Wanted; William Derek Church
Guy made this wanted poster for us last night for The Round Ranger. I posted it on our Facebook page and over 30,000 people have seen it so I thought I’d bring it over here for you sociopaths who don’t have Facebook yet;
Category: Phony soldiers
I LOVE your work. Can I get an autographed copy?
This ought to really piss off the fatratman.
That is epic…bring the heat down on his fat ass!
We will need some intelligence from Lenoir to report if these wanted posters start appearing at William Derek Church’s usual haunts. Has anyone ran a criminal background check on him? He seems like the type of guy that would bounce bad checks throughout town.
Next up; a missing persons flyer for his battle buddy Will Chamberlain. Last seen plummeting to earth during a HALO jump.
Cool.
Can we have one of these done for every poser? Wait, I don’t think the Internet has enough space for that.
A PDF copy of the poster that fits on a standard 8 1/2″ x 11″ sheet of paper can be found at:
http://valorguardians.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/Church_Poster_PDF.pdf
Beautiful work! Should be in every Post Office in Lenoir, County, NC.
Brilliant and Fabulous!
Oh … I sound ghey when I get excited.
So soryy.
Oh … I sound Japanish when apologizing.
Good job Dickweed!
That is better!
Shoulda put the car in. SOMEONE is bound to notice at least that…
The good folks of Lenoir NC need to turn this poser pussy into a social pariah, but only after laughing heartily into his phony ranger face…
Round Ranger just does not see how stupid he looks wearing that salad bowl getup.
I just might take this down to my local printer and have them make a full size wall poster of this, on second thought, no fucking way!!!!!!!!!!
Ah, it is true. Sunlight IS the best disinfectant.
The topix thread on this guy has been restarted.
http://www.topix.com/forum/city/lenoir-nc/TUGP0Q05KGRJ6AASI/p3#lastPost
There is someone posting inside info from Lenoir about Derek.
I hope he comes clean soon!
Thank you to the person who made this.
Is anyone interested in making a “Veterans against William Derek Church” facebook community, so that these lies live on in the internet forever!
For accuracy…some mention Lenoir County. There is a Lenoir County but it is near the coast. The city of Lenoir is near the mountains…Hickory.
It’s too bad that these posters couldn’t be put up around town. Places where he might go like the local grocery store, bar, liquor store. especially send copies to the Legion, VFW, etc.
What a very cool poster!! The only problem I have with the poster is that it says he weighs 250lbs. here’s no way in hell that fat bag of smegma weighs only 250.
with that gut.. he weighs at least 300. He has at least a 58 inch waist.
He is barely taller than his wife.
I am betting he isn’t 5’10 either
He looks like he ate John Giduck
It appears from the photo that he could have eaten a Ranger or two. Does that count as being a Ranger?
If it’s true that you are what you eat, maybe.
If you are what you eat, then William Derek Church must eat a hell of a lot of ass.
@23, but, what kind of ass ATC, what kind of ass?
I only guessed at William Derek Church’s height/weight — probably (definitely?) underestimated.
Thanks for the kind comments!
–ghp
AW1 Tim: that’s eminently doable by anyone who lives in the Lenoir areas and can print a one-page PDF. See comment 7 above. (smile)
@24 Big, fat, funky ass.
Well done to who ever made that. I hope it gets posted ALL OVER Lenoir, NC.
Can I get dozens of smaller re-prints of that poser..I mean “poster”?
I have a small cardboard tube in my bathroom that I think they would look fantastic on!
If he smiled in that picture, he would bear an uncanny resemblance to Benny Hill. But Benny made no claims to be real….
@30, Garrysr. He was real — he just didn’t claim anything ridiculous.
Driver/Mechanic 14332308 Benny Hill of the Royal Electrical and Mechanical Engineers didn’t arrive in Normandy until 1 September 1944. He was a searchlight operator for the Third Light Anti-Aircraft Searchlight Battery which landed at the famous Mulberry floating harbours. From there they were sent to Dunkirk where a pocket of 7,000 Germans had been bypassed. Though they nicknamed the area ‘buzz bomb alley’ they saw little action, though a few men were killed while on guard duty.
As one might imagine, Hill was not a natural soldier. In training he developed a bad case of ‘guardsman’s foot’. And he never did get the hang of driving. But his sense of humour was as sharp as ever. When his sergeant asked him what a ‘fine sight’ was, he replied, ‘Two dinners on one plate.’
He was eventually transferred to Germany and began entertaining, ending up in the production ‘Stars in Battledress’. But he hated his actual service, claiming that there was always someone above you to shout, ‘You’re an ‘orrible dozy little man. What are you?’ ‘I’m a horrible dozy little man, sergeant.’ He later summed up his service with, ‘Ii>I was five years in the army and never got a stripe.’
source
Loved his silly salutes!
–ghp
Hmmm…. markup code incorrect. Here’s the source url: http://www.jodavidsmeyer.com/combat/military/benny-hill.htm
–ghp
Seeing as I know both kiaya and derek personally, but trust me it’s not by choice, here’s the truth. He admitted everything to his wife and his children so they are aware he’s fake. Kiaya even went as far as trying to get an annulment but quickly changed her mind when derek begged and begged saying he’d seek help (which still hasn’t happened). She called her ex husband and his Fiancé begging for the truth so they told her. They even met her at the magistrates office to help her get papers filed. All she wanted was her ex to feel sorry for her and come back. Oh well. Also he told his wife the plate in his chest was from falling off a roof in Florida working which was a lie. There is no metal plate in his chest. I have reported all of this to molly Grantham with wbtv news 3 out of Charlotte but I’m thinking about sending it to lenoir news topic. But hey go big or go home right? I being an army wife am so sickened by this. Kiayas ex husband never did her wrong yes they had their problems he busted his ass working and allowed her to be a stay at home mom and yet she still bitched. She refused to work as she does now. Lord forbid someone tell her that she isn’t perfect because lord knows she thinks she is. I’m just saying that something needs to be done and something needs to be done quickly.
It’s great to see my buddy! Even though I’m in Michigan, I will forward the poster to friends in NC (Raleigh area and Jacksonville area). Tomorrow, I will have a copy hanging in my cube. My money says we are looking at a one seed for the tourney this year!
How about this clown?
[IMG]http://i57.tinypic.com/2k1s8w.jpg[/IMG]
I now know who he is.
35: that “marine” was my pick for last year’s tournament but everyone I picked didn’t win…even for president.
@33 Armywife: thank you for coming in and updating us. What a dysfunctional, ass-wipin’ piece of crap.
@35 Hammerhead: are you saying that you have his name?
Break: Jonn, Hondo, et al: I checked the Round Marine thread http://valorguardians.com/blog/?p=29376, none of the people who posted appeared to have gotten a name. However, in the Facebook thread just under the Round Marine’s pic, someone named Steve Cullison said this guy’s name is Mark Tiemann of Los Cruces, NM. Cullison says knows this guy personally.
That would fit, given that the Round Marine showed up at a Marine Corps Birthday Ball there (post #155 by Ron Taylor).
Lenoir is the county seat of Caldwell county (I am in Burke county, next door). I am going to have my wife post this to her facebook and circulate it locally that way. Besides handing this out to the local VFW, I’m not sure what else to do-any ideas?
William Derek Church needs to come clean and admit his fraud!
More than 80,000 people have seen the wanted poster on Facebook and another 10,000 have seen this post. I’m guessing that Derek is fairly famous now. All of the attention he wanted.
@40- You just confirmed what should be an automatic one seed just for internet fame! He’s just one or two posts from going viral like star wars kid or Tron Guy! Can his wife get an honorable mention? Her track record is almost as good as his!
You could have a whole other category; poser couples!
He just posted on the other thread…at least it says it is him
Thank you, armywife, for confirming what most of us suspected.
@4, Ex.Hack, maybe next we’ll hear about Will Chamberlain’s untimely demise from doing a HANO out of cyberspace?
Hammerhead: if you have name, DOB, and POB, please send it to Jonn (see “contact us”). We’ve been searching for that info for a long time.
Hondo,
I found a Mark Tiemann of Las Cruces, NM, retired USMC officer at; https://www.facebook.com/mark.tiemann.56
No recent images of him there; however, his wife has one of him at;
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=229229017241397&set=pb.100004629002996.-2207520000.1391971502.&type=3&theater
I found this image on Mark Tiemann’s facebook page;
He looks like he is wearing USMC enlisted rank but his FB about him states that he graduated from the US Naval Academy
Marine officers are trained at the Naval Academy.
Jonn,
Do the service academies accept transfer students from other colleges?
@48 Brownwolf, you da man. He’s younger but those ears are a dead give away to me. I could be wrong but maybe you’re onto something.