Army SEAL LTC Sam Waters
These things just write themselves sometimes, not a smidgen of research, just some cut and paste;
The narration for this last picture reads;
You can look me in the face and see how angry I am. I’m in three story house enjoying my Christmas meal with my supermodel wife and start student kids and my sat phone rings. General Cornwallace is on the phone telling me that I need to deploy and save some sorry as marines that got caught in a Taliban ambush. I told the general that marines are the weakest branch and there expendable anyway but I made my way to the Tarmac to hitch a ride so I could save the sorry bastards, but not before I could snap a picture on my way out the door. Merry Christmas everyone. think about those of us like me who can’t spend the holidays with there family!
You know, because he can be flown from the arms of his supermodel wife to a Taliban ambush in time to rescue those “sorry as marines” who ruined his Christmas.
I’m thinking that he’s not a lieutenant colonel, his name is not Sam Waters and I’m not going to spend a minute on researching El Spazoid here. Just point and laugh. Here is his Instagram account.
Thanks to Mike for the link.
Category: Phony soldiers
Laughed so hard I woke Mikey out of a perfectly good nap.
‘TARDO, extra-big, he is, the STUPID is strong in him!!
Lying, sorry sack of Siberian sheep shit. A seal turd that’s what he is.
Learn something everyday. I didn’t know Army LTC’s could be SEALS. The new Jointness I guess.
This ritch hea is some damn funny shit. Don’t care who ya are…He looks like he might hump your leg if let him git to close, too. 😎
General Cornwallace? What is he fighting for the British during the revolutionary war?
@46: Yeah, I know, he had to go there, but the fat fuck probably has no idea who it is that he stole the picture of. He was probably trolling google and came across that image and decided to use it. Yeah, he’s all 8 the fuck up with the stupid.
I find him to be an EXCELLENT specimen of 8TFU!
Bless his heart, he just mistyped the info. it wasn’t Gen Cornwallis it was the Great Gen. Cornholio and he was sending him up his Assistan to pluck out his dingleberries.
@56-Nah, this guy’s just so high drag low speed that the Taliban needed every fighting man they could get to even try to take him down, so they even went back in time to get some. However, they were no match for the invincible body armor of digested Krispy Kremes and 1/4 pounders he wears strapped to his waistline because he’s just that badass, you know.
He’s a goof who seems to be mocking Stolen Valor.
@1, this guy fancies himself a real comedian… His use of that Rangers photo is despicable!! I hope he gets his ass kicked hard.
If he was goofing for the attention, why did he shut down the minute we pointed at his Instagram page?
@ Jonn, probably because those who know that Ranger he was denigrating were on his ass… Just a guess.
@63. I didn’t say he had any balls. I think he is mocking Stolen Valor–as in, what’s the big deal? He then thinks he’s a smart guy for posting wild ass claims. Most posers think that others will buy their crap. I think he’s serving a different purpose, no less despicable, mind you, just different.
rb325th, I’d have to agree with that, the Ranger he was making fun of was wounded very badly in a battle, and I wouldn’t blame the Rangers one damned bit for tearing his ass up over it!
@59 GruntSgt Yep the great “Cornhollio”. I use to laugh my butt off watching Beavis and Butt-head. I loved it when Beavis would get kicked in the nads. Thanks for the memories.
Now I’m obsessed. Somewhere, somehow I am going to find a link to this guys true name. Then we can have some real fun. But so far the only info we have has beaten down my Google-Foo. I will next get a link to an image and do an Image Search rather than text. Damn him. Damn him to hell. Just for being a fat, ugly disappointment for his parents ever having sex. Then we can talk about his claims and photos. Damn him! 😀
I’m still recuperating from my latest gallbladder attack, but reading this douchenut’s asinine drivel has actually put a smirk on my face…
69 (Hey, I don’t get to type that often!) 😀 Combat Historian, I am still keeping you in my thoughts for a good outcome for your gall bladder. Take care and keep us up om how you’re doing.
Sparks: Got a doctor’s appointment early next week, the best I can do schedule-wise. Feeling much better than when this latest attack occurred on Thu/Fri. Thanks again for all your prayers.
As for the Army baby-harp SEAL, all I can say is that general cornwallace is one hell of an ISAF commander…
Combat Historian: as odd as this sounds – try canned beets. When my spouse had gall bladder trouble, before surgery that was one of the few things to eat that didn’t seem to cause issues.
Also try going on an extremely low-fat diet. That also seemed to help.
Best of luck, amigo.
Much appreciate it, Hondo…
Are you guys sure he didn’t mean General Cornholeis? That seems a better fit for him.
I bet he’s just as combat capable as William Derek Church the Round Ranger. I bet that he too, could SUCK the cream filling out of a Hostess Twinkie or Ding Dong from 600 meters away and SUCK the icing off of a cake or jelly doughnut from 1500 meters!!
Oh. My. God. Is this dude for real? No one can be that stupid!
@56, Yes Adam, both General Cornwallace and his other breakfast food ally, Capt’n Crunch were there.
Count Chocula unavailable for comment. Dammit.
This turdkey is the best argument on the planet in favor of birth control.
This guy is hilarious. CIA ID and garage pass indeed. I haven’t seen work this sustained and as good since the Mall Ninja. Some of you wouldn’t know a subtle troll if it painted itself purple and danced naked on top of a harpsichord, singing “Subtle trolls are here again!”
I just wonder what kind of “ladies” at the bar would want him. I shudder to think. Someone should have a ThunderDome match between him and the Round Ranger- starve ’em for a couple of days, then throw a donut in there and see who comes out alive.
@75, API, I’m not sure about that, but I just know he could suck-start a Harley, when it’s 0 degrees and snowing like it is here.
Really??
I…no….just no….this has to be a parody..right? Are we all being punked??
No one could be this completely gone between the ears.
Holy cap indeed. I also wear the 49th MP Brigade patch (even though I’m an Engineer). I don’t remember any Army Seals on our deployment. Where was this guy?
Private Pyle didn’t blow his brains out in Full Metal Jacket. He just went to BUD/S.
Or not.
Man, you guys oughta lay off the gin-u-wine American hero Navy SEAL LTC Waters of the Army Rangers. I heard he was wearing a white (duh) snowsuit on Bouvetoya during a recon mission, and while there, helped Alexa and her bud the Predator toss the Alien queen into the cold, dark depths of the ocean.
This “fighting the Taliban” stuff is nuthin’ compared to kicking the exoskeletoned ass of Her Imperial Majestic Alien Queen. Even Ripley, tough gal she is, had a rough time with the older sister of the alien queen.
Why didn’t you hear it? Classified, of course. Area 51 is nothing compared to Aliens and Predators.
Maybe fatass here was in a ford ranger when he ate a seal. He got confused, clearly. Thanks for making filling out my brackets for the next stolen valor tourney easy!
@85, ex-Army doc, Area 51 ain’t SHIT compared to Areas 52 or 53!! I was the Door Gunner when he was inserted via a Zygorpian Stealth Saucer to “someplace”, HEY, I don’t even have my tinfoil hat on while I’m posting this, but *BEEEP*,… *PZZZZT!*
OOOOH, LOOK!.. SOMETHING SHINY!!…
You know the guy in the picture with the BDUs and the SEAL trident over the US ARMY is Sgt Ford. Many times he claimed he had been a SEAL.
When combined with ALL of his other highly creative and/or outlandish claims, PLUS the fact that he’s writing a book, and will soon retire from his job as a prison guard, I’m guessing this is all done as an attempted comedic spoof, intended to be merely laughed at, and NOT regarded seriously by anyone.
Maybe, as an amateur, he’s testing the waters as a comedy writer, gauging public reaction to his creativity.
What is an Army SEAL. I know of Army Rangers, Green Berets, and Navy SEALs but never heard of them changing services, next we will SEAL Berets, and and Green Rangers. Oh well I guess I can help add to his stand-up routine. When protecting the world by day as a misguided soldier of fortune, at night just look up into the sky “it’s a bird, no it’s a plane, no it’s Stupid Man” protector of his super model wife, his 3 story cardboard box house and winner of 2011, 2012, 2013 Biggest Loser contest, 2012 runner up in the X-Factor, the Voice, and the Apprentice. Yes this man is everything and a whole lot more
Hey, Proud, refresh my memory here! When we went through that space shuttle door gunner course, we were still Coast Guard 2-star Captains, right?
Jumpin shit, hold on a sec. The Ranger Seal was sitting at home in the States with a Supermodel and got the call that some Marines in Afghanistan were in an ambush so he hopped on a…space shuttle? Titan Rocket Nosecone? Same person called The Smithsonian and a SR-71 was un-retired and launched from The Mall? oh wait, The Illuminati got with the Annunaki and got him a ride on a spaceship.
Damn my life sucks..
Seriously guys, this tools stuff is so outrageous that I’m thinking he is pulling chains here. Slapping the Queen on the ass after laying The PM out straight on what pussies The SAS are?
@94 oh he is most definitely “pulling chains’… take a look at the link in the first post though. There are some lines you do not cross, and he crossed it in a big way. Otherwise I would not even give a rats ass, but he went too far.
I’m with you jonp, me thinks this is straight live peformance art, a really tasteless parody, not an honest attempt at stolen valor.
If one of you Google Fu masters had his IP location then maybe what prison is nearby. I do not know if they list the grauds name or not for protection. This might be a starting point. Joe
This is priceless, I have to wonder how much money some of these ass clowns put into the lie. Just join and do your time if you are that into it. @91 Ed there are a few former SEALS now Army or were and authorized to wear the badge, we had one in my Guard unit that was the LRSD company commander and back in the early 90’s my dad had one that worked for him. Both cases the guys still wanted to serve but had chosen other proffessions. In the case of the one my dad had working for him he had a chute malfunction and was hurt and ended up going AGR so he could still do his time. I ran into one other as well who had enough and went into the Army medical as a PA after school and was still auhtorized to wear the badge. All though were still fit and had no need to brag about a thing just did the double take when you see it.
We then headed to the queens castles where I met that old ass lady and gave her a pat on the ass and told her that’s the way we knight people in America. she called me a “lively bugger” and gave me a crumpet.
That’s some funny shit right there. Has to be a send-up.
There’s comedy, and there is flat-out idiotic asshatery, and this fatassed assassin of many a jelly doughnut has crossed that line, he’ll be catching plenty of hell from real Rangers just from his “Special Ranger” stunt!