William Derek Church; the Round Ranger
I’ve been giggling like a little girl since I sent this guy to Mary a few weeks ago. He’s like “The Round Marine” and Paul Tillson rolled into one. But his name is William Derek Church (he goes by Derek Church) and these are pictures from his wedding, I guess. He’s on Facebook somewhere, but I can’t find him. You can tell he’s legit because he doesn’t care that his Ranger beret is dressed over the wrong eye, and he wears the full-sized Purple Heart on the wrong side of his uniform.
He’s a steely-eyed killer who can’t be bothered with details like getting his drawers tailored. Yes, that’s a Ranger scroll with no tab on left shoulder;
I almost didn’t bother to get his records, because he has 8TFU written all over him. but we got his records today. He spent about 18 months in the Natural Guard (don’t blame me, blame the NPRC) and over a month on active duty. But he made it to PFC.
And see how the Purple Heart is on the left of his other medals that he’s wearing wrong? Well, that’s because he remembered that the highest medals are supposed to go closest to your heart – but that only counts when you wear them on the left side of your uniform, dingus. It took me forever to disabuse privates of that notion when we got the Valorous Unit Citation to add to the Presidential Unit Citation. They kept trying to put the PUC to the left of the VUC. Privates suck, just ask this guy.
ADDED: Here’s his Facebook, by the way.
Added by Sporkmaster.
It seems that he has another friend who faking along side him, because he was “there”. Also I like how his friend threatens to send the 75th Ranger Battalion on people. As if.
Added by Sporkmaster
Also it seems that we are finding out more about him from his local community.
Category: Phony soldiers
@1008″ “…more pacifics….”
BWahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
We’ve got a whole 2,092 miles worth of “pacifics” here on the Left Coast.
–ghp
Sparks, that was shameless!
As for Waddlin’ Willie … Repent! It’ll only hurt for a little bit …
His old NG unit needs some flyers!
AMEN TO THAT, Army Med!! It’s just like I said on the Bernath thread, y’all tell me what you think, I wonder if I’ve OD’ed on Stolen valor stories and threads? The other day while coming home from work, I stopped off at a Walgreen’s store, and coming back out, I glanced over and noticed a baseball cap on the dashboard of another car, it was Army UCP-colored, had the Ranger tab embroidered on it, and next to the embroidered tab it had a BSM pinned on it. My first thought upon seeing that was “AAAWWW SHIT! ANOTHER POSER!!”. I didn’t bother to wait to see who came out to that car, because if it was a poser, I wouldn’t have been able to control myself. I grew up in an Army town during the 70’s and 80’s, and I’ve known a fair share of real WWII, Korea, and Vietnam Vets, one common thread I’ve seen among Vets, period, is that the ones who’ve “Been there, done that” the most, talk about it the least! The ones that decorate themselves with every bit of “GI Bling” they can were either REMFs or are posers, but hey, I’m preaching to the choir, whadda y’all think?
@1012 APF – I find myself also wondering about guys I see wearing something implying, “I served, too.”
Real sad comment on our society, alas …
To the good people of Lenoir, when willie the rotund retard waddles by, shun his fat ass and ignore him. This faker needs to feel the full weight of the community’s wrath upon him…
William Derek Church, is so fat, the National Association of Stand Up Comedians and Fat Joke Writers Guild (NASUCFJWG) refuses to write a funny ending to this joke!
Proud Infidel. What the heck happened? Yesterday you had the #1000 post down pat, now this morning your post is at 1002. What gives bud?
@1015 Master Chief the image Bernath used to put on PH1 Sheppard’s uniform is at the link below. I looked at it closely while blown up 250%-300%. Same smile, same shadows under neck, same shadows on teeth. Light from same angle. The cant of his head is at the same angle and hair is identical.
http://www.aspecialdayguide.com/danflag.jpg
You’ve probably seen this Master Chief, so it is not news. Hope it helps what you are working on.
Sorry folks I posted #1017 on the wrong thread. But Derek, take a look at another famous poser if you want and see what lengths have been gone to for him. Have fun Derek Church.
P.S. As a native of North Carolina, I personally take away your “Tarheel” status, as being a proud part of the North Carolina family. You are a shame to me and all other honorable vets from “The Old North State” going back to the Revolutionary War. Please have the decency to move to Mississippi.
Sparks, PLEASE don’t send him to Mississippi! It is already the fattest state and we don’t want it to drop off into the Gulf when Big ‘Un and Mrs Big ‘Un move in. At least let me evacuate my dad first! 😉
Just keeping the love flowing to William Derek Church. The board has been inundated with new posers that knocked Waddlin’ Willie out of the top ten, but just like a Casey Kasem countdown, he can always bounce back.
I have been wondering if he has one of those memorial stickers on his vehicle honoring his late battle buddy, Will Chamberlain. Don’t worry, William Derek Church, each time you look in the mirror, you will always see a little bit of Will Chamberlain inside of you.
William Derek Church is the type who would like a whole lot of Will Chamberlain in him.
What’s the first rule of The Posers Club? You don’t talk shit about members of The Posers Club.
As to William Derek Church, he is so stupid that he lost his job at The Dollar Store because he kept having to ask the manager for price checks.
I read that a Ranger on his 10th deployment when he was wounded stole the show at the State of the Union address last night. He wore a Purple Heart. It was his. I am loathe to name this Ranger in the same thread as the puke Church, so I won’t. The point you get. Church wears a Purple Heart. It is not his.
William Derek Church should be presented a Purple Nurple, Second Award.
Getting back to his nuptials, who paid for that disaster? He hasn’t worked for several years, and it’s not like the bride would ever get off of her ass and earn income. I would be willing to bet that they tapped Poppa Church to spend his cash.
Morning post on Topix Complete. I also did some research in to his Paramedic Claim. Well I guess he couldnt pass the exams as I can find no license in North Carolina or on the National Registry site. So my guess is he Failed at that as well.
I would suggest he suck start a pistol, but he would fuck that up as well and then the good People of NC would have to pay to keep his fat ass on Life Support which would cost more than paying him Welfare right now !
I wouldn’t be surprised if William Derek Church grabbed a spoon when someone said it’s chilly outside… and this act wasn’t motivated by stupidity but by the lack of donuts in the area…
Fat Ass clown piece of whale blubber.
@1025: How do you not pass the exam. It seemed like every other answer was “15 liters O2 and transport”?
@1022 Hack.Stone – “…the Dollar Store…”
ROFLMBO – That’s making a rock look like Einstein!
SockPuppet Posting on Topix, I guess now he thinks we will back down Hahahaha ..
You guys are not going to get him to come forward, so you might as well give it up. Also, this is not a story that the media wants since it is ALWAYS LIBERAL anyhow. However, you may want to consider that if Church does a desparate act like commit suicide, and it can be proven that your comments were a contributing factor, I can see a future civil liability suit waiting for many of you if a good lawyer gets this thread in his hands. You may want to give this some serious consideration. However, do as you like. It is your freedom, but if violated, you take the consequences, too.
Thanks for the concern, PASS
FYI local gossip is her momma and daddy paid for the nuptial, bet they wished they’d have listened when people told them he was a fake and a fraud. They were warned and so was she. Keep digging Waddlin Willie (William Derek Church) the holes only getting deeper.
I just gave them an earful (screenful?).
Let’s see what hind of shiat I can stir up.
——
Guess what losers…..”as to” State of Florida, GV4L and cant (Dumbass there’s an apostrophe in there.)
Why don’t you go ahead and take the high road? Because you have no integrity and are worthless to stand up to real men and women that have Courage of Conviction.
THIS. WILL. NOT. GO. AWAY until Willie the Whale does the right thing and admits his lies.
If he chooses to eat a bullet, then that is his choice and no one here is responsible in any way.
Try googling Ike Densmore and see how many folks that were part of making his fraud public were even spoken to harshly, much less having to to “lawyer up” or even have to speak to any authorities.
FACTS, you lame ass stick figures, not your internet tough guy opinions.
We’ve BEEN THERE and DONE that and STILL do it.
Don’t. For. One. Minute. Ever. Forget. That.
We are a Band of Brothers and Sisters.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-22742…
http://www.youtube.com/watch…
http://www.times-standard.com/ci_22514637/exp…
SUCK IT!
Nice job Chip, I saw the post and the Sock Puppets are all in a tizzy hehehe. I responded to one question, but its irrelevant they just dont get it, or its Church doing the posting. Either way what we are doing does not in any way amount to Cyber Bullying. Now if he hadnt done the things he is accused of doing that would be a different story.
Anyway FATFUCK you listening, give it up, you know what to do to slow the bombardment down, but dont think the good people of Lenoir wont let us know if you start your BullShit again. Just be a Man for once in your miserable life, you can even have your wife deliver the box of costumes and note to spare you the humiliation! Still waiting for the Ssgtsniper to be missing from your facebook as well as the military pictures, and dont forget the public apology as well. It will only hurt a little while, and this would have all blown over if you did it right up front when this started. Now your a number 1 Goggle hit and Famous as a Phony !
We are not going anywhere. This thread will live on FOREVER YOU FAT FUCK!
William Derek Church is so fat, he has not been permitted to eat for the past two weeks to ensure there is enough food in the South for upcoming Super Bowl parties.
http://www.shallowsky.com/squirrels/ringtail/ringtail-donut.jpg
Morning Post from the Topix Site !
William Derek Church, you are a Liar. You were never a Ranger, Never Airborne, Never in Combat, Never received a Purple Heart never a SSG and never a Sniper.
Here are your instructions again
1. BOX up you military costumes and take them to the closest National Guard Armory, VFW or American Legion with a note to e-mail admin@valorguardians.com stating that they have said items in their possession.
2. DELETE your face book with the tag line SsgtSniper, You were never a Sniper or a Ssgt / SSG. Feel free to make a new page but it better not have Photo’s of you wearing any military garb.
3. Also post a public apology for portraying yourself as some type of wounded War Hero and Dishonoring all recipients of the Purple Heart.
Ball is in your court, I have plenty of time during the day to continue posting if you fail to grow some Balls and fess up to being a FAKE !
Sock Puppets, Trolls and Shit House Lawyers need not respond as they will be ignored from here on out!
Good work MSGRetired!
The guy is apathetic. He will probably just lay around, contuinue to collect welfare and get fatter.
MSGRetired,
I think they are deleting your posts. I didn’t see the above post for today. maybe because you included an email in there?
@1035 Master Chief – Whoa … now that’s fat!
@1039 – My post yesterday didn’t post, or at least I couldn’t find it. I was responding to the cyber bullying issue.
Ya it showed up after I reposted it, kind of strange. Weird things are happening on the Topix site.I’ll bet weirder things are happening around the Church Residence !
They are definitely deleting comments. The one I had made today is not there anymore. It was not profanity laden or anything….
Here is the current end page at the Topix site.
Just posted my morning wake up for Willie, hopefully its still there.. We need to keep the heat on Fat Boy ! Eventually he will figure out we arent going away. He has gone from the Bully of Lenoir to the Laughing Stock in a few short weeks. His family must be so proud of him for this accomplishment!
*Whale Turd*
It’s been forever since I posted, so this is more of a William Derek Church bump. Hi rb325th, sorry I been a slug about writing.
#257 Sparks, you rock!
It took me two days to read all the posts and that one was my favourite. OK, back lurking and waiting on the next “Soulpatch”, we have a ringer here.
Hey William Derek Church. If you would like I could arrange for someone to come over and pick up your unearned purple heart that you bought on ebay!
I don’t mind. I can even meet you at “WALMART” and tape your apology and you could hand me your SSG Stripes (which you didn’t earn). The hell with it… I will just cut 2 top stripes off your ASU top so that it reverts to your real rank “PFC”.
Let me know..
William Derek Church is so fat, this event actually happened while he was afloat at sea:
Japan Whaler: Awlr hands on decka, we have a big one.
Green Peace: Japan Whaler … It is all yours.
Japan Whaler: Tanka you bery mucha. We will be backa in ten years.
William Derek Church is so fat, the soles of all his shoes have unionized and file a complaint.
Daily morning post delivered on the Topix Site. I dont think William Derek Church the Liar of Lenoir realizes that we will not stop. His name will always come up as a Liar and Fake all across the internet, and the Internet is FOREVER FatBoy !!
Serious question for the board. Can someone do a bit of digging to see if the wedding announcement for this lovely couple is somewhere that we can link to? I would be interested in the mini biographies of these upstanding citizens. Maybe we can also find someone that has video of the nuptials. I believe that his bridal train is longer than hers.
Hack.Stone. the explains the length of his trousers, he was just trying to match his blushing bovine bride.
Id like to see that bio too, apparently her divorce from her hubby hadn’t been finalized a year when these two walking hams had their nuptials.
Whats sickening is that William Derek Church was a co-worker of miss piggy’s husband. So he went out of his way to steal the much younger wife of a co-worker and a veteran. Pig-like in every way.
Not to mention hog-face still has tons of younger girls as his friends on his facebook. The new mrs Piggy may find herself out of a spouse due to his habit of upgrading.
Hack Stone. The wedding annoucement was stapled to the bulletin board at the trailer park community center trailer.
Don’t think you’ll find it on the interweb.
@1054 Master Chief…ROTFLMAO. Good one.
@1052 HackStone, Way back when, I searched all the local papers for wedding and engagement announcements and came up empty.
Is there no way to turn up the local heat on this clown?
I hear that they were registered at The 99 Cent Store, and the reception was a tour of Costco tasting the freebie samples.