Beloved character guilty of Stolen Valor
I saw this last week and I thought it was pretty clever of someone at Foodbeast who uncovered this egregious example of Stolen Valor;
The Wall Street Journal has dug deeper;
Cap’n Crunch took to Twitter to defend his honor.
“All hearsay and misunderstandings!,” @realcapncrunch wrote.”I captain the S.S. Guppy with my crew – which makes an official Cap’n in any book!”
And:
“Of course I’m a Cap’n!” he wrote to anguished supporters searching for answers. “It’s the Crunch – not the clothes – that make a man. #PaidMyDues”
But his protests failed to tamp down the sense of betrayal and anger.
The controversy deepened on Wednesday when the Pentagon said it had no record of a Cap’n Crunch ever serving in the U.S. Navy.“We have no Cap’n Crunch in the personnel records – and we checked,” said Lt. Commander Chris Servello, director of the U.S. Navy’s news desk at the Pentagon. “We have notified NCIS and we’re looking into whether or not he’s impersonating a naval officer – and that’s a serious offense.”
I think he qualifies for a prosecution under the new Stolen Valor Act since he obviously profited from his ass-hattery.
Category: Phony soldiers
Cool.
In his defense, most Captains of naval ships hold the rank of Commander.
I think going after Captain Crunch is pure BULLSH*T.
Lay off this guy, he has done nothing wrong!
Nah, Cap’n Crunch is kool. Even though he’s only a CDR O-5, since he’s the “skipper” of his own vessel, that makes him the “Cap’n” of his ship, in traditional naval parlance. Beside, his cereal was my favorite when I was kid, so I’ll give him a pass. aye aye matie!
Reddit did this before Foodbeast…
Also, maybe this is an old photo from when he was a CDR(p)? You know, with a service record like his we ought to not jump to conclusions. He defended my house against oatmeal and cream of wheat for many a year. I say let his record speak for itself.
That aside, the WSJ comments section has some of the most partisan, humorless blowhards I’ve ever seen. I don’t habitually troll, but their sourpuss attitudes about this make me want to make an account and wade in there trolling left and right.
Arrrghh! Anyone in charge of a ship is its captain!
Per Navy regs, the CO of any ship is addressed as Captain, even if he’s a lowly lieutenant junior grade. Foodbeast is uninformed. P:
His rank appears to be Commander, however as the commanding officer of the vessel (cereal box) he is customarily addressed as “Captain” regardless of his actual rank.
Now we have to go after General Mills as well.
The dude also is missing fingers. He has three fingers and a thumb on each hand. How the hell did he ever get past MEPS?
Paul K. Wickre will be on here defending Captain Crunch tonight starting at 2300
Going after his title and rank is, as I said early, BULLSHIT!
However, I move that we charge Commander “Captain” Crunch with multiple violations of UCMJ ART. 55. CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT.
Captain Crunch was cetainly a favorate of mine growing up, however each bowl the roof of my mouth was left shredded and bloodied. Hence, charges are warranted!
Adirondack Patriot: I heard he lost those fingers in combat with his nemesis, Jeanne LaFoote. He first showed up early during Vietnam (1963), so maybe they let that slide.
Can’t agree with cutting him a break, though. Navy says no record of service, so we need to investigate further. I guess it’s time for another FOIA . . . . (smile)
I think someone should send in a FOIA request and check out that guy Captain Kangaroo just to be safe.
I’m given to understand that “Count” Chocula has no actual title of nobility either, the poser.
Speaking on behalf of the crunchberry guards, I am prepared to defend the Cap’n to the bitter end.
Bring it breakfast haters!!!
Dead giveaway: The Mustache.
Wittgenfeld
Katske
Frederick George
Jasper Holland
Sharkey
Duke Schechter
Anyone else that was missed?
Twist: Captain Kangaroo has already been investigated. He was found to have been USMCR enlisted during World War II, but he didn’t deploy before the war ended.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob_Keeshan
In Kangaroo’s defense, he never wore a clearly military uniform on his show. He also never clearly identified what type of “Captain” he was – military, fire, police, bell, whatever.
In contrast, Crunch appears to be wearing a Navy uniform variant, He also claims to be “Captain of the ship the SS Guppy”.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/foodbeast/capn-crunch-makes-nationa_b_3462526.html
Captain Crunch for Gay Marriage: http://2paragraphs.com/2013/04/capn-crunch/
The real Captain Crunch was in the Army (great article): http://www.angelfire.com/ms/revdave/capn.html
Somone has way to much time on their hands
Sam … go mix some bleach and ammonia while sitting in a small closet!
My understand that Captain Kangaroo was/is infact a Marine
There was an apparent urban myth that Bob Kishen (CPT Kangaroo) and Lee Marvin served together in the same gyrene outfit during Iwo Jima. The truth is that Kishen enlisted but did not serve overseas, while Marvin was wounded on Saipan in 1944, and not on Iwo in 1945.
There’s also the one about Mr. Rogers being a Marine (or Army) sniper in Vietnam, but no that’s not true either…
ChipNASA: General Mills appears to be legit. He wears 3 stars.
MILLS, Richard P., Lieutenant General/O-9, USMC
Current Assignment: Deputy Commandant for Combat Development and Integration and Commanding General, Marine Corps Combat Development Command, Quantico, VA
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_P._Mills_%28USMC_General%29
@24
LMFAO!!
No one cares what you guys think, you are nothing!!! I have several Lawers and Law enforcement that know the places you work.
Right now they are serving warrents and orders for you to seize and desiste.
I work for Capn Crunch at APL (Atlantic Pafific Libelslander) and your phony blog with your old dried up hack veterans and women that scare me and my flacid manhood are nothing to us!!!.
I happen to drive a Minicooper, something that TSO, HONDO, Julie Weir and Ex-PH2 could only dream about.
You guys save away paying your motuges while the good Capn ( who gets contracts from the Mexican Govt because he is 1/247 Mayan) feast on the best Serial ever Made,
Screw you Johnson Lillyeah! I know the little farm you live out in Montana, There will be DEA, Interpol and /batman there to shut you down in three hours,
This is the last yu here frum me,
any furher contack should be from my Lawer
PSul K Wickre-Malhain
I served under 3 different “Captains” while I was on the USS George C Marshall, and every one of them was an O-5 (Commander). Captain Crunch is innocent I tell you!!!
What clued me in was the eyebrows on his Service Cap. That’s a definite no-go, at least way back when I was a squidly-diddly. Have things changed?
I’d be all over this, but I’m waaaay to busy keeping up with that whole Keith “Big Dawg” Riley Keeton thing-a-ma-jig. I’ve got a lot of waiting to do.
@26
A fair duplication however, you did forget to put the Highlighted name with something to the effect for e-mail address as LAST WORD YOU HEATHENS …something something. 😀
Captain Crunch isn’t real? NOOOOOOOOO!! SAY IT AIN’T SO!!!
Next, you’ll be telling me that Crunch Berries don’t grow on trees!!
Cap’n Crunch known to be the Master of an unarmed Naval vessel in hostile waters. Offering enemy targets only harsh language and all the Cap’n Crunch and milk they could take aboard. I am sad.
I hope he goes down for this, the last bowl of his cereal I ate shredded the roof of my mouth. it’s like eating ground up glass.
@32. LMAO Coffee out my nose! Thanks for that!
@33, it’s true! those little yellow squares rend the flesh from my palate!
Cap’n Crunch gets a pass!!! You ever had a bowl of Crunchberries?? They are DELICIOUS!!!!
@26 Comedy gold!
I prefer Fruit Loops for a real roof of the mouth cleansing.
I rise in defense of Cap’n Crunch, he’s Gr-r-reat!
Has he claimed military rank? No, only that he commands the SS Guppy and SS simply denotes “steamship”. Silly rabbits, (war) ships are for squids.
The Cap’n has not threatened legal action like so many of those profiled here? No! Those others, they’re magically litigious.
The Cap’n is showing the steadfast(ness) of champions! He has not gone coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs!
To prove the Cap’n innocent I will take two scoops of righteousness and follow my nose (it always knows). I know that the Cap’ns integrity is big! Yeah, yeah, yeah! It’s not small… no, no, no!
Given the story quoted above, we defenders of the Cap’n gladly await the outcome of the NCIS investigation. In the end he will be squid tested and mother approved!
Wonder if Phil Monkress served in the SEALS with Cap’n Crunch. I mean if Phil gets to be a SEAL why not the good ‘ole Cap’n? Now I want to see the Cap’n’s DD214!
I’d rather have Cap’n Crunch running the Taliban negotiations than the current Admin. Wait a minute…I think he is in on the negotiations. Even a die hard Islamic terrorist couldn’t turn down a bowl of Crunch Berries.
Sparks–that 214 is probably as faked as Ladner’s or Jesse MacBeth’s.
Everyone….Per SOCNET
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZSjFtdKcCU
Here (above) you will find videodocumentary evidence that not only was he a ship’s captain, but he had a crew, and was prepared to engage in combat with pirates.
Actually, Cap’n Crunch appears to have been an early victim of Democrats, as his call to his crew for chow was met with hordes of straphangers (99 percenters) who occupied his ship and galley demanding that they too be served breakfast.
/socnet you rock.
@41 you are right. All these years and still only a Captain/Commander. He should be in the Joint Chiefs by now. I know for sure is against woman in SF. My guy wouldn’t do that to us. I say Cap’n Crunch in…Hagel out.
Not his fault. He’s not bad; he’s just drawn that way.
Is that uniform covered under some regulation from the 19th century? He’s just a reinactor. You Navy guys don’t get too many of those, so be proud!
Guys, and MCPO NYC USN (Ret)
I don’t know who that Sam is in the 20 & 22 space, but its sure and hell is not the same Sam that lives in Iowa, if he can’t use his last name then I’d say to him, GET LOST.
Sam (Where the tall corn grows)
Captain Crunch Rap: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5lP8fHN53t0
In the spirit of this post, the captain is on the S.S. Guppy which is not a military designation, meaning the captain is a civilian not in the military and can wear anything he wants.
As a noble, and former military man myself, I can personally attest to the credentials and claims made by Cap’n Horatio Magellan Crunch. For the better part of 50 years he has waged a secret war against cereal sogginess and as a result, many of his records are classified.
Please stop your unwarranted attack on this pillar of the breakfast community. If you do not immediately remove all references to the Cap’n and the associated link to the Wall Street Journal article, I will be forced to contact my legal team, Snap, Crackle, and Pop, to pursue litigation on his behalf.