William Derek Church; the Round Ranger
I’ve been giggling like a little girl since I sent this guy to Mary a few weeks ago. He’s like “The Round Marine” and Paul Tillson rolled into one. But his name is William Derek Church (he goes by Derek Church) and these are pictures from his wedding, I guess. He’s on Facebook somewhere, but I can’t find him. You can tell he’s legit because he doesn’t care that his Ranger beret is dressed over the wrong eye, and he wears the full-sized Purple Heart on the wrong side of his uniform.
He’s a steely-eyed killer who can’t be bothered with details like getting his drawers tailored. Yes, that’s a Ranger scroll with no tab on left shoulder;
I almost didn’t bother to get his records, because he has 8TFU written all over him. but we got his records today. He spent about 18 months in the Natural Guard (don’t blame me, blame the NPRC) and over a month on active duty. But he made it to PFC.
And see how the Purple Heart is on the left of his other medals that he’s wearing wrong? Well, that’s because he remembered that the highest medals are supposed to go closest to your heart – but that only counts when you wear them on the left side of your uniform, dingus. It took me forever to disabuse privates of that notion when we got the Valorous Unit Citation to add to the Presidential Unit Citation. They kept trying to put the PUC to the left of the VUC. Privates suck, just ask this guy.
ADDED: Here’s his Facebook, by the way.
Added by Sporkmaster.
It seems that he has another friend who faking along side him, because he was “there”. Also I like how his friend threatens to send the 75th Ranger Battalion on people. As if.
Added by Sporkmaster
Also it seems that we are finding out more about him from his local community.
Category: Phony soldiers
OWB–I don’t know why ya’ll down south love Krispy Kremes so much.
Oh wait, yes I do. It’s because you don’t have Dunkin Donuts there.
@543 Apple89… hit me up at mommaluv75@gmail.com
@Tank Boy
Yeah. I’m quite far south of Traverse City though
well here we go again…..fat bitch done dented up a slick ride. hubby has been exposed, fat wife didn’t get the memo. Sgt “tent half” is now in damage control mode. Derek, come clean man. spend some time browsing this blog. it will not end well. or, drive on and have another corn dog.
love, tommy.
It looks like the chubby wife of Waddlin’ Willy, the donut destroying Round Ranger, has brought her Facebook page back up.
https://www.facebook.com/kiaya.beheler
Posted the link. Today I’m going to spread the word to the Vietnam vets on the dead pecker bench down at the VFW. This will make their year. Hoping for everyone in this area to hear about this.
TankBoy, I was Delta Tracks at Fuji June of 85 up to January 1, 1986. Are you the “Mayor Of Henoko”? That would also be one of the survivors of “The Wreck Of D-13”.
@563: M.Speagle, thanks for spreading the word; the more the folks in your local area hear about this fat-assed faker, the more heat will be put on him and his scumbag wife…
Round Ranger offered me his e-addy, saying that if I contact him he would fill me in. I did contact him and he went dark with that one. This morning I felt that I owed him an update and a critique of my take on his chat messages to me. I e-mailed him with this just now. Let’s see if he will respond, but I am not holding my breath: William Derek Church: You offered your e-mail address to me, saying that if I contact you, that you will send me proof of your claimed service. I replied and you have chosen to not send anything. So, this morning let’s go over your messages to my chat box: You said, in the first one: “Come talk shit to my face you fucking whiner. It was an honest mistake. After you come home with a tbi see how much you remember. You flaming fucktard. Meet me at the Darby Queen and I’ll bury your smoked ass under it.” Let’s take that, one sentence at a time. I do not “Talk Shit”, that is what you have been doing, and no one, but NO ONE has ever described me as a “Whiner”. You claimed that it was an honest mistake. HA! In the photo alone there are 17 glaring improprieties in that uniform. Most visible being that NO RANGER would ever wear his uniform with Low Quarters. Go to This Ain’t Hell blog to read the rest of the “gigs”, they are listed in one comment. How could you come home with a TBI if you never left? Does everyone in your family lie like you do? Did you get this from your mother’s, or your father’s side of the family? Meeting you at the “Darby Queen”? For what? A comparison of our abilities? While I would not tackle the Queen against a REAL Ranger, I would show you up at the first obstacle. Would you define what you mean by threatening to bury me under it? I’ll wait. And then, your second missive to me: “Lost your balls i see. Oh… Read more »
Dayum, I need to better proof my placement of html ticks. I did not need the whole tail end of the comment to be in BOLD. Crap.
NO biggie Frankie.
I wonder why/how the other Lenoir News Topix page was deleted. I’d like to re-post the Stolen Valor Law and also the North Carolina statue for communicating a threat again, but, I almost just don’t even care any more.
I wish our fat playtoys would come back.
Check this out!
The more I look at this fat fu*k … the skinnier I feel!
Glad William of the Long Pants is still near the top
Kiayla, the large and in charge in her house has emerged! She sent me a response to a Photo that I shared and scripted: With a photo of a pair of wedding rings and a script that they represented “Derek and Kiayla Church, November 23, 2013”. I said: “I wonder if these rings are as phony as the Dope William Derek Church’s military service? Dressed in a totally fraudulent uniform for his wedding to someone who full knows what a proper uniform should look like, and claims Service in one of the most elite units in the US Army, and further, claims to have “taken 6 rounds in the chest”, after being sent to Iraq a full 2 years before hostilities began The rings probably came from a cereal box treat.” To which she messaged me with: “You have some nerve to attack someones marriage and their personal life. Its apparent to me that all you really are is some lonely dope looking for some attention. Its one thing to attack a military career but something totally different to attack someones personal life and their children. You wouldn’t know the truth if it smacked you in the face. Your sad really, plain pitiful, you legitimately have nothing, which proves nothing. Someone obviously never left high school.” I replied to her with: “I “attacked”, (if you must use that word), a phony soldier, who used his marriage to display utter, total disrespect for the uniform of our nation’s heroes. Had he n you not perpetuated this fraud, it would not have gotten the attention that it is getting. And, in what way, pray tell, did I “attack” their children, as you claim. As for education, mine exceeds yours and Waddlin’ Willie’s by a long way. And, what truth is there to his phoniness. Please tell me. And, in closing, why is the “non-Ranger, never been one”, having to have you do his arguing?” And, I just noticed a message from her, (these are coming in to my “gray” box at FB), saying: “Easy to talk shit over The internet. How about… Read more »
Fat boy, Fat boy
Whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do
When they come for you
Fat boy, Fat boy
Whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do
When they come for you
Nobody naw give you no break
Police naw give you no break
Not a soldier mona give you no break
Not even you doughnut naw give you no break
Hehe
Fat boy, Fat boy
Whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do
whatcha gonna do
When they come for you
To TAH: Dear Posters, I wish I could express to each of you my personal and deepest appreciation for your comments rather than through social media. Some of your comments indicate that you have experience in “outing” people who you label as “posers”. Your insights here are dead on. I want to believe that some of you have by personal experience empathy with family and friends, who know the whole (true) story but are afraid to reveal it. My own experience, knowledge, and reluctance are both. As a family member, I can tell you that I/we know where Derek has been and what he has been/is involved in. Following is the time line that has been constructed for TAH. Please be gentle; friends and family are hurting from all that Derek has done and is still doing. Continue the work you are doing; as it may provide an outlet to protect the innocent and at the same time hold Derek legally accountable for his indiscretions. Timeline of Derek Church AKA “Waddlin Wille” June 1995 Graduated High School ROTC and NG Feb 1994 – Sept 1995 (see above records) Sept 1995 – Discharged Oct/Nov 1995 – began working as a grease monkey for local car dealership Oct 1995 – met ex-wife at his birthday party in Lenoir, NC Dec 1995 – started dating ex-wife Attended BLET in 1996 Nov 1997- quit job as a grease monkey Dec 1997 – Got married to ex-wife Jan 1998 – Aug/Sept 1998 – worked as grounds keeper for local furniture company and moonlighted in construction with uncles Aug/Sept 1998 – April 2004 worked for DOC in Morganton, NC Jan 2000 – first child was born Feb 2004 – second child born April 2004 – left from DOC May/June 04 worked PT as security for local furniture company until laid off at the end of 2004 Called back in 2004 – 2007 as PT security once again laid off again 2007 – unemployed, drawing unemployemnt 2008 – unemployed, drawing unemployment 2009 – unemployed, drawing unemployment 2010 Attended EMT at community college 2011 – Paramedic training at… Read more »
Kiayla just won’t give this up. Some back and forth that is going on at my FB chat: “He isn’t, I’m only saying anything to your worthless ass because you continue to use my pictures and poke your fun. Knock it of” What you call poking fun is what we call exposing liars. Because the public deserves to know. Especially, those up and down US-64 each way from Gamewell. Well those up here do know. They know everything, they know the truth. Your a nobody from nowhere who gets off on trashing others. Well you have your fun your not hurting him or me. Do they know the Real Truth? That he is not nor ever was a Ranger? Do they know that Ft. Benning Ranger School has no record of him ever attending? That the 75th Ranger Association has never ever heard of him? Do they know that he was NOT called back in just after 9/11/2001 and sent to Iraq, 2 years before anyone else went? Do they? You don’t know that, you only know anything but what you’ve managed to scrape up. And of course he’s a liar…it’ll never matter what proof he gives, you’ll always have something negative to say, you’ll never leave it alone. Why, because your a child yourself who can’t grow up and have your own life. He have to destroy someone else to make you feel better about yourself.</b. Me? Scrape up? I personally checked him out at The Ranger School. He is a Fraud. I happen to know a bit about military history, and he DID NOT GO TO IRAQ in 2001. <b.You got what the military wants you to know..that's it. That's all you'll every have. You can't possibly think you are privileged to everything I know that no RANGER would ever wear his dress uniform as screwed up as that one in the wedding pictures. I know that NO RANGER would ever wear that uniform without bloused boots and would never sew a unit patch on it. Never would a member of the army who has earned them, mix… Read more »
@573, Thanks for the information. Sounds as if he has left a wake of destruction and disruption in his wake.
Waddlin Willie…nice ring to it. Fits “Waddlin Willie the Rotund Ranger”.
@573 I am sorry for you and those family members who are truly hurting over the actions of Mr. Church. My sympathy is with those of you who are innocent victims of his charade. Mr. Church has dug a pretty deep hole for himself and his current wife, who it appears, is even now complicit in his fraud. I have no malice toward you, those innocent family members and especially the children involved. I hope Mr. Church will do one thing honorable in his life and admit his fraud and make appropriate apologies to those they are owed. Thank you for your post.
@573 Hurting
So you mean no record of combat derring-do?
Color me shocked
@574…..FO You know the old saying….
” Kiayla ” … Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned…
/So she realized that she’s married to a sad, pathetic, loser, husband and she takes it out on us for just pointing out that fact. It’s a direct reflection upon herself.
@ #573: Your story is fairly typical of the wake of destruction left by valor thieves. And why we gasp when the courts and law makers call it a “victimless” crime.
It is a crime. And there are victims, usually many victims.
Meanwhile, thanks, Frankly, for sharing that exchange. It proves, unfortunately, my initial assessment of the current “wife” being a worthless skank to be correct.
Sad for the kids. Let’s hope that they carry enough genetic material from others to overcome what she passed along to them. Given her proclivity to lie, who knows who the fathers might be.
If nothing else, this clown, and the others outed here by real warriors, serve as examples of how not to behave, and why lying is never good.
“ROTC and NG Feb 1994 – Sept 1995 (see above records)
Sept 1995 – Discharged”
So, this POS, every donut’s worst nightmare, wears a Purple Heart. That would be the same Purple Heart that some of you received. The same Purple Heart that the families of the Fallen received and cherish. The same Purple Heart that costs blood and shattered bodies.
He who claims a Purple Heart not his is the most loathsome and despicable of creatures. There is much that I can forgive from a repentent knucklehead. But not that. Ever.
Awwwwww, Kiayla has blocked me. I guess she just can’t bear to read the truth. Whatever will I do.
@#573: Yep, just as we had suspected, but you put the general dates to it all. Thanks, and we will help to let your neighborhood know about him. His “wife” Kiayla was having quite a back and forth with me, feebly trying to defend his lies. Surely, she is complicit, and not the innocent bystander in all this.
Sorta proves out the old adage:
“Birds of a Feather will flock together.”
@273, so is BLET Basic Law Enforcement Training? I googled it, if so it figures. Military posing is almost always a symptom. Willie wanted to be a cop, couldn’t cut it, became a CO at a kiddie prison camp. Wanted to be a soldier, couldn’t hack it, poses as a Ranger.
Come on now guys…..his records are classified…geesh..cut the man some slack FFS
Hey Derek…you want to shut all of us up? Simple way to do that. While you claim your records are classified. i can tell you one record you can get, that will provide irrefutable truth, that will end all of this.
Your DFAS pay record. Even the most super high speed ninja SEAL Team 6 Delta Force warrior gets paid.
Contact DFAS here:
Phone: 317-212-2813/0987/2762
Email: AMPO-VERIFY-INQUIRIES@dfas.mil
They will provide a very detailed report of all of your previous pay transactions, entitlements, etc..that will prove you were deployed and in combat. Simple.
Of course we all know that will not be the case. I can tell you, for a fact, I know that will not be the case all ready.
But this option is your one hard and fast opportunity to prove us all wrong here if you want. I’d jump on it if I were you.
@ #580: Yeah, claiming an unearned Purple Heart is as bad as it gets. The only thing which equals it for me is falsely claiming POW status.
REALLY???? The wife is still defending him after all this? Ok, I have one question for her and apparently they are still reading this blog, even though they claim that it isn’t bothering or hurting them at all…
Keep the pressure on until he submits IF he’s man enough!!!
Oh, she’s not just defending him, she is way past that.
BREAKING NEWS/WASH DC:
“The official services records of William Derek Church have been sealed by the US Government”, said LtCol Drew Flopsie, PAO for US Army Personnel Command.
“When his records arrived after his long and confusing carrer, they were covered in chicken and pork grease, jelly donut filling and we even found a flattened and half eaten Filipino Lumpia roll in a napkin between the only two pages of his service record. We attempted to digitize the two pages but they kept jamming the scanner.”
Asked where his records are now, LtCol Drew Flopsie just said, “we put the two page service record in an evelope, sealed it with clear tape, placed it a box and the box is now in storage.”
http://327infantry.org/images/ns_iraq3.jpg
NO SLACK!!!!!!!
/Not an Army guys but I like their motto.
@588
If you are referring to the waistband on Fat Derek’s trousers, No Slack would be an excellent motto….
Hurting@573, Did FAT F#CK fail to pass the state test for his EMT/Paramedic license? I did a check on him and he does not posses a license for either an EMT or Paramedic on the National list.
EMT/Paramedics are a high demand occupation, and for him to be unemployed since he completed his schooling is laughable.
Frankly @581: Sorta proves out the old adage:
“Birds of a Feather will flock together.”
I much prefer the Japanese adage that in this case, seems so very apropos:
?????
“Onaji ana no mushi”
[Worms from the same hole].
–ghp
Ahhh …. kanji does not show on this board.
Substitute “?????” with “Onaji ana no mushi.”
–ghp
ghp95134: unfortunately, no. Neither does Cyrillic. European accented letters are hit/miss (some display, some don’t).
@ Hurting,
I feel for you and your family. I too now the pain that is involved with having a family member like William Derek Church. My own brother was one, and as the members here say, posing is a symptom of deeper and more nefarious things. My brother was much like Church. He served in the Air Force in the mid 1970s as a ground equipment repair technician (I have no idea what the MOS is or was). He was booted after two years for basically being a worthless POS. That didn’t stop him from claiming to have been a Special Forces soldier in Vietnam though, a claim I found out about several years later. As is true with many, if not most, posers, he has also had quite a bit of involvement with the law enforcement community, with him being placed in handcuffs for various offenses ranging from simple assault to drug offenses to check kiting and fraud. He even went so far as to steal from our now deceased mother much of the money she and our father had worked hard to save before he passed away. I was sent home on emergency leave from Taji, Iraq in December of 2004 and arrived a day before she passed. I was able to find out what my brother had done and cleverly hidden for many years (my mother was a proud woman and wouldn’t tell me what was going on). After the funeral I told him if I ever saw him again I’d kill him. To this day I refuse to travel to my hometown for fear that I may do just that. So I know how you feel. You can help yourselves by divorcing yourself from William Derek and joining the fight to out him and his wife in your community. I assure you it will go a long way towards healing the wounds he has caused all of you.
@573: This malignant crazed couple certainly has wreaked a path of destruction through your family and other related families as well. I (and I’m sure others here) feel badly for you and all the other family members victimized by this honorless couple. With their conduct exposed to sunlight, I hope and pray the rest of you can be begin to heal and move on. God Bless you and yours…
To the tune of “The William Tell Overture”
Gobble up, guzzle up.
Guzzle them doughnuts,,
Gobble up, guzzle up,
Guzzle them doughnuts,
Gobble up, guzzle up,
Guzzle them doughnuts,
LIKE THE ROOOOUUUND RANGER!! *BUUUUURRRRP!*
And I’m talking double-glazed jelly doughnuts, the day-old ones he buys at half price!
Yes, William Derek Church THE ROUND RANGER (GH!)!
All this talk of donuts makes me want one. Now. Maybe an apple fritter.
I sent him the following in an email. Over the top??
William Church,
You don’t know me. My name is Matt Slater, and here’s what is going to happen. You are going to post a public apology on TAH under the user name William Church, and also on your Facebook page, along with recanting your claim to be a 75th Ranger, SF, and any other military related claims you have made. You will also post a promise to never portray yourself as a military member again. Your wife will also post on TAH and Facebook that she knows you have lied about your military service.
I am giving you until 7pm Eastern time today (Thurs, January 9th) to do this.
If you fail to do this by the time indicated, I am going to email all of your information to your state unemployment office and will get all of your benefits stopped. I will do everything in my power to see to it that you never get another dime of unemployment or welfare money. I absolutely promise this is going to happen if your public apology isn’t posted by 7pm today.
Clock is ticking, motherfucker.
Matt Slater
Sent from my iPad
Looks like Waddlin Willie has a penchant for 2 things: Failing at jobs that require him wearing a uniform and some kind of integrity ( Law Enforcement, EMT, Prison Guard, Security Guard and Military) and chumming up to younger women ( from the looks of the Manatee he hauled in it looks like that didn’t work out too well either).
Nice work history too. Attends Police and EMT school and can’t land a job doing either. Shit-canned as a security guard and a youth corrections officer. Looking at his work history he hasn’t had a real job in 7 years.
What an ass-biscuit.
600 YAH
So there I was in WW-NAMRAQ, jelly dognuts flying left and right. My buddy Wilt the Stilt had already been hit twice in the face by flying dicks. Good thing he did not ask for them or tell anybody about it. Well I just had enough and Ranger Uped and eat everything thrown at me. That is how I got this here Jelly Purple Heart.
@598
Matt, I’m betting he has already expended all the Unemployment and State bennies he ever racked up. Welfare is a big maybe too. By the looks of him he probably was able to get into SSDI. Hes a fat fuck who probably has “diabetus” hypertension and gout, not to mention erectile dysfunction, etc. He’s had plenty of time to work the system.
That SSDI check is probably his cover for saying he is medically retired from the military.
Over the top …. NAH!
@598.
Hell Yeah!
This video is posted in honor of Derek’s lovely wife:
@#598: Sounds like a Reasonable request, no more over the top than my request that he begin his e-mail reply to me with following my instructions:
I am TELLING, (not asking), you to begin your reply with these things or I will not respond:
1.Ranger class number and year.
2.Ranger unit name and number, as per scroll shown on uniform.
3.Unit assigned to when Purple Heart earned.
4.When promoted to E-6.
5.Admission that there are no sealed records pertinent to you.
But, with that said; I am going to put my money on him being so damned dumb that he will just try to “stay dark”, thinking/hoping this will all go away. It is obvious that his bride is as dumb as a box of rocks, based on her “back and forth” with me today; and I don’t see him as being any brighter.
I will bet that from now on, when they go into the local Dollar General, Family Dollar, Wally World or wherever they go to spend her children’s food stamps that there is considerable snickering and pointing of fingers in her/their direction. With the local representation that we have seen in this thread, with the Lenoir news thingy going on, and with our friend “89 something or other” taking all this to the local VSO, that they have everything but a neon sign in their name up there on US-64, from Morganton, north through Gamewell, to Lenoir and beyond. Dayum, locally, them folks have become regular Internet stars. So, William Derek Church and Kiayla Louise Church, how does it feel to just put your name into the great Goooooooooogle search engine and see all this pop up for the whole world to see?
I gave him until 7 so that he could go to the gym after he gets off work.
Get it? Goes to the gym…after he gets off work??
I’ll be here all week.