A 560-Pound Terrorist Detained in Iraq

| January 18, 2020

Abu Abdul Bari ordered a bombing against the mosque that’s possibly the burial location of the Prophet Jonas. (Military.com)

A very large terrorist has been detained in Iraq. They needed to place him onto the back of a truck to transport him to his new accommodation. He’s no friend to local or regional culture. He cheered the destruction of the Prophet Jonas Mosque. He also issued fatwas that resulted in scholars and clerics being executed.

From Fox News:

Macer Gifford, a Brit who fought against the death cult in Syria, tweeted: “I’m delighted to say that the Islamic State’s very own Jabba the Hutt has been captured in Mosul.

Responsible for the execution of men, women, and children. This animal raped and murdered.”

Referring to the obvious problems the authorities might face carrying out the country’s death penalty, he added: “Good luck hanging him Iraq.”

Military.com has more details on the story surrounding the man who ordered the bombing of a Mosque dedicated to a prophet that encountered a whale. The terrorist group ISIS considered him as an expert on the Quran. One of the reasons that this is an issue against ISIS’s image is that they frown on gluttony.

From Military.com:

Considered by ISIS to be an authority in Quranic law, Bari issued religious rulings, or fatwas, ordering the execution of scholars and clerics who refused to pledge allegiance to the terrorist group when it occupied Mosul, the statement said. He also ordered the July 2014 destruction of a mosque built at the site believed to be the burial place of the biblical prophet Jonah, who once had a notable encounter with a whale.

He instantly became a meme favorite. Thanks to Combat Historian and Devturn for this story. More details can be read on Fox News and on Military.com.

Category: Iraq

Comments (55)

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  1. Cameron Kingsley says:

    Aloha Snackbar!

  2. 11B-Mailclerk says:

    What will they use to hang that thing? Tow cables?

    • Fjardeson says:

      Four-inch mooring line, from a highway bridge.

      • timactual says:

        Railroad bridge. Higher load limit, only a railroad is equipped to handle the tonnage getting him to the site; that pickup truck looked like it just voided its warranty.

    • RGR 4-78 says:

      Let him eat a huge final meal.
      Use ratchet straps to strap him to a large metal door.
      Place him in Trendelenburg.

      Sit back and watch him die.

    • M48DAT says:

      The kind we used on our HEMMIT wrecker when we had to recover 5 mired tanks.

    • A Proud Infidel®™️ says:

      Given his current weight, I’m sure that it’ll only take about a six inch drop to break his neck and sever his spinal cord.

  3. Blaster says:

    “Get in mah belly”

  4. Doc Savage says:

    Im guessing a prolonged foot chase was not required to capture him…

  5. 5th/77th FA says:

    Proof that mooselems do like porkers. How in hell was he able to “hide” for so long?

  6. Toxic Deplorable SAH B Woodman says:

    He puts me in mind of the joke about the “small medium at large”. Emphasis on the “large”.

  7. He ordered the destruction of the mosque where it is believed that the Prophet Jonas is buried. WOW, now that’s some whale of a tale. If he was thrown out of the first floor window, their would be less bounce to the ounce.

  8. Doc Savage says:

    Looks like he has ordered the destruction of more than a few Golden Corrals.

    • A Proud Infidel®™️ says:

      He looks like he could eat at least three Buffet Restaurant Chains out of business in a week’s time!

  9. xyzzy says:

    “You have one month to lose thirty pounds.” Dr Now

    • ninja says:

      THAT was GREAT!

      (I like that show and if I am not mistaken, Dr. Now is originally from Iran before he became a US Citizen and a Texan.

      Wonder who was the Enabler of Jabba?


      • Cameron Kingsley says:

        You are correct ninja. It seems he left Iran a few years before the Revolution. According to Wikipedia, he’s quite an accomplished scholar to (I don’t know if I want to use the word author).

      • xyzzy says:

        His mother enables him.

        What did Fatty say to the guys that put him on that truck? “Ow, mah laygs!”

        What will his last meal be? One lil regg roll.

        Okay, I’m done now.

  10. M48DAT says:

    And I thought my uniform was a little tight.

  11. Mike Kozlowski says:

    …Watch, he’ll get off because nobody read him his rights in Huttese.

  12. AW1Ed says:

    Strangulation by a hot chick in a metal bikini.

  13. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    His favorite musical instrument in school? The lunch bell!
    He has enough fat to make another human or three!
    He has ten times more chins than Chinatown.
    He’s SO FAT that bears hide their food when he goes camping.
    Rumor has it that he has gone on a hunger strike and the Doctors have only given him three years to live!

    Thankyuhverymuch, don’t forget to tip the veal and try the Waitress!

  14. The Stranger says:

    Seriously, is this for real or is this Dan Wall?

    I know it’s for real, but damned if this dude don’t remind me of old Wall!


    He should be rendered down and used to make Bio-Napalm….the environmentally responsible way to fry your enemies 😉

  16. FuzeVT says:

    For the sin of apostasy you are hereby sentenced to be eaten!!

  17. Bim says:

    I pity the poor bastard that has to inspect this guys “prison wallet” prior to lock down. From the looks of him, they’re gonna need a K9 backup.

  18. Mason says:

    This just in, video of the airlift operation to get him out!


  19. Sapper3307 says:

    Its waFFer thin, sir, just try one.
    post vid.

  20. Jus Bill says:

    How can they afford to feed him?????

  21. Devtun says:

    Pearl the obese vampire in movie ‘Blade’.

    • Thunderstixx says:

      As a huge Wesley Snipes fan I too thought about “Pearl” and her time at the tanning salon in the great movie trilogy…
      “BLADE” !!!!!
      God that was a great scene !!!
      I just don’t want to be within a mile when the Reaper fires yet another Hellfire Missile at this thing !!!
      That blubber is gonna fly for five counties !!!~

  22. M48DAT says:

    If he detonated a suicide vest, he would lose a few pounds and make him more healthy.

  23. Poetrooper says:

    News sources are reporting Michael Moore was arrested on the Capitol steps today.


    If you run the story, Admin, just use the same picture you used for this one. It will do just fine…

  24. M48DAT says:

    I’m sorry, I can’t let this go. If he wants to pay his penance. He could be the stretcher dummy in an Army EMB coerce.

  25. HMCS(FMF) ret says:

    Hawaii Five-O had Wo-Fat as a bad guy

    Can we rename chunky-boi Habibi Phat?

  26. 11B-Mailclerk says:

    How did the arresting team sneak past those “Sea Shepard” lunatics?

  27. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    Being that FAT, it’s obvious that running his mouth is the only thing he could do. At any physical task whatsoever, I’m sure that he’d be more worthless than snow tires and snow chains on an Ice Cream Truck, one look at him and all I can think is “Holy Shit, THAT’S the lone sperm cell that won!!!”.

  28. USAFRetired says:

    I seem to remember in recent history a condemned man who gained considerable weight in prison, filed a suit alleging cruel and unusual punishment because at his weight hanging would decapitate him rather than breaking his neck.

    • Berliner says:

      That would be Washington States own Mitchell Rupe. In 1981 while robbing an Olympia bank he shot 2 female tellers at point blank and left his own bloody checkbook at the scene and gave 3 written statements confessing and then at trial denying involvement. He ballooned from 220 to 440, went through 2 unanimous death penalty sentencing hearings arguing against for fear of decapitation where judges found him too obese to hang. In a third sentencing hearing it ended up 11 for and 1 against the death penalty winning him a life sentence without parole. He died of liver disease in 2006.

  29. timactual says:

    It would be well to give some thought to disposal of the remains after well deserved demise. The following may give some guidance;