Could any dude answer these questions?
My wife says that’s me to a T, but that is only because she doesn’t pay attention to me. If that box of tampons was on fire, or wrapped in a $100 bill I still wouldn’t touch it. If there was $100 bill under it, I might knock it off with a broom to get to the money, but then I would burn the broom.
Would any of you know the answer to this? My shopping experience is this: if it is not sold on Amazon.com, it is unlikely I ever shopped for it. Excepting whatever is sold at 7-11 or Speedway.
And how long does a bra last? I have a sweatshirt from Bosnia that is basically in tatters, and I still wear it like twice a week. So I’m going to guess a bra lasts from puberty to menopause, not accounting for any augmentation surgery that might occur to change the size.
Category: Politics
When my daughters got to the age of needing bras; their mom or my sister took them. When they started needing the monthly hygiene products…….their mom or my sister shpped for them. Do you see a pattern here?
On a similar note, Massengill, the long time maker of feminine hygiene products, is coming our with a new Masculine Hygiene Deodorant Spray. It’s called “UMPIRE…For Foul Balls”.
OK, that was fun.
When I was in service on an otherwise glum day, I went into the women’s latrine once and got a tampon out of the machine. They are sterile you know! So I then get a McDonald’s pack of mustard and ketchup out of the fridge and soak it thoroughly. I then walk into the day room, holding it up by the string and announce, “hey guys look what I found”. The uproar commenced in foul language from several tongues, known and unknown. It got to the high point when I put in in my mouth and pulled it slowly out. Coffee was spewed everywhere. I was threatened with many types of bodily harm. The NCOIC murmured of reduction in rank and Article 15 for being a blank, blank, blankity blank, ass hole! No one had lunch that day that I remember. But…I got a big kick out of it. In the military on otherwise boring days, guys will find the strangest and oddest ways to rib each other and play practical jokes. I was fairly good at it but I was taught by the best who came before me. I never told this story on myself before. You guys are the privileged first. So, tell the truth now. You are honored to be the first to hear this, right???
Great! I’m sorry I never thought of it.
Damn, Sparks – I’m glad I wasn’t eating or drinking anything when I read that comment!
I leave that stuff to the wife. My little girl just had her first monthly visitor. She ran up to me crying saying that she was bleeding and I asked where. When she told me the first words out of my mouth was “go talk to your mother”.
Since Muslims consider women during “that time of the month” as being unclean and they consider their used feminine products as the “most unholy, unclean of the unclean”, I have an idea. Let’s recycle the billions of used feminine products in America every year and air drop them over the Muslim countries of our choice. Or, equip the A-10 Warthogs to drop them over selected hot Taliban targets. They will be so busy unsticking them from their cloths, tearfully praying and crying aloud to Allah all the while that it will give us a significant surprise advantage. Just my thoughts.
Bra sizes are beyond my comprehension. I like it that way. If I am at a store and I cut through aisles and happen upon the ladies’ undergarment section, down goes my head and I back out. I kid you not.
TSO, here is what I took away- you shop at Speedway! What are you building?
Sparks, I was gagging just a bit while laughing like an idiot! Well played!
@9 2/17 Air Cav I am the same way. If I find myself, LOST with no compass and in the “women’s” section of a store. I do my best slinking to get out of there most riki-tik. Don’t know why it embarrasses me so much but…it does. That’s just the way I am built inside and the way I am plumbed outside.
Awesome, Sparks.
You guys are such weenies. Holy cow, I have all brothers and used to shop for their sports cups, underwear, etc. You kill me.
No, TSO, a bra does not last from puberty to menopause. We, unlike some (most???) of you, DO wash our under garments on a regular basis. Over the shoulder boulder holders must be replaced two to three times a year. Otherwise there is no anti gravity assistance from them and we’ll be stepping on our ladies long before the nursing home days. You know the average bra size in a nursing home is a 36 long, don’t you?
hell, yall don’t sag… you just get a little long. Wife and three daughters later, I can buy anything – I have nothing to prove to anyone. Except me.
“You know the average bra size in a nursing home is a 36 long, don’t you?” Really?
Now I know why I avoid nursing homes.
Out of curiosity, why is this posted in politics?
@17, because the humble author is also an idiot. I’ll try to change.
I have a wife and one son. I could not tell you where my wife’s bras are or what size they are. I looked at one once and could not decipher the size coding, crypto language used on the label. I never looked again.
Can we all agree though that front snapping bras should have no place in a civilized society? I finally managed to get the two finger release of the back, and women come up with this defense of placing it in the front. No way of subtlety when you are trying to free the puppies from a front loaded cage.
The question is…do you guys scrub out your own skidmarks? Cause I’d buy a hundred boxes of rubbers, sex toys, etc.. to NOT have to scrub the shit, literally out of the man skivvies.
As for the burning bra questions…they do not last forever, especially those who are well endowed. Holding up the girls is a costly endeavor. They gotta represent-especially as they age. Aren’t you glad your women aren’t examining your balls for wrinkling and droppage? You guys got it easy!
Bra Review
Walmart $
Kohls $$
Vicky’s $$$
Soma $$$$
DefendUSA: that’s what Shout/Spray-n-wash and Clorox were invented for, lady. Use those and no scrubbing of “tidy-whiteys” is required. (smile)
Sparks…find the YouTube video of the girl who did that and then “surprised” her boyfriend by smacking him in the face with it. Holy crap. Nobody fakes projectile vomiting. Nobody.
And bras? They come in three sizes: meh, nice, and holy shit!
I find that bras just get in the way.
What the heck are skidmarks?
@24 Green Thumb…simple, elegant and to the point of the matter. Here-Here.
@25, my World of Warcraft character is “Terdstane” level 90 frost mage on Earthen Ring.
And with that, I will take my -4902 cool points and leave.
Sorry TSO, I love the front snapping ones. When I open it for my lady, I am presented with a face full of “the girls”.
JMHO….
@25 2/17 Air Cav, and by the all my respect to the Air Cavalry and all you guys did! Skidmarks…as I have gotten older, are those ugly brown vertical stripes I sometimes find in my shorts. Usually after having “trusted” a fart…to be well, a fart. Hondo laid it out. Spray ‘N Wash and Clorox.
But, 2/17 I know you were being tongue in cheek there. Weren’t you???
Sparks. I am unfamiliar with what you describe. Moreover, I do not recall ever hearing anyone mention such a thing as a skidmark, either in a locker room, as a kid playing sports, or in a barracks, as a soldier. I am familiar with skids. They sometimes leave a mark, especially on soft earth. However, in association with undergarments, I am without a frame of reference, let alone personal experience. But thank you for the explanation.
The beta male in the green sweater started bouncing on his cooch, he was so excited, when he read about all that extra comfort those particular tampons provide.
@4 Sparks – Dang, dude! Bored troopies do come up with some doozies, but … DANG, DUDE!!!?? Well played though …
@22 Hondo – Depends … no pun intended … that’s a reasonable approach for your every day shmo skid marks/tobacco stains. However, when those lucky drawers look like a speeding eighteen wheeler jack-knifed in ’em, a more ah, circumspect methodology, and perhaps a not-prone-to-sqeamishness constitution, may be required.
Then there’s the: Looks like two semis doing Warp two, on a blind curve, did 360’s, cartwheels, and jack-knifed, trying to avoid the little girl who stepped out onto the road in front of them. Appalled, you first wonder if there were any survivors. Secondly, you wonder if there is a plasma furnace handy in order to reduce the wreckage to it’s constituent atoms. No other response seems adequate.
@23 NHSparky – re: bra size. ROTFLMBO !!!
@32: I have people in other cubes looking at me like I’m a ‘tard, because I’m laughing too f-ing hard at your descriptives!
Nice post!
You want the best quality for your money? Victoria’s Secret and Frederick’s of Hollywood. No preference. Both are well-constructed and it takes LOTS of trips to the washing machine to destroy them, plus Frederick’s has those little ‘cookies’ that give your girls an extra bit of ‘hey, fella, I’m up here!’
Victoria’s – $30 to $45, if you don’t count that bejeweled number they come out with every year, which costs $5millon to $6million. And they’re pretty.
Frederick’s of Hollywood – $21 to $45, no bejeweled stuff, they accomodate the full-figured ladies’ needs, too. And they’re pretty. And they have corsets to meet the needs of the Renaissance woman.
Any questions?
Now, let’s talk about those indelible marks on YOUR undies, guys. And please do NOT leave them hanging on the doorknob. Put them in the hamper where they belong.
OldSoldier54: laughing here too. And I agree: if it’s too much for Spray-n-Wash and Clorox after at most a rinse-out, then it’s hazardous biowaste. For those cases, they make ziplock plastic bags and incinerators. (smile)
@32 OldSoldier54 Well said my man, well said. ROTFLMAO.
@35 Hondo, when it comes to those weapons grade, bio-hazard skidmarks, which are seldom, in the trash they go.
Please folks, I am old but not THAT old. It is not an every week occurrence even. In fact it is the rare time when it happens. But as Ex pointed out, in other words, I have to man up and clean my own, not just leave ’em in the hamper for the little woman to deal with. I know it sounds like I am back peddling but it is the truth.
I once found out the hard way what a 38D bra costs.
It was long ago, before I met my wife. I was but a pup of 21 years, who had met a striking 20-year-old brunette with the aforementioned endowments. We were both Firefighter-Is in the same department (different stations), both 3rd-generation firefighters, and naturally concluded that we should reinforce these similarities by having lots of sex.
In my previous experiences, the female(s) involved had removed their own lingerie, thus I had never unclasped a bra before in my life. So the moment of truth arrives, and I realize that I have not been trained in the operation of this piece of equipment. She is becoming impatient. I start problem-solving and determine that forcible entry is needed and I need an appropriate tool. I start blindly searching the nightstand drawer one-handed, sifting through my socks, 1911, spare mags, spare birth control devices, etc, finally coming up with a folding knife.
Her response to me cutting her bra off is, “WHAT THE FUCK??!!! Don’t you know how much that costs? You’re buying me another one tomorrow, dumbass!”
As luck would have it, she was into angry sex, so the $70 I had to drop at Victoria’s Secret the following morning seemed like money well spent.
Yeah, velcro is so much easier to do with, isn’t it? But it has all the romantic cachet of spinach on your teeth.
@37-Sir, you are the only person who has managed to tell a more awkward sex story than any high schooler I’ve ever met. Congrats:)
@4 Sparks
Absolutely! Great story. You are one sick puppy!
@39 Laddie, that ain’t even my worst one with the same young lady…
Grow up with only sisters and I know the cost, rinsing sked, and any other female habits. We lived in an old farm house with the only heat in the living room. We all dressed around this stove, bathed in the kitchen, and actually looked at one another. So neither of us were handi capped with how the opposite sex was equipped.
Many years ago I did quite well with the ladies. I don’t know why, but I did. I was not into the Baskins Robbins approach when the love lamp was lit. Anyhow, one time, right smack in the middle of doing a set of pushups, she says, “Talk to me.” Talk to her? “Hell,” I thought, “We did that over drinks BEFORE we got here!” So, I stopped what I was doing and said, “Whaddaya wanna hear, the Gettysburg Address?”
I never finished that set of push ups. True story.
Well shit, now I feel like I have to tell the worse one.
Same girl, some time later. We had agreed that we greatly enjoyed helping eachother study the finer points of the human reproductive system, and did so as frequently as possible. However, there was a hiccup when she wanted to “spice things up” as it were.
It should be noted that I first saw “Basic Instinct” at the tender age of 12. Suffice it to say, the deceptively-hot horror of that experience scarred me for life.
So she walks in naked, holding a set of handcuffs. All I can think of is, JESUS H. CHRIST, SHE’S GONNA KILL ME! In less than a second, my 1911 is out of the nightstand, round jacked into the pipe, at Tactical Present with the sights centered on her notably ample chest. I tell her to stay the hell away from me with those fucking things. She laughs and says, “You’re kidding me, right?”
My response: “One in the chamber, bitch! Does it LOOK like I’m kidding?”
She gives me a slightly puzzled look, and finally tosses the cuffs away. My heart rate slows back down and I start thinking again, realizing that there is exactly zero chance of ever banging her again. I return my .45 to its previous condition. To my surprise, she jumps on me and starts going to town with shocking vigor. See, by some bizarre aspect of feminine logic, the fact that I pulled a gun had stirred her sex drive to unprecedented heights and focused it on me. After the last five minutes I felt obligated to oblige her. (Disclaimer: it worked this time. I absolutely DO NOT advocate trying this EVER!)
After we broke up a few months later, she told people at work about one half of this incident. I retaliated by telling the other half. So I was the jackass who pulled a gun on his girlfriend, and she was the crazy bitch who thought it was hot.
@44-Well, I’m glad nobody’s mentioning your name in the same breath as Oscar Pistorius is all I can say.
@45 Didn’t say it was the smartest thing I ever did, but neither was she. See my disclaimer. Also avoid watching “Basic Instinct.”
The Other Whitey: perhaps the young man should watch “Basic Instinct”. I think he’ll understand better afterwards.
Handcuffs, ropes, or other restraints as sex toys? Um, no thanks.
I pretty much had full involvement in all the purchases and buying of lady things for my wife and daughter. Of course when she came of age my daughter did her underwear and bra shopping on her own. She still thought nothing of calling me when I was out and telling me to pick up feminine products.
@44 Here’s the proper toy:
http://www.shutterstock.com/pic-64701745/stock-photo-beautiful-woman-holding-python.html
@47-I have a friend who is an EMT, and the stories he tells me about the type of idiocy he sees on the job are absolutely insane (doesn’t hurt that he usually works the end of the night/beginning of morning shifts, the time where human stupidity reaches its zenith). One of my absolute favorites was about this morbidly obese couple who were fan of superhero kink (apparently there is such a thing). The lady was wearing a slutty Wonder Woman costume and was chained with fetters and cuffs to all four post of their four-poster bed. He was dressed in a spandex wolverine costume and was perched on top of a dresser in front of the bed. The idea was that he would leap (“fly”) down and “rescue” her. Instead, possibly because he was about fifty pounds overweight, he undershot the bed, whacked his noggin on the front of the bed frame, and got knocked unconscious. The neighbors called 911 after they heard the chick screaming at the top of her lungs, and my friend was part of the responding team. The lady was out of her mind with panic, and they had to physically restrain her after releasing her so they could have a clear space to check out hubby and ensure he was safe to move. They took him to the hospital and he woke up about an hour after arrival with a wicked-ass headache. This all occurred from roughly one until 4:30 in the morning.
All together now: Play stupid games, win stupid prizes