William Derek Church; the Round Ranger
I’ve been giggling like a little girl since I sent this guy to Mary a few weeks ago. He’s like “The Round Marine” and Paul Tillson rolled into one. But his name is William Derek Church (he goes by Derek Church) and these are pictures from his wedding, I guess. He’s on Facebook somewhere, but I can’t find him. You can tell he’s legit because he doesn’t care that his Ranger beret is dressed over the wrong eye, and he wears the full-sized Purple Heart on the wrong side of his uniform.
He’s a steely-eyed killer who can’t be bothered with details like getting his drawers tailored. Yes, that’s a Ranger scroll with no tab on left shoulder;
I almost didn’t bother to get his records, because he has 8TFU written all over him. but we got his records today. He spent about 18 months in the Natural Guard (don’t blame me, blame the NPRC) and over a month on active duty. But he made it to PFC.
And see how the Purple Heart is on the left of his other medals that he’s wearing wrong? Well, that’s because he remembered that the highest medals are supposed to go closest to your heart – but that only counts when you wear them on the left side of your uniform, dingus. It took me forever to disabuse privates of that notion when we got the Valorous Unit Citation to add to the Presidential Unit Citation. They kept trying to put the PUC to the left of the VUC. Privates suck, just ask this guy.
ADDED: Here’s his Facebook, by the way.
Added by Sporkmaster.
It seems that he has another friend who faking along side him, because he was “there”. Also I like how his friend threatens to send the 75th Ranger Battalion on people. As if.
Added by Sporkmaster
Also it seems that we are finding out more about him from his local community.
Category: Phony soldiers
@1057 You can’t put the heat on someone who has no job or prospects or life.
I bet when hostess twinkies went out of business for awhile, fatass Derek was extremely pissed.
Fuck you Derek Church, Fatass poser!
Morning Post complete, time to turn up the heat a bit more on Fatass. I sent a second e-mail to the PAO for the NC Army Guard. Must be a Field Grade Officer as no response to my first e-mail. He is also in Violation of a 18 USC code by wearing the uniform, gonna hit the local Fed office and see if they even care..
Ok todays morning post complete.. Come on FATBOY give it up. Grow some balls or at least spit the ones in your mouth out and do the right thing !
Hopefully the locals can light a fire.
With that beret on like that, he looks a lot like the 70’s kid show character “H.R. Pufenstuff”! Just a thought as I have another beer after a hectic night shift, *BUUURP!* Now it’s time for a shower and some snooze time!
@1064.
“H.R. Pufenstuff” – in his ass!
He looks like a bowling ball with feet to me…
@1065…..Makes me think of Mythbusters
http://s.pikabu.ru/images/big_size_comm/2013-11_5/13852932737228.jpeg
I hope Kiaya Louise Church realizes how stupid her comments she made defending this Obese non-combat National Guard Soldier. Never a Ranger, Never a Purple Heart Recipient.
Look Derek up here
http://www.thepurpleheart.com/recipient/default.aspx
All lies
https://www.facebook.com/kiaya.beheler#!/photo.php?fbid=765611000132224&set=a.345515258808469.109906.100000499926412&type=3&theater
https://www.facebook.com/kiaya.beheler
Look at the photo above.
William Derek Church and Kiaya Beheler Louise Church had their rings enscribed with “Real Love”
That is hilarious! Their love was “Fake Love” from a Fake Soldier.
Kiaya Church… the first tipoff of a liar is “Sealed records” and “secret Missions” what an idiot. You deserve each other
Apparently Kiaya Chuch is drinking the Koolaid.
This is from her facebook post today
Apparently this William Derek Church nutjob is good at making people BELIEVE LIES!
Kiaya Louise Church:
I will be that happy again, I’m well on my way and this time I have someone to support me, love me, and help me through the climb getting there instead of beating me down, caring only about himself, and telling me I can’t because of being a mom and wife. I’ve got a MAN now who tells me I can and that he will do whatever it takes to help me get there. I finally have unconditional care and love. I’m 100% happy and in love with him and the only piece left is to fulfill my dreams of my education and then build our life together. With that dream house and dream life. I truly have a partner in life now and that is the best feeling in the world!
@1069 Army Medical. Yea she’s drank the Koolaid. Sounds like the pageant participant saying “If I win, I’m going to take my piano and write a song the whole world can sing…hee hee hee…thank you, thank you all so very much, hee hee hee.”
I just got sick.
Just curious, but is there any evidence that he rocked the stolen valor lie prior to knowing her?
William Derek Church is so fat and dumb, he believed SB48 was a large 48 ounce bowl he could use for his daily “Captain Crunch” nutritional breakfast! William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church Fat Jokes William Derek Church… Read more »
@1069, “the only piece left is to fulfill my dreams of my education and to build our life together”. “DREAM ON” Kiaya, “DREAM ON”.
Come back here in two years Kiaya and update us on your dreams.
Kiaya Louise Church is so dumb, she truly believes William Derek Church is something special and his records are sealed.
Overheard outside Church’s basement the other day:
Aggh! Buh-kah. Teedee Jedi! Teedee Jedi! Oowaaaaaaaaygh! Toota oolya! Bah! Pwegh! Pwegh! Oolyambwooba! Yahn Chass Solo chung wookiee! Oh koh loh yeah mayngabba ch’tass kun!
Kiaya Louise Church is so dumb, she got fired from the M & M factory for throwing away all the W’s.
William Derek Church is so fat, if he weighed five more pounds, he could get group insurance!
I say we pitch in for Kaiyla’s advanced education. No money of course, but we could get her a monthly pass for the short bus, a drool bucket and a new box of crayons.
@1071 OWB, Yeah he was. If you look at the pics on his Phonybook page, he’s wearing an 82nd Airborne hat with a SSG pin on it. That was back in 2012. From what some have posted at the Topix page, he’s been running with the lies for awhile.
https://www.facebook.com/Ssgtsniper/photos
William Derek Church has a real catch there, he doesn’t have to work ( and hasn’t in years ) and she can get a job as a manager at McDonalds with her extended ejumacation and they can get the Trailer of their Dreams. It will have to be moveable as every place they go people will know William Derek Church is a FAKE and run them out of town !
First Dude: “It must really suck that William Derek Church stole your wife, bro.”
Second Dude: “Yeah, it sucks. It sucks for him. She is his problem now.”
@1080 LOL!
William Derek Church threw himself on the grenade, metaphorically. He actually threw himself on the fat chick.
Back to the wedding photo. From our sources in Lenoir, William Derek Church has not held a job for several years. So, where did he scratch up the cash to buy the uniform and all that bling?
1083.
He peddled his flesh to aggressive men.
So Green Thumb, are you inferring that he is working the truckstops near the interstate? That may give credence to his claim of taking six shots to the chest.
I “shared” the roses photo from her page to mine and left the link to this post and the link to his thread in the Topix Lenoir. I thought the two of them had me blocked from all their facebook pages. Won’t be long and she’ll block me from this new page. I commented on the shared photo”
“I wonder if these roses are as fake as William Derek Church’s ownership of that Blue Mopar that Kiaya claimed that he “built from the ground up?
Her new hubby has his name up in light’s in the World Wide Web. Both over at “This Ain’t Hell” blog at this post: http://valorguardians.com/blog/?p=39182
And here at Topix Lenoir:
http://www.topix.com/forum/city/lenoir-nc/TB2PJRL4TODJE8GLG
This is almost like being stars, or something.”
Real MEN don’t LIE about having a Purple Heart etc. And I will take her word that he is male, but who can be sure when the parts in question are buried under ten tons of fat? They are both morally and physically disgusting.
@187
Both are morbidly obese.
I found a picture on facebook of Kiaya and Derek Church
This one is in front of the mopar car as well
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=594261267276217&set=a.495780220457656.1073741830.493308337371511&type=1&theater
William Derek and Kiayla Church are SO STUPID they once rode the #5 bus twice to make up for missing the #10 and blamed the People of TAH for not getting where they needed to go!!
@1067 Army Medical, it looks like that purple heart data base is nowhere near complete. I would say its a good place to CONFIRM an award but just because someone isn’t on it doesnt mean they didn’t earn it.
Not that William Derek Church has an ounce of credibility.
1085.
Yep.
He crawls up in the cab and tongues two-holes while tickling taint. I could also imagine that he lets his “customers” just abuse his fat and holes. Probably cleans up in the public toilet between “jobs”.
Flesh-peddler, indeed.
Shitbag.
@1091 – I looked at the Purple Heart database, and the soldier in our unit who earned one (unlike William Derek Church the Round Ranger) wasn’t listed.
This chick is truly living in a fools paradise. Sounds like her and the round ranger deserve each other. fuckin turds.
Kiaya Louise Church I will be that happy again, I’m well on my way and this time I have someone to support me, love me, and help me through the climb getting there instead of beating me down, caring only about himself, and telling me I can’t because of being a mom and wife. I’ve got a MAN now who tells me I can and that he will do whatever it takes to help me get there. I finally have unconditional care and love. I’m 100% happy and in love with him and the only piece left is to fulfill my dreams of my education and then build our life together. With that dream house and dream life. I truly have a partner in life now and that is the best feeling in the world!
@1089 thanks for the link. a treasure trove of bullshit photos. look at round willie and the fat wife defiling that wonderful mopar…….
https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.495780220457656.1073741830.493308337371511&type=1
@1095 – Would I be correct in assuming you’re the ex-husband?
E-6, no I am not the ex-husband. Sounds like the ex was a squared away troop. Can’t imagine why he would want out of that relationship…..
Army Medical@1089, if you look real close, you can see that they are fighting over the last chicken wing in the KFC bucket.
william derek church is so fat he went to dinner at the diner, and ate the diner…
This guy has to be a Shoe-in to win the next tournament.
Looking at the photos at the photographer link, I am thinking that the Mopar might belong to the photographer. The bride in white, is using it as well as Waddlin Willie’s bride in red.
William Derek Church, who footed the bill for the photography?
A shoe-in? He can barely get those chunky hooves of his into shoes as it is!!!
The insult to sharpeis with the hat worn wrong has every sharpei in the country snarling vengefully. I figure that the two of them move so little that they’ll probably give themselves carbon monoxide poisoning before too long.
Army Medical: um, no. Not a shoe-in to win at all.
With other a-holes out there literally stealing stuff from dead/seriously ill folks and passing it off as their own, IMO he’ll be lucky to make the semifinals. Church the Round here is a piker by comparison.
I truly hope someone at the Fed level is interested in dealing with this guy, harshly.
@ #1078, ArmyATC: Yes, but they have known each other longer than that. It was reported earlier that they were couples friends, at church no less, when they were married to other people.
William Derek Church is so fat, the US Navy once planned to use him as a dirigible, however those plans were abruptly cancelled when it was determined, “no amount of helium could possibly float that thing.”
Seems Fatass got the thread removed from the Topix Site. But never fear I have started a new one. Show Willy the love he so deserves !
http://www.topix.com/forum/city/lenoir-nc/TUGP0Q05KGRJ6AASI
Looks like the Lenoir Topix’s thread is GONE now. Just checked and no William Derek Church even in the search menu. “HE” must have complained AGAIN and the site took the low road of wimps for Church and removed it.