Hypothesis confirmed: noted vampires who drink the blood of tweenage girls actually become tweenage girls…

Also: Campaign Slogan & Photoshop Contest below!

Bear in mind that I didn’t pick this cockholster’s name out of the phonebook, he actually wrote an obscenity laced email to a woman because he thought she was picking on him. Andy Dick looks at this guy and wishes he would butch up. So anyway, what is the inevitable denouement of such a fight with a coward:

DO NOT CONTACT ME AGAIN! NEITHER YOU, YOUR FAMILY, FRIENDS, ASSOCIATES, ANYONE WHO KNOWS YOU!

FAILURE TO OBEY THIS REQUEST WILL RESULT IN ME FILING CRIMINAL CHARGES!!!!

I WILL NO LONGER COMMENT ON YOUR BLOG EITHER!

Do Svidaniya,
Nel Sangue,

Jonathon The Impaler Sharkey

There are of course several issues with this. As Mr. Sharkey has repeatedly mentioned in comments and unhinged emails, he’s a noted public figure. In fact, he’s a Presidential candidate. We know that because he told me I was harrassing one. Second, his grammar is atrocious. He does for the written word what Jeffrey Dahmer did for home cooked meals.

Now, looking at his legal threats, I will note a few things. For a guy who “majored in pre-law”, and “In July 1985, Jonathon received his Paralegal Degree, graduating with Honors” and who served a whole 18 days as a “Legal Specialist” in the Army, he really doesn’t know dick about the law. His knowledge of the law is roughly akin to Rosie O’Donnell’s knowledge of hunger strikes; he’s vaguely aware of the concept, but he lost himself in a bucket of fried chicken.

Anyway Jonathan, I would note from one of your many emails this nugget of fecality, which passes as wisdom for you:

As I told Jonn, Florida has a long arm when it comes to justice. I don’t have to time deal with You or your associates. I don’t associate with drug dealers, unlike you.

Contact me again or your buddies, especially since you are in IRAQIANA (interstate harassment) , and I promse you, I wont wait to see what the Feds do. I’ll contact FL DA Mark Ober (R) and file harassment charges. You are not mainstream media. Nor are you like by mainstream media. I owe you no answers or anything.

Remember, I am part of the Republican Party here and I am liked.

Again with the shitty grammar. Did an apostrophe drop you on your head when you were a kid? Anyway, you know what else has a long arm of justice? The First Amendment. YOU ARE A PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE, DEALING WITH PEOPLE WHO DON’T LIKE YOU IS THE NORM. However, that bit about being friends with the DA has me so worried…well, no, not really. See, YOU don’t file charges against me, you would need a prosecutor to do that, and there is no “he treated me like a poopy head” criminal law. You can lodge a complaint against me, and HOLY SHIT do I highly encourage that. I’m sure DA Ober would love to know that a C-Bomb dropping dillweed who threatens women is dropping his name.

So anyway, just because he doesn’t want to hear from us anymore doesn’t mean we can’t help out his campaign.  So, here is the offer, I am willing to give $50 in credit to Amazon.com for whoever does the best Photoshop of Sharkey we can use on a campaign poster.  I’m hereby offering another $25 to the best Campaign Slogan slogan.

I’ll take the photoshops and campaign slogans until next week sometime.  As I get them, I will post them.  I even set up my own Yahoo email to get them, so forward along all your work to TSOatTAH[at]Yahoo[dot]com.

I know this bitch is just trying to find some courage for me, but I really want to suck her blood and then eat her little dog.

Category: Politics