Christopher Hoel; phony SEAL
Our partners at Military Phonies share their work on Christophe Hoel who claims to be a Navy SEAL, of course, there’s a vest, and the SEAL Trident is sown on the back down at the bottom;
Yeah, no. He got out of the Navy after less than two-and-a-half years as a Fireman Apprentice (E-2). No BUD/S training, no SEAL assignments;
Category: Phony soldiers, Valor Vultures
For breakfast, I will be having sausages, toast and orange juice, plus hot tea and the newspaper.
Oh! Was there something important about this guy, other than his weak ego and feelings of inadequacy?
What kind of sausages?
Johnsonville original recipe.
Love those. Especially the maple flavored. Slow cook in real butter so the casings get sticky.
No eggs for breakfast? You gotta have eggs…
Oh! And about this guy, his feelings of inadequacy are being compensated for by a biker vest with phony bling, and a phony reputation for being a SpecOps warrior…
Eggs on weekends. More time. I might make a quiche later on, but have to ream the kitchen a new one because it’s Autumn and fall cleaning time is here.
Sunday is eggs and bacon with biscuits and gravy, applesauce and lots o’ coffee…well, tea for the household 6…
What kind of tea? I love my Haney and Sons Blackcurrant with almond creamer.
idk…she must have 100 different teas on the shelf.
myself, I’m a constant comment or earl grey type.
REally, for breakfast and other meals, I stick to Walmart’s personal brand, GV plain old black tea. Strong enough to use for bridge construction.
Bacon, eggs or sausage, SOS, or Eggs and Corned Beef Hash every now and then and GRITS as well!
API, I thought I’d let you know I am having combo cover for breakfast.
I am having coffee, coffee, and more coffee…all with a side order of Blah, Blah, Blah at this “working group”.
Once the bloviating is done, I’ll have a bear claw.
As for this dude…I’m not sure why he would advertise being a short, short man…LOL
I don’t get it, either. Two years and couldn’t get past E-2?
Last duty assignment appears to have him on LIMDU for about 18 mo. I’m guessing that’s tied in to why he was released from active duty early and why he left as an E2.
Because Sick Call Warriors are just as badass as SEALs, right?
He was on the hallowed rolls of the sick, lame and lazy…and he had to ruin all that
You forgot the second half- deaf, dumb and crazy.
They gave me E-2 just for signing up!
All Signal guys start at E-2.
Probably because he was a marginal Sailor.
Ex I cooked some hot sausage on the grill and in the morning I can dice that up and brown it in the pan and then toss in the scrambled eggs with some cheese and green and red peppers….enough protein there that I go easily most of the day if needed….
Been eating a lot less carbs these days and am down about 20 pounds…not too much more and I’ll back near where I was when I left the military 40 years ago…
That sounds good. I have a pound of good ground beef. I may make chili leter, and maybe – oh! Chili w/cheese & onions on toasted English muffins??? Or chili mac?
I’ve lost a bunch of inches. The only thing I did was drop Diet Coke from my list. Too expensive to justify when the cost of a 12-can carton is half the price of a pack of B/S chicken.
So all of these posts are going to filled with WOT BS today?
The troops are just restless in anticipation of an AAR from today’s judicial proceedings.
Heehee.
I was attempting to make Mr. Hoel’s demands for attention less important than bagels and cream cheese.
He may be disappointed that people are more interested in Saturday brunch than they are in his gloryhounding. 🙂
Are you cigar-fishing? I can check for Cubans at Schrank’s next week.
Love ya!
Cocksucker
BOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!
Shack!
Mess Hall Door Gunner!
*POW!*
Toilet Stall Knee Pad Buffer.
I can’t quite make out what that patch on the lower right says…I think it says “If you can read this, your dick isn’t long enough”.
Well the SEALs kind of put out fires so maybe that’s why he thinks he’s one of them…maybe he’s just really stupid.
Or he’s just another piece of shit, jerkoff, fucking liar.
If I chose to be a valor thief and claim to be a Navy Seal one thing would stand out (above many others Im sure!) that would ruin my story….no way I could swim like a SEAL!! I was always a 1st class swim qual in the Marine Corps but it wasn’t pretty and I always felt I was close to drowning.
I remember when I was TAD at NAB Little Creek back in the late 70s we ran on the beach for PT thinking we were big bad Marine studs only to look out past the surf line and see SEALs swimming for looong periods of time….and it was winter. No thanks!
Now days I will sit at the side of the pool dangling my feet in the water and enjoy a cocktail but thats about it!
I was always the guy who swam across the snake pits they called rivers in Fort Stewart to tie the far-side knot for rope bridges. I still have nightmares about it.
Lead Swimmer sucks.
But its usually the second guy that gets screwed as the first dude upsets the apple cart.
The second has to deal with the apples….
Where I grew, when going out into the woods and creeks to play mamma would say, “watch out for snakes”. Daddy would say, “Kill the Copperheads and Cotton Mouths, bring the Black Snakes back up to the barn.”
We had two seals in my platoon at Ranger school. We loved them because they always volunteered to swim the rope across to the far side.
Oddly enough, we had to fail the phase.
Good at swimming; not so much patrolling.
My apologies.
“Two”.
And “Florida”.
There sure were some bigly snakes at Stewart! This yankee never saw snakes that big before.
Served with this Ensign who went right to the bottom during second class swim quals…how the hell do you get a commission in the USN and not even tread water? He did fit a certain stereotype (race not Ensigns) which now you probably can’t even joke about
In addition to the swimming thing, I don’t have long flowing hair….at least I still have hair… 🙂
ASS-HOEL
Calling it as you see it.
His last name near his ass in the above photo as well. 
Funny.
I bet this uses his in the “Rectum Resizement” class he volunteers for….
“HOEL” and “US NAVY” will be faintly reverse stenciled on the fat bellies of truckers he’s offering his ass to at the local rest stop…I mean who but a f-packer or a Chippendale dancer would wear a fucking leather vest without at least a tee-shirt underneath? And, he doesn’t look like Magic Mike material…
From his FB page, he called his kid Hunter!!????
“Hello, I’m Hunter Hoel”
smh
Another phony SEAL. Guys, since I live in Florida, if I ever start to claim that I’m a SEAL or something like that, please just end my fucking life. I’d rather die than succumb to whatever is in the water down here.
All jokes aside, this guy is a run of the mill asshoel. Needed to massage his ego, but his military service wouldn’t cut it. Needed to pretend to be a SEAL when in reality he only served three years and only earned the coveted NDSM.
Lying shitbag.
No, he served LESS THAN 2.5 years. Not even six months of his third year. Putz.
My bad. Either way, the guy is a taintlicker. Couldn’t even serve a full enlistment term. What a joke.
The first thing I did was look for a Florida palm tree when I saw the top picture, then saw Iowa printed on the back of his bikers vest.
Wonder how many combat vets he tried to “one up” with his lie? Probably a lot. Blue Falcon.
Spreading the lie to his son (look at the pic on military phonies) is arguably, the worst part of his escapade.
Wow, now that’s just a fucking shame. Lying to his own kid about things he never did, making him think that he’s a hero when he’s just a zero. That’s just fucking deplorable. If I had a kid, I don’t think I could ever lie to him about shit like that. That’s so fucked. I feel bad for the kid that he has a piece of shit for a father.
My dad told me some wild stories.
After he passed I got his complete service record. Every story was true.
The joy I felt is something this shitbag has stolen from his own son.
Poor kid.
My 10 year old son will listen to my stories (all true) or insights and look away and go… meh….and turn back to his video game and say, you have never been in a fire fight like this…..and I have 32 years worth of stories, and multiple deployments. The difference I tell him is; if we f*cked up we did not get to “re-spawn”. Little Booger!
I wonder what kind of lies this turd comes up with to tell people.
Queef.
Another phony non Floridian Fireman deuce Seal claimer. I wonder how many Snipes claim to be phony Seals. Bit of trivia. BTC Snipe ran the hole (Boiler Room)in the days of the coal burners and there was a small mutiny about working conditions. After the incident, working conditions improved. the word Black shoe was also from the coal era.
That’s actually neat, I never knew the origin of “black shoe”, though I was proud to be part of the black shoe Navy,
My father, being an AT, was a brown shoe. Always enjoyed that brown shoes looked like they stepped in shit 😂.
I forgot to mention that a lot of the guys wore short wellington leather boots when we went on the beach (liberty) These were unauthorized but the pants hid the part where they stove piped up. Any of you out there remember them???
And, quite literally, surface folks usually wore black “dress” shoes while aviator types wore brown shoes…the uniform instruction loosened up in the mid-90s to authorize the surface folks to wear brown shoes and maybe vice versa…I don’t know too many who did…at least in my day, if you knew someone as a “shoe”, it meant “black shoe” and meant surface warfare…I won’t speak for submariners or others
If you want to send his American Legion post some love, here it is.
https://www.facebook.com/legionpost2/
Pisspants pud-knuckling pickle-polishing pudding sampler!