The Epic Tale of Philip “Rear Admiral Fantasy” Larimer II
The Epic Tale of Philip “Rear Admiral Fantasy” Larimer II
Or… How to Sink Your Own Ship Without Ever Serving
The fine, upstanding folks at MilitaryPhony sent us their work on this Philip Dexter Larimer II fella.
Meet Philip Dexter Larimer II, a 48-year-old Kansas man who apparently watched one too many Navy movies and thought, “You know what? I could totally be Tom Cruise, but with MORE imaginary medals!”
The Claims Hall of Fame
Our hero Philip decided to go absolutely bonkers with his military fantasy résumé:
Military Edition:
- Rear Admiral (because why settle for Lieutenant when you can skip straight to the executive suite?)
- 30 years of active duty (impressive commitment to a job he never had)
- JSOC, DEVGRU, NAVSPECWAR Groups ONE and TWO (collecting special ops units like Pokémon cards)
- Four Purple Hearts (apparently got hurt A LOT in his imagination)
- Congressional Medal of Honor (might as well throw in the kitchen sink)
- POW status (prisoner of his own wild fantasies)
Academic Edition:
- MIT Nuclear Science Professor (because regular lying isn’t enough – let’s add NUCLEAR lying)
- Director of multiple fancy-sounding departments at MIT
The Investigation: When Reality Crashes the Party
The fun-loving folks at Military Phonies decided to fact-check Philip’s naval adventure novel, and oh boy, did they find some plot holes:
- BUD/S Training Database & SEAL Team Records: “Philip who? Never heard of him.”
- National Personnel Center Records: “We’ve got nothing. This man is a military ghost!”
- Department of the Navy (DoN): “We found two things: 1) Jack and 2) Squat.”
- DoD Manpower Data Center: “We’ve got nothing from 1992 to 2018. Nothing, I tell ya!”
The DD-214 Comedy Hour
Philip apparently provided his own DD-214 (military discharge papers), which listed an “Achievement Medal with Four Purple Hearts.” That’s like saying you won an Oscar with Four Emmys attached – it’s not how awards work, my dude!
The USAA Insurance Debacle
In a legal dispute over an insurance claim, USAA wrote Mr. Larimer a letter indicating several issues related to his eligibility, as well as the DD-214 that he provided, allegedly the same one supplied above. USAA only serves people connected with the military and their relatives.
Although they started the letter with “Dear Admiral Larimer”…
… however, they appeared to be skeptical of his story.
Recent Plot Twist: The Law Gets Involved
SOURCE: https://kansas.arrests.org/Arrests/Philip_Larimer_64375446/
Just to add some spice to this already delicious story, Philip got arrested in May 2025 for:
- Reckless stalking
- Violating a protection order
Because apparently, when you’re done pretending to be a war hero, the next logical step is… allegedly bothering people in real life.
The Bottom Line
Philip Larimer II: A man so dedicated to fiction, he turned his entire life into a military thriller novel – except he forgot to actually join the military first. It’s like claiming to be a professional chef while never having set foot in a kitchen, or better yet, claiming to be a submarine captain while being afraid of bathtubs.
Pro Tip from Philip’s Adventure: If you’re going to fabricate a military career, maybe don’t claim EVERYTHING. Pick a lane, my guy. You can’t be a SEAL, an Admiral, a POW, AND a nuclear scientist. That’s not impressive – that’s just poor editing.
The End (Or is it? Stay tuned for Philip’s next adventure: “How I Became an Astronaut Without Leaving Kansas”)
Category: Medal of Honor, Navy, Nukes, Purple Heart
No investigates if you claim you were a E7 In finance.
All the fakers are SF Delta, scuba, 5th award of the CIB. Just once I would love to see someone claim 20 years as a supply sgt with just vanilla deployments to Iraq and no daring do claims. That might actually be hard to prove as a lie.
Ay carrumba…
This assclown deserves some sort of award for World Class bullshit like this. Like a prison sentence.
A prison sentence would legitimize and check a coupla of his blocks on claims to fame. He’d be a POW (Prisoner of Willies) and receive multiple awards of The Purple Taint. At the very least we should consider awarding him a deployment of the Vaunted TAH As(s)teroid of Insults. At least that award would be legit for the lying, valor stealing, despicable, POS, Philip Dexter Larimer II. Can I get a SECOND and an AYE?
Good to see you again, Dave! You’ve been missed. Do mention me to The Soviet.
I SECOND the Deployment of the TAH ASS-teroid of Insults.
Aye!
OK SO NOW, we have a legit deployment of the The As(s)teroid of Insults®™…..(deployment of Lissa (Large Lesbo) Lagasse, pending….upon Admin approval)
So without further a-dooooo
Felinous Faker Phildo the II,
I give you….
” For those of you who have never seen this, the aforementioned and requested, by Blog member vote, The As(s)teroid of Insults®™, is a 15 page compilation of insults and the like that have been assembled over the years from this Blog and its members (myself included) and the internet.
”
IT. IS. extremely NSFW and very not politically correct, and I am not responsible for injuries to your ribs, stomach or Funny Bone. Enjoy the link at your own risk.
(linky)
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1sjY9PVg9aDMHFOz68OuSX2Mw5WY7hyaXG8YGSC8-LU4/edit?usp=sharing
Gun Bunny…wept!
All Hail The Vaunted TAH As(s)teroid of Insults and The Keeper thereof, ChipNASA! ALL HAIL!
Go big or go home, huh?
I’m impressed…I mean really impressed…that so much BULLSHIT can be found in one spot. Talk about high speed & low drag…
Nuke
SEAL
POW
4-Puple Hearts
MOH
No NDSM/Sea Service/GWOT ribbons, but is a professor at MIT whilst living in Kansas.
You just gonna ignore the DMSM?
I like the Achievement Medal w/ four purple hearts and the Navy Bronze Star.
One more and he gets a Gold Purple Heart to signify five. Never been done before on an Achievement Medal.
Hey, I was in during a time (81-85) when they stopped giving out the NDSM, so I really respect that ribbon. Would love to have it on my measly rack.LOL
Hack Stone is going to get a shadow box done up for his brother Rollin Stone’s time in our beloved Corps. It will prominently display his rack of impressive awards, all both of them, the Good Cookie and “I Spent A Year Skating In The Air Conditioned Barracks of Futemna While Hack Was At Camp Schwab With The Real Marines” ribbon.
LMAO. Good one Hack.
Enough BS to fertilize a ten acre field an inch deep.
There has to be a motorcycle and a leather vest covered in POSer bling involved in this somewhere.
There just has to be.
That photograph screams MIT alright…for “mentally incompetent tool” perhaps…
Fucker.
Just looking at his list of awards I could tell everything was fake!
CONGRESSIONAL Medal of Honor?!? Only people who call it that are uninformed civilians.
Achievement Medal with four Purple Hearts?!?
Army Achievement Medal? Air Force Achievement Medal? I wasn’t aware a Purple Heart was an attachment on medals!
Navy bronze and COAST GUARD silver on a BRIGADES Sharpshooting Medal?!?
Attaining his commission from BOTH the Naval Academy AND ROTC (not NROTC?)!
All this fake fake fake DD-214 tells me is this guy didn’t even bother to read a Tom Clancy novel before he made up his life story.
The purple hearts were for rectal trauma… he’s f_cked.
it was his love of rectal trauma that prevented his education.
No Byrd Antarctic Expedition Ribbon???
Apparently he got his medal fakery advice from Maggie Desanti.
I thought it was all real until I didn’t see the NDSM.
He’s got all that and a box of ground guides, someone please tell me he didn’t drag some poor innocent Dog into his con games!
Wasn’t even good enough to earn the coveted NDSM.
If he earned the coveted NDSM, I could see the Brotherhood of the NDSM in tears as well as myself.
If he goes to prison, he’ll be a rear admiral taking orders from a captain.
As he is being ridden, his cell mate will shout:
“Who’s the captain of your ship? Say it! Say my name!”
If he goes to prison and works in the scullery cleaning dishes, he actually could be called Admiral of the Vessels
(pots and pans are vessels)
Maybe he will fight the “4th Most Least Dangerous Man” Stephen “Cio” Burrell.
He was a “recipient” of the MOH as well.
Permission to come aboard!


Rear Admiral Larimer.
The only place this fellow was a rear admiral was down at the Blue Oyster Bar.
Godzilla tried to read his DD 214…
Absolutely got a kick out of the red font saying ‘classified’ and check with the DoJ. He should get points for being creative, but then have points deducted for coloring outside the lines.
He self-identifies as a Navy Admiral. He should have also identified as a handicapped woman of color — so he could check all the boxes and be untouchable.
These could also be him. A LinkedIn profile showing him as an Admiral:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/philip-dexter-larimer-ii-b51523361/
If the next link is also him, and the hair coloring is not a trick of the camera, it’s possible that he may have claimed to be a woman at some point in time:
https://mugshots.com/US-States/Missouri/Johnson-County-MO/Philip-Dexter-Larimer-II.181094962.html
A person with the same name, involved with bankruptcy:
https://www.plainsite.org/dockets/mb1ktin1/missouri-western-bankruptcy-court/philip-dexter-larimer-ii/
Another person with the same name:
https://www.classmates.com/people/philip-dexter-larimer-ii/4000187015685?msockid=3c16240a96db6ca01de431e397c96d82
Disclaimer: these could be very well different people with the same name. If so, the name appears to be bad luck. If it is the same person, then we have a track record of poor judgment calls. As has been repeatedly mentioned here, stolen valor is the rancid cherry on top of the poop sundae.
It’s a “shit sundae”.
Means the same thing, but the language flows better.
Try it. Say “poop sundae”. Then say “shit sundae”.
Which sounds better?
…
And suddenly I can hear Gunnery Sergeant Hartman saying, “I didn’t know they stacked shit that high!”
Bankruptcy? Once you declare personal bankruptcy three times, the Judge hearing the case will punish you by appointing you Vice President of a proud but humble woman owned business.
IDK, claiming military service to settle a claim with USAA, a company that no longer gives a shit about military members and hasn’t for about seven years, seems a wasted effort.
Word.
USAA is fucking terrible.
They went all about the money, denying claims and forgetting who like to say they serve.
Bunch of clowns.
Dude looks like he could be Phil Monkress’ (CEO of All-Points Logistics) kid brother.
Probably works at All-Points Logistics so there that…
Shades of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels?
I, like many others, miss the old SV cases. The ones that aren’t quite this stupid, that put some real effort into their cons. You know, like a photoshopped retirement photo. With lots of sock-puppets rallying to the POS’s defense. This one is just kind of ridiculous.
This level of delusion almost sounds like mental illness. Almost. If the guy, upon questioning, continues to appear convinced he had those experiences, then maybe. But when they say “I didn’t say that”, “someone misquoted me”, “my files are classified”, “you have no right to my request my records”, “I’m going to sue”, etc., it’s not a delusion. It’s just a con and a lie.
In truth, it is probably narcissistic personality disorder – the ability to craft a narrative then convince themself it is true. When others don’t agree with their narrative, they adopt the victim persona, while they victimize another (stalking, violating a protective order). I’ve looked through a lot of these SV and sv cases, and many appear to qualify for this diagnosis. Note, this is not a mental illness, it is a fancy way of calling someone a specific type of a$$hole with predictable behavior and responses.
In this case, I seriously wonder if this guy is just too stupid to recognize how stupid he is, coupled with the absolute conviction other people are the ones who are stupid. When confronted with information they didn’t know or something they don’t understand, they believe no one else does either.
I concur, Ma’am.
The current crop of Stolen Valor cases don’t seem up to par.
Do you think that these posers “check” other posers by saying “Back in my day, we pretended to qualify with iron sites”?
I miss the phonies who really went for it. The ones that decided if they were gonna steal valor, they would try to steal it all.
Soupsandwich, Ballduster, Bernasty, The Round Ranger……..now THEY were phonies.
They aren’t even trying anymore.
You’d think with the Ukraine thing going on, there would be plenty of couch commandos with difficult to verify stories of daring do.
Don’t overlook Alaska Bob and Magoty Maggie.
Hack tried to stack the deck during the Poser Tournaments for his hometown favorite, the youngest Sergeant Major in the Marine Corps, Ronald Mailahn. Actually, he lived in a town adjacent to where Hack Stone grew up, but as far as Hack knows, there were no posers in his town. And just a reminder, if you have some medical paint that needs to be driven around South Jersey, give Gunny Driveway a call. Mention This Ain’t Hell for a 13% discount.
I’m almost certain that Chief Shipley thinks this idiot isn’t even worth his time.
Speaking of….how is The Hair these days?
He is still doing his outing videos on YouTube. He is grayer, but still has that massive head of hair.
Damm. And all i display when trudging around is my black ball cap with Armor brass and the Unit crests of the Regiments I spent a bunch of time with (the 70th Armored and the 68th Armored)
Guess I have to up my game!
We don’t want an 80% solution… we need you at 100%.
Photoshop his head onto Bernath’s photoshopped image for Special Day:-)
…
Admiral Larimer in his ceremonial whites…
“I reject your reality and substitute my own!”
-Dr. Who-
So, if Lissa Lagasse and Philip Dexter Larimer II hooked up, what would be the outcome?
Thanks to modern AI technology, we can morph two photos and observe the outcome. AI image morphs are honored upon request.
Larimer + Bernath =
Young Bernath + Older Bernath = Bernath in his early 40s (age progression/regression applied)
Still looks like a looney.
Yeah, you know, he just looks like officer material. What a shitbird.
He should have gone with The General.
Is The General giving the Nazi salute? We need to cancel him.
Everyone knew he was a Rear Admiral…they’d felt him there many times.
Lower Half. ‘Nuff said.
How long has it been since we had a Monday morning Mil. phony at the TAH starting gate when we used to have more than one at the gate, and there off and running.
How would he have had time to squeeze in a thirty year career and get a PhD to be able to teach?
And FOUR million dollars of “SGIL” coverage? That’s…something else. Why would you list MIT under MILITARY EDUCATION?
This dude’s squirrel isn’t in its cage.
“His cornbread ain’t done in the middle!
His plane is a gallon short of the landing strip.
It’s obvious that all his records were redacted and/or sealed for national security reasons. They can only be released by POTUS. Have a little faith, baby!
I know him and that’s exactly what he says.
All he needs to do is claim he’s a high speed 88M
Naval Bronze Star????