William Derek Church; the Round Ranger
I’ve been giggling like a little girl since I sent this guy to Mary a few weeks ago. He’s like “The Round Marine” and Paul Tillson rolled into one. But his name is William Derek Church (he goes by Derek Church) and these are pictures from his wedding, I guess. He’s on Facebook somewhere, but I can’t find him. You can tell he’s legit because he doesn’t care that his Ranger beret is dressed over the wrong eye, and he wears the full-sized Purple Heart on the wrong side of his uniform.
He’s a steely-eyed killer who can’t be bothered with details like getting his drawers tailored. Yes, that’s a Ranger scroll with no tab on left shoulder;
I almost didn’t bother to get his records, because he has 8TFU written all over him. but we got his records today. He spent about 18 months in the Natural Guard (don’t blame me, blame the NPRC) and over a month on active duty. But he made it to PFC.
And see how the Purple Heart is on the left of his other medals that he’s wearing wrong? Well, that’s because he remembered that the highest medals are supposed to go closest to your heart – but that only counts when you wear them on the left side of your uniform, dingus. It took me forever to disabuse privates of that notion when we got the Valorous Unit Citation to add to the Presidential Unit Citation. They kept trying to put the PUC to the left of the VUC. Privates suck, just ask this guy.
ADDED: Here’s his Facebook, by the way.
Added by Sporkmaster.
It seems that he has another friend who faking along side him, because he was “there”. Also I like how his friend threatens to send the 75th Ranger Battalion on people. As if.
Added by Sporkmaster
Also it seems that we are finding out more about him from his local community.
Category: Phony soldiers
I say we get him and the round Marine in the Octagon. Throw in a donut and let them fight to the death.
He looks a lot like my brother’s Basset Hound.
Just makes me want to squeeze the fat!
@ 49
Two porkers…
Still can’t stop laughing over those trousers, 12 inches too long. What a dumbshit.
Bedwetter
So, I just sent Billy-boy’s post to a friend of mine who works in the 75th’s S-4 shop. I bet he’ll get a laugh out of it!
@53
What is sad is that she is 22-23 yo, a mom and looks like she’s trying to finish college…and he is 37…and unemployed
His FB profile says he is employed as a Paramedic at Caldwell County EMS (in addition to be retired military of course)
http://www.caldwellcountync.org/caldwell-county-nc-departments/emergency-medical-services/ems-personnel/
Suprise..suprise..no listing
@54… see that is what I said in a message to Willie. The community is too damned small, you will be found out.
@55 they just got married last year in November. I feel bad for her, don’t think she knows anything but whatever she has been told. She has two little ones from the photos she has public… I just hope no one is harassing her, she is most likely an innocent victim in all of this as well. How many times have we seen Posers who lied to everyone around them, and completely mislead their own family. Almost every single one of them.
HIS BERET WAS ON THE WRONG SIDE BECAUSE IT WAS AN HONEST MISTAKE WHICH HE KICKED HIMSELF FOR AFTERWARD. IT WAS FIXED FOR OUR WEDDING DAY. OUR PHOTOS WERE RUSHED AND HIS PANTS WERE NOT HEMMED BUT WERE ALSO DONE FOR THE ACTUAL CEREMONY. THESE ARE PHOTS BEFORE HAND. HONESTLY I DIDN’T THINK IT WAS ANYONE’S BUSINESS! AS FOR HIS SERVICE YOI HAVE NO RIGHT! HE SERVED 3 BACK TO NACK TOURS ROTATING FROM IRAQ TO AFGHANISTAN AND BACK. HIS BATTLE IS INFACT REAL AND HE DID SAVE HIS LIFE. HE HAS THE MEDAL PLATE IN HIS CHEST AND TBI AS REMINDER. THESE ARE OUR PHOTOS, FRANKLY I CAN SUE YOU FOR NOT HAVING THE COOYRIGHTS TO THEM AND FOR PLAGERISM. YOU CAN’T GET HIS FURTHER RECORDS BECAUSE THEY’RE SEALED! FRANKLY DON’T YOU HAVE A JOB YOU SHOULD BE DOING BESIDES TRASHING VETERANS THAT GIVE YOU YOUR FREEDOM OF SPEECH! TAKE THIS DOWN OR IT WON’T BE THE LAST YOU HEAR OF US!
Damn, Derek Church. You’ve been found out and busted. Just come clean and apologise. You’re only making your own lie/life harder by clinging to it. (and while you’re at it, fat boy, take off that 82nd patch we both know you didn’t earn.)
@ 55
I would add about 10 years to both of them, from the photos. Maybe more to the Fat Guy bedwetter. Jeez…
Wonder why he isn’t listed as “ems personnel”. Poser EMT ?
I sent a message and the links to Detective Captain M. Jardon at the Caldwell County SD right there in this guy’s hometown
http://caldwellsheriff.org/divisions/investigations/
@53 Well, his pants have to be too long so they blouse nice and big when he is wearing his jump boots, right? Troopers blouse their boots in case their main and reserve chutes fail, better safe then sorry.
The Mrs is in on it now
https://www.facebook.com/kiaya.beheler?viewer_id=100000505605668
I’m really hoping Ex-PH2 can fit the Round Marine, Round Ranger and pink duck tape into her next BOGO story.
I love the phony facebook convo defending him, “Sarge”? When I was a Pvt I had a NCO tell me “Do you know what a Sarge is? It’s a shit eating fish that lives at the bottom of the ocean, is that what you are calling me Pvt?” I honestly never saw anyone call a NCO sarge while I was in. People just watch a old WWII movie and think we still use the term.
As far as you so called machoes calling me round and taking a shot at my life; I have more education than you probably have in a pinky especially if you have nothing better or more intellectual to do than this! I’m fighting an illness and going through treatments you pansies couldn’t last one moment through. Oh and when you go through what I did bringing my two blessings into this world, like almost dying and losing your child as well; then you may run you dirty God forsaken mouths. Until then keep my name, my family, and MY MEDICALLY RETIRED RANGER’S NAME out of your mouth and off your pages. Get a life, live it, and be a productive citizen of America or else your just using up air with your pile of crap you call existence!
Perhaps he claims to be an EMT because he was transported by EMS to the local “Regional Doughnut Crisis Emergency Center” after eating all those jellied “norkies” mentioned by #32 above.
I guess it doesn’t matter if you ride the gurney or get to sit up and perform a duty, it makes you an EMT!
Kind of like when he rolls out the back of a C-130 on a cargo pallet with a days ration of 300 lbs each canister marked: “US JD Ration. 2094052A Jelly Doughnut/50 Lbs.EA US ARMY warning/US FOOD and Drug Administration Warning: DO NOT EAT ALONE DURING A 24 hour period.
He has already started scrubbing his FB page of the dress blue pictures
Who are you to do research on my personal life or his? Not everyone thinks, oh let me update Facebook revenge they take a shit. God you people are unreal. I’m not sweet and innocent, I know who I married. I’ve known him a long time. I’ve worked my ass off for my education, that’s my second degree you assholes. I can say that proudly, I am only 23 and I have 3 national certifications and an associates degree. Kiss my ass. He is a state registered paramedic and did work for caldwell county at one time until jobs were cut around here and certain stations were shut. How about getting your shit straight, numb skull. For all of you about the car that seems to keep getting addressed, he built it from the ground up! Like I said more education and talent in one pinky.
Well, I for one am not at all surprised that he wears his uniform with such aplomb and grace (considering the load he’s toting around). After all, he was a member of the Natural Guard (per the attached FOIA).
O-4E your full of shit, he hasn’t taken anything down. Now who’s the posing liar
He was active and served then went national gaurd for his family and was recalled active from sept 2001 until injury in Iraq at 2006. Ie the purple heart. Keep digging your holes on somebody you don’t know. I can’t do this all night.
It’s amazing to see the cowardly actions people will take via the internet and from the safety of their own homes. I guess add a true ranger I should be honored that you’ve taken the time to sick your little noses into my business. I formally invite each and every one of you for a Saturday lunch at my residence and the bright side of this is, I will see to it personally that you will not be late for your funerals on Sunday. Now that I’ve said my piece it is clear to me that none of you would be willing to stand toe to toe with me. RLTW!!!!!!!
Boy something else, can’t leave my comments up huh…gotta erase those. It might make you look bad. Chicken shit!
And the Mrs has now scrubbed her webpage
Here I am knee deep in shit and i here you are questioning my existence. Well here I am ugly ole me.
I haven’t scrubbed shit you pathological liar!
I wish I had a facebook account so I could tell the good Mr. Will Chamberlin that “plagiarism” doesn’t mean what he thinks it means. I love it when they start calling the pigs. SUUUUUUEEEEEE!!SUE!SUE!SUUUEEEEE!
Below from Mrs. Church (also a bedwetter):
Kiaya Louise Church commented on a link.
9 minutes ago
.
I’ve seen the documentation and we don’t even know this person why should we send then confidential paperwork that has very sensitive information on it?! What right do you have to question anyone? To me this looks like just a page for your all to have fun, why should we send you dd214 and or all other paperwork because you won’t to question. What right do you have? NONE!
Plagiarism:
the practice of taking someone else’s work or ideas and passing them off as one’s own.synonyms:copying, INSTRUMENT OF COPYRIGHT
Oh Old.Sarge so it’s the Amy reserves huh…an old weekend warrior…what right do you have to take shots?? As Farr as the bed wetter…what kind of shot is that??? No better come backs. Looks like somebody is selling themselves out…need some depends??
Just so y’all know, the IP addresses of Kiaya Church, Will Church and Will Chamberlin are all the same. The Churches you would expect to be the same, but I wonder what Will Chamberlin is doing in their house. I shudder to imagine.
Squeeze the fat.
Losers.
From the Facebook chat with the Mrs, sounds like she’s panicking a bit at having married a liar. I wonder what else he lied to her about? Tough position to be in, she shouldn’t be working so hard to defend him.
The Mrs. seems to have bought off on his lies hook, line and sinker… especially the ones about his record being “classified” and “sealed”. Things should be getting pretty dicey in the Church home now.
BTW – I’d swear that the service striped on his “uniform” are from a Navy CPO uniform… and his tailor should be out of business for the job done on the trousers.
@71, 72 – It will not surprise me if he’s conned that woman about more than his ‘military status’ and curretn work status. She should have done a real background check on him, especially about where he works, and IF he works at all.
There are men and women who can zero in on people who seem vulnerable and maybe even desperate, but there are always red flags if you bother to pay attention.
Red Flag #1 – My records are sealed/classified/eyes only, etc.
Red Flag #2 – Does your ‘honey’ ask for things like money, or tell you he doesn’t have a job (no income) but gives you expensive gifts, or anything else that simply doesn’t make sense.
There are plenty of other red flags. LEARN THEM.
And if anyone EVER akss you for your social security number, RUN LIKE HELL. Throw the bastard out of your life and learn your lesson. And don’t be so desperate for someone in your life that you fall for this crap.
Kaiya Church, for your own sake, snap out of it. You’ve been conned.
Let’s just hope this piece of crap doesn’t have worse things in his background.
While I’m truly honored that all these stolen valor fucks want to be E-6’s, I’m kind of pissed that the only combat arms MOS’s that are being impostered (??) are infantry and SF. There’s others out there, you know! How come no one wants to impersonate artillery, ADA, or scouts? God forbid they leave us tankers out! Not to mention that pretending to be a tanker is probably the easiest MOS to impersonate. Hell, you don’t even need a uniform. All you need is a cheesy Hawaiian shirt, a $5 pair of gas-station aviators, and ~20 Budweiser pounders. Wah-lah, you’re a tanker. “Boy I sure can’t wait to get out of this hot motor pool and change into Class-A’s!” said no tanker fucking ever.
Stupid posers.
Looks like his wife and him have hightailed it. Deleting his account and heading for the hills. I guess he will make a new account and pop up with a different name.
RLTW! In this case… this “Ranger” lead the way to every mess hall ever found. I love the backwards beret. Years ago I saw a phony LTC on the dias during a Memorial Day ceremony wearing an old 5th Group flash with the backwards beret.
Bwwwahahaha, I got up at 0500 to an outdoor temp of 16 degrees here in the NW Panhandle of the Bikini State, but got some instant warmth when I opened Facebook to find this from the Round Ranger:
Message #1
Come talk shit to my face you fucking whiner. It was an honest mistake. After you come home with a tbi see how much you remember. You flaming fucktard. Meet me at the Darby Queen and I’ll bury your smoked ass under it.
Message #2
Lost your balls i see. Oh well how about the plagiarism for the stolen pictures? Or the fact that you are libel for your comments for spreading your slanderous remarks?
Message#3
In short I could and may sue your sorry ass.
And then he closed his FB account. However will I plead for mercy? Whatever will I do?
I did attempt to send him this in response, but since the account was closed, it didn’t go to him:
You got a TBI? In Basic training? Wearing E-6, The FOIA response didn’t reflect you having that rank. At the Darby Queen? Where did you learn that name? From a You Tube Ranger School video? Plagarism from WHAT stolen pictures? Do you not know that any images, photos, graphics, etc. displayed in social media, news pages, etc. become public domain and able to be used as one chooses provided there is no monetary gain. Libel? Only if I said something that was untrue. Do you really care to perpetuate your claim to be a Ranger? Meet me over at This Ain’t Hell blog at: http://valorguardians.com/blog/?p=39182
@74, there was a nice one yesterday posing as a Marine Administration clerk with no overseas time. I was like you, complaining that all posers are warrior ninjas, but yesterday I saw the admin poser and it was like seeing Santa Claus. So cool, I probably wouldn’t even be tempted to thump him if I met him.
Hey Frank, you & your dog can come crash at our plce if he puts too much heat on you, /sarc
I just noticed his “friends” going to bat for him, are they sockpuppets, or does he have a “Wickre Squad”?
Forget about him coming here, the moment he gets near any beach, Greenpiss will drag him so far out in the water, he’ll get harpooned in no time!!
Well I retract what I said about laying off the wife… she brought herself into it now. Fire for efect…
Honey., that fat old fuck you married is what we call a “POser” as oposed to a “Been there done that”. This page is full of genuine Been there done thats… and your baby daddy aint one of them. You should cut load on that thing now before he completely ruins your life. Maybe htere are slim pickings where you are at, maybe you have a thing for tubby old guys…. maybe thinking he had himself a military retirement check you could latch onto when he keels over from a massive coronary. Sorry Hun, but bless your little heart cuz it just aint happening.
Hey Will the Wannabe, or is that Derek? Sockpuppets and Posers R Us have made the apearance. I think we have ourselves a genuine pair of contenders for the SVT… an honest to God Twofer…
After dropping his load X3 in my FB message box, he cut and run, before I could ask him his Ranger Class, or inform him that he is full of shit in claiming sealed records. His blindly following spouse, to caught up in her blindness to accept fact, will probably hang with him until she loses it all. Reminds me of what it cost a certain Georgia wife to accept her husband’s phoniness, when she finally lost a leg to his lies.
At least Kyle Barwan’s lies weren’t good enough to totally convince the young lady that fell for him. She GTFO of Dodge when we exposed him, and has moved on.
This is but one more of these phonies who is using the same playbook on what to do when caught. Same pages, same steps: First physical threats, claims of sealed records, spouse/girlfriend/mom/daughter intervenes, lawsuit threats, and then tries to bug out.
He’s cooked.
I wonder what Caldwell County NC Emergency Services will have to say when contacted after business starts for the day, h’mmmm…
Wow. They folded like a deck of cards. We had quite a little battle on our hands last night on facebook.
For everyone that missed it you saw every poser excuse story in the book last night.
Classified records, secret missions, “Only the SECDEF can approve release”
FROM HER…
His fat a$$ only chimed in a couple of times
Hey william, if we tried standing toe to toe with you, that fucking whale gut of yours would keep us at least two feet from them… when was the last time you even saw your toes? I mean, I know we all gain a few pounds as we get older, but boy you look like you ate the whole state of North Carolina.
By the way, being a resident of the State of North Carolina does not give you the right to go around wearing my 82d Airborne Patch on your fat carcass.
Your shit is so weak, even without having your records above it is plain as day you are a poser… Sewn on patches, Blue Chord on the wrong shoulder, Full Size Medals worn in conjunction with fruit sald… and on the wrong side to boot. You area Piece of shit liar.
Youe wife Kiaya is young enough, if she breaks free from your stupid ass now she may have a chance at a decent life with a real man. Don’t waste your life with that fat fuck lady, just because he knocked you up doesn’t mean you have to spend eternity with the fake. Hell, did he even knock you up to begin with? I don’t think he could even find himself under all that fat.
Mister and Missus Fuckstain proceeding via the “sealed records” route, heh? Next they’ll claim his real records were burned up in the great fire of ’73, in some kind of time-inversion temporal accidental event…
POS even had fake family members that I received private messages from last night trying to convince me how wrong we are. And magically this morning all of their FB profiles are gone also.
“Will Chamberlain” is still rockin though
This guy is seriously up to no good.
From someone who is probably real though…
“I don’t understand this marriage thing. She hasn’t been separated from Chucky Beheler long enough to get a divorce. Chucky’s brother Tony Taylor passed away in February 2013 and they were together then. In North Carolina you have to be separated a year to get a divorce. Somebody lied.”
The FB dog-fight between TAH readers and the undynamic duo last was so vicious – I think I caught fleas, again.