Mark Laarveld; phony Ranger
Mary sent us this guy who she says is like the Energizer bunny. When he thinks that the heat is off, he pops back up again. So he needs an internet style beat down. His name is Mark Jerome Laarveld and he claims that he was a Ranger from 1986 to 1994, in reality, he was a cannoncocker in Baumholder. Scotty has more details. But here are the basics; he did three years in Germany and was released from active duty as an E-2;
That little career makes him eligible to be a Ranger in his tiny little mind;
And, oh, yeah, he calls himself “Combat Survivor” on his Facebook page, ya know even though there wasn’t any combat during his active service. And he thinks he’s Brian Urlacher, too;
Yeah, he’s somewhere in Illinois, so walk right up and introduce yourself.
Category: Phony soldiers
Time to make Care Bear famous….
That’s a shitty tat BTW….
What is it with these posers and the “tough” tattoos?
I mean, you do not see Officers or Senior NCOs tattooing and stripes/rockers or bars on their arms and shoulders shoulders? Do you?
Knock on wood.
Turd.
For the record, it seems that Illinois is pushing Florida as of late for title of “Poser State”.
Issues with spell check and duplication.
Sorry.
But maybe I was giving a shoutout to “Hammer”…
Of course he is one of the 20,000 Rangers that participated in the Battle of the Black Sea.
What Infantryman puts “Army” in front of “Ranger”?
Maybe he is confused with “Park” and “Texas”?
Hey, you remember that guy in Black Hawk Down who was sitting on the porta potty quivering in fear as the helicopters left for Mog? That was HIM!!!
Seriously, 3 years on active duty and he left a PV2? High speed, low drag there slick.
Combat survivor. He probably got his ass beat on a daily basis by REAL Soldiers for being a weapons-grade douche canoe, and ergo considers that combat.
@6: No shit, 3 years and he’s an E-2? Somebody was a douchenozzle while they were in.
From the looks of this guy, he couldn’t get laid on Victory Drive with a $100 bill visible in an ID wallet strapped to his arm.
E-2 in three years? In that time, I was an E-4 with just enough points to take an E-5 slot as a Unit Supply NCO (that is, when one opened).
As for the tat, I’ve seen better drawings coming out of a Middle School Special Ed class. That thing looks like a “before” pic on Tattoo Nightmates.
Maxxed out as an E-2!?! Hell, I made PFC at Ft. Puke Infantry OSUT!! What a loser!
Well yes, because 3 years as a Cannon Cocker (while honorable) and being discharged as a E-2 (wow) equals being an Airborne Ranger with Combat Deployments in an entirely different decade…(sarc)
You have to wonder, just what do their real life friends think of them? I mean, they obviously have to know this guy is so full of shit, that he is a walking talking methane explosion waiting to happen.
Looking at his pictures he doesn’t look like someone who is carrying enough bricks to qualify as a load….he’s definitely a few short from what I see.
3 years active as an E-2 must have had some discipline, stupidity, idiocy issues or a reasonable combination thereof…
Most non Veterans don’t give a shit if someone claims his service was as a SEAL Ranger Marine Recon Pararescue Jumper. I am convinced of that. It’s disheartening. I guess that’s why we keep coming back here, to be among others who do care.
3 years and couldn’t get past E-2? Or he made E-3 (possibly repeatedly) and found life so much simpler as a PV2?
Then again, I liked being a frocked E-5 by the time I hit my 3 year point.
Jonn I know who stole your BC glasses now.
I’m sure that German Headstart class required for PCS personnel is the functional equivalent of Ranger School, so hey, he’s totally legit…
He felt that service as a 13B plus playing all the CoD and Battlefield games equaled a Tab.
Tabless POS.
Hey – Has anybody else realized that the first three letters in “POSER” is P-O-S. A nice bit of symmetry there.
After writing the above, I felt like COL Kurtz saying, “Do you realize the middle word in ‘life’ is ‘if?'”
Okay, I’ll bite–WTF is German Headstart school? Is that anything like Overseas Indoc for us Navy guys?
And for most of the guys stationed in or visiting the PI, it would entail peso/dollar exchange rates, which bars/mamasans to frequent, and how to avoid “shoeshine” boy.
Per @5, do we have any info on hardcore chargers who have achieved the ranger-trifecta and served as a park/forest ranger, Army Ranger, and Texas Ranger in one lifetime? The park/forest ranger bit is achieved easier than the other two ranger specialties, but I’m sure there have been hard-charging individuals who have done all three ranger specialties in one long career…
#18: I was TCS in Germany for a year in support of Balkan ops in 1990-2000, so I did not go to Headstart for PCS, but yes it was indoc with stuff on German language and phrases, local customs, peculiarities of the European theater, how not to piss of the locals, etc.
LebbenB: perhaps we should start calling them POSers? (smile)
Combat Historian, don’t think that’s possible. The Texas Rangers are fairly limited in numbers.
Let’s be clear. He left after three years as a PV-2 AND without the Army Good Conduct Medal. I think that speaks for itself . . .
This dude is a Two-hole Ranger.
Coudn’t do any better than E-2 in three years? Geezo pete, I made E-5 in 2.5 years. What a lamebrain.
Al T.: possibly – and the forest/park ranger lifestyle isn’t IMO exactly likely to attract those who’ve served as a Ranger or in LE.
But this guy comes fairly close – he served as a Major in the Mexican Army, as a SA for Treasury, and as a Captain in the Texas Rangers.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manuel_T._Gonzaullas
Fucktard.
ANALYSIS:
Tattoo … REAL DEAL!
@28. He CAN’T be the real deal. No black T-shirt and no tactical hangers.
Mark J. Laarveld XXXX 25th St, Rockford, IL 61108 (815) XXX-2396, (815) XXX-4436
Mark J. Laarveld XXXX N Rockwell St, Chicago, IL 60659 (773) XXX-0550
I’ll wager the closest he’s ever been to anything designated as Ranger was when he promoted himself to Rump.
The tattooing lie really speaks volumes on these nut cases.
Why doesn’t anyone get a food service tattoo? “Death from Within,” or some such nonsense.
Maybe he drives a Ford Ranger. I had one and it was a good little truck. Perhaps he is confused and thinks driving a Ranger and being a Ranger is the same thing. Actually my Ranger towed a Ranger sailboat, does that make me a Ranger Ranger or a Captain Ranger? My Ranger sailboat had a cannon, does that make me a Ranger Admiral? Hell, he has me confused!
No, if your Ranger sailboat has a cannon, it makes you a pirate captain.
These damn things are coming out of the woodwork like cockroaches after dark!!!
Maybe instead of Laarveld, we oughtta call him “Larva”!
LebbenB, nobody gets Food Service tatts for the same reason that no one gets Coxswain tatts.
Just FYI, the coxswain is the guy/gal who sits in the bow of the rowing competition skulls and yells “Pull, pull, pull!” through a megaphone.
Guys, he wasn’t a door gunner on the Space Shuttle…he was the Weps on the Enterprise!
Photon toarpeeeedoes avay, Keptin!
Here’s the commercial he inspired:
@9, Flagwaver, he looks like he couldn’t even get laid in a Women’s Prison, just like Paul “Pee Wee Herman” Wickre!
Dickheads like Larva Boy ought to be forced to show up at the Annual Ranger Rondezvous on Ft. Benning and walk through a gauntlet of Real Ranger Vets!!!
@40 – NHSparky, this 7/22/13 article is for you. The Alcubierre warp drive is in the offing.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2374671/NASA-scientists-begin-warp-speed-experiments-change-Star-Treks-science-fiction-fact.html?ns_mchannel=rss&ns_campaign=1490
What they will do is recall you and your fellow pigkickers from retirement to teach the idiot newbies how to run a ship’s engines properly, never mind the photon torpedoes.
Just think of the fun you’ll have scaring the crap out of them when the hull creaks at Warp 8.
@39. Rowed 8’s and doubles in college. Never had the speed to row singles. Of course back in those days, we had to go out to the forest, fell trees and burn them out to make our skulls.. And our oars were made out of mop handles and Japanese fans.
PH2–you really could take a string across the pressure hull at periscope depth, and look at the sag by the time you got to test depth, then retie it taught and watch it snap as you came back up.
I can’t even begin to imagine what it was like on an old diesel boat.
NHSparky, that’s why I enjoy Harry Dean Stanton’s gig in “Down Periscope” so much. Have you ever been to the U-boat at the Museum of Science and Industry? That is one tight-hulled, cramped critter.
@47: I have been to it, but there’s not enough money in the world to get me to go into it. I was invited to go on a modern sub for a short tour, while it was in port, and I declined that, too.
Bubbleheads are nucking futs!!
My dad spent his Navy career in subs. I thought that stuff was just too dangerous. So I decided to jump out of airplanes instead.
LebbenB. Tell the truth. You just loved to stroke.