“Gimme all your money or I’ll fork you up”
Tim sends us a link to an article from Connecticut, where the criminals are really low rent, I guess. Dude stuck up a Mobil station clerk with a fork;
Police say the clerk reported that a lone suspect entered store wielding the utensil just before 2:30 a.m. The suspect fled on foot after procuring an undetermined amount of money from the register. He was described as a white man with a scruffy beard, wearing a white hat with a green brim, a blue jacket, blue jeans and work boots. He was also described as enjoying food.
The Bristol Police Department is searching for a break in the case so if anybody has seen a suspicious looking man holding a fork, don’t be [a] hero.
Good thing that Connecticut passed all of those gun laws last year, huh? The clerk should bring a spork to work to fend off the next flatware-armed thief.
Well, to make this a “feel good story”, Tim also sends us an article from Surprise, Arizona where a jewelry store clerk ended a robbery with his handgun;
Officers said three men walked into a store in the 13700 block of West Bell Road shortly after 3 p.m.
They displayed a weapon and told the employee that they were there to rob the store, according to police.
The clerk then pulled his own gun, which scared off the men, officers said.
No shots were fired and nothing was stolen.
The would-be robbers remain at large.
Just look for three fellows with large brown stains on the seat of their trousers.
Category: Feel Good Stories
And the fork wasn’t even one of those scary, assault forks!
I heard that getting your spork registered is paramount and getting a concealed spork permit is almost impossible, but hey, it’s Connecticut….
Bristol, CT is best known as the home of Aaron Hernandez.
Wait a minute here – aren’t all forks assault forks?
We need to DO SOMETHING about those scary forks!!! They are ALL dangerous!
/nonsensical hysteria
@4 We should ban them immediately! No one needs a fork! A spoon is more than adequate, perhaps a spork, but forks themself should be banned. Think of the children dammit!
You can poke out an eye with a fork. No child should be allowed to be NEAR a fork!
Or a knitting needle, a baseball bat, or OMG, a SHOVEL! Those shovels are probably worse than forks.
Ban them all! At least put labels on them.
More labels. More labels. More labels. Yeah, that will solve everything. Let’s form a committee to study it. And print some money to fund the committee.
Was it a dinner fork, a salad fork, or a shrimp fork? Details are important!
OWB is right – we need to pay some people to sit around a table on their butts and talk about it a lot and remind each other that the world is a scary place.
I want to personally thank whoever runs This Aint Hell for making me laugh hard at least twice a day, and especially when I start up in the morning. Oh, wait – that’s Jonn. 🙂
Too early.
Here in Florida we had an incident at one of the many local 7/11s, where an individual tried to rob them with socks on his hands and some underwear on his head. He didn’t net anything and was chased from the store. Manatee county sheriff’s deputies found him hiding out in his truck later that night. He was given the title of underwear bandit by the local media. Just Google Bradenton underwear bandit robs 7/11. He’s Damn lucky their wasn’t a ccw holder in the store at the time.
This will lead to laws requiring that each fork sold has to have a unique serial number.
What these pinheads forget is that some parts of the West (Arizona) are still VERY much part of the Old West. Surprise is ‘Technically’ a suburb of Phoenix, but that’s recent. Poor place to try any schenanagins, considering how heavily armed my home state is.
#2 brings to mind the convenience store robbery scene from “Raising Arizona”. One of my all time favorites. Did any of the three have a panty on his head?
“He comes at you with a fork, you come at him with a camping utelsil tool. He gives you a wedgie, you give him a titty twister. It’s the Bristol way.”
/da da da, da da da.
Was this William Derek Church. Because well…..Fatass
hey, Hey, HEY!!! What’s that about sporks? That’s just endorsing escalation of violence! You must hate children….
/snark