Headstone decisions

| February 10, 2019

Since I have some time to piss away before I assume room temperature, what kind of symbol should I put on my rock?   If I am lucky, maybe there is enough time to get my own symbol of some kind approved.  I browsed through the already approved ones:

OFFICIAL LINK

Decisions, decisions, decisions.  I can’t find “Dickweed”, probably an administrative oversite.  Also missing are “Shitbird” and “Clusterphuck”.   There are a few I might need some support getting approved.

 Emblems that would not be permitted include (but are not limited to), emblems that contain explicit or graphic depictions or descriptions of sexual organs or sexual activities that are shocking, titillating, or pandering in nature; and emblems that display coarse or abusive language or images.

Since my sexual organ cannot be eternalized in a rock hard format, I am at a loss.

Who knows, with the collection of dickweeds and shitbirds that hang out around here maybe I can get a TAH thingy approved before the Soviet puts all my shit out on the curb for a yard sale.  I am open to new ideas.

Category: Dumbass Bullshit

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Lurker Curt

Dave, I’m really hoping that list of approved shit comes with a /sarcastic tag…

Hondo

Actually, those appear to be those officially approved by the VA for VA-provided headstones. See the “OFFICIAL LINK” link in the article.

Lurker Curt

Yeah, I saw the link, but still… Apparently I’m not inclusive enough…

AW1Ed

MrBill

Send my mouth way down South and kiss my ass goodbye. I love Prine.

Green Thumb

I spent several years in ANC.

There a many symbols.

Roger in Republic

Where is the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster? I demand that the symbol for my made up church be made available. I may have to fall back to the church of my youth, Orthodox Heathen.

AW1Ed

The friendly staff at TAH values all our customers regardless how weird, and will do our best to ensure complete satisfaction with our content.
RiR, one FSM coming up.

Annnnd, here it is!
fsm

J.R.

isn’t that Lars’ mother?

HMC Ret

No, it isn’t. I don’t think we should be talking about someone’s mother, ever, regardless of who it is. Anyway, that’s my opinion. Your views may differ.

MCPO NYC USN Ret.

Agreed! Mothers are off limits!

Sisters?

3/10/MED/b

If dreams were lightning,
And thunder was desire,
This house would have burned down a long time ago.
Make me an angel that flies from Montgomery.
Just give me one thing
that I can hold on to.
To believe in this living is a hard way to go.

MCPO NYC USN Ret.

My symbol is not there: LOG SPLITTER.

Dave Hardin

You remind me there is not an “Old Goat” symbol.

Comm Center Rat

Neither is mine: PIPE LAYER

Club Manager, USA ret.

I am partial to the right hand closed with the middle finger extended upright. Seems the Arkansas Department of Veterans’ Affairs has a problem with that although they were willing to reserve me a plot with a view.

streetsweeper

How about a huge lump of coal?

AW1Ed

Well duh.

ega

AnotherPat

Ed:

“Emblems of belief for inscription on Government headstones and markers do not include social, cultural, ethnic, civic, fraternal, trade, commercial, political, professional or military emblems.”

Sorry….😞

AW1Ed

I suppose I could make the argument that the Marine Corps is actually a fanatical cult*, and therefor the EGA is a legitimate symbol for a govvie headstone, but it’s likely to fall on deaf ears.
(kicks rock)

*NBL, Leathernecks. I’m glad you’re on our side.

OAE CPO USN Ret

I remember catching an episode of “Major Dad”. One of the characters says something to the effect of not joining a cult because he would have to shave his head and do strange chants. At that moment you hear Marines running by the office while calling cadence.

AW1Ed

I rest my case, your Honor.

Marine forecast, in cadence:

PART-lee CLOU-dee CHANCE OF RAIN…

2/17 Air Cav

Mine will be a semicircle with the inscription, “He wasn’t a complete asshole.”

3/10/MED/b.

Again, classic.
We all have our sayings.
Glad you are not a complete asshole.
Be safe, 2/17 Air Cav.

AW1Ed

Don’t sell yourself short, Cav.
*grin*

3/10/MED/b

Enough said.
Watch the magic happen.

2/17 Air Cav

Naw. There are only two people here that I would lay into if they wrote that and AW1Ed is not one of the two. Hey, if one leaves a door open, he ought not be surprised when someone saunters in.

3/10/MED/b

“Saunter”.
Great word.
Thanks.

AW1Ed

You catch me out often enough, Cav. It’s a rare treat to turn the table.
*grin*

edit-
Now I’m curious who the ‘other’ one is. Got a pretty firm fix on the first.

GDContractor

Will The Circle Be Unbroken? 😉

Bill M

Bye and bye.

HMC Ret

Lord, bye and bye.

By Johnny Cash, but best done by The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band. IMO

AW1Ed

3/10/MED/b

Thanks again, AW1Ed.

streetsweeper

which direction will your semi-circle lay? Axin’ fo’ a frien’

rgr1480

(*)

rgr1480

Hmmmm…. that don’t look rite!

( )*( )

26Limabeans

I like the 9 point star (2nd row, last column).
Chisel the word “wow” in the middle.

11B-Mailclerk

Or, if a Batman fan, add

“POW!”

3/10/MED/b

Stick around, Sir.
Pick our stones for us.

HMC Ret

Is there one for muzzies showing a man humping a goat?

3/10/MED/b

Holy Shit, Sir.
That is funny.
Thank you.

HMCS(FMF) ret

No Eastern Synod of the North Lithuanian Amish???

RAYYCISSSSSTTTTT!

AnotherPat

Dave Are you an Atheist or Agnosic?

I saw the Atheist sign.

BTW, are you going somewhere soon?🤔

Dave Hardin

I am both Atheist and Agnostic. To me they are not definitions of degree in regard to the same thing.

One defines what I believe and the other what I know.

I am Atheist when it comes to anything supernatural, Gods of anykind, knocking on wood, salt over the shoulder, etc. I am probably more Anti-theistic than anything in regard to religions. Islam for example, I believe it to be a virus of the mind.

I am Agnostic in regards to what I know. It defines knowledge and not belief. Isfar as that goes; the more I know…the more I know I don’t know.

Insofar as my demise is concerned…the VA removed what was killing me for the time being.

11B-Mailclerk

I needed a lawyer to remove my ex. Never thought the VA could do that.

The Other Whitey

I always figured the difference between atheist and agnostic was that agnostics at least admit what they don’t know.

MCPO NYC USN Ret.

Do you believe in alien visitors (from space … not Mexico)?

HMCS(FMF) ret

I was apart of a top seekrit government program that did anal stuff to me… does that count?

NHSparky

Government program…sure it was. Sure it was.

some guy

Isn’t that just MEPS?

Dave Hardin

Anyone who spends nights in the desert with a PRC77 and an M830 has seen some weird shit.

I just don’t enjoy being probed.

MCPO NYC USN Ret.

So you were probed and did not enjoy it.

Your honor we have no further questions for the witness.

Veritas Omnia Vincit

I prefer no headstone at all, cremate me and save some money… Cremation and no service because it would be hypocritical of me… Scatter my ashes in Long Island Sound and we’re good to go.

If I were to be buried I want “Here lies one Surly Curmudgeon Sonofabitch” that would make me smile.

The Other Whitey

Although I would like a Priest to handle my final sacrament, I can honestly say I don’t particularly care about the disposition of my carcass afterwards. I mean, if I’m dead, why would I give a rat’s ass?

RGR 4-78

I told my wife to have me cremated. Then take some of my ashes and mix them into a big batch of lasagna. Then take the lasagna by the Fire Department and drop it off. That way they can just eat me.

The Other Whitey

Bad blood?

RGR 4-78

In life, there are POS, no matter where you work or go.
For the most part, no, just some of the less than nominal that were an on going pain in the ass.

11B-Mailclerk

A few years bac, one of our Cowboy shooters passed. Per his wished, his remains were cremated. The resultant ash was loaded into a muzzle loading cannon and a batch of 12 gage blackpowder rounds. Two firing parties blasted his remains all over two ranges we frequent.

MrBill

Joe Ely wrote this into a song –

3/10/MED/b

Me and Billy the Kid,we never got along.

JTB

How bout the Washington Monument with 2 VW Bugs parked at the base…???

GDContractor

Your candyass Trump silhouette really disappoints me, Dave. Particularly when there is this.

comment image

AW1Ed

Nice!

CDR_D

I’m stealin’ it!

AW1Ed

Too late.

Perry Gaskill

Go with a redneck dream catcher, Dave. They’re non-denominational…

Dave Hardin

Hmmmm…you have a point.

GDContractor

My great-uncle was a medical doctor and served in England as an Air Force flight surgeon during World War II. He made it home and died in the early 1950s of cancer. A few years ago, I traveled to San Antonio and found his grave. It was a surprise to me that his grave was completely unmarked … I suppose, according to his wishes. I know that I could get him a marker furnished by the VA to commemorate his existence and service, but should I? It’s on my list of things to do, but I have been moving very slowly.

2/17 Air Cav

If it’s a private cemetery, the VA will provide a marker but the cemetery will charge ($500+) to install it. You will probably also need the deed to the plot.

Animal

How about just two words:

Liberty Risk

Flagwaver

No Jedi symbol? I’m offended.

Mason

We still have time to found a Church of the Raging Asshole. Looking at that list, official recognition shouldn’t be too hard. Just need a symbol.

AW1Ed

Unavailable for comment.

bernath

GDContractor

What a fitting tribute. I’m all choked up.

Lurker Curt

Okay, that’s just beautiful!

GDContractor

When IAS=SOG at the altar of the immaculate horizontal stabilizer. There IS order in the universe.

The Other Whitey

A fitting rebuttal to the false advertising on the stone.

AW1Ed

ChipNASA deserves equal credit or more for this magnificent work of art. I just put the parts together.

HMC Ret

What happened? Wasn’t there room for ‘Imaginary Chief Petty Officer’ or ‘Well Documented Asshole’?

I guess he showed us.

I almost hurled when I saw the broken airplane. Now that is some funny stuff.

5th/77th FA

Still maintaining minus 6 feet AGL.

AW1Ed

And ambient OAT.

SFC D

His circle was unbroken. Everything else, not so much.

MCPO NYC USN Ret.

That is so touching. Truly beautiful.

MrBill

Lived live? Well…

NHSparky

What? No piss tube?

Anonymous

The blue falcon up top is a nice touch, too…

RGR 4-78

AW1 Ed, where is your “I support single Moms” picture.

AW1Ed

Why, right here RGR.
single moms

RGR 4-78

Ah yes, I have fond memories of the “services” I attended at the local Our Lady of the Swinging Tit, quite the congregation, the pews up front were always full.

AW1Ed

Really quite impressive while wearing so little, they could stash so many bills away.

5th/77th FA

Crossed Whiskey Bottles with a lit cigar centered on the vertical axis.

When the Soviet puts your stuff on the curb, dibs on the pink robe…..And the Soviet..dibs on her too.

Dave Hardin

If anything tempts me to pray…its for her next EX. The poor bastard, I have an Operations Manual prepared.

The golden rule is; She doesn’t really want to know what your opinion is … when she asks its because she wants to hear her opinion in a lower voice.

There is a whole chapter on “Things, strange things that happen in the night”.

Her favorite hobby is eviscerating the male ego.

Always remember, she has friends…that will hurt you.

Good luck to whomever takes on the burden.

5th/77th FA

So basically a better formed version of all since Eve? No prob. Decades of on the job training. The diminished testosterone is offset by the increased bulge in the bank account.

Dave Hardin

Sadly, she has her own money. All she wants is a Boy Toy.

Forest Green

I can’t find “Dickweed” probably an administrative over-site. Also missing are “Shitbird” and “Clusterphuck”.

You could always change your name to “Banotz” or “Schmuckatelie”.

USAFRetired

I like number 70. Its new since the last time I looked.

Still no Northern Pedestrian or Seventh Day Adventurist. Two religions I put down on my visa paperwork during the ELF-One days

Toxic Deplorable B Woodman

WHAT?!?! No Cthulhu or Elder Gods?!?! Blasphemous!!
By the shade of HP Lovecraft!!

AW1Ed

Do I have to do all of this by myself?
cuttlefish

Ex-PH2

You only have to worry about impact tremors.

If you hear or feel them, you’re already dead meat on a fork. Nothing will save you from them.

Hondo

Since my sexual organ cannot be eternalized in a rock hard format, I am at a loss.

Well, you could just tell them to use the Hammer of Thor symbol. We won’t tell them what you really meant. (smile)

Dave Hardin

That thing looks nothing like a hammer. Not sure what it is.

Ex-PH2

It’s a one-handed meat cleaver.

Ex-PH2

So many choices, so little time left….

I’ll take the Shepherd with the Flag, for $10. The curses I can put on my grave…. 🙂

SFC D

Told MRS D that she’s to buy a new refrigerator when I kick the bucket, and bury me in the box. That way she’ll think of me every time she opens it. Her plan is to cremate me, put my ass in a Guinness bottle and put me on the mantle. I’m ok with that too.

26Limabeans

The TV test pattern is cool.
“plaese stand by”

Mike W.

Well at least the 187th Inf “Rakkassans” got their Tori on the list !

Slow Joe

The rakkasan tori has only one bar. The shinto tori in that list has the two little windows for the soul.

The rakkasan tori is painted red with the blood of our enemies.

JimmyB

Chong: When I die, i want to be cremated and put in am baggie so all my friends can smoke me.
Cheech: ah, remind me not to be one of your friends

SFC D

Anonymous

#45 is really Live Long and Prosper twice?