William Derek Church; the Round Ranger
I’ve been giggling like a little girl since I sent this guy to Mary a few weeks ago. He’s like “The Round Marine” and Paul Tillson rolled into one. But his name is William Derek Church (he goes by Derek Church) and these are pictures from his wedding, I guess. He’s on Facebook somewhere, but I can’t find him. You can tell he’s legit because he doesn’t care that his Ranger beret is dressed over the wrong eye, and he wears the full-sized Purple Heart on the wrong side of his uniform.
He’s a steely-eyed killer who can’t be bothered with details like getting his drawers tailored. Yes, that’s a Ranger scroll with no tab on left shoulder;
I almost didn’t bother to get his records, because he has 8TFU written all over him. but we got his records today. He spent about 18 months in the Natural Guard (don’t blame me, blame the NPRC) and over a month on active duty. But he made it to PFC.
And see how the Purple Heart is on the left of his other medals that he’s wearing wrong? Well, that’s because he remembered that the highest medals are supposed to go closest to your heart – but that only counts when you wear them on the left side of your uniform, dingus. It took me forever to disabuse privates of that notion when we got the Valorous Unit Citation to add to the Presidential Unit Citation. They kept trying to put the PUC to the left of the VUC. Privates suck, just ask this guy.
ADDED: Here’s his Facebook, by the way.
Added by Sporkmaster.
It seems that he has another friend who faking along side him, because he was “there”. Also I like how his friend threatens to send the 75th Ranger Battalion on people. As if.
Added by Sporkmaster
Also it seems that we are finding out more about him from his local community.
Category: Phony soldiers
What a fucking dirt bag. Glad to hear his wife smartened up and left him, she really needs to work on getting her shit together. No offense meant, just been there done that with a lying douche of an Ex. Time for her to complete her education and make something of a life for herself.
As to Waddlin Willie the Wotund Wanger… he can Go F’ himself. His apology is long overdue now.
derek church is so fat that..that…shit, it’s too early in the morning for me to come up with a punchline…I’m gonnna go get me some caffeine…
So she left him….
Color me shocked
William Derek Church is so fat, when he learned his wife was leaving he exclaimed, “I can’t live with without you” and he commenced eating her, washing her down with 64 oz Slurrpee!
Willie Longpants the Wifeless
I hope Will Chamberlain is consoling him on facebook
You know what Derek likes about high school girls? As he gets older they all stay the same age…
William Derek Church, you lying piece of shit. Get that veteran’s ball cap off your fat head, lose the military claims, and get ready. There are far too many good people who are veterans or who are family of veterans in your area. You will be getting one of them arrested for assaulting your lyin’ fat ass. What will you do when the brother, father, son, cousin, or whatever of a someone who truly earned the purple heart, possibly posthumously, calls you out in the Dollar General Parking lot. It will not go well, I am sure.
You are on borrowed time, I would think. And those kids, what about how you have been rockin’ that lie around them? You are now in the PATHETIC MEGA CLASS LOSER club, along with Paul K. Wickre. You two are not “the bottom of the barrel”, y’all ARE the BARREL.
He’s so fat, he’s got a euro in one pocket….and a peso in the other pocket….
William Derek Church is such a piece of shit his birth certificate is an appology letter from the condom factory.
Great fat jokes. We should write “Fat Jokes – The Coffee Table Book.”
@701: “What, if I might ask while skimming 700 posts, brought this on?”
Target fixation?
Kiaya Church is sitting in the seat of “The Unrepentant Defender” of his lies. And, since she is a former “mil-wife”, I firmly believe that if she did leave WILLIAM DEREK CHURCH, “the large and in no way in charge”, that it was not because he rocked his lie, but more because it is locally embarrassing to her. By leaving him, she can begin her new search for a meal ticket.
I hope and pray that her first ex has the good sense not to take her back when she comes begging to him.
Anyone up that way that reads this, please make sure that these two know that they should come here and read what we’ve been saying in their regard. Send them to this link:
http://valorguardians.com/blog/?p=39182, and perhaps, (though I doubt they have the integrity to do so), they might think that a heartfelt apology is in order. They’ve each done their best to bullshit us, and to demean the honorable service of a lot of good people.
Her ex is with someone else,but I hope he don’t take her back If I see anyone that knows Kiaya I will tell her to come and post and say she’s sorry. Am pretty sure right now she is so lost because she got caught up in his lies. I mean he’ll he would not go to the VA hospital she should have start digging for info when he told her no he would not go to the VA.
Former Specialist Beheler, if you are reading this, please keep your doors locked and your windows sealed, and don’t allow this homewrecker Kiaya back into you and yours life…
What a day brings! I do a day of travel to Maryland, and 200 some more posts! William derek Church, you are internet famous now! Sorry, I don’t buy into the he came clean with the wife quote just yet. Liers lie, especially under pressure. How do we know that wasn’t old Fat Boy in another one of his sock puppets saying that? I agree with the idea of him coming on here and a local paper admitting his asshat lies to the world. Keep him famous, I say.
@722
Did you happen to drive down Wilson Lane? 😉
William Derek Church is so fat he became stuck in a dream.
I assure you this is not William Derek church I know Beheler and his family, so I was told by more then one person
from $694’s link…reads like something from Hollywierd in the 30’s and 40’s:
Will Chamberlin Sarge she has no values or morals let her go you can do so much better. People make mistakes but that doesn’t mean we quit. A godly person will forgive and try 100% to work things out. I’m serious about the sky diving we can renew our HALO certifications.
November 17, 2012 at 9:34pm
Derek Church Yes i know but all i can do is suck it up and drive on. I’m living day by day and trying to keep a smile. I’ll have the kids this coming weekend but see if you can set HALO up for next weekend and i may go with you. Thanks buddy.
November 17, 2012 at 10:07pm
Will Chamberlin Will do. Stay in touch and if you need anything let me know. The guys have already said that they will take care of anything you need.
November 17, 2012 at 10:10pm
Derek Church Thanks but this is a challenge i must face alone. Say hello to the men for me and maybe i can see them in a couple of weeks.
Another line of shit he’s feeding his “fans”
@726
I saw that BS the first day. Weird. Pathetic.
@726: Fatboy can’t write naturally for shit, so his made-up imaginary email conversations sounds pretty much like stilted scripted dailogues from old movies, as you mentioned…
@728
Even his made up friends and family have deserted him
@729: As you said, weird and pathetic…
@728, 729 & 730….
William Derek Church is so lame and sad, when he masturbates, his hand falls asleep.
Reality check here: We have no idea just how involved in instigating all this the “Mrs” is. Or was. Could be that she initiated it all, or is innocent of any wrongdoing. Odds are that she is somewhere between the orchestrator of it all and a knowing participant, but we simply do not know.
Whatever. I am not willing to assume that she is a victim here. YMMV.
Question: just because he admitted to his wife that he lied isnt enough. No worries on the ex taking her back either. But heres my question, can he be legally held responsible for his lothsome actions? I had heard that he’s lied on employment applications about his service. Does that not qualify with the Stolen Valor Act? Especially if hes still doing it on Facebook.
I love the line about “setting up a HALO jump”. Yeah like there is no way his girth would accommodate any such equipment. Plus I am certain because of his size, he most certainly would surpass terminal velocity (breaking all laws of science and nature), his equipment would tear away as he reached speeds in excess of 500 mph, and he would suffer a uncontrolled impact in to terrain.
@ 733. Yes and yes. Marriage is a civil contract. If he lied and or misrepresented himself, she has a case (in most states). As far as employers go, pretty much the same. The remedy for such deeds in marriage is divorce and or anullment with damages if appropriate and with employment termination is typical.
@ 731. Nice! Well crafted.
Well he would have to be working to be terminated, now if he claimed being a wounded veteran and some how got benefits for it that would be a big problem. I am sure SSI is looking into any benefits he may be receiving.
Does any civilian jumper call his jumping efforts “HALO”? Last I heard, around the DZ, (that would be Sunday last), it was called “Freefall” as opposed to “Hop n Pop”. But then what would my skydiving friends know?
William Derek Church you are surely a MEGA CLASS PATHETIC LOSER
Dayum, I love html usage, elementary as it is.
He so fat, he jumped up in the air and got stuck.
He is so fat, he sat down on a dollar and when he got up 4 quarters were left behind.
He is so fat, he high school photo was an aerial.
He is so fat, his underwear has mudflaps
He is so fat, when he goes to the buffet he has to be told it is an all you can eat, not an all you can find.
He is so ugly, tears roll down the back of his head because they are scared to go down his face.
He is so ugly, he could scare a vulture off of roadkill.
He’s uglier than a bucket of assholes with the best ones picked out.
I could go on for days..
@ #689; Very well done, carry on! *cackle*
I noticed his Facebook page is now gone. Don’t what name he will pop up under next.
Looks like he also pulled the Will Chamberlin page.
I remember now! I think he was that guy with the lousy eyesight who stuck up the Sperm Bank and whacked off in the lobby of First Bank.
TAH, I think we should check fire for the time being. As good as the fat jokes have been I think we got it. The mission is accomplished. The guy is infamous. Further piling on only really tarnishes the image of this blog. We know offenders never apologize, there’s no sense in further demanding one from this guy. The dude has problems, the least of which are the self inflicted wounds caused by his lies about his service. I we say leave him to his own miserable lie of a life. At least until he slips up, again as we all know he will.
@744 – I concur. The fat jokes are becoming too much. How about we switch to “stupid” or “lazy” jokes for a while. I’ll start………William Derek Church (Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing) is so lazy, he has a stay at home job and still can’t get to work on time!
Not sure if this has been posted. Kiaya’s old Facebook page.
https://www.facebook.com/kiaya.l.beheler
How could his wife forgive him?? Their wedding pics are in his fake Army uniform!! What a loser!
@744. Could well be but I think trying to hold back TAH when a piece of shit like William Derek Church not only pulls off the poser crap but pulls the sock-puppet threats he did is not going to happen just yet.
It’s kind of like when a 140 pound pitbull decides to hump your leg, Your better off hoping he finishes his business quickly.
It doesn’t help William Derek Church that so many of his older Facebook profiles keep popping up and there really hasn’t been any closure from him.
I may be harsh but I think the only way that Stolen Valor cases can be closed is if The poser sends a notarized letter to TAH, GOV or other defenders of valor, submits a notification in the local paper and donates all their unearned medals and uniforms to the nearest VFW.
I don’t think his wife could ever forgive him for taking pictures in a fake uniform. It’s just hilarious.
I feel bad for him for having his marriage ruined…. BUT He deserved all of this!
He knew the very first time that he put the PURPLE HEART THAT HE DIDN’T EARN on his uniform that he was a fraud.
His soon to be ex-wife sure did get fat in just the few short years since her first wedding.
She must have been the typical dependa. Sits at home and eats and complains.
Willie Long Pants is so lazy…
That when he won the “Laziest man in the World Award”
He raised his hand and asked the MC to bring it to him
TankBoy, any response on my query? If you were up at Fuji with Delta, then you know me. I am one of the two radio repairmen (2841). In case you haven’t figured it out, I was the 2841 who wasn’t the dick. Hit me up on Facebook. BTW, go into the member’s and check out my reenlistment photo . That was Capt Russell that reenlisted me. Do you know what happened with him?
How many of you can say they made a movie about your Company Commander?
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119882/
William Derek Church is so fat, every time he sneezes his colon files another protection order.
Master Chief–ever been to Arizona?
That crater outside Winslow? That wasn’t caused by a meteor. That was his last “HALO” jump.
NH …. Nice!
Last time I looked at the Williie the Wankers page he had lost about half of his friends… looked like they were all jumping ship on the fraud. It is what happens when you lie to people about who you are.
@749. Yeah, it’s all about that Purple Heart for me. Whatever this crew can dish out, he’s got coming. D’Phat Phuk.
@ #726 HMCS
#735 MCPO
I wonder if derek church’s HALO experience was like, well hum, um like aha… Have you ever seen the drop of a Daisy Cutter?
I haven’t but have seen the footage and it looks the same end result.
However someone above just posted about the crater in Arizona. If derek does another HALO I hope it’s over the White House. (dreaming)