Darwin Award Thursday
I feel like shit right now with a cold, and with all else going on I figured it might be worth laughing at the dumbassery of some “yutes” who tried turning their lives around, not with guns this time, but with a blowtorch, and the expected hilarity which ensues.
This story from today’s New Hampshire Union Leader tells the cautionary tale of a couple of not-so-cautionary gents who, despite their recent legal troubles including felony charges of receiving stolen property, forgery, and so forth, decided their lives needed some excitement, and chose a blowtorch to cut into a safe containing (what else?) fireworks.
According to the state fire marshal’s office, “the two males were attempting to gain entry into a closed metal container which contained consumer fireworks using an oxy-acetylene cutting torch when the blast occurred. The investigation has revealed that the two victims did not have permission to be on the property.”
Thomas Komisarek, owner of New Yard Landscaping, said the container was a safe.
“The whole thing went up and blew their bodies apart,” Komisarek said.
Okay kids, altogether now: “Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.”
Category: "Teh Stoopid"
Thanks for the laugh, Hondo!
Can we keep this thread going? Between this and the Bobby Christina Hay thingy, I’m getting rid of that nasty cough I got from last week’s high mold count. Can’t wait til winter comes and the furnace is on a lot, even though I use the best filters I can get.
I’m reminded of a term Chuckles Johnson used for suicide bombers at LGF before I got banned in “The Great Purge”…..”Splodeydopes”
I can’t do the question and answer routine, but two songs that come to mind here are:
Pyromania by AC/DC
Burn it Down by Linkin Park
Not as good as above, but there you go.
We now know that the criminals had dandruff. They found their Head and Shoulders all over the room.
I love the comments on the UL about, “Well those were YOUR kids, you wouldn’t be so heartless!”
Uh, if those were MY kids, hon, I’d have blistered their asses long before it got to the point they had felony arrests and were going out at 1 AM breaking into people’s safes with a blowtorch.
Fire departments around here have gotten into a habit of asking where possible if there’s a gun safe, large stacks of ammo/powder, etc., before they go into a burning house.
Throw in all the houses that heat themselves on oil, propane, etc., and you get the idea.
I’m still charmed by Master Chief’s providing the term ‘scuttlef*ck’.
I will remember it, and sacrifice a goat cheese to it.
Are we doing favorite songs again? OK.
Tutu – jazz trumpet/brass composition written by Marcus Miller and recorded 1986 by Miles Davis
Candy – recorded by Big Maybelle
http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=candy+by+big+maybelle&FORM=VIRE4#view=detail&mid=106B2A6D486FC4626745106B2A6D486FC4626745
NHSparky, for your cold, try the pickling broth in the jar of dill pickles. It’s water, salt and vinegar in just the right proportions. Cures it. Have you tried a little chicken soup?
and I will bet their favorite T.V. show was the “Big Bang Theory”….
thank you, thank you, I will be here all week….please don’t forget to try the veal and please tip your wait staff……
PH2, “Pyromania” was the title track to Def Leppard’s 1983 release. AWESOME album! All killer, no filler.
@59 You’re right LebbenB. Got two of my favorites mixed up. Def Leppard it was.
Concerning our two ex-ne’er-do-wells, I imagine the local authorities are still trying to piece together the story.
I wonder if the officers on the scene will be paid for doing piece work.
The incident does give new meaning to the term, “piece of mind.”
The neighborhood is certainly pieceful now….
I heard they were Steppenwolf fans, and that their favorite song was “Earschplittenloudenboomer”.
Well there’s always Janis, “Break it, break another little piece of my heart now…”
Here’s the link to this great song…
Link fixed thanks to Instinct.
Local news is reporting the combination was written on the front door of the safe in black margic marker.
They took the phrase “make it rain” to a whole new level.
I’m trying to think of something witty to write with “safe cracker” and “fire cracker” in it and I’m failing. So I’ll just drop back and punt:
A neighbor was overheard to say, “All we are saying, is give piece a chance.”
LebbenB: may I suggest the following:
“A safe cracker should never use fire to crack a safe that’s full of firecrackers.”
Ode to a Pieceful End
Here is the story of Keeler and Burke,
The first is a moron and the other a jerk;
While the two chugged wine on a porch,
Said one, “I’ve a brilliant idea. Go get your blowtorch!”
With the tool in hand and in no time,
They were at the scene of their crime;
After breaking and entering a store,
They came upon their target– a big safe on the floor;
Whispered the moron to the jerk, “Okay, turn on the gas.”
And that was the last anyone saw of their ass;
So, here’s a toast to the businessman from the land of chowder,
Who stored in his safe some black powder;
When it was torched by one of two feces,
Both were blown to little bits and tiny pieces.
One investigator was quoted as saying, “the crime scene is quite puzzling, we are having trouble piecing it all together.”
Air Cav. Holy Crap. That is brilliant.
Bits and Pieces – the Dave Clark Five
Pieces of Me – Ashlee Simpson
MrBill: and perhaps Pat Travis’ version of “Boom Boom Out Go the Lights” as well?
Give Pieces a Chance – John Lennon
Their favorite dog food?
MCPO NYC USN (Ret.)@77, Kibbles And Bits?
Gives a whole new meaning to the movie “The Hurt Locker”.
Firework – Katy Perry
Ashes to Ashes, Earthlings on Fire, and Slow Burn – David Bowie
Firebird – Igor Stravinsky
Up In Smoke – Cheech and Chong
PH2 – and as long as you like AC/DC – “Thunderstruck”
@75 – geez Hondo, I shoulda thought of that! I’ve had that album for years!
OK, how about –
Cherry Bomb – John Mellencamp
You Dropped a Bomb on Me – The Gap Band
Piece of My Heart – Janis Joplin
…and anything by The Music Explosion!
@65–Jonn, yeah, should have realized there would be a limit on the number of hits allowed on the UL website from any one IP (typically 3, IIRC.)
The “new media” sucks as bad as the “old media.” And it’s all behind paywalls.
Oops, VOV beat me to the punch on Janis – but what the hey, it’s a song that can hold up to a little repetition!
So the two geniuses were blown to bits and then their unholy remains were cooked to boot. Odd, I know, but I recall these words told to me by my sainted Mother so long ago, “Son, if ever you find yopurself in New Hampshire and you are tempted to burglarize a man’s store and cut into his large safe with a blowtorch, be certain that the safe doesn’t contain flammables or explosives.” Even though I was only five, and it was so very long ago, I never forgot her words of wisdom.
Cut these dumbasses some slack. They were trying very hard to follow in the footsteps of their choosen occupation inspirational leader, Wile E. Coyote of the ACME Explosives and Demolition Company.
How many times do I have to say it? The combination is on the door in black marker. TRY READING IT!!!
I heard that their favorite movie was Napolean Dynamite, and the last book that the read was A Million Little Pieces.
Yes just read the comments section on the story, some totally idiotic bleeding heart ass whistler is whining about the paper publishing their criminal records.
They did something extremely stupid while committing theft. They paid for it with their lives. A high price to pay for trying to snag tools out of a shed, but they are the stupid fucks that thought it was worth it.
Now they have their names and their asses all over the place!!!
Dog–and what that bleeding heart dipshit doesn’t realize is that criminal records are a matter of PUBLIC record.
Duh. So is, at least in their case, spectacular stupidity.
Do those complainers have to have the words ‘criminal’ and
‘theft’ explained to them?
All those maroons were looking at is ‘two young men passed away’ and it is SO unjust to emphasize that THEY WERE CRIMINALS.
The most appropriate song for their escapade is … Misty!
My turn…..”It’s raining Men” The Weather Girls and covered by Gerri Halliwell.
AbnGramps@94, you get the funniest post award. Enjoy your reign while it lasts.
77
MCPO NYC USN (Ret.) Says:
October 10th, 2013 at 3:32 pm
Their favorite dog food?
What are “Kibbles and Bits” time for Double Jeopardy…
All of you should be ashamed. They were just trying to raise a little money for an upcoming moose hunting and canoe trip. They loved the outdoors and never hurt a fly. They booth loved puppies and kittens EQUALLY!
And we can’t have an opened casket funeral either now because they got all blowed up. I mean can you imagine, the medical examiner trying to piece that mess back together? “Where does this leg go, I think this arm goes over here,” well you get the picture.
So please stop it, they were good boys. Just leave them rest in pieces!
You all are the best!!! Have a great weekend and don’t get blowed up!!!!
I’m dedicating my song choice to the cops cleaning up the scene, Scorpions – “Another Piece of Meat”
According to the large family theory, my husband and I are apparently idiots, we have 6 children and one on the way.