Insha’ Allah
The New York Times tells the heart-warming tale of a Sunni suicide bombing instructor of the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria, or ISIS, just north of Baghdad who really made an impression on his class of 22 pupils/prospective suicide bombers;
A group of Sunni militants attending a suicide bombing training class at a camp north of Baghdad were killed on Monday when their commander unwittingly conducted a demonstration with a belt that was packed with explosives, army and police officials said.
Twenty-two ISIS members were killed, and 15 were wounded, in the explosion at the camp, which is in a farming area in the northeastern province of Samara, according to the police and army officials. Stores of other explosive devices and heavy weapons were also kept there, the officials said.
Eight militants were arrested when they tried to escape, the officials said.
The militant who was conducting the training was not identified by name, but he was described by an Iraqi Army officer as a prolific recruiter who was “able to kill the bad guys for once.”
Did I say that he made an impression? I’m sorry, I meant to say that he made an indentation on all of his students. The lead paragraph says that he set off the bomb “unwittingly”. I submit that those terrorist fellows do everything without their wits. I’m just glad that those 23 people were able to fulfill their destiny without hurting anyone else. Everyone is happy now.
The instructor’s last words (click for translation);
Category: Terror War
Do they still get the virgins?
Dunham: So, Achmed, you say that your suicide bomber training camp used to be nice? What happened?
Achmed: New guy.
Achmed: He had a premature detonation.
BWWWWWAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
(wheeze)
BWWWWWAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Islam–the religion of pieces!
This type of thing ain’t a new occurrence. I particularly like this instance, where a bunch of jihadis with suicide vests on went in for a group man hug before they went off to earn their seventy two virgins, except they hugged too hard and blew themselves up (http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2010/07/the-case-for-calling-them-nitwits/308130/). Or the moron who mailed a letter bomb but put insufficient postage on it, so it was returned to its sender. The terrorist forgot it was a letter bomb and promptly blew himself up, earning himself a Darwin Award. Turns out that when you give a movement that virulently hates education and consists mainly of hormonally charged young men high explosives, shenanigans will ensue.
@1 SJ…..
They get 72 Helen Thomases….
http://xfinity.comcast.net/blogs/tv/files/2013/07/Helen-Thomas.jpg
/lmfao
Damn it class, pay attention! I’m only going to show you this once.
so what does “hey y’all, watch this” sound like in arabic?
ChipNASA, why oh why did you do that to me! That image makes any cat’s butthole look like the Mona Lisa.
@7 Andy
??? ???? ?????? ??????? ???
I just love a happy ending!! Pass the tissue Tito…..
ChipNASA: or you can see the group photo:
http://i257.photobucket.com/albums/hh207/speedy1857/72virgins_1.jpg
@7 Andy and 9 (dumbass)
http://i.imgur.com/K5gEV5g.jpg
/”hold mah beer and watch this….”
So, let me get this straight.
The *terrorists* hired someone to be their bomb instructor who *couldn’t tell that the belt was packed with explosives?*
I think we should start sending the terrorists explosive belts, we’ve found their weakness!
I don’t mean to laugh over the tragic… Oh, hell, I can’t stop giggiling… and snorting.
So sorry. I simply have no manners.
Still doing gigglesnorts.
@12 ChipNASA,
Are those chicken scratches supposed to do something?
LMFAO!! Oh that is karma in action!
Now, can we get all the instructors together to have them demonstrate what went wrong with the last training class?
Did they do a hot wash afterwards?
@18, sounds like they had to hot wash them off the walls!!
Jeff Dunham: referring to the “suicide bomber training camp”: Is that a nice facility?
Achmed the Dead Terrorist: It used to be!
Jeff Dunham: What happened?
Achmed the Dead Terrorist: New guy! The idiot tried to practice!
Well, what can you say?
sometimes….Shi’ite happens.
(rimshot)
😀
Pics or it didn’t happen.
I’m a curious soul, so I am wondering if they would still get the 72 Virgins since it was an accident?
Got his goat on, didn’t he? LOL!
@23 Cacti: asked and answered, See #1&5
Number of fucks given, 0.
Number of LOLs given….too many to count…can’t stop laughing.
Now where was our CPO-neverbe named Bernie?? He should had been photographing it.
Boy that’s funny. And just another reason why AQ disowned ASIS. Amateurs . . .
Jonn Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Ass Off!!! Especially after the translation of your line! Now that’s taking one for the team. Now I suggest they start training on grenade tossing, heaving, rolling, pin-pulling and all matters grenade oriented. I can see that one working out too.
I love it still “hey hold my beer, watch this!”. Bwaaaahaaaahaaa!!!
Tomorrow’s plan of the day is pulling targets at the hand grenade range.
Just remember, sooner or later good things will happen to good people…
A “Wile E. Coyote Bomber” takes some of his pupils with him, it couldn’t happen to a more deserving bunch, ROFLMAO until next week!!! 😀
I kind of wonder what it says about me that I find this so funny. Then I look above, at the writer and comennts and am honored to be in such good company. I gotta say, I regularly read TAH for a laugh, and always get at least a snarky smile for the “Feel Good Stories”. This one qualifies as THE feel good story of all time. Thanks Jonn for the translated tag line. The only way to make it better. Hats off.
Signed,
A Grateful Fan
🙂
This thread is full of WIN.
I’m giggling fit to have my belly and ass fall off. I try to read this to, and explain it to Teh Wife. And all I get is dirty looks. Some things can never be explained.
BOOM! Bwwaahahahahahahahahahahahaha….
“OK, LEEESTEN, OR I KEEL YOU!! BOMB IS PUT ON LIKE THEES, to blow eet up, YOO POOSH THEES BUTTON.”
Student: “Teecher, you are da bomb!”
” THAT DOES EET, NO MORE JOKE LIKE EENFEEDEL, OR I DOO THEES, *KABOOM!*”
Islam, the religion of pieces!
It was said he wanted to be all over the place, and his wish was granted!!
It was also said that his last words to his wives were “WOMEN, yoo feed goats and sheep, I go feed birds and stray dogs!!”
The next group of newbies was assigned to do a Brass Trash And Ass Sweep.
Is there any way we could help them with maybe better equipment, more hair-trigger switches, etc.? You know what I mean — stuff that works faster and has a wider range?
Couldn’t someone design a bomb vest that goes “BOOOM!” the second you connect the snaps to each other? Or could velcro be made more sensitive so that when the hooks are slapped onto the fuzzy part, you get a big ‘BOOM’?
Something to speed up the process is what I’m after.
Meh, just equip the splodeydopes’ vests with mercury switches, then they’ll blow themselves to confetti at the first slip, bump, or jolt!