Kevin Hipple; phony Ranger

| July 26, 2018

Someone sent us their work on this fellow Kevin Hipple who told his local news people at KSWO that Fourth of July fireworks trigger his PTSD;

On Independence Day, we celebrate the founding of our nation with friends and family, BBQ’s and fireworks. But the jaw-dropping light shows can trigger PTSD in veterans.

“People like me, we’re not rare, but we have an injury you can’t see,” said Kevin Hipple.

Kevin Hipple is referring to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Hipple served in the United States Army for 13 years, fighting for our freedom in Operation Desert Shield and Desert Storm. His time in the 82nd and 18th Airborne Corp exposed him to the unthinkable.

“You get people blowing off fireworks and it reminds me of what I did over there,” he said. “I did some mean, nasty, ugly things that my country made me do to protect it. I get real bad nightmares.”

Hipple was diagnosed with PTSD 10 years ago when he spent six months in the hospital for the disorder. While the Fourth of July is a time to celebrate our country and thank those who keep us safe, Hipple encourages people to find out if their neighbors are veterans and give them a heads-up about the fireworks.

“Not everyone has done what we’ve done,” Hipple said. “If you’re going to blow off fireworks, at least check out your neighbor and see if they’re okay.”

In the video at this link, you can see his Ranger Tab tattoo.

He did go to Desert Storm with the 3rd Battalion, 8th Field Artillery which deployed to Desert Storm as part of the 18th Field Artillery Brigade of the XVIIIth Airborne Corps which supported the 101st Airborne Division during Desert Storm.

According to his records, Hipple attended two weeks of Pre-Ranger training but he didn’t go to Ranger School;

I don’t know what Hipple thinks were “mean, nasty, ugly things that my country made me do to protect it”, but since he was assigned to a unit that made the some of the loudest noises on the battlefield, I kind of doubt that pop-pop-pop fireworks trigger him.

And, he’s not a Ranger because he attended a two week orientation for Ranger School.

Category: Phony soldiers, Valor Vultures

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5JC

“mean, nasty, ugly things that my country made me do to protect it”

I bet he burned shit for six months. Let me tell you that is mean, ugly and nasty. Kind of like the big shit he took all over his service record.

AZtoVA

Nah, we had porta-johns in DS/DS that were regularly serviced by SSTs

26Limabeans

I was at a barbecue once where the grill was made from a half 55 gal drum. I tried to suppress the horror of burning shit in Viet of the Nam but it was too much for my ptsd and had to go puke in the parking lot.
No shit.

Ex-PH2

Beans, you were supposed to stand upwind of that stuff.

rgr769

We always had locals to burn the shit at the major base camps. I can’t remember how we dealt with the shitters on the firebases I occasionally served on during my brief stints as a battalion staff officer. But you prolly puked because you consumed some mass quantities of Carling Black Label, the finest watery piss the Army could buy for the troops.

26Limabeans

“Carling Black Label”
From the shores of Lake Cochituate.
“Hey Mabel, Black Label!”

Nah, It was “Nasty Gansett”
Pounders in cans.

Garold

Even if he did have PTSD, who the hell goes to the media to talk about it at an event he says he can’t be at?

rgr769

He doesn’t have the dreaded PTS of D from his service as a cannon-cocker. The only shots he heard fired in anger were from his own guns (field artillery), providing fire support from behind the lines. He is lying about everything, except the fact he served in the Army and his unit was deployed during DS. His records prove it.

Chip

You arrogant asshole know what you are talking about before you spout off. Also, learn about artillery raids which were conducted regularly during DS. I was part of both these documented incidents below.

A reconnaissance party from 4-3 FA mistakenly moved well forward of the other Task Force 1-41 Infantry units. Task Force 3-66 Armor was given the assignment of looking for the lost reconnaissance party. As Task Force 3-66 Armor approached the reconnaissance party, enemy infantry foolishly took it under fire from fighting positions near the disoriented recon party. TF 3-66 M1A1 Abrams tanks and Bradley infantry fighting vehicles fought back with only machine guns rather than cannons to reduce the danger of hitting TF 1-41 IN, which stood just beyond the enemy. TF 3-66 AR machine gun fire drove the enemy right into TF 1-41 IN with Hillman’s troops capturing all of the enemy soldiers. TF 3-66 AR recovered the members of the lost reconnaissance party unharmed.[42]

On 27 February 1991 an Iraqi tank unit attacked 4-3 FA.[41] The Iraqi tank unit was destroyed by a Task Force 1-41 tank platoon that was assigned to protect 4-3 FA.[41]

Chip

And before you accuse me of anything here is a link to the article where I got the info because I wrote most of it and most of the pictures are mine cept for about four of them. Notice the second picture? That is our unit driving past burning Iraqi armor so do not act like we played it safe and were not behind enemy lines because that is what you do when you are supporting the spearhead of a Corps and conducting artillery raids to boot.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Task_Force_1-41_Infantry

OWB

You saying that this lying PoS Hipple was with you there?? Otherwise, you might wanna back off a bit. What you or I did while in DS doesn’t have much to do with the lies KEVIN HIPPLE tells.

Chip

That’s not the point. 769 was disrespectful towards the artillery spouting things he has no knowledge of. I can care less about Hipple. Thousands of posers out there just like him.

OWB

The topic here IS Hipple, and the comment made were about HIPPLE’s lies about where he was not the relative importance of the different war fighting segments.

Dang, Chip! Take a deep breath.

Chip

That still does not give some specialized grunt the right to spout misinformation. This does not concern you anyways. You should not stick your nose in other peoples’ issues. Dang OWB. Get a clue.

Skidmark

Chip, all due respects but this is a public forum…therefore anything here is anyone’s business, I know you understand that. So I’m going to poke my nose in for a second…I don’t speak for anyone and he sure doesn’t need me to speak for him, but I think you are taking Rgr’s comments out of context and personally when it doesn’t read that way to me. I don’t think he was insulting Artillery in any way shape or form, he was just talking about the asshat in question. That is all, carry on.

Chip

His remarks are disrespectful. He is implying artillerymen are not in harm’s way. Well tell my advance party team that. They spent several hours looking for me when I got disoriented and lost in the middle of the night in a hot zone. Then we were ambushed at a refueling point by a Republican Guard tank platoon so I take great offense to his remarks. I’m done. I spoke my mind.

Steve

I think these are the worst kind of liars. I mean I can kinda understand why someone who never served in the military would want people to believe that they did, but guys who have actually served and served honorably they are the worst kind of moronic liar. What a freaking dicktard!

ArmyATC

The cocksucker wasn’t awarded the Kuwait Liberation Medal. That tells me he wasn’t involved in actual combat operations. He never fired his big gun during the war.

Claw

Umm, no ATC. That’s kinda wrong. Not defending this tool, but the KLM wasn’t offered until 1994 and was then accepted for wear by US Troops in 1995.

He was discharged in October 1991. The only way for a KLM to show up in his records would be for him to request it be added/awarded via a DD215.

ArmyATC

Okay. Got it. Is it the same for the Saudi version? My memory isn’t all that good these days, but I seem to remember guys coming out of the sandbox wearing it.

Claw

“same for the Saudi version?” Dunno, Buddy. I only gave you what Wiki gave me.

I guess you’d have to get an answer from somebody who actually got the medals, as I’m not one of them.

I retired from the Army in Dec 91 and couldn’t tell you how those awards all worked out.

Or just ask that Hobo guy./smile

ArmyATC

Will do. Thanks!!

Hondo

Hondo, Claw – not Hobo. You’ve been listening to some damn DH again, haven’t you? (smile)

FWIW: best I can tell, apparently the KLM(SA) was accepted by the Deputy SECDEF in Jan 1992. So since this guy got out in Oct 1991, this tool’s records wouldn’t reflect it even if he rated it.

One source I’ve seen references SECNAVINST 1650.1G 7-16 for the above acceptance date. Couldn’t find that version online quickly, so I can’t vouch for the accuracy. But that roughly matches my recollection from prior research, so I think it’s correct.

Claw

Roger – Got it. No more (that other name), just Hondo./smile

Will drop and start pushing them out until you’re tired of watching me.

Thanks for the Saudi version info.

Grunt

Cocksucker

Mick

KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!

Shack!

Combat Historian

Embellishing attention whore…

Doc Savage

The Stolen Valor Phony Creed In times of personal responsibility or accountability there is a special breed of phony ready to answer the Poseurs call. A common moron with uncommon the desire to appear the hero. Forged by personal inadequacy, they stand in the blood of America’s finest special operations forces to serve their own vain need for attention whoring and to bask in the glory of better people than they could ever be, unearned, and undeserving. I am that phony. My Trident, Tab, Medal, and CIB with three stars is a symbol of honor and heritage earned by true hero’s. Bestowed upon me by my own hand and lies. It embodies the greatness of those I can never measure up to. My loyalty to Country is nonexistent, but my loyalty to my self serving needs can never be questioned. I seek to advertise the nature of work I have not done, seek recognition for my invented actions. I voluntarily accept the inherent hazards of my profession, placing my credibility, honor, and intelligence at great risk of being destroyed by the TAH Continent of insults, IDC SARC, Claws Wheel of despair, ChipNASA’s Bingo card death grid, the verbal Shredding by Ex-PH2, and being thrashed on google as a warning to the other phonies of the world. I serve without honor off the battlefield, having never actually been on one. The ability to lie, fake my emotions, The PT of SD and my actions, regardless of circumstance, sets me apart from other men. Compromised integrity is my standard. Character and honor are foreign words to me. My destiny is to be the last standing entry into the fecal four. We expect to lead and be led. In the absence of order’s I will lie like a rug, lead my fellow phonies, double down on the stupid, dispatch terminator sock puppets, and scrub my Facebook when outted and claim VA fire record destruction…though I was born in 1985 I will never quit. I persevere and thrive on adversity, claim I was hacked, my records are classified, I changed my name, my ex… Read more »

Ex-PH2

Nicely done, Doc.

I can almost hear them repeating this at SV meets, and at the end, they even steal that familiar phrase from “Battlestar Galactica”: So say we all!

And they do this because they haven’t had an original thought since they were diapers.

Doc Savage

“So scam we all”

Ex-PH2

Perfection!!

Ex-PH2

Oh, there’s a typo in that last sentence. I meant to say ‘since they WORE diapers’.

But if you think about it, ‘since they WERE diapers’ is probably better because because we all know what they are full of.

MSG Eric

Diapers: full of shit and strapped to an asshole.

Ex-PH2

Yesss!!

Wilted Willy

Doc, I am so going to steal this and post it on my pos brother’s website! This is great!
Thank you for posting this!!!

Doc Savage

Welcome to it, WW….this is what happens when I have too much time on my hands and too little adult supervision…

Daisy Cutter

This is my lie, there are many like it but this one is mine.

Claw

Ha, since you mentioned the Claw Whiz Wheel™® of Despair, here’s the results:

Kevin (The Eagle) Joseph Hipple (FRPR) 43×8= 344

I see that he has already started purging his Book of the Face comments and locked down his 4,930 Friends list. They were starting to drop like flies, anyway.

Wheel of Despair/smile. I just knew that working with Doc Fischer and Spec6 Lavigne in the mid-eighties at 1/12 would somehow reap a humorous benefit years later. So glad that I gave you delegation of authority to be an assistant Whiz Wheel™® operator.

Doc Savage

Proudly annotated on my DA 348!

Wilted Willy

Doc, I want to thank you for this, it is now posted on my pos brother’s website for his phony dental lab. Yelp is forever and I sure hope he checks his reviews! This was a beautiful description of Stolen Valor! I think Jonn should send this to every phony he finds!
Thank you again from the bottom of my heart!!!

Savannah gentry

IM HIS DAUGHTER. I WATCH HIM STRUGGLE DAILY. IVE BEEN TO VA. I GET VA BECAUSE HE IS 100%. He is not a stolen valor he went through hell to fight for this beautiful country. So I would appreciate it if you stop with these lies. Take this blog down.

Claw

Who’s up for a little TAH Stolen Valor Bingo today? Within this thread/and “Savannah”‘s comment, I see the following blocks have been covered:

B-2, B-5
I-1, I-2
N-3, N-4
O-3, O-4, O-5

Mick

(blaring at maximum volume on the TAH Headquarters 1MC):

NOW HEAR THIS!

NOW HEAR THIS!

ALL HANDS ON TEAM TAH FACE OUTBOARD IMMEDIATELY AND REPEL SOCKPUPPETS!!!

SFC D

Foogas primed and ready, safety is OFF, I say again, safety OFF! On your command…

HMC Ret

Standing by to repel sockpuppets.

HMCS(FMF) ret

SOCK IN THE WIRE
SOCK IN THE WIRE
HIT THE FOO GAS!!!

A Proud Infidel®™️

ATTENTION KMART SHOPPERS, SOCKPUPPET CLEANUP ON AISLE 13!!!

What’s next Toots, ya gonna launch a lawer at TAH?

26Limabeans

Tear down this wall!

ArmyATC

Ms. Gentry, ask him why he didn’t receive the Kuwait Liberation Medal. It was awarded only to those who performed combat operations and supported those operations. His lack of one speaks volumes. I’m not saying he wasn’t there, but it appears obvious he wasn’t involved in the actual shooting war. From everything I can find, his unit, HHB 3/8 FA Bn, was held in reserve and never fired a shot.

Friend

No friends who will vouch for him and the AA members say “drunken foul mouthed liar”…

3/10/MED/b

So she’s been to Virginia. That’s nice. Had a buddy who was from Shenandoah. Great place.

OWB

Why would you get VA if he is 100%? And why would he be 100%?

Why would he have PTSD?

And he may indeed struggle daily. Lots of people do. Not likely that it has anything to do with his military service.

For what it’s worth, I was there for more than 6 months in 90/91. I got hazardous duty pay but was also not in actual combat. We were vigilant at our location and watchful for possible attacks. Didn’t get any.

Your Dad may or may not have been any closer to the action than I was. I have more issues from my civilian job than from my military service – which was during VietNam and on 9/11 as well as DS.

It is natural to defend your Dad, but he is lying to you. Better to discover that now than later when reconciling this nonsense is no longer possible.

5JC

He claims disability from a TBI from falling off a building years after the war.

Here’s the thing… if…. and I mean if…. it is actually true and he is brain bedazzled…. then maybe and I mean maybe…. like he he drools on himself and wears a diaper 24/7 there might be some play there.

If he is just another slip and fall moocher that is a whole other thing.

I did know a Gulf War Vet I served with who got in to a bad car wreck while he was on leave (roll over at 70MPH) and was never the same after mentally. So really it depends if he is actually brain damaged.

Old 1SG US Army (retired)

I’m sorry but I have to “steal” your stone valor phony creed for future reference… perfect!

Ex-PH2

Why do these people always manage to do selfies that go right up their snouts? Nobody wants to see that!

In re: Kevin’s “story”, if he’s afraid of 4th of July fireworks, all he has to do is hide in his closet. The pop-pop-pop usually only lasts about an hour and a half, at most.

I did not envy anyone who was targeted by incoming SCUDs over there, but because C-SPAN ran the broadcasts 24 hours a day, plus videos, they made it possible to see what was really going on. That included the Patriot missiles hitting the SCUDs.

So why can’t this ungrateful little twerp just say ‘yeah, I was there’ and stop being an attention-whoring drama queen?

On another note, what’s the paytayessdee worth from the VA now? Is it possible to contract it by osmosis from having to read what these whiny, flatulent doorknobs cough up?

Wilted Willy

Ex, my pos brother is getting $3200 a month for the last 20 years!

Ex-PH2

Patience, Willy. Karma is sometimes slow, but she has long, sharp teeth.

Doc Savage

Karma is a Zamboni…slow….but, eventually, it gets you.

Chip

I was a artilleryman during Desert Storm. I was on our advance party team and we got lost. It actually took them several hours to find me as I really f’ed up. We even ended up getting ambushed and Task Force 3-66 Armor ended up finding us and saving us from who knows what. We(4-3 FA) put a lot of rounds down range as well. We just might have been the most active battalion out there. Who knows? We even drove through a area which we were able to witness some of our work. I can say fireworks do not bother me a bit. I also have never had any nightmares.

Ex-PH2

Isn’t the smell of exploding ammo the Smell of Victory?

On another note: in the dark, with no moonlight, with no real landmarks and an invisible horizon, it is probably very easy to get off course somehow.

Chip

Yes but I should have stopped after I took 50 steps. I ended up eight miles away from my AP team. This episode is even mentioned in a book about the 1st Infantry Division during Desert Storm.

BubbleSoldier

An Army reserve training NCO (91st Div.) once told me that my unit (1-143 Artillery Bn., 40th U.S. Infantry Div. (M)) was almost activated for deployment. Maybe if we had been, I could have spared you that?

Chip

I doubt it because they designated TF 1-41 the spearhead of 7th Corps so it was destiny. I should have been more careful.

Jay

If i’ve learned anything, it is Karma is a BITCH and she has GPS. She WILL find you….

Roh-Dog

It looks like he got clocked by a lefty, any right-hander wanna straighten that big ball of mush this winner calls a nose?
I’ll take names, drawing tomorrow at the WOT.

Some Guy

What is up with that second tab? I’m guessing it used to say “Air Assault”, but it’s so weathered that I can’t be sure. As a matter of fact, the longer I look at it, the more it looks like “Croissant” to me.

RGR 4-78

I wonder if Kevin Hipple intended for it to say ass assault.

SFC D

Looks kinda like “ASSHAT” to me…

HMCS(FMF) ret

He got the tat at Brucie’s Bath House (Entrance in the Rear) during the “Felching Friday” contest…

Mason

HA! I was thinking it looked like “CROISSANT” too.

And everyone knows the croissant tab is the easy one. It’s the baguette one that you have to EARN.

NHSparky

Mean, nasty, ugly? Bitch, please.

Look in the fucking mirror.

And don’t pretend for one second you speak for anyone besides yourself.

Months in the hospital? Imma throw the bullshit flag on that, too.

AnotherPat

Kevin Joseph Hipple is currently a member of the American Legion Lowery-Whitehead Post 29 in Lawton, OK. Hopefully, he did not share with them that he was a RANGER.

We all make mistakes in life. Sadly, the one week Alcohol & Drug Course Kevin Hipple took at Bragg in 1983 did not seem to help him. He was arrested and charged in Jackson County, OK in 1999 for a DUI.

In 2005, he was arrested and charged in Comache, OK for another DUI.

http://www.oscn.net/dockets/GetCaseInformation.aspx?db=jackson&number=CM-1999-00541&cmid=22846

http://www.oscn.net/dockets/GetCaseInformation.aspx?db=comanche&number=CM-2005-735&cmid=248973

Perhaps his two DUIs were because of his claimed PTSD?(not being sarcastic).

NHSparky

Would certainly explain his “hospital” stay.

SGT Fon

i don’t like fireworks either, when ever they go off my chickens stop laying for at least a week and you can kiss the duck eggs away till the next spring! in this case its post traumatic duck syndrome!

BlueCord Dad

Sarge, spew alert please! I almost spit coffee all over my phone “post traumatic duck syndrome”, damn
lol

SFC D

I have a 14 year old son. PTSD stands for Put That Shit Down at my house.

Sapper3307

I was fully expecting to see some combat jump wings.

26Limabeans

I like watching stuff blow up but draw the line at neighbors that fuck up a good hunting dog. It doesn’t take ptsd to get my attention.

Green Thumb

There are losers and then there is this guy.

I love the picture of him and the truck. Dude look all soft and noodley.

Blowing in the breeze.

Jeff LPH 3, 63-66

Nothing to add, you Gal’s/Guys covered it.

Frankie Cee

Yep, Kevin Hipple is 100% NON Ranger, he blocked me as soon as I ask him his Ranger Class on his facebook page, which was wide open for comments a couple of minutes ago. He is a pussy, probably a 5 jump chump, not doing duty in a jump outfit. He needs to have his Ranger Tab washed off with a good acid bath.

Frankie Cee

AND!!!! What in hell is Not a Ranger Kevin Hipple doing showing up this week in a post. Doesn’t he know that this is phony SEAL week, fer cryin’ out loud?

charles w

Go Army beat Navy!!!!

Carlton G. Long

From this and several other entries, I can only conclude that we’re celebrating National Multiple Chin Week.

Veritas Omnia Vincit

More Chins than a Chinese Phone book…

BubbleSoldier

Gads! Yet another reason to keep my yap shut about all the heroic non-deeds I never did!

Veritas Omnia Vincit

So he had an honorable service career with deployment and decided that wasn’t good enough? He had to go on TV and beclown himself with tales of derring didn’t….

What is wrong with these guys? I can’t speak to whether or not some guys are bothered by fireworks, different shit bothers different people…I get pissed off at fucknuts who don’t understand in Massachusetts the left lane on the interstate is not a travel lane it’s for fucking passing only and if you’re driving too fucking slow to pass a tortoise you belong in the right lane ya dipshit…but that’s just me…

In any event this idiot dishonored himself and his service with these lies, and maybe his claims to the VA…we’ll see what happens next I suspect.

26Limabeans

“Massachusetts the left lane on the interstate is not a travel lane it’s for fucking passing only”

Saw a portable flashing sign in a Maine crossover the other day.
“Camp in the Woods”
“Not the Left Lane”

NHSparky

Use ya blinka!
Make ya ma proud!

Veritas Omnia Vincit

I love it!!

We had a truck in the right lane the other day and it had two arrows on the back the one on the left said Passing Side and the arrow on the right said Suicide….

Skidmark

Michigan is just as bad! Drives me crazy!

Claw

What a wonderfully retyped/prepared 2-1 (Record of Assignments) he has. Wonder if it was being prepped for submission to the E-7 board? (Heaven forbid)

But then something went haywire and he was discharged.

But the first entries on it are very telling. He came on active duty on 6 Nov 79, but did not get an initial EER (Enlisted Evaluation Report)(required for E-4 and above) until four years later in January 84. That tells me that it took him all that time to permanently pin down the pay grade of E-4.

Hmmm, makes one think he had some ups and downs to start off his time, but then straightened out and flew right for a while, but then took a nose dive somewhere along the line to be discharged after almost 12 years service.

1610desig

Beat up truck adorned with over the top soldierly combat bling, spindly arms barely supporting a badass soldierly tat…but most of all, those pants…

Veritas Omnia Vincit

Yep saw that shit as well…I’m in my 60s and still have a decent bicep and tricep…along with the ability to lift my weight plus some…not as good as when I served, but fuck if I ever slide as far back as this dude without a disease to blame I’d be ashamed of myself….

1610desig

He needs to increase the size of that Aristocrat vodka bottle he’s hoisting from 750ml to 1.5l…he’ll get better results

Dustoff

Aristocrat Vodka…nuff said.

A Proud Infidel®™️

Beavis’s Daddy?

charles w

Put glasses on him and he looks like Walter Sobchak from the The Big Lebowski.

26Limabeans

Pat Hingle as the police chief in “Batman”

HMC Ret

6 months as an inpatient for PTSD? Never heard of it. Would probably have been discharged and told to go to VA. Six months?

USMCMSgt (Ret)

Is the moron that sells those “please be sensitive with blowing up fireworks near my residence during 4th of July because I’m a veteran and can’t handle loud noises” signs still in business?

This guy needs one.

Friend

He has a new Facebook

Skidmark

Link?

KH

this is total bs these picitures need to be removed from this web sight post haste and on th double it is aganst the law to show someones stuff like this i am getting phone calls and death threats from this if the websight does not take all this stuff down it will be a bad day for u all and thiyou will here from my lawyers this is not a threat

ex-OS2

Sure, we will get right on that. Smart move resurrecting a months old post.

By the way Hipple, it’s website.

Tool.

Claw

Zombie Thread Resurrection complete.

Now if your daughter Savannah shows up for a little more Sockpuppetry, you’ll be good to go.

Tool.

Holden Magroin

I just wonder how you can look at that Ranger tattoo very day knowing that you didn’t earn it. Oh, I know how you do.

Tool.

Holden

NHSparky

Spellcheck is your friend. Ditto with sentences. English, motherfucker! Do you speak it?

And if you are getting death threats, 1–call the police, 2–it ain’t from anybody here.

But thanks for resurrecting the zombie thread, bro.

Skyjumper

I’ll help you out, Kevin boy.
Here is a list of attorneys that are looking for new clients.
The list is short, but distinguished.

1) Duwe, Cheatem & Howe
2) Richard (Dick) Head
3) Makum Squeal

I also heard that porn lawyer Michael Avenatti may be looking for new clients in the near future.

Kevin Joseph Hipple of Lawton, OK. is not, nor never was a Army Ranger.
Just because you attended a TWO WEEK pre-Ranger course, does not make you an Army Ranger!

Kevin Joseph Hipple of Lawton, OK. had 13 years of good service in the Army, but shat all over it by claiming to be an Army Ranger.

Sad, truly sad.