Jonathan Sharkey – Probably a One Seed in our next Stolen Valor Tourney
When I say this dude is frutier than batshit, I mean it.
Meet Jonathan Sharkey:
Among his career highlights are:
Having the worst record as a candidate for public service I have ever seen: Although his status as a loser extends far beyond the political realm, this jackass has so far run for President twice, Congress in three different states, and governor of two states. He’s probably the only douche that could lose a debate to a mute.
He claims to be a Vampire, living on the blood of his mistresses and girlfriends: There is no way this round mound of hirsute jackassery got that rotund on blood. Seriously, go look at this picture and tell me this fat balding ball of fug got that fat from blood. Dude must be drinking it with a couple of hundred donuts. He looks like a Mr Potatohead with My Pretty Pony hair glued to it’s head.
He threatened to “impale” President Bush: Clearly not a real threat, as one could low crawl away from Hey Kool-Aid guy here, and just wait for his inevitable cardiac arrest. This guy is roughly as imposing as girl scouts selling cookies in front of Target. Which is ironic, because underage women are apparently all he can get.
He likes to essentially kidnap troubled underage girls: Dude, when you look like that, you have to go for the underage vampire chicks. First rule of being a fat, pasty, balding has-been is to go with what you know. It’s like fishing with dynamite, or hunting at the petting zoo, if that’s all you can do, you go with it. Problem here is that it is of course illegal. Naturally, he’s had plenty of problems with the law…
He likes to stalk: Which is ironic, because the the thought of this fatass sneaking up on anyone has me giggling. It’d be like Juraissic Park…there you are drinking your iced tea on the porch, and suddenly you see it sloshing back and forth. Earthquake? No, just that fat kid toucher trying to sneak up on the neighbors again. BTW- Is that a pterodactyl on your head, or plugs Mr. Impaler?
Anyway, this overstuffed balloon of fetid meat also has a Stolen Valor component to his atrocities. (That hair alone is worthy of investigation by the ICC.) This sasquatch looking turd burglar claims:
The MOS’ Jonathon worked in while in the Army was – 13B (Field Artillery), 11C (Motars), 11B (Infantry), 11BX (Infantry Drill Segreant)18B (SF Weapons), 71D (Legal Clerk specialist), 79R (Recruiter).
Jonathon is also Sniper Trained and Qualified. He still practices his Sniper skills to this day.
During Jonathon’s 9 year total in the Army (DEP, AD, IRR, RES. NG and AGR), he was assigned to – Ft. Sill, OK, Ft. Benning, GA, Ft. Bragg, NC, Ft. Riley, KS, Ft. Dix, NJ and Ft. Monmouth, NJ. He did his Desert Training at White Sands, NM and an ARTEP at Ft. Drum, NY.
Jonathon is presently 100% Service-Connected by the Department of Veterans Affairs, as a result of his undergoing Total Left Knee Replacement.
Of course he had a knee replacement, hell, even tank treads wear out, and an Abrahms only weighs half of what Ninja jones here weighs. Now, would it suprise you to learn that his claims are completely full of shit? Anyone know any SF Sniper in history that only has a Army Service Ribbon and a Sharpshooter badge?
Anyway, hardass lardass here likes to send obscenity laced emails around, and threaten litigation, no doubt thanks to the 18 days he spent in the Army as a “Legal Specialist.” After the fold, read the charming C-Bomb laced email he sent Mary from POW Network.
STRONG LANGUAGE WARNING AHEAD
Greetings Asswipes, Mary and Chuck Schantag,
Lookie lookie what I found – http://www.veteranvoice.com/forums/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=279
It seems in the posting you wrongly picked on other Vets too. Fuck you BITCHES!
Solid start there, I mean it has everything: a link to a piece written years ago, strong language, over-capitalization. Just straight up catching fire early.
But can he maintain the intensity?
Now, since you CUNTS want to act up, lets act up. I know where you live. So, here’s a challenge to you both, and any other CUNT that works for you.
Being from a descent of the greatest ruler ever – Prince Vlad Tepes aka The Impaler, I challenge you and those who work for you to a battle to the death in 2 months at Ft. Dix, NJ. In Jersey, the weak are killed and eaten. we are the greatest best, and most bad ass state in the UNION!
It will be on the lines of the Deadliest Warrior – http://tkohub.com/deadliest-warrior-sun-tzu-vs-vlad-the-impaler-video-s02e10-online-stream make sure you watch the part at 7 minutes.
Notice the completely unhinged use of obscenity, the ridiculous capitalization etc. I’m thinking fat ass here has been spending more time with steaks than stakes, and the only impaling he has been a part of was when he was staring at the business end of a fellow inmates stake in the Indiana prison system.
No firearms though. Medieval weapons. I will have U.S. Secret Service Agents I know from jersey be monitors of the battle, because, I don’t trust you domestic terrorists.
Like Vlad, I will beat you, torture you, IMPALE you, then dismember you and when all is said and done, I will decapitate you all, and your heads will be used that night for a Satanic Ritual. My God will be praised the day.
If you do not to accept my challenge in 24 hours, I will forward this email to the media, Soldier of Fortune Magazine (Col. Brown knows me by one of my other names), Veterans Magazines.
Then I will come to MIZZ with a film crew, and call you out. When you step outside your home, with cameras rolling, I will go Jersey on you, and beat the fuck out of you.
If you refuse to come outside, I will show all the world what a bunch of cowardly little fucks you are!
I await your response.
In Lucifer’s name –
Do Svidaniya,
Nel Sangue,
Love the threats, I mean seriously, it makes me chuckle. Okay tough guy, come on up to Indy, we can fight on the War Memorial Grounds. You bring your Secret Service friends, and I will bring my equally imagined companions: Smurfette, Nessie, one of the dwarfs from the Council of Elrond, an Amish porn star, several Minions from Despicable Me, and several of your girlfriends from the Niagra Falls area. You don’t think there is anyone that believes your horseshit do you? Being an internet tough guy falls apart when you look like a Manatee with back hair and a bald pate. Colonel Brown (yes, I’ve met him when I worked for the NRA) couldn’t give two shits about your idiotic ramblings, and I work for a veterans magazine, and I know we’d laugh and throw balogna at your fat ass if you tried to show up here with that idiotic video.
But, ok Sally, I’m accepted your lace glove challenge. Only, just to make it even I will fight with a plastic spork. Shit, all I’d have to do is walk in a circle and watch you crawl around like Jabba until your heart quits pumping. I’d probably fling pudding at you just to speed up the process.
Now, I put the odds at fairly high that he threatens us with a lawsuit. Good, kindly do so. I’ve read your idiotic legal taunts over at POW Network myself, and I actually have some knowledge in the subject, so, unlike you, I actually know what the hell I am talking about. Bring it on sweet-tits.
Do your plane-mates a favor though and buy two seats, no one wants your lard hanging over the seat divider into their face. Also, your moustache looks ridiculous unless you are trying to find the six-fingered man who killed your father.
UPDATE: Ohes Noes! The DOJ is gonna come for me!!!!!11!
Hey Markie, I’ve read about about you. We’ll see what DOJ says!
Do Svidaniya,
Nel Sangue,Jonathon The Impaler Sharkey
My response:
Yes, kindly forward them to me. You do know I have a law degree, and your threats of suits really doesn’t impress me, right?
You should start taking medication, I think you’ve slipped a few gears.
He followed that with another lawsuit threat, and is now commenting below.
Category: Politics
Man, it is stoopid to cross Mary and Chuck of you are a loud-mouthed wannabe with an inflated resume.
what is this I don’t even
@ #47
My secretary just came in my office and asked me if I was alright. That made me bust out laughing even more!
HOLY SHIT! Is this dude for real? He does know that blood in the stomach will make you sick. Its actually designed that way. oh well this was funny as shit.
Holy bongo-playing Jesus! This is comedy gold – especially the Guy Fawkes/Ron Jeremy references – although I’m betting the resemblance to the Hedgehog stops right at the huge, likely hairy gut! I’m betting Impaler Jr. is more likely comparable to hedgehog wang!
Tool!!!!
@47 TSO
I would say that he was fighting a buffet table and the buffet won a decisive victory!
To misquote Ferdinand Foch “Ham pressed on my right. My center is expanding. Impossible to maneuver. Situation excellent. I feast.”
Hmmm, Vlad Batstool?
I want to thank everyone for your comments. Please continue to comment about me, it only helps my IMDb STARmeter ranking.
As far as my knee. I’ve been S/C for my knees since mt ETS. On 14 Jun 08, I was actually wearing a brace on my left knee in the ring. I got the brace from the Indy VAMC. Before my knee was snapped, the brace snapped. Great medical equipment.
DonJoy however, has told the VA they guarantee if I wear their knee braces in the ring, the braces will not snap. Hence, my knee won’t snap.
I threatened the Tampa VAMC with a Federal lawsuit if they didn’t send me to Dr. Guttentag (Team Medical Director for the Tampa Bay Lightning), and allow Guttentag to do a TKR. His knee is good for 30 years. VA’s 10-15.
Now how bad is that. If a Veteran has his knee replaced at the VA, its only good for 10-15 years. But, if they go to someone like Dr. Guttentag, they get one good for 30 years. What’s wrong with that picture?
Please keep talking about me. It feeds my very large ego.
Quoting Gene Simmons – Its good to be me.
I have a nice 19 year old girlfriend who lives with me. She’s part Russian. And …. for me to know *,…,*
Wow. This dude is living in fantasy land. I mean this isn’t a joke right? He really means this right? HOLY shit this is funny.
“Its good to be me”
Yeah, it wasn’t so good to be you down in Rice County (Faribault),though; was it there Vlad jr.?
Plus, Vlad jr., I was wondering why your records don’t show your time spent in Special Forces as a sniper.
I think his mustache is trying to spit his face out in that picture.
Vlad is another Soup without the nuts.
@John – it looks like his ass spat his head out first.
FYI for people asking about the 100% SC issue. If the knee of a veteran was injured during service and a C&P examiner decides the injury led to the need for the total knee replacement then the veteran is automatically 100% SC for the first year after the knee is replaced. The injury doesn’t have to be related to his military job, it just has to have occurred during his service.
For example, if a veteran slipped and fell when someone pushed him from behind as he reached for a bar of soap on the bathroom floor and ended up with torn ligaments, etc. and eventually needed the knee replaced it would be service connected. Once a year post-surgery is up then the veteran is re-evaluated by C&P.
Jonn and TSO, CONGRATULATIONS for another high-hitting commentary-counting post! This is simply FABULOUS! It’s so great that I logged in from home just to read this thread!
Vlad, Moron, “Jonathan the Impaler,” whatever: Who in DOJ did you contact? The U.S. Attorney’s Office, Main DOJ’s Criminal Division, the National Security Division, the Civil Rights Division? You have NO IDEA how many crank calls we (at DOJ) get! You should have gotten the standard answer: Call the FBI and report the threat. Your response from the FBI: Crickets chirping. When I was in the old Terrorism and Violent Crime Section, I had two individuals who called me for YEARS with their various complaints. The FBI never acted on their complaints.
And I won’t even comment upon your completely illegal offer to engage in a duel using medieval weapons. If you actually had U.S. Secret Service “friends,” using the rather unique statutory law enforcement powers granted to them, they’d have your ass hospitalized for a psychiatric evaluation.
Wow very interesting fella. Wonder if he can demonstrate his skill at impalement? hmmm amazing. Wow there is alot of talent out there. Maybe he can shed more light on this skill set so we in the normal land can thus write up a proper Resume and get a wicked dark night job? Amazing non the less. Imperil, and imperious he be yet he is a impeller.
This guy knows he can’t bullshit us right? i mean this is a joke? C’mon people he can’t be that fucking retarded. Can he?
Be honest Bob- Are you the one investigating me for the made up crime of harassing a Presidential candidate? Just level with me Bob, am I going to federal pound me in the ass prison? Cause lord knows the fear will keep me awake until at least 9:15.
Hey Trooper, I was never in jail in Fairbault – http://blogs.citypages.com/blotter/2010/02/jonathan_sharke_1.php And as far as threatening Bush, the article says – “Impaler” PLEDGES to Impale Bush – http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/40932-impaler-pledges-to-impale-bush Where does it say I threaten him?
To Anonymous, you are correct. My knees have been S/C since my ETS. My TKR was on 29 Nov 10 -http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4laXxd1CZP8 On 7 Mar 11, they had to do a MUA – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOEYN1uQXYg&feature=related and then I had to have surgery on my left knee on 11 Oct 11 – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qtxdxgwL7gI They had to pull my quad muscle off the thigh bone, stretch it and re-attach it. They also discovered I have Abundant Scar Formation.
I was wearing a brace given to me by the Indy VAMC on the night of 14 Jun 08 when my knee was snapped in the ring. the brace snapped, then my knee. Hence the reason for the TKR.
People, my IMDb STARmeter is presently at 9,385. with all your talking about me, I expect it to be higher when the new STARmeter comes out on Monday. I want to thank you all for it.
In Lucifer’s Name
Doc–as we’ve seen with other trolls around here (OG, king, buttmunch, Sealy McChippendale) yes, they CAN be that fucking retarded.
Holy Shiite, I go out to the Ranger Camp for some photos yesterday, spend time today uploading and placing them, and miss all this. This post is better than some of the photos:
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.2305741758123.2111250.1086639350&type=1&l=a81b358041
What a large sissy. And so full of imagination. I would wager that he actually thinks “that woman” who claims to have spawned him, actually did.
Just one more test tube experiment gone terribly wrong.
Oh… Can hyou change the name of the article from Probably a one seed to Probably KING seed?
In Lucifer’s Name
If you make so much damn money, why are you on a dopey blog? And yeah, I am certain you would love to be the poster child for Stolen Valor, and I predict you will be.
I can picture TSO all freaked out about it now, clutching his Sarnac Lager, staring intently at the TV while Firefly plays on the Netflix, leans over, and rips a nice fat wet one.
Face it Vlad, Johnathon, shitforbrains, or whatever name you’re going by this week–the fat retarded kid on YouTube at least had SOME entertainment value attached to him when he tried to play with his light saber. You, not so much.
http://www.newschannel5.com/story/9122944/self-proclaimed-vampire-king-wants-to-create-commune?redirected=true
Wanted on Felony charges in Indiana for threatening a Judge. Wow, that doesn’t sound like our friendly Satan worshiper.
What an assclown.
@70 TSO: The short answer is “no.” You would probably be offered statutory immunity, pursuant to 18 USC 6002 and 6003, to testify against this moron. But I can’t make promises, and the decision to seek immunity and to grant it isn’t within my power. His relative culpability is greater because he has OFFERED the duel, and yours is less because you have offered to ACCEPT the duel, even though the duel is entirely unrealistically hypothetical. No self-respecting U.S. Attorney’s Office would TOUCH this “case” (although given the Civil Division under this Administration, who can tell?).
So go to bed at a decent hour without fear, TSO.
So I can also put away the Code Duelo? I was already to pick my second. I was trying to think of other people who could kick his ass…Stephen Hawking, Al Davis, Bette White, Christoper Reeves…
I really appreciate all the laughs. I was feeling bummed out by Jesus Diaz getting 2 fricking years for performing his job. Call your congresscritters about this injustice.
Wow! Just WOW! @77 TSO. Threatening a judge? Judges have a VERY poor sense of humor about this kind of thing.
TSO and Jonn:
These are the types of posts that make it fun to read this blog.
Hey Sharkey,”Lighten up Francis” and grow the F-up.
To Anonymous, you are correct.
Wow. I thought the slipping in the shower bit was a shot in the dark. Please don’t share the details.
@Bob – “No self-respecting U.S. Attorney’s Office would TOUCH this “case”…”
UNLESS, of course, Vlad the Cock Inhaler claimed to be an underrepresented religious minority seeking to protect his right to rub one out at the altar of Baphomet with a photo of TSO’s face carefully glued over the goat, and claiming religious persecution and consequent PTSD, requiring psychiatric treatment.
TSO–don’t throw Betty White up against the poor douchebag, I mean, after all, you want to give him at least a LITTLE chance, don’t you?
Go with Rose Kennedy. Wait–gotta clarify–Rose ELIZABETH Kennedy.
I wonder if they will print this?
http://www.merareview.com/33209/owners-arrested.html
http://www.valorvultures.freewebpages.org/
http://www.veteranstodayforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=1181
In Lucifer’s Name
Veteran’s Today? Only if we need the laughs, m’boy. Only for the laughs.
Holy shit! He’s on to us.
Um, do you have an actual source on that? You know, something that might be a newspaper, or perhaps an arrest blotter? Because it a) isn’t true b) is part of the libel against the Schontag’s and c) doesn’t have jack shit to do with you.
Any man that would use the C-bomb in an email to a woman they don’t know, is clearly a classless pussy. I challenge you to show me one erudite, intellectual person in history throwing the C-bomb around like you do. Don’t you have a speech to give to homeless vampires somewhere?
Sharkey–still not as gay as Twilight, but working on it.
C’mon leave the guy alone! Isn’t it enough that he’s banned from Kayak.com.
@84 Nicki, No, the U.S. Attorney’s Offices would not take even THAT case, it would have be Main Justice’s Civil Rights Division to espouse that kind of crap.
Erm, I noticed that “Jonathan” didn’t bother, @86, to confirm whether he got the standard DOJ response.
Its time to go to bed, I have work tomorrow. I’ll check back in the morning. But,now with 90+ responses, I say again, GOOD JOB TSO and Jonn on posting a story worthy of so many comments!
I was calling the guys CUNTS too. I’m from Jersey. Mercy, caring, compassion is not what we are taught growing up. BTW, the mustache was for a photoshoot as Vlad. Haven’t had it in months.
And as far as my weight, most people on prescription steroids gain weight and water weight. I am on Clen and T3 now. Lost over 20 lbs in a month *,…,*
I do how you people dont voice your opinion about how the VA gives Veterans joints that dont last half as long as civilian doctors give their patients. That really sucks!
In Lucifer’s Name.
When I do a post about that subject I will cover it, this post was about a lying asshole who made up his military career.
BTW- in your email you said not to contact you again or you would file harassment charges but then you commented here. You really need to seek legal advice, because you are shitting all over your case.
Incidentally, I’ll just contact the DA you said would sue me, I’m sure he’ll want the documents to get started.
What happened to my last post? I hit the “submit comment” button. When I post from work, my comments are always “Awaiting” confirmation or something.
Nicki @84, no U.S. Attorney’s Office would STILL touch that claim, it would have to take the special idiocy of Main Justice’s Civil Rights Division.
And, I noticed that “Jonathan,” @86 didn’t comment upon whether he got the standard DOJ response.
And what is “Clen and T3”? In my line of work, a T-3 is a federal electronic surveillance authorization. Are we listening to your phones, Jonathan? Maybe your emails? Go on, you can tell me, Jonathan. I’ll go and look up your Title III affidavits for a good laugh!
I’ll check this blog in the morning for a response.
Jonathon–mercy, caring, and compassion are about the only things that kept you alive as long as they have, m’boy.
That and a whole fuckload of pity. The poster upthread was right. You should have been a shower baby.
Like the little puss that Sharkey is, you just told me that I was harassing him for responding to his email, and that he was friends with the DA and huge in GOP Politics. Savor the deliciousness of an unhinged lunatic who starts off with an email threatening people who then runs and hides like a 4th grade girl.
Real tough guy this one.
Huge in GOP politics? Cause he’s running as a fringe candidate? He’s about as Republican/conservative as Bloomberg.
Hint to liberal douchebags–look it up before you flame me.
You guys got it wrong, he meant he was huge, and in politics.
And, Sparky, can I join in? He’s about as Republican/conservative as John Huntsman.
Clen=clenbuterol
t3=thyroid hormone
Folks, with Sharkey’s background in pro-wrasslin’ I think we’re just getting played in his game of “Kayfabe”. He is being honest about one thing, it’s all just for publicity. Of course the sad thing is he tried to give himself credentials by slamming great Americans like Chuck & Mary Schantag. News Flash Count Chocula! We’ve all seen the bogus stories about the Schantags before, they were dreamed up by morons just like you. http://www.pownetwork.org/phonies/any_lengths.htm And PLEASE! come up with a better source for your info than Frank Dux! The guy who claimed to win his Bloodsport Tournament in the Asia even though there were receipt showing he bought his trophy in North Hollywood! Finally, as a career military dental technician, let me say your “fangs” are nothing more than ordinary cuspids. I’ve seen scarier teeth on 12 year olds.
“t3=thyroid hormone” — HAH!! He’s not fat! He has a thyroid problem! LMAO!!!!!
Christ normal folks in Jersey just can’t win. They got this guy, who for all we is only good at slaying the dollar menu at McDonald’s, and the entire cast of Jersey Shore, who make millions for being legally retarded.