Scott Wellen aka Scott Henderson; phony SEAL
Someone sent us their work on this fellow, Scott Wellen, who also goes by the name Scott Henderson. He pretends to be a Navy SEAL who is currently engaged in secret squirrel operations, because it attracts the ladies. He watched this “documentary” Dirty Wars once, so he tells the ladies that this says more about him than he could say about himself. He’s an expert at being being an expert.
Here’s conversation he had with a target;
She started questioning his stories, and told him that he didn’t show up in the SEAL database, so he started threatening her with arrest under the Patriot Act;
Yeah, well, he’s not in the SEAL database, because he’s never served in any uniform;
He’s just another scumbag liar who uses his phony military service to rip off the ladies.
Category: Phony soldiers, Valor Vultures
Nomination for the Wall Insults.
I threw up in my mouth reading that.
…Second the nomination for the Wall of Insults – but I would like to respectfully suggest that there should be something far, far worse for this particular sack of shit.
Mike
Aye to WOI & to something far, far worse for this particular scumbag.
AYE!!!
How about a midnight visit and a lovingly delivered THROAT PUNCH!
That would be a good start.
Aye.
I third it, but only – ONLY – if ChipNASA adds “farting dive bubble” to it.
This guy needs to meet his match. I’d volunteer, but I have cookies to bake, stories to write, etc. Did I ever tell you guys about that time in the Phillippines when – oh, never mind.
I suggest “atomic flaming douchebag” as well.
Goddamn it.
You posted while I was editing.
Well, no matter, we’ll add that for the next guy.
I like it. I LIKE IT!!
BINGO……be back in a minute. Ex-PH2 being added. OK Hey SNOT, I mean Scotty Bitch, COME AT US BRO!!! Guess you wanted to be a SUPER BAD ASS, well guess what? Now you’re GOOGLE AND INTERNET SUPER FAMOUS. Once any woman goes on the internet and types in your name, she’ll be brought to This Ain’t Hell where you will forever live in infamy. Way to go DICKSTOMPER, you’ve pissed off the WRONG crown and now, you’re going to have to pay the piper. OPEN WIDE Wall of Insults®™ (aka, “This Ain’t Hell” Thesaurus) FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!! TACTICAL NUCLEAR ROUND OUT!!!! DANGER CLOSE!!!! MOPP LEVEL 4!!! TAKE COVER!!!!! Scott “Not Well Endowed” Wellen aka Scott “Florence” Henderson , NOT as SEAL, ALLEGEDLY, but not confirmed or proven, but in some people’s opinion, works balls, tickles taint and tongue punches hobo’s crusty fart boxes all, I Guess, while being a syphilitic, turd-sucking feces factory, HOLY Baby Ape Shit Breath, Bitch-ass Fuckstick guzzler, pile infested, onion-eyed flapmouthed butt-bailiff, “Fowl” mouthed Chicken Fucking Chickenfucker, Simply a fart in life waiting to be fabreezed away, moral equivalent of pond scum, THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS A WALKING TURD, inflamed, “Towel boy” in a gay bath house, DILLY DILLY!!, Ambulatory verbal dissembling anus, gaping ass fungus nugget, Cambodian cunt sauce, Anyone who ever loved you was wrong, Poopy Headed ball working asshole, JERK OFF !!, Soup Sandwich, you’re such a pussy, when you get a haircut they charge you for a bikini wax, Poster-child for abortion, If you are married, The only thing your wife wants for Christmas is a folded flag, Dick Swallowing Spooge Sampling cum gobbling parasitic infection, Klootviool, should be ass raped and tea-bagged, at the same time, by a Rabid Rhinoceros, you were the kid that had to sit alone at lunchtime, Anus tonguing shitslurping fuckwitted hemorrhoid munching wanktoaster, farting dive bubble cock gobbling Pigfucker, lientery steatorrhea, sperm burping, Sloshing bucket of Hippo Diarrhea, dickwad that can’t make a good seal on Tupperware, Buttcrackiula, tit, You look like the product of an orgy at a family reunion.Sharmouta, sniveling, codpiece licking toilet seat… Read more »
Amen
Chip: I hope you cut and paste, bro.
I do.
I am only the curator of the Wall of Insults®™
(aka, “This Ain’t Hell” Thesaurus)
.
It is, in and of itself, a living and breathing thing.
😀 😉
I read everyone of those entertaining adverbic/adjective perversely creative insults, honored to have made a miniscule contribution to Chips WOI…keep it growing..Guinness record for walls stuff in the making ?
Agt,
My only concern is, and that’s why we follow TAH’s Robert’s Rules of order, that it will grow so large that Jonn will not allow it any more.
I hope to not see that day, but only time will tell.
Jonn’s been nice about and I haven’t had any blowback.
😉
“Sgt” I mean,
I happen to know this guy, for real, and I have to agree with your description.
Scott Wellen-Scott Henderson, Kyle Barwan called, he wants his scam back.
I don’t know. He does have that killer stare. I’d be pissed too if I lost $800K for 2.5 weeks of “work”. JSOC sure pays good though.
I know I picked the wrong line of work.
FFS…not even gonna read thru all that Horsht.
You are missing some comedy gold.
Didn’t you mean borscht????
What a POS.
He’d have to improve about 1000% to be a POS.
Can someone tell me which GS or military paygrade makes $320K/week? I thought that the DC locality pay was a deal!
Can’t tell you that. It’s a seekrit. I’d have to forcefeed my cooking into you.
You can’t forcefeed your cooking to us, we eat that willingly and eagerly!
So there!
Damn! You just blew my whole cover!!!
What in the blue-eyed world is that sleeve/shoulder patch? Is that real or something you’d buy at a Star Trek convention?
“We love the night life” – in other words an alky barfly?
They got to boogie
Well, the gal to whom he was writing all that love-sap stuff was (or is) married and living with her husband.
So we know he has no qualms banging another man’s wife – and she has not problems getting laid by a man who is not her husband.
What her husband thinks of all of this is an open question.
Maybe she was trying to scam him out of some serious cash. He gets $320,000 per week, right? Ooopss! All of a sudden, his paycheck went bye-bye because someone forgot to pay him.
I need a hero! I’m holding out for a hero till the end of the night!
Tina Turner didn’t. (smile)
But we could BE heroes!
You don’t say. (smile)
http://valorguardians.com/blog/?p=74867
Scott Wellen AKA Scott Henderson is a liar.
Scott Wellen AKA Scott Henderson has never served in the military.
Scott Wellen AKA Scott Henderson is a coward.
Scott Wellen AKA Scott Henderson could not find his wang in the dark using both hands.
Scott Wellen AKA Scott Henderson is not any kind of special forces.
Scott Wellen AKA Scott Henderson is not Secret Agent Man.
Scott Wellen AKA Scott Henderson learned all he knows from the movies.
Scott Wellen AKA Scott Henderson is a wanna-be.
Scott Wellen AKA Scott Henderson makes a slit latrine smell like roses in comparison.
Scott Wellen AKA Scott Henderson is a no-account bum.
Scott Wellen AKA Scott Henderson is not trustworthy.
Scott Wellen AKA Scott Henderson threatens helpless kittens.
Scott Wellen AKA Scott Henderson – enjoy your Google fame, you loser.
Scott Wellen AKA Scott Henderson kicks Labrador Retriever puppies!
Scott Wellen couldn’t tell a good story if you offered him cash and held a gun to his head.
Scott Wellen aka Scott Henderson blows winos behind bus stops when he’s not sniffing toilet seats highway rest areas and truck stops.
Scott Wellen AKA Scott Henderson- “I’m not a premature ejaculator, I just have to be fast in case I’m called away on a mission.”
He’s a patriot of sorts….a minuteman…and there a movie about him….“60 Seconds Over Tokyo Rose”
Scott Wellen AKA Scott Henderson wears used Depends undergarments he steals from nursing homes in order to conceal his scent from the hounds tracking him.
I can count on my teammates at TAH to fill out those little factoids I may have missed, or just became too nauseated by the puke to continue relating.
Scott Wellen AKA Scott Henderson shoots blanks from his capgun.
Scott Wellen AKA Scott Henderson is a butt sniper and ballsack worker that enjoys a “dirty sanchez” at the local truck stop.
I can just hear the briefing, “Your destination is classified, your flying time is classified. If you need more information, you’ll just have to google it.”
There is a new classification: To be posted only on the interwebz, any other documentation must self-destruct in 30 seconds.
The old “burn before reading” orders
Scott Wellen AKA Scott Henderson wants to be just like Maxwell Smart when he grows a pair.
Goddamn that is some embarrassing shit right there. Reminds me of Bill Paxton’s character, Simon, in True Lies.
I had to run to the latrine after reading this
Go big or go home Lol…
🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
This guy is the used car salesman from True Lies!!
►Okay, it’s just that things are a bit hot right now. If I get a signal, I may have to leave suddenly.
►I understand.
Look, it’s my job to take risks, but not yours. I feel bad about bringing you into this, but you’re the only one I can trust. ►Were you out on a mission?
We say “op,” covert operation. And this one, well, got a little rough.
►Worse than Cairo?
►Cairo. Cairo was a day at the beach next to this.
►Did you read the papers yesterday?
►Yes.
►Sometimes a story is a mask for a covert operation. You see two men killed in a restroom and two unidentified men… in a running shootout, ending at the Marriott?
►That was you?
►You’re very good. You recognized my style. You’re a natural at this.
Shit! Just saw that MK75Gunner beat me to it!
You have sammiches, PH?
See below, Chief.
There I was, surrounded by half-eaten peanut butter & jam sammiches, empty beer mugs, backed up by five aliens named Juan, Gianni, Horst, Zebo and Skzzmists.
I knew it was gonna be a hard day’s night when that overblown thug walked through the door and demanded mandarin beef and hot & sour soup.
“We’re out of hot & sour,” I said, eyeing his lanky figure and his gun with running lights.
“Whaddaya got?” he asked, holding his pants up in front. He had no butt to speak of.
“Chicken soup,” I said. “It’ll cure everything.”
He looked at the vapid blonde woman hanging onto him for dear life, coughing her lungs up.
“Chicken soup, it is,” he said. “Here, drink this, Doc. You sound like a seal when you cough like that. Can I get a beer?”
“Sure,” I said, putting a tall one in front of him. “What planet are you from, stranger?”
“Earth,” he said, after blowing off some foam. “Long way from here.”
“Earth, huh?”
He nodded. I heard chair legs scraping backward. I shook my head.
“Never heard of it,” I said.
Nice!
It would be worth it to see Scott Wellan AKA Scott Henderson (a PROVEN LIAR) wet his pants…
Prolly has a little wiener too. It’s embarrassing.
I’m an expert and becoming an expert….that is going to be my go to line for anytime people question me at anything. GOLD!
It reminds me of a time in 1972 when I was part of a crack commando unit that was sent to prison by a military court for a crime we didn’t commit. We promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, we are still wanted by the government, we survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, you give us a call
Here I am at my job… License to kill gophers!
Shut up, fool!! Ain’t got time fo’ yo’ jibba-jabba!!”
I bet he never met anyone like me, I think he is cute.
Blast it Dave. You just had to, didn’t you?
Oh, sh!t – now we’re in for it. I understand DH always starts singing this tune right after he breaks out that pink robe photo.
^^^^ I LIKES IT ^^^^
I’ve never read such embarrassing pablum. Any chance of impressing the ladies is gone if they are smart enough to use Google. Now I need brain bleach. Boy, do you have any idea how immature you come across? If you were trying to impress this married woman, it is sure to work if she is stupid with the personality of a vacuum. I almost feel sorry for you. You have disgraced yourself until the end of time. Just a question, though … if you’re so secret the government doesn’t know about you, how did you get paid the $800K or did I read that wrong? Do you get paid by the hour or by the seekret op?
What a fucking creepy dude.
Well, but is he really creepier than the Army male nurse turned politician (see Sean Carrigan) who is a lactation counselor?
I mean, creepy is creepy, period.
As Pvt Pyle would say: “Surprise, Surprise, Sgt!!” Only 24 hours has elapsed since the last fake SEAL, and we have another in the breech.
What kind of girls is he chasing around at his age?
fat & ugly?
ID Card/Tricare hunters, Dependapottomi.
Most women do not care about this stuff. Look at the divorce rates in the military. They want attention and money. These guys are clueless.
Reading about these Romeos being exposed just isn’t doing it for me anymore. Can’t we instead vector them towards some of our female posers of days gone by? The transcripts would be entertaining.
Y’know, we haven’t had a female (at least in plumbing) poser in quite some time.
Wonder where they all went?
Not too many women are into posing for the ego trip or the guilt relief, and it generally doesn’t work very well as a method to catch a man. If a woman can’t get money out of military posing, she’s usually not interested.
I’m hoping this drugstore rambo would show up here and defend himself, but no sign of him yet…shucks…
Not even a sock puppet yet!
It’s like he’s hiding in the bottom of a
outhousefoxhole somewhere…I think he’s the real deal. He’s hiding out in the open making a story sound so ridiculous that people don’t believe him. You guys don’t know this but the Army SEALS keep their records on vinyl LP’s. They are not accessible on the Interwebs and play at 35 7/8’s. Only readable by a My Little Pony portable record player from a defunct Chinese knock-off factory.
I’m in great peril by sharing this information with you guys. If you don’t hear from me, please contact my brother and tell him to erase my browser history…
‘but the Army SEALS keep their records on vinyl LP’s.’
Damnit. I KNEW, I FUCKING KNEW I should have taken things more seriously and gone for Admiral and eventually undersecretary/defense/face shooters.
Because I would have been totally down with keeping all personnel files on vinyl with some ‘color’ added.
For example;
THE SARC
Personal data: blablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablabla
Service record:
blablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablabla
Other notable information:
Nailed Princess Di. Nailed every chick that Prince nailed, sometimes double-teaming with Prince. Prince song ‘Party Man’ written in honor of THE SARC.
Females ‘hit’ by THE SARC:
blablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablabla
In other words, The SARC would be an 8 LP ‘file’.
I need some input to what the album cover art would be for The SARCs personnel file/LPs.
A herd of cats would be appropriate for THE SARC’s album cover.
Where here’s one of his theme/action tunes.
NSFW*
NSFW*
NSFW*
* = unless you’re working in the Team room/platoon space/dive locker/etc.
And here’s the live version. That’s The SARC on bass, by the way. 😉
I wonder if Mr. Sharkman, IDC SARC, and the other real deals are feeling shorted after reading that.
$320,000 a week is a lot of cabbage.
fukker probably has a dedicated parking space too.
Wherever my current ride stops rolling is My Parking Space.
‘Cuz ‘MURRICA!’
😉
I think if we tested the theory we would determine that there is an inverse correlation between a propensity for stolen valor and the ability to effectively use proper spelling, grammar and punctuation.
It’s been proven, or have you forgotten AbOuT oUr OlD fRiEnD “ThE SlUrP”?
Maggot.
Keep him away from kids.
The more I think about it, the term “Dirty” probably comes from “his boys” when they point out the way his two-hole smells after not washing all of that semen out of it.
You have to love the words these guys resort to when trying to reel in a lady. ‘I am the most loyal sincere honest loving honest dependable down to earth honest loving man you will ever know. I am so honest that the most honest person in the world is 98% less honest than me, because I am sincere and loyal and loving and honest. I am 128% more loyal than Ol’ Yeller because I am honest and loving from all of the people I have shot in the face. You can trust that The President has me on speed dial with the contact name of ‘Needs face shooting, NOW!’ because he knows he can trust me as a loving honest man because all of the horrors of war that I have seen. I cannot wait to see you and hold you so you can feel my loyalty and honesty bulging from the groin area of my CP cammies (that I actually paid for every replacement of because none of them were replacements because I’m a fucking phony. I am a loving man who wants a simple life and I’ll hit it like a jackhammer and I’d say I’d hit it harder than The SARC but I can’t because then I could no longer claim to be honest.’ Now, the real deal: ‘Ungh. Train all week land warfare. Hungry and balls are massive and blue. We go get wild wings and beers. We make screw in parking lot. We go see movie. We make screwing in movie theater. Then we go beach or go home and make many screwings all over beach and then all over house. When catch breath during house screwing do not enter room with door with skull and Swift-Silent-Deadly on door. There is SARC dwells there that is Cave of SARC. You open door and will hear ‘LIVE TORPEDO TEST FIRE’ and then you are stranded in Cave of SARC for many days of screwings. Remain in safe areas of house during house screwing. I love you most and an most loyal loving man for all… Read more »
Fail, Sharkman! Too any correctly spelled words plus a lack of indiscriminate use of caps & punctuation.
Maybe this guy is one of those trans types we keep hearing about. You know, transervice.
He’s a lying POS who identifies as a highly trained secret squirrel ninja JSOC SEAL.
And that’s good enough.
You need to watch Terror In Beverly Hills because it says more about Hack than Hack can say about Hack.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9CFMaHWVa4g
There is a deeper story here, I know this guy. Someone told me to Google his name. It get’s worse. He’s related to some rich people who cover for him and whatever he does.
hello!,I love your writing very a lot! percentage we keep up a correspondence more approximately your
article on AOL? I require a specialist in this house to resolve my problem.
Maybe that’s you! Looking ahead to see you.
I actually know this guy. He used to pose as an informant, an FBI officer who was allowed to speed because his “friends” were all agents and also a black belt in jui jitsu. His family isn’t exactly “rich” I’ve been to his house in PV (it’s old and terribly outdated) but they do cover for him. Or are likely unaware of the crazy shit he spews and claims to be. Scott’s a super creepy guy, controlling, narcissistic and divorced. His wife left him, I can’t imagine why lol….the definition of a professional bullshitter. He was never a SEAL, never served in the military and is actually a convicted felon. I’m glad this is what comes up under his name on Google, he’s always in predator mode. Funny, he used to always tell people, “Google me, I’m a black belt in jui jitsu. I roll hard!” Bows that Google search working now Scott lol….