William Derek Church; the Round Ranger
I’ve been giggling like a little girl since I sent this guy to Mary a few weeks ago. He’s like “The Round Marine” and Paul Tillson rolled into one. But his name is William Derek Church (he goes by Derek Church) and these are pictures from his wedding, I guess. He’s on Facebook somewhere, but I can’t find him. You can tell he’s legit because he doesn’t care that his Ranger beret is dressed over the wrong eye, and he wears the full-sized Purple Heart on the wrong side of his uniform.
He’s a steely-eyed killer who can’t be bothered with details like getting his drawers tailored. Yes, that’s a Ranger scroll with no tab on left shoulder;
I almost didn’t bother to get his records, because he has 8TFU written all over him. but we got his records today. He spent about 18 months in the Natural Guard (don’t blame me, blame the NPRC) and over a month on active duty. But he made it to PFC.
And see how the Purple Heart is on the left of his other medals that he’s wearing wrong? Well, that’s because he remembered that the highest medals are supposed to go closest to your heart – but that only counts when you wear them on the left side of your uniform, dingus. It took me forever to disabuse privates of that notion when we got the Valorous Unit Citation to add to the Presidential Unit Citation. They kept trying to put the PUC to the left of the VUC. Privates suck, just ask this guy.
ADDED: Here’s his Facebook, by the way.
Added by Sporkmaster.
It seems that he has another friend who faking along side him, because he was “there”. Also I like how his friend threatens to send the 75th Ranger Battalion on people. As if.
Added by Sporkmaster
Also it seems that we are finding out more about him from his local community.
Category: Phony soldiers
I just figured out how WILLIAM DEREK CHURCH, THE ROUND RANGER did all that he claims to have done. He did it via correspondence course…
This was just magical. I just can’t look away. I has so many elements even a very sad family member (which I seriously do wish the very best for).
While it is quite obvious that William Derek Church, aka “Waddlin’ Willie the Wound Wanger”, lacks the intestinal fortitude to face his demons, (the mirror), nor will he respond to either me or to this blog post, I did try one last time to answer his request that I contact him so that he may clarify his mil-service. I had sent this same message to him a few days ago, but thinking that with all the cold weather, that it is quite possible that the Cyber Snow Plow ran over the E-mail man’s truck. So, I am re-sending the same e-mail today. Don’t hold your breath, Y’all, but I will share his response in a comment on this same thread. I sent: William Derek Church: You offered your e-mail address to me, saying that if I contact you, that you will send me proof of your claimed service. I replied and you have chosen to not send anything. So, this morning let’s go over your messages to my chat box: You said, in the first one: “Come talk shit to my face you fucking whiner. It was an honest mistake. After you come home with a tbi see how much you remember. You flaming fucktard. Meet me at the Darby Queen and I’ll bury your smoked ass under it.” Let’s take that, one sentence at a time. I do not “Talk Shit”, that is what you have been doing, and no one, but NO ONE has ever described me as a “Whiner”. You claimed that it was an honest mistake. HA! In the photo alone there are 17 glaring improprieties in that uniform. Most visible being that NO RANGER would ever wear his uniform with Low Quarters. Go to This Ain’t Hell blog to read the rest of the “gigs”, they are listed in one comment. How could you come home with a TBI if you never left? Does everyone in your family lie like you do? Did you get this from your mother’s, or your father’s side of the family? Meeting you at the “Darby Queen”? For what? A… Read more »
Wow this was a great thread. I never see any phony 12b’s or Sappers
William Derek Church, the Round Ranger and Gregory C. Banks, who would look much more at home behind a desk make such a cute couple! Maybe they could both be “Living in a van,… down by the river” together!
This could be William Derek Church the Round Ranger’s next gig, a Chris Farley impersonator, while Gregory C Banks the Cream Puff keeps the van clean and tidy!
@808.
Succinctly stated.
Things have quieted down a little since Gregory C Banks hit the list of Stolen Valor Scum, but dont worry William Derek Church we wont forget you and anyone who ever checks your name on the internet will see what a sad sack of shit you really are.
Just spreading the Love shitbag !! Still Number 1 on the Google Hit Parade !
bumping this fat bastard.Fat man’s funk…smells like rump.
Guys,
I am enjoying The Round Ranger, better than Waddling Willie.
We should start a poll on his tournament name..
It is also hilarious how he threatens Frankly Opinionated above.
Who would really be afraid of that fat, gelatinous, obese self.
Like three swings and he would be gasping for air.
Waddlin’ Willie the Wotund Wanger, care of Monty Python’s Life of Brian:
BOB: He’s a wobber!
MAN: And a wapist!
WOMAN: And a pickpocket!
CROWD: Yeah! Ahh, no! No! Shh! Shh!…
PILATE: He sounds a notowious cwiminal!
WILLIAM DEREK CHURCH, THE ROUND RUMP RIDING RANGER!!!
William “Waddlin’ Willy” Church, The doughnut Destroying Rotund Ranger.
His Facebook page is up again. 🙂
https://www.facebook.com/Ssgtsniper
And it’s down again…
Up Again and Fat shithead is still rocking the rank and a bunch of military photos AND 82nd patches on his hat.
Over on the Topix site a WM C posted to leave me alone ! Probably not him but a troll, I responded anyway. So Willie you know what to do to get us off your back ! However you will always be a famous Phony on the Internet so you will never ever be able to Bull shit anyone ever again !
Hat still looks like an insult to Sharpeis.
This guy still has his pictures with the SSG rank on and the 82nd patches. He has not learned his lesson. He is hoping we will go away.
Let’s pay him more attention!
Does anyone know whatever happened with his wife?
Yep, sure do she chose to stay with him!
@828, For Real, are you for real?
Well, she is at least as likely to have been in on it the whole thing as not, so sure, she is still in.
yep, she decided to stay!
Well you know she is it it for his Disability check anyway. Shes in her mid 20’s and has two kids. Between the Child support and what dude brings in she will do ok for that neck of the woods. She doesn’t seem like the type that could find a job that would cover child care costs, much less living expenses.
Cleared Hot, ROE is not in effect.
What disability? You cant get disability for being a lazy stupid ass. If he thinks that you can then hes crazier than I thought.
Dayum, he has me blocked at his page. The fat coward won’t answer the e-mail that I sent him,(per his request), so y’all just tell him to pretend that he is a man, (that will be hard for him to do), and contact Frankly Opinionated.
5 rounds to the chest? Damn…this guy is hard! No, not realy…
The only thing Hard is looking at him in that Clown Outfit, I wouldn’t even qualify it as a uniform its so fucked up ! I cant believe his wife is staying with him, if he has been bull shitting her and everyone else all the years I wonder what other skeletons are in his closet !
Well,
His wife must like his huge, rotund, and obese belly slamming up against her.
William Derek Church is a valor thief. He is human turd that lies about his military service and steals valor from those who HAVE sacrificed!
Well The Round Ranger still has all of the pictures on his facebook.
He has done absolutely nothing to fix this situation, except make threats to bury us.
What more can be done? Can we get him on the local news in his area? Has anyone tried that?
@835, JAL67, with him being that fat and flabby, I don’t think he could even take 5 paintball hits to his corpulent, man-tittied chest, the rippling shockwaves from the impacts would not only kill him, but cause an earthquake when he hit the ground!!
Nonetheless, I still say he looks like certain doom to any box of jelly doughnuts within his line of sight, someone that could suck the cream filling out of a Hostess Twinkie or Ding Dong from 500 meters away, or suck the icing off of any pastry or cake from 800 meters away. No matter how you look at him/it, WILLIAM DEREK CHURCH, THE ROUND RANGER CLOWN, SUCKS!!!
@ 834 “What disability? You cant get disability for being a lazy stupid ass. If he thinks that you can then hes crazier than I thought.”
You’d be surprised at the ammount of people who draw Social Security Disability Insurance at young ages because of conditions. With this fat fuck he could be a mess. Hypertension, Diabetes, Heart Condition, Etc. Even if he isn’t that bad off you have cock-knockers like Daniel A. Bernath who can conjure up shit for an SSDI hearing.
He could have gotten over on the VA too.
I’m not certain he has, but he’s been out of work for a while.
@841… he has issues with his Mangina, that’s why he’s getting disability…
His wife? Someone said she knows all about it, she chases it, and she grooves on it. She’s the perfect partner for someone like him. Don’t you get the significance of the red wedding dress?
This guy is the worst.
I was hoping to get him more exposure on scottystolenvalor website.
Does anyone have his email or can they forward this to him.
What about the other valor websites?
This guy needs more exposure.
@843 Well said. I never thought of the significance of the red wedding dress until I asked my better half. Now I understand. Women know things that just escape men sometimes.
WILLIAM DEREK CHURCH WILLIAM DEREK CHURCH WILLIAM DEREK CHURCH WILLIAM DEREK CHURCH WILLIAM DEREK CHURCH WILLIAM DEREK CHURCH
@841 – I got an email back from the VA and they said no one named William Derek Church is collecting benefits. The VA has such a great track record for record-keeping, but that’s what they told me anyways.
William Derek Church – I wish you were collecting benefits from the VA, because then we could have put your worthless ass in prison, which would have brought me an endless quantity of joy. I’m still going to try to put you in prison, though, so don’t you worry!
http://www.topix.com/forum/city/lenoir-nc/TB2PJRL4TODJE8GLG
Keep the pressure on, the above link has people in Lenoir reading about Derek “Douche Nozzel” Church.
@ #844: Just so you know – the major stolen valor folks all talk with each other and work together. And have for a very long time.
Oh, he and the little Mrs are famous. There are several Facebook pages created by our younger service members and veterans who are aware of him and have posted his wedding pic and history up. They aren’t stolen Valor sites, but they are pretty wide spread.
The comments on those pages aren’t nearly as civil as what goes on here.
If there is any modern anti-social acts that fit the punishment of being pilloried in the town square in front of city hall, stolen valor is it. Now they will not be charged with what they say, but what they wear and post for the world to see. It is illegal to wear uniforms and medals of the U.S. Armed Forces.
I would like to see them serve one week in the stocks, they do it again, one month, they do it even again, ONE YEAR in the stocks. See how fast these turds crawl back under their rocks.
Here’s some video of William Derek Church the Round Ranger telling folks about how he’s for real:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCkkCSz88FQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkaqEmrYPr0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07omBj2R8DA (Spouting off to a lawer or three?)
Fuck. This. Guy.
Proud Infidel, you better watch out. He may get his “lawer” after you for illegally posting his wedding video.
Meh, I’ve already said he can SUE ME, and if he gets anything, I’ll split it with him (Mighty liberal of me, ain’t it?)!
William Derek “Waddlin’ Willie” Church has me blocked from his facebook pages.
If y’all aren’t blocked as yet, you can click “share” on any of the photos on his page, make your comment on them and while it will be on your wall, it will also get back to him and anyone friended with him. I did that until he blocked me.
He sent me his e-mail address, asking me to contact him so he could tell me of his service, back about the same time that he posted that drivel on this thread.
re: 844 Army Medical: it is: wdchurch76@gmail.com Send him some love, and please include the link to this thread: http://valorguardians.com/blog/?p=39182
I can’t believe he still thinks he can possibly get away with this.
I think he’s enjoying the attention.
Basking in it, in fact, like an elephant seal basks in the surf.
I would like to see him on scottystolenvalor or guardiansofvalor
It seems like the exposure has done nothing to him.. he still has his pictures up.
And he is still fat