Looks legit
Mike sends us this link to a dating profile, I guess, of this buttnugget who thinks he’s a 24-year-old Army Captain. Of course, he also thinks that he’s of an “average body type”. It might be average in Grand Forks, North Dakota, but around the rest of the country it’s known as obese. But I do like the jaunty angle at which he wears his beret, though. It’s so Monica-esque.
Category: Phony soldiers
heh I knew a CPT that looked like that…. he had no issue being a fast POS until the Bn CDR told him he would not go to Career Course if he were fagged for being fatboy…..
to that guy’s credit he dropped over 90 Lbs to make weight…..
Love where he wears his rank.
His beret has the flash over the wrong eye. Dumbass
Wouldn’t be the most jacked up officer I’ve ever seen.
Aren’t the tapes and the rank patch supposed to match the fabric of the utilities?
Well, Creighton Abrams was a Lt Col at the age of 27.
@1, Brian it’s amazing what some people are capable of when you light a fire under them. This guy? Man, he looks like he has a few more miles on him than 24 yrs worth. Love the DGAF way he’s sporting that beret. Reminds me of why I chose to avoid going anywhere near the POGs who couldn’t figure out how to wear their Shinseki. I would of had to spend all my time making on the spots.
The fleece is right, the beret is not. A basic training private could do a better beret than that.
Looks like John Belisha came back from the dead and went to OCS
He favors a young Dom DeLuise. I wonder if The Jake is intentionally funny.
@9. Yeah, I see Bulushi (Sp?) too.
I dunno, he looks like a lot of the 88Mikes I saw….could be legit.
Is anyone going to subscribe to that “Free Dating” site to gain access this Joke?
Yeah I meant belushi but autocorrect got me. Yeah I’ve seen some fat officers but this dude takes it.
Eh, knew many soldiers who used the fat-neck to skew the tape results. If this guy is legit, he could easily be fat and be considered within body-fat standard. The Army’s weight and body-fat standards aren’t scientific, if the guys at Natick who created it are to be believed. In fact, if one loses weight and gains muscle, the tape results show an increase in body-fat and justification for chapter.
The Army isn’t in the business of giving a shit about one’s weight or body-fat. The Army uses the weight/body-fat standard as a tool of the drawdown. Remember: the Army promotes senior NCO, WO and officers based upon their DA photo, not performance or body-fat.
As for the beret: looks pre-fab.
As for his age: if he’s at ND’s National Guard HQ and is the son of someone rather senior, then he could very well be a captain. Saw that in Oklahoma where DNA and the ability to say yes trumped competence.
True
We all know that Army uniforms are “Chick Magnets”
Not to defend this noob, but the Flash IS over his left eye. He’s taking the picture in a mirror. Just thought I’d point that out.
Unfortunately, it sounds like the Oklahoma Guard hasn’t changed much since they deployed (three commanders relieved for cause, with one even pimping out his female soldiers at Hood).
As for this dope, while it is possible that he fits the age/body type for be a Captain in an Ate Up Command, the Monica Cap is what shows this to not be legit.
Wait a minute…So this guy is getting heat for being a 24 year old CPT? Could that be a typo? Look where the 4 and the 7 are on the keypad. And yes, he does look a little ate up, but quite honestly he doesn’t look a lot different from a lot of reservists (and a few AD!) I’ve known.
And while he appears overweight, the fleece is puffy too, and some people just have weak chins! Until we have a little more evidence, lets not be so fast to open fire. Does he look good? No. Is he a faker? From the evidence at hand, we don’t have a lot to go on, apart from the goofy beret angle.
Benefit of the doubt, gentlemen, Benefit of the doubt.
I vote NG. Seen enough of them coming through mob training that looked worse than this.
“Hello, my name is Andrew. I have wrote deleted and re-wrote this numerous times because honestly i don’t know what to write. All i know is that i am a simple man looking for a simple woman. Other thank that i REALLY dont know what to say but i am sure if you ask me a question i will be able to give you an answer 😉 ”
So, he says he edited his description before settling on that magnificant piece of prose? Yipes. And his answer to the personality profile is “Intellectual.” Jebeebus. His interests must include some intellectual pursuits, right, maybe word games, reading, film, artsy stuff? Um, no. He likes cooking (no shit!) and the outdoors.
Based on that mess, ANCCPT, I can’t give him the benefit of doubt b/c there is no doubt. It’s a BS flag and a snappy salute.
He does describe his “personality” as “intellectual” rather than “borderline” as he should have! He said his first name is Andrew in his spellbinding write up so a quick ako check for a captain Andrew Lane in North Dakota can put this to rest. God forbid he’s legit and is using the unifi to trawl for schoolgirls!
Anyway, he should be caned with AR 670-1 for the beret.
2/17 Air Cav: well, I’ll give him credit for being honest. Based on his prose, he certainly seems to qualify as a “simple” man.
yes, the flash is over his left eye, but the fold is also to the left. he is clearly over height/weight standards, fluffy fleece or not. rank over the name tape? clearly just jacked up.
However, since he is wearing officer rank, i find it totally believable. ive seen officers that looked worse
“It’s so Monica-esque.”….. Close, but no cigar…
Considering the name tape (LANE read backwards thru the mirror), he looks like he could be related to Nathen Lane, the fat boy comedic gay actor. On second thought, he looks like he ATE Nathen Lane, the fat boy comedic gay actor.
7 “Andrew Lake” in the DOD database
3 of them Army
1 of them a Captain…in the MS Guard
@24. That’s great but the name is LANE, not Lake. And there is (or was) a Captain Andrew Lane in the GA NG. He’s called Caprain Planet b/c he is a ‘save-the-planet-from-humans guy. In any event Captain Planet’s pic looks nothing like this fella here.
Whoops. That should have been @28, not 24!
@28, so it’s entirely possible he’s a softbody Nasty Girl? Lovely. But then again I did have a Lt in my reserve unit that would have made this guy look thin.
Back in the day, a company captain was called The Old Man. I don’t know whether that’s still true but, somehow, I can’t see Dom DeLuise Belushi here being called that–ever.
There is no “Andrew Lane” or any “Lane” for that matter in AKO that matches this asshole. There is only one “Lane” in the Transportation Corps and it’s a retired account.
@Ex-PH2 Those are the right name tapes/rank to use for the fleece jacket…
As for an AKO check, only one CPT Andrew Lane, who’s a reservist in Georgia. He has a photo on his account, absolutely no resemblance to the retard in the photo above.
The other Andrew Lanes that showed up are nowhere near ND. There’s one guy that I saw that’s National Guard, but he’s also far from ND.
#19 Flagwaver: do tell!
Oh, and the Army stopped wearing the beret with ACUs as a duty uniform more than 2 years ago.
@36–Whammy!
I didn’t know they made fleeces out of 8-man tents.
I have wrote ….. fucking seriously?
Somewhere Strunk and White are weeping like their balls were dipped in sulphuric acid!
Wow. this guy is full of Awesome. Holy Crap. Notties beware!
Turd.
There is something odd about the lettering in “Lane”. The “E” is just slightly bigger than the L, A and N. It looks like it was added as an afterthought or to cover up something else. It just doesn’t look quite right.
The flash is over the left eye with the mirror effect, but he’s also got the fold over the left. There’s no way any soldier, let alone a Captain, would get that wrong.
Lane = Lame
User = Loser
Fake
So I come into the post and read about this dude using a dating profile, I go down and find a Philipino dating Ad .. you can’t make this up …
@44, you know the ads you get are based off the cookies in your browser, right? I got a Dominos Pizza ad, I’m not a fat boy, I swear! even though I haven’t done PT in 6 years.
Individuals who commission before the age of 21 are extremely rare.
2LT to 1LT: 18 months TIG/24 months TIS (lesser value)
1LT to CPT: additional 20-24 months after 1LT
I was 21 when I commissioned, 25 when I pinned Captain. No way he’s a Captain at 24
He could be some politician’s Son in the NG, that happens sometimes. As for me, I call BS on that poorly shaven porker in a GI Fleece Jacket!
Dano291: the guy is indeed full of something, but it’s not “awesome”.
Just another wannabe trying to use a fake uniform as a pickup tool. Hope he picks up a 6′ tranny who used to do male MMA and who kicks his ass when he objects.
One last alibi, least it seems like we’re “flogging the proverbial dead equine”: No ACUs under the fleece, just a T-shirt. WTF?
@18: Then his name tap is also on his left side. So, if that is true, then that would make him a bigger dumbass than having the flash over his right eye.