to admit a fault and apologize. I give you a sincere formal apology and yet you still are intent on causing trouble. You won’t accept the apology. I’ve apologized to those that are close to me and we have moved on, I’ve even given you a formal apology here for all to see, yet there is still an issue. As far as apologizing to those that I threatened, I thought that was taken care of in the first apology. Since you need it all spelled out here. I Formally apologize for: Those I have hurt. Those I have threatened. Those that are upset for ANY reason whatever it may be. Those that have earned the right to be called a Veteran. For all these things I give a sincere apology, you cannot attack a man’s family (no matter armed forces or not) and expect him not to get defensive. My wife is truly a wonderful woman, even though she has found all this out she still continues to support me in my new endeavors to be a better man and for us to build on what we do have. That is what a marriage is about. I’ve made my mistakes and I’m doing my best to be something different and change for her and for my children. She was just as hurt and appalled as all of you. She has been married to a soldier and there were several “red flags” to her and she had been questioning me a long time. It shattered me for her to find out especially like this. She has many family members in the army and has done her time as well as an army wife. She supports our military whole heartedly and was just as infuriated with me as you all were. The difference is she has a forgiving heart and knew that when I said I loved her and her children I meant it. I still get questions from her… Read more »
This is me you. I’m on a computer at my same address. Who else could it be? You wanted an apology… I gave you one. Good Lord.
The first comment was from my phone because I was out doing some errands but the second is from me. I am home now and on a actual computer… You can choose to take the apology or not but I’ve done my part and I owe you nothing else. Be respectful and leave my family ALONE
A gross, fat turd.
Yeah, it’s coming from Lenoir, NC.
William Church,
Where are the uniforms? Where is the Purple Heart and other medals which you did not earn.
Frauds like this typically go back to their old ways.
We need to take possession of these to ensure that this doesn’t happen in the future.
Won’t work, Army Medical. He’ll just go to a surplus store and buy replacments.
What you fail to realize is that when you posted those pictures and told your fake war stories that you attacked every family member of every fallen soldier as well as every family member of every current soldier. I’ve lost 8 friends in my time in the Army military between Iraq and Afghanistan. I’ve spoken to their parents, their wives, and met their children. Welcome to our world you fat degenerate. You fuck with our uniform and our honor you open the gates of hell. By the way I TURNED YOU IN. My name is SSG Robert Keyes, your wife’s cousin. You think your so bad threaten me when I come home in August and you’ll see how far that gets you. I don’t care if Kaiya, my Aunt, or Uncle never speak to me again, YOU WILL NOT DISGRACE what my friends and I have fought for or what some died for. Own up publicly to what you have done return the uniform and medals you didn’t earn and be a man. If you have any love for your family or any self respect you’ll do the right thing but seeing as how you haven’t done it yet, I doubt you will.
If the guy had owned up to his deception he could have saved himself and his family from a grief of grief – maybe a thousand comments’ worth, give or take.