Road to the Fecal Four: Poe v. Mailahn
This week’s non-profit is Cooking With The Troops (CWTT). Cooking with the Troops is a 501(c)(3) charity that supports U.S. and Allied troops, their families, and caregivers worldwide. Our mission is to provide comfort, nutrition, and hope through four major programs: Food Events, Careers, Homefront Support and Frontline Support. Go and toss them a few Talents.
Who will be the last of our Fecal Four?
1 Tim “Stuttering Jackass” Poe v.
2 Ron “Gunny Driveway” Mailahn
POE
Tale of the Stolen Valor Tape: “I had volunteered for a team to go out and clear buildings and help out with the wounded. There was a guy who come up with a rocket-propelled grenade. I saw it coming down, and by the time I turned and went to jump on top of my guys, I yelled `grenade’ and the blast had hit me.” And he developed a stutter
Actual: MNNG: “Sgt. Poe’s official military records do not indicate that he was injured by a grenade in combat while serving in Afghanistan in 2009, as he reports. The Minnesota National Guard can also confirm that he was not awarded the Purple Heart Medal for wounds sustained in combat.”
Intangibles: Cried on National TV.
“I don’t feel like I’ve lied. That’s what’s driving me crazy, because I truly thought things have happened to me. I’m thinking, why have I for the last, over two years, believed things have happened to me and they might not have?”
Howard Stern:
You could be the most f—ed up liar on the planet, but you never lie about your military service. This lie is so wrong on so many levels. This really sickens me.
When Howard Stern says you are the most effed up liar on the planet, you really have something special going on.
MAILAHN
Tale of the Stolen Valor Tape: The Youngest Sergeant Major in the history of the Marine Corps.
Actual: “I admit I was not in the corps but I did serve in the army I said I was in the corps cause a lot of my friends that was made fun of the army I was wrong in doing so very wrong now that I admited to this please take my name off your web page and could u send this to the hell website and have them remove this off there site as well I just want to live my life this lie has caused me to lose jobs due to the fact it was on the web and I don’t need to lose anymore job opperinitys u have my permission to post this on the site
Ronad Mailahn Jr”
Yes, he really wrote that his name is Ronad.
Intangibles:
Hog ties his girlfriend, and publishes the pictures.
U can put me on all the websites u want that will be more money for me when I sue
I sent this and the other website to my attorney
John this is called harsment I will be sending this email and the site u posted my info on
Stole $9,000+ from a girl softball league.
I literally can’t do this guy justice, so you should go read the entire thread, but seriously, set aside at least an hour and some Excedrin. But my personal favorite was this passage ostensibly from his hog-tied honey, Jenny:
Cause of you prople Ron tried to kiill himself.
Why can u peple just leave him alone? I love him and I don’t care what he is.Ass long as I am with him. Yes he is tough but this just put him over the edge.Please leave my Boyfriend alone .and like I said how u are all happy with yourself.
Jenny
Jenny adds:
How could u people be so cold a man tried to end his life last night and all u can do is make jokes? Don’t u have any compassion? You all say bad things about him u don’t even know him. he is warm loving carrying man who I love with all my heart enough is enough now. You brought his personal info to this not bad end people called with death threats one of the reasons he did what he did last night. Let me ask you all this have u never made a mistake? Well if you have no u be the first ones to cast that stone.
Jenny then dumped his ass, and he started dating Diana (her sideboob pics here.)
Ron’s Facebook page is still up, and includes pictures of Michael Vick, Jean Luc Picard and Jack Bauer.
I came into this world as a reject
Look into these eyes
Then you’ll see the size of these flames
Dwellin on the past
Its burnin’ up my brain
Everyone that burns has to learn from the pain
Nookie for everyone who votes….
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Category: Politics
Understood, kp. Check the timing – you posted comment 48 while I was drafting comment 49. I didn’t see comment 48 until after I’d hit “submit”.
@49, Hondo- I disagree. Poe, I believe, knew he wasn’t a good vocalist and played an easy story to win sympathy. It was a cheap play with huge potential returns. Even when caught, his name and voice would be out in the public, and someone might still pick him up for some gigs exploiting his bullshit (look at Octomom, Levi Johnston, John Bobbit, or any of those douchebags that host the “world’s dumbest…” shows for reference). Poe’s national exposure factors into this race, obviously. We’ll get people stopping here to vote who have no idea who Ronad the Barbarian is. But it’s a bullshit deal that Driveway’s scams, which he made a living off of, get downplayed as nothing in comparison to some jackass obviously just whoring his own name in public. Poe told a lie for quick fame and a potential of a big money payday that may still yet come. He ran his mouth like a jackass because he knew it was money either way. Driveway ground it out, day after day, scamming children, women, and even went for an attempt on our justice system. For free. Like the tourney’s namesake, Gen. Ballduster McSoulpatch, he put in the hustle even when (he thought) no one was looking. Not for money, or for big endorsement deals. No, the Mailman did it for the honor, Hondo. For the, “hey, look at me, you kids on that swingset. I’m a fucking badass”- style kudos. For the crushingly awesome, “you can’t possibly believe that mountain of evidence, your honor. I’m in the marines, and a marine wouldn’t do that” legal defense. For the “any of you whorish swine want to get with the youngest gunny in the marines?” pickup lines. Ballduster never asked to be famous, Hondo. He just played the game, and became a fan favorite because of it. No endorsements, no television, no interviews. Just one man, an impossibly unsat uniform, and his desire to be somebody to a bunch of nobodies. Ballduster has since died, but Driveway made sure his colors never kissed the ground. That is why you… Read more »
damn…I’ll be o. the road ar 1200 tomorrow when the big reveal happens. And what will i do with time after this all ends?
teddy996: everyone’s entitled to their opinion. In my book, Ronad was just . . . well, too dumb to be fully culpable. His non-military shitbaggery appears to have preceded his “USMC” days. And he’s publicly and unequivocally admitted he was a fraud relating to his “USMC” claims.
In contrast, Poe appears to have been both smart and experienced enough to have known exactly what he was doing and that it was wrong. He did it deliberately, on a grand scale, for potential major financial gain. And he’s never really owned up to the fact that he was a fraud or apologized for his misdeeds.
That latter point for each tips the scales in my book for Poe. Ronad has admitted he’s a shitbag. Poe hasn’t.
Wow, Hondo, you have me 2nd guessing myself. Well played, sir.
@ 47 … You are correct he is truly a rock star of what is so bad in society. He will go down in history as the best, immortal, untouchable, and respected in his own circles of douchebucketness. “There can be only one”.
Gunny Driveway just oozes along, sliming everything in his path like the slug he truly is.
Poe, on the other hand, struck with surgical precision, with a single aim: make a lot of money from big hearted, unsuspecting marks. He’s a pathological con-man, and I have no doubt we will hear of him again.
Most likely on a police report.
Damn I voted for Mailahan already.
I have to agree with the logic that Mailahan may be too dumb to fully comprehend the shitbaggery of his actions. Still the guy’s a real piece of work. Might meet the legal definition of mental retardation too.
Famous Quotes from Gunny Driveway’s Epic Movie: “Hard Times Bridge”
“Impoverished, Inept, Overdrawn”
-Gunny Driveway
“Wit al doo respeck, sur, yure beginig two boor da hell uot of mee.”
-Gunny Driveway
“You’re dead marine, you just got your legs blown off and we’ll have to send out a search party for your testicles. And I ought to know, because I lost my testicles along time ago … horrble industrial accident involving a grinder. Now, where’s your backup?”
-Gunny Driveway
I laid my nickel down on Ronad Mailman. First, as a fellow Marine, I am obligated to support the youngest SgtMaj in the Marine Corps. Second, I grew up in a town pretty close to him, and I always have to support the hometown hero. I’m just glad the he is a shining example of what the New Jersey Public School System produces. Did he actually graduate high school? I am actually going to be up there this weekend, maybe he can get me a discount on a car.
By the way, when and where will the awards banquet be held?
Gotta hang with Hondo on this one. Timmah presents a level of “intent” that I don’t think Gunny Driveway can match.
One of the elements under UCMJ is the evaluation of intent…”did he knowingly….”
Poe did, knowingly, publicly, commit douchebaggery of such epic proportions that even HOWARD F’n STERN called him on it.
HOWARD F’n STERN, folks, thinks this guy is a douche. Put that in context of some of the people Stern has on his radio show.
I was going for gunny driveway but his second chick has nice…eyes. Besides, Howard Stern dissed Poe? That guy must be a real shit sucker.
And Gunny Driveway still generates the comments!! @60 Hack Stone: that was awesome. I LOL’d.
Sideboob has batshit fucking crazy eyes. Definetly not stable.
Can’t really fault anyone for going with either Ronad or Timmy-poo, ’cause both are spectacular asshats. They’re both good candidates to move on; only one can.
But in my book, willful intent trumps simple idiocy – and Poe’s no idiot. So I have to support “the Craven”.
Some truly epic endorsements for both of the “worthy opponents” in this race. Very entertaining!
@52 teddy996, the line “For the, “hey, look at me, you kids on that swingset. I’m a fucking badass”- style kudos” was awesome! Seriously LOL’d at that post.
If you haven’t seen the video of this retard here it is:
http://www.nbc.com/americas-got-talent/video/tim-poe/1404707#.T8-qnD60gBU.twitter
Anger renewed…
@59
Spew alert on that Master Chief!! Damn glad I put the coffee down before I read that!
I stand corrected. GySgt Driveway graduated from Gloucester Catholic High School, at least that is what he claims on his facebook page. His parents should get a full reimbursement for what they paid on tuition, since judging from his posts, they never got their money’s worth.
As for the awards banquet, maybe the Military History Channel can broadcast it live. It will take some degree of coordination to make the event happen, as a lot of the contenders are legally barred form leaving their states due to probation, parole and/or pending court actions.