Ken Crocheron; the man, the legend
I’m sure you remember this guy from last weekend, Colonel Kenneth Crocheron, the only phony we ever had who wore his unit awards in the middle of his personal awards;
Well, we’ve been digging into his past and uncovered some astonishing stories about his daring-do in the military. Like the time he free fall jumped into Cambodia during the Vietnam War, but he got impaled through the shoulder by a tree branch over the Ho Chi Minh Trail with legions of North Vietnamese streaming beneath him, but he couldn’t even cry out in pain for fear of being discovered and captured. Somehow, he ingeniously freed himself and found his way to a local medicine man who miraculously healed and allowed Ken to carry on with his mission – we never found out what his ultimate mission was, but you can bet that it was dangerous and required him to smile mightily.
Then there was the time he jumped out of the Space Shuttle or something at 40,000 feet, but he had a micro-tear in his jumpsuit which caused him to bleed profusely from all of his orifices, including his eyes. He lived, curiously, and managed to make a safe landing and then made it a hospital. Whew! Close one, huh?
Folks tell me that he’d “get the call” for one of his secret missions while he was in church and have to get up and walk out to take the secret call. Apparently, he knew everyone in the war against terror because every time a casualty was on the news, he’d sink into a deep depression because it was one of his countless friends. If it was a Special Operations guy, Ken had personally trained him. Probably he was sad because it would remind of the time he was assigned to a morgue detail in San Diego and he found one of his high school classmates in a body bag. Because the Army always puts commissioned officers on morgue details.
Then there was the time he deployed to the war on terror and told everyone that he was headed to do dirt on the Taliban, but only got as far as his camper outside of town where he hid out, probably anticipating a terror attack on the town and lying in wait for the criminals for several weeks. That takes a special kind of soldier, ya know.
And he had a huge hand in the operation to kill bin Laden – the SEALs who did it were “his guys” according to sources. He’s also claimed to support the widows of fallen troops – he paid off one woman’s motorcycle for her.
Whatever would we do without men like Kenneth Crocheron?
Category: Phony soldiers
Grind my teeth a lot less and have a lot less desire to kick stupid people in the throat, that’s what I do without people like Smilin’ Ken.
Holy Mental Patient, Batman!
I’m honestly thinking this dude is nuttier than squirrel shit. Like, seriously ill.
The legend is right! This guy is high speed! The space shuttle jump alone separates the men from the boys. Add in being skewered by a commie tree in the dead of night, this guy is the real deal.
Where most people see a shitbag, I see a potential 1 seed.
I tried hard to come up with an awesome imaginary mission he was no doubt leading, but I just can’t get past those freaking boots for long enough to think it up.
Our flock is indeed fortunate to have a sheepdog such as he. (And he has the winsome smile of Steve Buscemi….)
Seriously, that guy really does look like a cross between Joe Biden and Jerry Sandusky, and twice as creepy.
Now I can’t get that damn “Herbert the Pervert” voice outta my head…”Now you boys all stand in line at rigid attention while I tell ya my stories, ya heah? Oh, sweet Jesus!”
I bow down at the altar of awesomeness that is Colonel Cockroach. Jesus, could he be any more of a douchebag?? (rhetorical question)…..
No shit, there I was knee deep in hand grenade pins and all I had left to defend myself was my trusty P38.
What a knob…
“Whatever would we do without men like Kenneth Crocheron? ”
We could enjoy just shooting the sh1t with real veterans while enjoying a few adult beverages….
TSO,
My thoughts exactly!
I think this was the guy that captured Col. Wat Da Phuk…
@12 No this was the guy that captured Private Kareem Uph Sum Yun Guy
That jump from the shuttle story is real deal. We have witnesses. (Y’all do remember that several of us here were/are assigned door gunner duty on the shuttle, right? Some of you probably think that it’s been taken out of service, too.)
/sarc (is it really necessary??)
He’s definitely nuttier than a barge load of squirrel s**t, the more I see and hear of him, the more I’m convinced he’s a Mental Patient that hasn’t taken his meds in years! His obsession about being around kids? YEAH, that sets off alarm bells and whistles in my mind as well! I hope he continues to ride his bike, like I said in the previous thread on him/it, a lot of Real Vets are Harley riders, it’s just a matter of time before one catches up with Crocheron and uses him for a doormat!
Wow!!
Sounds legit, just this last week I was in Africa, all I can see is the hostages head. Suddenly I get my chance to take the shot of a lifetime, but some drunk crashes into the power pole down the street and my x-box shut off.
If you are new to this one, it is worth the time to to peruse the link in the first sentence esp the testimony of a mother and son that this turd blossom scammed. SV is not a harmless play soldier thing.
Please please read the first link on this Poser! ! He needs to know what kind of dissaster he has caused for many. He works out of both Harley dealerships on an “as needed” basis when someone else cant work. Never scheduled as a regular employee. The owner probably knows he’s a poser and feels sorry for him.
Special Forces, Ranger, Delta, Tickmonster Operator.
We certainly wouldn’t get as many laughs, that’s for damn sure.
Crocheron takes the phrase “PX war hero” to a whole new level. Not only does he slap together a crazy uniform, he also slaps together some crazy tales to go with it.
“but he got impaled through the shoulder”
Maybe Crocheron and Sharkey should get together.
Sounds just John F’kin Kerry.
He went from Major to Colonel, maybe it was because of the *SSHHHH!* seeecret missions he did in Paprika?
/sarc
I think you guys are getting it wrong. He wasn’t in the “Special Forces.” He was in the “VERY Special Forces.”
http://www.theonion.com/articles/clinton-deploys-very-special-forces-to-iraq,645/
BTW no mentions of the 3x large 5th SF Group flash? This guy didn’t even try to look legit!
Naw, Old Tanker, this is the VERY guy who personally – and with his very own hands – captured Major Didi Mao Nguyen after disembarking himself from that tree on the Hoochi Mini Trail, not less than one hundred (count ’em) yards from the nearest tunnel rat ville.
This guy is so bad ass that he knows where Jimmy Hoffa is.
BTW, I MAY have reported the Curdle’s “Facts” incorrectly about the exposure to Napalm in Nam. It was probably Agent Orange that he washed off in the river floating with it, along with the dead rats he had to eat. He consequently contracted Hodgkins Lymphoma right about the time his first wife divorced him after she realized all his crap was boiling to the surface. He claimed he was treated for the Cancer at the VA here in Utah. He suffered through Chemo and rad therapy all alone. Crawled from the hospital to his car across the parking lot in a winter snow storm, because he had no one who cared about him. He is one of the FEW survivors of Hodgkins Lymphoma and pancreatic cancer, just so ya know guys. He confirmed to me the other day, that he NEVER did have Cancer. “Confirmed” info from the Kernal….I dont think so.
So sorry to mis-state the “facts” !
@Gerdo… Sorry about yer x-box glitch!
Y’know, I’m so pissed they took down InTrade. I could have smoked the system and retired based on THIS fakers tourney alone… and just this round would have been teh awesome.
Ok wait, I’m sure there is a perfect explanation for all this:
The first jump is obviously a training for the invasion of klendathu, he needed to know how it would feel to be impaled by a bug as part of the SF training so they free falled him into the tree, the miracle manis obviously yoda who taught him not only how to heal himself but how to operate space shuttle guns.
Second jump over 40,000 feet it was due to the space shuttle being attacked by a plasma bug and while he was the door gunner he took countless terrorist troops but had to jump due to a direct hit, he could have saved the ship by using his left sock, some tape and a small clipper but was told by the captain to jump and save himself to tell the others of the attack and the heroics of the team.
Last but not least, he is trainer for the now surfaced Team 9 specifically for team Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, guys who then got transfered to Team 6 and took Bin Laden out. He went into the trailer because obviously he can transfer his consciousness into an energy body where he can be there with their man, helping them and pulling them out of danger.
He sometimes at night wonders what if he could just try to stop time and get people out of harms way, but he doesn’t have the time to execute the technique with all this presidential calls for “war on terror” specially on sunday.
Seems legit … see it has a perfect explanation for it!
This guy is the early odds-on favorite in the Ballduster McSoulpatch Memorial…he’s a true 5-tool player, hits to all fields with power.
Gonna be tough to beat.
He’s just a special kind of stupid, isn’t he …
What’s under Colonel Kenneth Crocheron’s Beret? Another Fist. When Colonel Kenneth Crocheron is doing Push-ups, he’s really pushing the world down.
#34- I dunno. I usually go in for the guys on-meds. This one seems to have missed the line for diag completely.
Whadya think? on-meds/off-meds? Is this a discriminator?
Oh, yeah..it was his SF team that sniffed out Khadafi’s location…but then handed him over to the Marines to take credit for it, cuz the SF guys didnt like the spotlight…would rather be “quiet professionals” dont ya know.
Oh yeah, He cut the head off a Python in Nam with a pocket knife while he was swimming through a river to get some POW’s out of a camp.
He makes me feel like I’ve wasted my entire life.
Freeze this guys semen, America will need it in future generations
Weak sauce this man is.
A hole he needs to find.
Turd.
How’s about you just set fire to his ass?
@38- Your daily routine is tougher stuff than any of Crotchrot’s made-up, rat-eating Rambo stories could ever muster. Life kicked your family in the balls, and you guys latched onto it’s leg like a pitbull.
Crotchrot was just feeding off of the attention he was getting by helping your family. I bet he felt real good, having someone as strong as Marky looking up to him. Best thing to do the next time any of you guys see him, is just walk on by. That motherfucker shouldn’t exist to you guys anymore, unless you’re on the witness stand at his trial.
Kenneth Crocherot?
This guy is Fecal Four material.
I really hope little Timmy there hasn’t been shown how many truks are on a post. Really, really hope, because I get the feeling that the kids in pics with him aren’t his.
He has to be legit! LOOK AT HIS BERET!!!! Man I can smell the cookies right now!
cool beret.and no combat hash marks on his old-style A’s.I luv this guy……
Dude is my #1 for the next Ballduster… anyone that fought at the Battle of Poon Tang with a spork has got to have the edge.
A real Hero, Wow! He is a total sphincter. I could have used his mentorship moons ago to instruct on how to write proper PER’s. What a douche.