Road to the Fecal Four: Poe v. Mailahn
This week’s non-profit is Cooking With The Troops (CWTT). Cooking with the Troops is a 501(c)(3) charity that supports U.S. and Allied troops, their families, and caregivers worldwide. Our mission is to provide comfort, nutrition, and hope through four major programs: Food Events, Careers, Homefront Support and Frontline Support. Go and toss them a few Talents.
Who will be the last of our Fecal Four?
1 Tim “Stuttering Jackass” Poe v.
2 Ron “Gunny Driveway” Mailahn
POE
Tale of the Stolen Valor Tape: “I had volunteered for a team to go out and clear buildings and help out with the wounded. There was a guy who come up with a rocket-propelled grenade. I saw it coming down, and by the time I turned and went to jump on top of my guys, I yelled `grenade’ and the blast had hit me.” And he developed a stutter
Actual: MNNG: “Sgt. Poe’s official military records do not indicate that he was injured by a grenade in combat while serving in Afghanistan in 2009, as he reports. The Minnesota National Guard can also confirm that he was not awarded the Purple Heart Medal for wounds sustained in combat.”
Intangibles: Cried on National TV.
“I don’t feel like I’ve lied. That’s what’s driving me crazy, because I truly thought things have happened to me. I’m thinking, why have I for the last, over two years, believed things have happened to me and they might not have?”
Howard Stern:
You could be the most f—ed up liar on the planet, but you never lie about your military service. This lie is so wrong on so many levels. This really sickens me.
When Howard Stern says you are the most effed up liar on the planet, you really have something special going on.
MAILAHN
Tale of the Stolen Valor Tape: The Youngest Sergeant Major in the history of the Marine Corps.
Actual: “I admit I was not in the corps but I did serve in the army I said I was in the corps cause a lot of my friends that was made fun of the army I was wrong in doing so very wrong now that I admited to this please take my name off your web page and could u send this to the hell website and have them remove this off there site as well I just want to live my life this lie has caused me to lose jobs due to the fact it was on the web and I don’t need to lose anymore job opperinitys u have my permission to post this on the site
Ronad Mailahn Jr”
Yes, he really wrote that his name is Ronad.
Intangibles:
Hog ties his girlfriend, and publishes the pictures.
U can put me on all the websites u want that will be more money for me when I sue
I sent this and the other website to my attorney
John this is called harsment I will be sending this email and the site u posted my info on
Stole $9,000+ from a girl softball league.
I literally can’t do this guy justice, so you should go read the entire thread, but seriously, set aside at least an hour and some Excedrin. But my personal favorite was this passage ostensibly from his hog-tied honey, Jenny:
Cause of you prople Ron tried to kiill himself.
Why can u peple just leave him alone? I love him and I don’t care what he is.Ass long as I am with him. Yes he is tough but this just put him over the edge.Please leave my Boyfriend alone .and like I said how u are all happy with yourself.
Jenny
Jenny adds:
How could u people be so cold a man tried to end his life last night and all u can do is make jokes? Don’t u have any compassion? You all say bad things about him u don’t even know him. he is warm loving carrying man who I love with all my heart enough is enough now. You brought his personal info to this not bad end people called with death threats one of the reasons he did what he did last night. Let me ask you all this have u never made a mistake? Well if you have no u be the first ones to cast that stone.
Jenny then dumped his ass, and he started dating Diana (her sideboob pics here.)
Ron’s Facebook page is still up, and includes pictures of Michael Vick, Jean Luc Picard and Jack Bauer.
I came into this world as a reject
Look into these eyes
Then you’ll see the size of these flames
Dwellin on the past
Its burnin’ up my brain
Everyone that burns has to learn from the pain
Nookie for everyone who votes….
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Category: Politics
I have to go with Poe for the simple fact that I got called in off of leave to verify that this scum bag actualy Mobilized through Camp Atterbury.
Oh, that one is easy! Gunny driveway gets the nod just for his complete lack of literacy and coherent thought. To this day, I’m not sure he’s not retarded.
I’m angry that he’s an Eagles fan, though.
I think it’ll be him vs. the Cock Inhaler in the finals, and that is going to be a TOUGH choice!
This one’s tough. Tim has the national exposure and really pushed TAH into the limelight, but Ronad has the home field advantage, plus he comes with softcore porn and whiny pleas for mercy.
This was definitely a toughy…..Ultimately I went with Gunny Driveway seeing as Poe was humiliated on national TV by Howard Stern. Although if I would have read Twist’s comment first it could have tipped me to Poe….you actually got called in off leave for that assmunch?
My boy (or should I say man) Gunny Driveway gets my vote. I hope he does “knot sues me fer harsment”. Plus he is from New Jersey, “yo Gunny Driveway … what exit?”
As far as POE goes … I don’t friggin care. Perhaps when the next great military veteran country singer emerges from the shadows (without boasting about or embellishing his accomplishments) he will sit back and say, “wow I really fuc#ed up and those guyz at This Ain’t Hell were spot on.”
Had to go with Timmy-poo. Both are monumental jackassess. But Poe’s “apology” was a half-assed non-apology that didn’t acknowledge wrongdoing; IMO that was more a calculated effort to limit damage than anything else. In contrast, I simply don’t think “Ronad” is smart enough to pull that kind of a stunt. And he finally came clean and bluntly owned up to being a fake.
Toughest choice for me to date in the tournament, though. Both are spectacular examples of asshattery.
Yes I did. I am in charge of tracking all the check the block training mobilizing units that come through Atterbury. I also keep all the historic documentation of units that have come through in the past. Within 12 hours of the stuttering jackass’ debut my cell phone was ringing. To add insult to injury I was at the Sybaris in Indianapolis with the wife when the call came in.
Mailahan all the way. The guy’s a real winner!
BTW, did Mailahan ever actually serve?
@7, that’s like 3 miles from my house.
@7 – So is it true that KFOR-8 was the worst unit you guys mobilized EVER?
again, had to go with the boobage….with the boob who thought he was in the USMC.
Poe brings a lot to the fight but my combat-power analysis worksheet says Gunny Driveway is going all the way. He is FAIL on so many levels.
Quick question: How do I cast my vote?
12, You should be seeing a bubble next to each name at the bottom of the post. select one and then click “done”
Sometimes the guy getting court-martialed wants to seriously overact the “I’m sorry (sotto voce: that I got caught)” and boooo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo…Poe is the image of that guy. Poe de Chambre all the way!
Wait, disregard my post at #12. I figured it out.
@9 So you know exactly why getting called in for asshat pissed me off
@10 That was before my time. I got here just before KFOR 13 came through. I could go out to my 20 foot connex and dig out your training documentation if you are feeling nostalgic. There is no way that KFOR 8 is the worst unit that has come through here….trust me.
I actually feel kinda pissed off he even stepped foot into my great home state of Indiana…
I couldn’t pass up the opperinity to vote for Gunny Driveway.
Twist – @10 – No, I’m not all that nostalgic. LOL!! I knew we were a soup sammich when we deployed, but when some of our guys demobed over there, they were told we were the worst unit they had go through. Ever! I was just curious.
Even though I think Ronad is gonna win, I had to go with Poe. Ronad is just stupid – bordering on brain dead. Poe is not that bright, but he knew full well he was trying to pull of a scam and his non-apology was nothing more than an attempt to garner more sympathy. While Ronad deserves a kick in the gonad, Poe deserves a thorough beat down.
This one is tough.
One hand Mailman has the crazy thing going for him. I dig that.
on the other…Poe is just amazing. How could someone think they could get away with that on a public level like that. The only think i can think of is balls. Sure he doesn’t have guts to dive into combat but it takes something to stand up to millions on TV and lie like not even thinking you will get caught.
Tough call here….tough call.
I had to go with Poe, but it was a very tough call. Poe’s douchebaggery was nationwide, and I do not believe that he was sincere in his apology. How am I supposed to believe anyone after they have lied on national TV to millions of people? He deserves a colon invasion from the green weenie.
@12 OldTanker, thank you. I couldn’t see the survey at first because a browser plugin was blocking data from scriptmonkey. I should have checked for that before asking.
And thanks again to Mark for the email.
Nicki-@19- Even if that was true then your old unit has definetly passed the torch. We had a unit come through that flattened their penis (I am such a plagiarizer)that the chain of command was relieved.
Damn. Gunny Mailman actually replied to a number of my emails, lying through his teeth and promising to send me a scan of his DD-214. He sent me a photo of his FNG Marine jacket, draped over the back of a chair at a fast-food restaurant, as part of his “proof” that he was a Marine. Anyone with that much gall is a “10” in my SV book. The red t-shirt underneath his Summer Service “C” shirt was also a nice touch. In summary, I’ve been a #1 fan of his since his douchebaggery hit TAH and pownetwork.
But…very reluctantly…I gotta go with Poe because he put his BS out there on a nationwide stage. Anyone with the stones to continue lying through his teeth despite knowing (or being ignorant of the fact) that his story could be checked out in a heartbeat. The fake tears also ramp his douchebaggery rating up to stratospheric heights.
And as Hondo said, at least Mailman ‘fessed up’ to being a liar and a shitbird. Haven’t seen that from Poe yet.
Sorry, Ronad. My vote goes to Poe. But be assured, your name and sad, sorry reputation will live on forever.
Hoofah. Mailahn video:
I had to go with the mailman….dumb as sh1t, full of sh1t, crazy as sh1t, plus he gets to play with 3 or 4 t1tties in spite of the crazy, clearly the young women in question are not on the NASA short list of prospective employees, but they let this crazy b4stard tie them up and photograph their boobs, he must have some level of crazy ass charisma going for him…crazy is hard to trump.
@23 – Woo! That’s pretty good. The fuckuppedness of our chain of command reached its apogee after the deployment was over when the CG was called back to active duty to be UCMJ’d!
Oh no!!!! The agency blocks videos! I’m dying to see what this is!!!
Twist…as a former 1A guy myself I agree. It would be difficult to really identify the worst unit as so many that come through there or Shelby manage to distinguish themselves.
I think I’ll be up there next month for CRC.
Poe. “Quoth the raven, ‘Nevermore.'” ’nuff said.
I had to go with Mailman. Poe is a world class jackwagon, but Mailman threatened to sue (which always takes it to another level AFAIC). I wish I could vote them both on. Tough bracket.
It was tough but I had to go with Ronad. This man is so cool that even letters off his keyboard are scared to have his fingers touch them for fear of icing up.
T-t-t-t-immy p-p-p-p-oe, because Twist had to take time out of his life (as my brother used to say)on date night to talk about this blithering cockroach.
Aww, gee, calling poe a cockroachis an insult to cockroaches.
Poe – just for the splash he made on national tv. Somehow thinking he wouldn’t get called on it? Worst case of denial I’ve ever even heard of.
Though, the Gunny seems to have a silver tongue with certain low IQ chicks with big chee-chees, he at least ‘fessed up.
GO GO GUNNY!!! I have to say I got sick of Poe’s sniveling, sniffling, whining bullshit. Ronad (rhymes with gonad) is amusing. And he stole money from kids!!!! FUCK THAT! Gunny all the way!!!
The US Army W.T.F! Moments Facebook group work on Poe sent me over to TAH and helped make TAH one of my daily reads. Poe took goods and services meant for real wounded warriors. Mailahn is off the charts pathetic, and a train wreck of a human being, but I must go with Poe.
@35 Oh dangit… how could I overlook the stealing money from kids thing? That is pretty damn low.
Thank you for your support of Poe’s candidacy, Ex-PH2. I must now go amoungst the people and kiss babie and shake hand to drum up support.
Like others wrote, this was an extremely tough call. Gonad wins by a (pubic) hair. It was the pathetic attempt to get you to remove the article followed by an even more pathetic attempt to threaten legal action followed by a botched attempt at suicide that won me over. Fail flows from Ronad’s every pore.
That’s right. Kiddie money thief. Plus, I just want to see a guy named Gonad beat that stuttering gonad Poe!
I had to go with Gunny Driveway if only because he has staying power. He’s been around so much longer and yet he STILL gets comments in his thread. Poe? Flamed out brightly, but far too soon.
Gunny Driveway–engrave the trophy now.
Ronad FTW!!!!
Such a tough choice, but I had to look at the overall picture and give the nod to Gunny Driveway.
Famous Quote Modified for my vote … Gunny Driveway
Today, only 2 percent of the people in the U.S. know the name of someone serving in uniform. . That means 2 percent of your listeners can actually conjure up the image of someone wearing the uniform of the military of the United States. . Lets make Gunny Driveway famous forever!
Modified: Oliver North
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/military_2.html#YhihxWhdhT4wfHaV.99
I have wrestled with this one while waiting on the bus to and from work. The comments are filled with merit and made it tougher to decide. For sheer unmitigated douchebaggery, I have to go with Mailahn. To make Stern sick is an accomplishment without many equals but Ron “The Total Package” Mailahn life is on its own plateau. Heck, he made my 4th & 5th steps downright easy. I was tempted to show me estranged daughter his credit card shenanigans. Too bad it goes against the “worry about yourself” philosophy needed to remain clean. Ron, you make us ex-addicts feel good that we only stooped to robberies, etc.
Gunny Driveway, for all the reasons mentioned. The dud has staying power. And, dud is not a mistake.
For anyone who may still yet be on the fence, please read the 400+ comments on the Gunny Driveway post. The story that plays out, combined with Ronad’s flaccid threats and utterly abysmal destruction of syntax, grammar, and spelling, is nothing short of a shitbaggery miracle. Also, he stole from children. Poe, it is true, did take his fakery on a national stage and attempt his shot at America’s next top singmodeldancetalent whatever, but he was exposed nationally as well. Poe is a known fraud in the stolen valor big leagues. I want Ronald McFailan to graduate from the minors….
Who’s with me?
Poe is on medical disability for falling off a truck during training. It caused a back ‘injury’ which are the easiest to fake. Probably his equivalent of shooting himself in the foot to avoid deployment.
Have to differ with the last few commenters. Poe was intelligent and experienced enough to know exactly what he was doing and that it was wrong. He also played the fake “war hero” card for personal gain on a grand scale. And he’s never actually owned up to his misdeeds or made a real apology for them.
In contrast, Mailhan is a low-life fool who arguably probably didn’t actually realize the magnitude of his own shitbaggery until he had his nose rubbed in it. He then came clean, owned up, and apologized. That doesn’t excuse the fact that he’s a shitbag in other unrelated ways – but it’s worth something.
Both are spectacular shitheads. But Poe knew exactly what he was doing, and that it was 100% wrong. I’m not convinced Mailahn did.
Poe deserves the nod, by a RCH.
I’m with you Hondo. My comments about Poe were not an endorsement of Mailman.