William Derek Church; the Round Ranger
I’ve been giggling like a little girl since I sent this guy to Mary a few weeks ago. He’s like “The Round Marine” and Paul Tillson rolled into one. But his name is William Derek Church (he goes by Derek Church) and these are pictures from his wedding, I guess. He’s on Facebook somewhere, but I can’t find him. You can tell he’s legit because he doesn’t care that his Ranger beret is dressed over the wrong eye, and he wears the full-sized Purple Heart on the wrong side of his uniform.
He’s a steely-eyed killer who can’t be bothered with details like getting his drawers tailored. Yes, that’s a Ranger scroll with no tab on left shoulder;
I almost didn’t bother to get his records, because he has 8TFU written all over him. but we got his records today. He spent about 18 months in the Natural Guard (don’t blame me, blame the NPRC) and over a month on active duty. But he made it to PFC.
And see how the Purple Heart is on the left of his other medals that he’s wearing wrong? Well, that’s because he remembered that the highest medals are supposed to go closest to your heart – but that only counts when you wear them on the left side of your uniform, dingus. It took me forever to disabuse privates of that notion when we got the Valorous Unit Citation to add to the Presidential Unit Citation. They kept trying to put the PUC to the left of the VUC. Privates suck, just ask this guy.
ADDED: Here’s his Facebook, by the way.
Added by Sporkmaster.
It seems that he has another friend who faking along side him, because he was “there”. Also I like how his friend threatens to send the 75th Ranger Battalion on people. As if.
Added by Sporkmaster
Also it seems that we are finding out more about him from his local community.
Category: Phony soldiers
Ok, I like the car, a lot, but it is now soiled by the presence of this butt nugget.
I was just feeling sorry for the car having to support that massive amount of weight. They both gotta field-dress over 250.
Derek Church… time to become famous you fat fucking poser. Hope your bride divorces your ass when she finds out what a phony you are!!
I need an umbrella.
Really cannot even come up with anything.
Weak.
Ok he is a maggot… A fat one. But he is sporting a pathfinder badge, which means you don’t get this not only by passing the friggin sling hook load test – but apparently by being the load…
Anyway how freakin tall is the guy, whom those trousers actually belong to???
Basic in 1994? good god, he has not aged well, I went to OSUT at Benning at the end of 92 and I still look better(and slimmer) than this guy.
I have a confession to make, even turds like this guy are starting to make me feel old.
oh and if you are going to put on SEVEN service stripes, might want to up the rank a bit.
@5 I went in 1983 and I am thinking I look in better shape than that fat ass Derek Church.
I just noticed that the blue cord is on the wrong shoulder, too. It’s like he learned nothing in his four weeks on active duty.
Jonn he could not even bother to get the pants hemmed so they weren’t dragging on the ground… We really expect him to get anything else correct. I am sure his kids put his uniform together or he “borrowed” someone elses uniform.
Jonn he could not even bother to get the pants hemmed so they weren’t dragging on the ground… We really expect him to get anything else correct. I am sure his kids put his uniform together or he “borrowed” someone elses uniform.
Jonn, I bet he is spatially challenged and he set the uniform and beret up looking at a picture, and couldn’t figure out how to flip them to the other side. Of course everyone knows four weeks at Ft Beginning are more than enough to do airborne, Ranger School, PLDC, and BNCOC.
Medals on the right? Rope on left? Beret shaped like a sanitation cap from the early 50’s and patch cocked to the right?
This guy stopped trying when he noticed his pants where too long.
Nice ride. I wonder if it’s his.
What the fucking FUCK!!! My eyes are utterly bedazzled by the utter fuckassery I am witnessing in front of me. This is so beyond the pale I am almost speechless…This fat fucker needs to be deep-fried by some real Rangers…FUCKING UNBELIEVABLE…
Why does that tan beret look like a pair of doggy ears?
I don’t understand. Can someone explain that to me? I’m ex-Navy, so Army stuff sometimes puzzles me.
And since when does a grown man not know where the bottom of the hem on his trousers is supposed to break?
Hey guys, Dodge just called.
They want the fat lady wearing the red dress and cowboy boots off the hood of the car … NOW!
As far as the fat guy POSER goes, based on his girth, Dodge recommends boiling him off, extracting all useable biofuels and attempting to burn it in a Prius.
That is all!
Can’t be his car. No way he’s letting her or anyone else sit on it. As for the pants, I just doubled clicked the pic and you won’t believe the length of them! I mean, ain’t he ever heard of tape or a tailor? Jebeebus.
EX-PH2. You are the third female in about one week to comment on break.
Thank you.
Let me set everyone straight.
In the military the standard is “slight break”.
Therefore, calf socks should be worn.
For more info on how to look fabulous in uniform, just ask.
Hey. ARMY guys. Are those US Army mil spec service stripes?
They look like Navy to me!
ANOTHER son of a Phildo that looks like he could suck the cream filling out of a Twinkie or Ding Dong from 450 meters away, or the sugar glazing off a jelly doughnut at 700 meters! Forget about hip waders, you’d need SCUBA gear to make it past his tsunami of bullshit!!
The service stripes look to be Army type. By the way, we never sewed on Unit Patches to our Blues… EVER!! Before they went and got rid of the Dress Greens the Blues were our “Formal” wear, and nothing but service Stripes and Rank were sewn on. Today a Combat Patch is worn on one of the breast pockets, but it is not sewn on either. It is pin on.
This fuckstain among others has my blood boiling.
Well his “lady” will be glad to know he is now famous. Top two hits for his name on Google. Numero Uno is for TAH! Way to go Derek!
Was I right or was I right?
Now it’s becoming not only a daily thing with new phonies being uncovered, but multiple phonies per day.
Getting worse and worse.
Hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahaha,just what I needed today.
Well he only has 171 friends on face book so a link to this wont take long to get around to all of them …
@20.
Clown probably serves as APL’s Director of Services.
Definitely worthy or a product of Commander Monkress’ leadership.
I bet he got laid because of his posery…so there!
Oh, fellas, let’s not pick on the lady, please. She likely doesn’t know any better and I’m sure this dickless wonder has bedazzled her with bigger lies than any of us can imagine at our most intoxicated.
No one has yet answered my question about the doggy ear status of the tan beret in the top photo. It looks like someone stole the ears from a Sharpei. And yes, those hash marks do look like Navy hash marks to me, too.
Could we get him together with the Round Marine? What a PAIR they would make! The universe would implode with two big, bloviating black holes in one spot!
I’ve never been a Ranger, I’ve been just another “Leg” my entire career, but I’ve met plenty of real Rangers, that’s why I think they ought to add a new event to the annual Ranger Rendezvous at Ft. Benning. In it, every poser caught wearing unearned Ranger Tabs in public or sporting them in online photos will be required to walk through a gauntlet of real Rangers, past and present, and oh, no cameras or surveillance of it will be allowed! Let word of it get out, and then let’s see how that cuts down on the number of posers, and yes, the same ought to be allowed with all other Spec Ops Personnel reunions!
I can see it now… “The Round Ranger” rolling out the back of the C-130 strapped to his cargo pallet. He looks up to make sure all three cargo chutes properly deployed. Now onto the grim task of annihilating the North Korean Taliban.
Ex-PH2, put those two together and NO box of jelly doughnuts within a mile radius will be safe!!
@30, first, hypnotize him into believing the Norkie Troops are jelly doughnuts, they’ll all be gone in an hour!
How well does anyone know him that he could dress like that for his wedding and people not ask him how in the hell he earned all that bling….
Fatboy’s Facebook is “no longer available”.
Bedwetter
E-6?
Why stop there?
Would it hurt some of these asshats (and for this guy, that is literal) to consult an AR 670-1? Or, in this gues case, FM 21-20?
@34 it is still available to me… he may have blocked you.
No. Just no.
I can’t comment on his facebook. Reminds me of the time Joe Teti blocked me.
Twist, you can “share” his post to your page, adding your comment and I believe that will come back to him. I tried it that way.
“Privates Suck”….
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH!
Pushed them for 2 1/2 years…..
I actually feel bad for the car.
@5&7 Heh … I did Basic at Ft. Ord in 1970 and I’m pretty sure he’s at LEAST double my mass.
I can hear the cadence now: “I wanna be a Round Ranger, I wanna put a Krispy Kreme in danger, here we go! All the Way! Piggin’ out! All Day … etc, etc, etc!
I found his FB site still up at:
https://www.facebook.com/Ssgtsniper?fref=browse_search
Notice the “Ssgtsniper” in his FB addy. What a TURD.
He shows one post:
“As you all know I have been battling depression Thank you all for the prayers and well wishes. I am feeling much better but my beautiful wife needs your prayers please she hasn’t been feeling well lately due to her health and an overload of stress. Please help me by reposting this to get the word out for prayers. Thank you all”
So I gave him some “brother to brother” advice as I “shared” his post:
“Perhaps, Derek, if you weren’t trying to live a lie, standing in the blood and grief of others, your depression wouldn’t be such a problem. Ranger? HA! REAL Rangers know which eye to place the Beret flash above, and upon which side of the chest to wear their medals. You are a lying, deceiving turd.
http://valorguardians.com/blog/?p=39182 “
The cap of choice back when, was lovingly called a c**t cap, worn with the front and back tips pointed upwards, Beetle Baily style. Used to catch all kinds of crap for wearing it that way.
Okay, I had just sent the info on his butt buddy to Jonn. Day late and a dollar short… Sporkmaster beat me to it. I did send the “Ranger” an invite to come and prove himself here. My guess is they are birds of a feather or one in the same person.
As long as he isn’t sporting an MP brassard, patch or badge nor 1st Cav patch I guess he’d be legit…I do like the idea of a Ranger gauntlet though. I’d hop my happy ass in muh pickup truck and go balls to the wall for Benning and pay a few bucks just to watch it go down. lol.
Funny, these cowards are probably setting their profiles to private. Deleting messages sent to them calling them out or accepting their lil phony threats.
Is that Chamberlain fella even real? Probably alternate account.
And another
When will they learn?