Romany Army Veteran to be Trump Administration’s Secretary of Defense

I had a few moments of time to get an interview with Fabius Flatulus Maximus. He was looking forward to being appointed to the Trump Administration’s position for Secretary of Defense. Since he retired from the Army of the Roman Imperium several centuries ago, his opinions do have the benefit of time and distance.

His first observation was that we don’t pay the troops nearly enough. Taking into consideration that the Roman Army did not provide housing or food allowances to the troops, but instead gave them bonuses or annonae and quarterly donatives greater than their base pay, they were expected to pay for everything out of their own pockets. Some items he told me about included a modius (8 litres) of salt. At today’s prices, 100 modii of sala (salt) will cost an average price of $620, and 100 modii would last a Roman household about two years. The reason the price of salt was so high back then was the cost of camel caravan transport, never mind fending off thieves and mining the stuff. While Fabius is impressed with our production and transportation methods, which do lower the cost, he still thinks we don’t put enough thought into it.

“No, we don’t pay the troops in salt,” he said. “Even the munifici* get paid in coins. Sala is a bonus, but we mostly use it for trade with native tribes for sex and local beer. They’re glad to have it..” *A munfex is the lowest rank in the Roman Army.

I asked him to give me the lowdown on how the Roman Army paid its troops, at the basic levels, not including the Praetorian Guard, and here’s what he gave me.

Soldiers’ base pay in denarii:
average Roman soldier, annually d1800
annual grain annona (1 bonus per year) d600
quarterly donative (4 per year) d2500 X 4 = d10,000
Additionally, every soldier receives a grain allotment as follows:
30 modii of wheat per year that would be worth d3000
Total Annual Pay for an average Roman Soldier d15,400

Converting the denarius and sestertius (4 sesterces = 1 denarius) to US dollars, the denarius is worth $6.20 to $9, depending on inflation, and the figures are as follows.

Soldiers’ base pay in USDollars:
average Roman soldier, annually $11,160 to $16,200
annual grain annona (1 bonus per year) $3,720 to $5,400
quarterly donative (4 per year) $15,500 to $22,500 quarterly
(annual total donative total = $62,000 to $90,000 per year)
Additionally, every soldier receives a grain allotment as follows:
30 modii* of wheat per year that would be worth $18,600 to $27,000
*30 modii = 240 liters of wheat

Total Annual Pay for an average Roman Soldier $95,480 to $138,600
I did ask Fabius what he thought of today’s armored vehicles. His response was clear: “You spend too much on that. A good army pack mule will cost about $1500 to $1800. The Humvee alone costs about $220,000. You could buy a thousand mules and feed them for two full years for what you spend on one of those machines, never mind the fuel they use and the maintenance cost. And besides, mules are smart as hell. They can be trained to sniff out explosives a mile away and warn you. If you don’t pay attention, they’ll kick you in the nuts to remind you. Respect the mule! Pay the troops better. And stop hiring jackasses.”

He had other things to add, so we’re getting together over pizza and beer next week..

Category: Politics