Why I Parted Ways with LGF

(BTW- NO ONE except Sniper got my Belladona O Ring reference. I swear I thought that was the funniest thing I have written in 39 years, and was devastated that a few people were asking about it. Trust me on this one, DO NOT GOOGLE Belladona and O Ring while at work. But, God it was an awesome reference.)

Answers are on the board:

1) Bicycle riding is for Lance Armstrong, mormons and Teh Gheys. Just kidding on the Gheys. Also, those assholes who have those spontaneous rides where they block traffic and then some pissed off homie runs over one of them and they all cry like Nancy Kerrigan or those obnoxious dolls that cry when separated.

2) Jazz sucks. Hasn’t been the same since John Stockton retired and Bleeding Gums Murphy died. Also, I never get the words right.

3) You know how you go out early in the morning on your bike, and you go to the beach, and you sit there, and you wait…and you wait…and suddenly the sun comes up. And you have perfectly situated yourself to shoot the sun rising over the water (or I guess setting since you are west coast) and you have it centered between two volleyball nets, and you come up with a pithy title like, “Splitting the Nets, a Sun is Born”. And you tell us how you shot it with a Kodak Whatthefuck 1400 with a Whocares lens with a shutterspeed that is slower than that of Belladona’s O ring? Yeah. No one gives a shit. It’s like when I used to climb mountains in Afghanistan with an M204, surrounded by ANA guys in Reeboks while I pray that one of them was carrying cardiac paddles, because the asshole that had me carrying 120 lbs of shit didn’t think it all the way through. Both stories nearly the same, only mine has slightly less phaggitocity. (Just ask Nathan Lane, he’ll tell you. BTW- I talked to him last night and he wants you to man up.) I’ll take Michael Yon’s photography 99 times out of 100 over yours. Except that one he did from the helicopter through nods that just looked like shaky green lights. That one blew. Plus, my girlfriend is the greatest food photgrapher in the world. And I have yet to see you do “Cupcake on the Counter” in the proper light like she does.

4) Pony Tails. Unless you are some wandering shaolin monk or something, it just looks ridiculous. Cut that shit off and get a high and tight. You aren’t a shoalin monk are you? Man I am gonna feel bad if Killgore Trout posts something tomorrow about how you were found unconscious with a rope tied around your neck and your junk.

5) I’m a veteran, and thus an extremist. I am cold today, and thus a climate denier. I think Obama has been bad on most issues, and thus a racist. I think less government is better, and thus a militia member. And I think words written on a blog are just words written on a blog, and thus a self-hating professional apparently. Or, it could just be that the world is made up of many folks of many opinions, and I support each of them telling me what they think, without classifying them with titles that are ambiguous at best, and mal-descriptive (not actually a word, but I couldn’t come up with the right one) for the vast bulk of times they are used.

Although Ace and Blackfive have been my favorite blogs for as long as I’ve known what blogs were, I always liked Little Green Footballs. At one point on my mental list, they were a close #3. Especially since Charles was actually pretty good about responding to emails. Ace pretty much blows at it, and Burden last time I went drinking with him showed me his blackberry that had something like 42k unanswered emails. So, I really appreciated that Charles responded to my first email, and I started reading him daily.

As you know, we parted ways with him back a few months ago when he seemed to have left the reservation. At first I couldn’t quit cold turkey, so even though I cancelled my account, I would go back and read it. But you can only read so many posts where Charles purports A as fact, and 200 people leave 500 comments that “Oh God Charles, you are so right! No one has ever been as right as you! A is a fact!” So, I stopped reading entirely about 2 months ago.

I only went back this morning because of an email from Jonn.

So, I went and read his magnum opus entitled “Why I Parted Ways With The Right”. I didn’t read the comments, but I bet somewhere in there Kilgore Trout says “Oh God Charles, you are so right! No one has ever been as right as you! The right has gone off the rails, and that is a fact!”

So, here are his 10 reasons for leaving the “right.” As designated spokesman on this topic for This Ain’t Hell, the 3,625th most popular blog on that rabid right, a blog characterized by our (now good) friend Alex Horton as “Gun Clinging Fundamentalists”, a title we share with LGF, I hereby give my comments to his 10 reasons.

1. Support for fascists, both in America (see: Pat Buchanan, Robert Stacy McCain, etc.) and in Europe (see: Vlaams Belang, BNP, SIOE, Pat Buchanan, etc.)

This one is easier than most for me. Through work I have been involved in the issue of illegal immigration. As part of that, I used to go to meetings with organizations that were also involved in this issue. I stopped going about 2 years ago because one of the groups I discovered had ties to Pat Buchanan. In fact, I even emailed with Charles at the time to talk about some of the things they were doing. Since I was getting the emails intended for the group members, and one of the group members had been arrested for something. (Basically, dude was an asshole, case closed.) So, I think it is safe to say that I don’t support Fascists here, in Europe, or anywhere else.

2. Support for bigotry, hatred, and white supremacism (see: Pat Buchanan, Ann Coulter, Robert Stacy McCain, Lew Rockwell, etc.)

See above. I think that Buchanan is a complete lunatic. And I was banned from the Ann Coulter site. What is more, in my daily dealings with folks on the right, I have yet to hear a single one of them tell me how great any of the people above is. I assume RSM’s inclusion above is some private dig, or I am way out of the loop, because I don’t know jack shit that RSM has ever written. I don’t even know why he is included. I do know that Lew Rockwell is a fuggin lunatic, as some of his people occasionally infest the blog, and we have to delouse the entire place. So, I guess like #1, #2 doesn’t really apply to us.

3. Support for throwing women back into the Dark Ages, and general religious fanaticism (see: Operation Rescue, anti-abortion groups, James Dobson, Pat Robertson, Tony Perkins, the entire religious right, etc.)

Not only do I oppose throwing women back into the Dark Ages, I also oppose throwing them anywhere near the Paleolithic era as well. I don’t really know what he was going for here, unless just being pro-life means throwing women back to the Dark Ages. Seems a bit hyperbololic to me. Is Tony Perkins the guy that sells the chickens?

4. Support for anti-science bad craziness (see: creationism, climate change denialism, Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann, James Inhofe, etc.)

OK, apparently we lose on this one. Mind you, I am not anti-science in the least, but by Charles myopic definition here, I apparently fall into it. Now mind you that as I write this I am listening to an audio book of “A Short History of Nearly Everything” which is essentially a history of science. Right now I am listening (for the 50th + time) to a discussion of cosmic pheruoles (ph) and Neutron Activation Analysis. I have a copy of Origin of Species (purchased as a gift by VT Woody) sitting on the far left of my favorites book shelf. But….here it is….Yeah, I don’t believe in Anthropomorphic Climate Change. Now, I haven’t looked at the raw data, but then again, neither has Charles. I know that because just yesterday it was announced that the raw data no longer exists.

This is what I do know though. Every year I am told that we have 12 months to act. Next years hurricane season will be worse than this years. Holy Shit! By this time next year, Nebraska will have ocean front property. And every year they hold some global warming rally, and it gets snowed out, whether held in April, October or any other time. Based on this alone I would tempted to believe that there is a) in fact an omni-potent God, b) he has one hell of a sense of humor.

But, I do believe in God. I generally don’t discuss it, but there it is. Now, does that mean I think that Noah actually got a shit load of animals on a little boat, that a whale ate a dude? No. But, I believe what I read in the bible as literal truth almost as much as I believe that what I read on LGF is literal truth. And one of them was written 2000 years ago.

5. Support for homophobic bigotry (see: Sarah Palin, Dobson, the entire religious right, etc.)

Dude, I love Teh Gheys. (From a distance, of course.)

I used to date a chick who lobbied for the gay lobby, and her friends were hilarious. Given a choice, I tend not to hang out with gay folks as much, only because they don’t regularly have the same interests as me. Most straights also don’t have the same interests as me. Actually, only Claymore and Brown Neck Gaitor have the same interests as me, and only sometimes there. I don’t support “homophobic bigotry” anymore than I do heterophobic bigotry. Personally, I don’t really give 2 shits about whether they marry or not, although I vote against that each time if only because certain groups are so overbearing about it (prop 7 or whatever it was) that I feel like a vote FOR gay marriage is at times just succumbing to the threats. I also am in favor of lifting DADT, although I think it should be done slowly, with CSS lifted first. It’s not because I think Gheys or Straights are any better at fighting (the Sacred Band of Thebes comes to mind) but because I don’t believe in screwing the military up right now.

Either way, I don’t think we have any “homophobic bigotry” here, or at least not from the authors.

(A friend of mine just emailed me this link here. One of the things you can purchase is a day of golf with Mark Wahlberg, and the proceeds go to the David Ortiz Children’s Fund. I told this friend that I do have a mancrush on both Wahlberg and Ortiz. He said: “Thats what 5-6 guys on your list? You may want to head on over to that other dugout.”)

My ManCrush on Tom Brady ended last night. I cried myself to sleep after eating like 2 big vats of Chunky Monkey Ice Cream.

6. Support for anti-government lunacy (see: tea parties, militias, Fox News, Glenn Beck, etc.)

Yeah. OK bud, have you looked at the polls lately? It seems like there are a hell of a lot more of us “lunatics” then there are you “rationals.” And thanks for the smear of including militias in there with the tea partiers. Only Janet Napolitano and apparently Charles have truly made that connection. I think I was mostly thrown off by all the old ladies and shit there. They just didn’t strike me as violent revolutionaries. Are we going to have an entire geriatric division in our “anti-government” army that will attack with their walkers out of the pre-dawn fog rising around the Country Kitchen Buffet? Seriously dude, believing that the Gov’t screws up just about anything they touch doesn’t make you a lunatic, it makes you a realist.

7. Support for conspiracy theories and hate speech (see: Alex Jones, Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, Birthers, creationists, climate deniers, etc.)

Jones is a freak, birthers are freaks. Glenn Beck seems to me moderately unstable at times, but to each their own. Limbaugh I stopped listening to about 15 years ago. I have yet to meet a single person who denies the climate. I don’t really know what that means, would a “climate denier” not portray themselves as “pro-vacuum”? So, I am pretty sure with all the beatings we have taken here that we are exonerated on this charge as well.

8. A right-wing blogosphere that is almost universally dominated by raging hate speech (see: Hot Air, Free Republic, Ace of Spades, etc.)

The only time I ever got truly maligned on a website was yours. Honestly. You want fucking crazy? Go back and look at your posts about Obama not coming to the Salute to Heroes Ball and read what some of your folks had to say about me. They all accused me of lying and some jackass reader of yours took to her blog with all this conspiracy theory bullshit about how the ball never ended. You have a funny criteria for hate speech. It apparently is any speech which doesn’t conform with your view on the objective reality of any given second.

Ace’s commenters are the funniest bastards on the web. I have always said so. I like Ace’s writing better than anyone elses as well. I don’t read Free Republic, because the formatting on that website gives me a headache, I can’t find shit over there. I don’t read HotAir as much as I used to, only because you have to be with the “in crowd” to get a HotAir link, and I am not the in crowd. In fact, I can’t get Allah or Ed to respond even to my work emails. But, hate speech? Dude, give me a break. Let he who is without hate speech on his blog play the first saxophone. Or something like that.

9. Anti-Islamic bigotry that goes far beyond simply criticizing radical Islam, into support for fascism, violence, and genocide (see: Pamela Geller, Robert Spencer, etc.)

Geller does at times strike me as out of her mind, and Spencer was a douche to me, all because he thought YOU sent me over to comment. I don’t know what that whole fight is about, maybe you measured dicks and Pamela won. I don’t know, and I don’t care, but until you’ve been on the receiving end of some inbound 7.62 rounds from Taliban Terry, how about shutting your piehole. Once again, I don’t know anyone supporting genocide etc, and I bet you could send me like 30 links that you purport shows that, but which to everyone else seems legit. I don’t believe in profiling Muslims in the military, or the US, I don’t believe in exterminating them or anything else. But for the life of me, I can’t figure out why the US would ignore when someone is emailing with a radical Imam to talk about the issues of suicide bombing. But we are so friggin PC that didn’t raise any warning flags. How about we find a happy medium and run with that?

10. Hatred for President Obama that goes far beyond simply criticizing his policies, into racism, hate speech, and bizarre conspiracy theories (see: witch doctor pictures, tea parties, Birthers, Michelle Malkin, Fox News, World Net Daily, Newsmax, and every other right wing source)

Dude, you are rehashing the same point over and over and over. How is #10 any different than the preceding 9? I denounce racism, I don’t know what the hell “hate speech” is, and I rebut all conspiracy theories, as should be obvious from reading our posts. And really? You linked Fox News in with World Nut Daily? I mean, I don’t generally read either of them, on account of all the bullshit Fox has every time some little girl gets kidnapped, or Britney shows her crab infested privates getting out of a car. But damn dude. You know how many very normal folks watch Fox?

So, anyway. No one really gives a shit that you left us Charles. In point of fact, i don’t know anyone who ever figured you were one of us anyway. You were a sometimes ally against Dan Rather and the Jihadis. We weren’t walking together on that path numbnuts, you just happened to be walking in the same direction. So please quit with the martyr act and go ride your bike, take pictures and put up a post about the latest crazy blog shit you invented.

If you want to go with the martyr act though, you might find solace in this little clip. Playing the part of you is Flounder [edited for correct person], playing the part of the rest of the Right Wing Blogosphere is the rest of the fraternity.

Have fun with your new friends on the left. I don’t AT ALL anticpiate a similiar hissy fit from you in the next 2 months lamenting how you tried to give the left focus and direction and those ungrateful bastards betrayed you.

Also, don’t tie the rope too tight. It may cut down on your pleasure, but it damn well could save your life.

Category: Politics