Ex-POW needs your free car

| September 13, 2013

Ex-POW needs car

Chris sent us his conversation with a dude (we’re still not sure what his name is) who claimed to be a former POW of the Vietnam War and went on CraigsList to beg for a free car. So Chris started asking him questions about his service;

Unsure of who you are? Are you Rich Tower or James Christopher Smith? The picture in the ad shows you in jungle fatigues, does that mean you were Army? How long were you a POW? What unit were you with?
Chris

when I arrived from germany in 74 on the hanoi mercy flight I didnt know my name. I was idenitified w/ fingerprints from the F.B.I. i guess being the littlest guy in hanoi, i oppted to be regrooved. does the name RICH TOWER mean anything to you? good or bad? we are but few left……………………………..Rev. James Christopher Smith PEACE ADVOCATE

When Chris told him that neither name appears on DoD lists of POWs from Vietnam, the Peace Advocate got a little less peaceful;

DEAR CRISSY. AS THE P.O.W. LISTING INCLUDES LESS TAN 10%OF THE LIVING P.O.W.S AND CONGRESSMAN DEJUARIS NEEDS A FREEDOM OF INFORMATION ACT TO GET INTO MY FILES(CLOSED BY THE U.S. SECRET SERVICE) I WOULD LIKE YOU TO TELL ME WHERE YOU LIVE AND WHEN YOULL BE HOME SO I CAN VISIT YOU, MY WANABE COP FRIEND, WHITH MY STRAIGHTRAZOR AND NAVAL JELLY TO TEACH YOU A LITTLE RESPECT. I SUGGEST YOU NEVER CONTACT ME AGAIN……………………………LORD BE WITH YOU…………JAMES

Chris answered;

Oh my god, not the sealed records story. Now you’re adding communicating threats to the Stolen Valor charges. Are you going to walk to my house? Please bring a few of those squash with you. Tell you what, apologize on craigslist for being a lousy piece of shit poser and I won’t go to the cops with this. By the way, you put your address on the ad, which I’ve already copied.

Which resulted in this response from the Peace Advocate;

DEAR CRIS C. GO SHIT IN YOUR HAT YOU FILTHY PIEON DERILECT GLORYHOLE SCUMBUM!

I’ll concede that the DoD list includes 10% of the people claiming to be POWs, the other 90% are fakes. Including this dude. Scotty has screenshots of the conversation.

Category: Phony soldiers

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Ex-PH2

My records were sealed at the factory after the labels were stamped onto them.

You know, I look at that shit-eatin’ grin on that creepy face, and the way he’s holding that yellow squash, and all I can think about is that scene in “Spinal Tap” where one of the guys has a cucumber wrapped in foil in the front of his pants. Yeah, he stuffed his codpiece. Does anyone else think that might be what the photo is all about?

TheGateKeeper

LOL Straight razor and naval jelly. Was he going to shave your pubes for you?

Eggs

My records were never sealed either. You should hear Double Live or my White Album.

Pineywoods NCO

I will lend him my little used car.

That is if he can find it somewhere in Germany. It’s a Hot Wheels Ice Cream truck.

OWB

Wait a minute here! Hold the presses!! I am finally getting it!!!

When your records get sealed, by whoever happens to be in charge of record sealing that week, THAT is what makes you a seal!

(Those of us with a touch of compulsion concerning the use of the language might prefer that they refer to themselves as sealees rather than seals.)

Hack.Stone

JarHead Pat@ 46, “do they even print them anymore?” Yes, they do. Why, I would have no idea. Since Al Gore invented the innertubes, why even bother looking in the yellow pages, or that other one (can’t recall what they call that one, similar to yellow pages). Every year, I find both copies in plastic bags at the end of the driveway. They immediately get filed in the recycling bin. then, a few days later, like clockwork, I get the phone call asking if I have received the current book. I guess old habits die hard.

Hack.Stone

Ex-PH2@51, thanks for the “This Is Spinal Tap” reference. I was thinking about that film two weeks ago. I was at a Lou Gramm (former singer of Foreigner) concert at a low rent casino in Maryland, and they had a plexi-glass shield surrounding the drummer. I was thinking that they were taking precautions in case the drummer exploded while performing.

Dozens of people spontaneously combust each year. It’s just not really widely reported. – David St. Hubbins

Hondo

OWB: call them “sealees”? Au contraire, madam! Sealy of “The Damn Few” takes grave exception to that suggestion! (smile)

Ex-PH2

HackStone, the plexiglass shield is to protect the band in case the drummer breaks or throws his chopsticks while he’s drumming. Those splinters can be deadly.

Hack.Stone

The following week I caught The Romantics in the same venue. No plexi-glass on that drummer. Until I hear otherwise, I am still going with protection from spontaneous combustion.

While checking on This Is Spinal tap on IMDB, under trivia, the have the following entries:

Ozzy Osbourne has stated that when he first watched the film, he was the only person who wasn’t laughing… he thought it was a real documentary.

This is the only movie on IMDb that is rated out of 11 stars. (You need to see the movie to get that one).

Rob Reiner was originally going to be one of the band members, but ended up directing the film after Harry Shearer commented that “he didn’t look good in spandex”. (If only someone had that discussion with Paul K. Wickre)

HMCS(FMF) ret

A question for the masses… If I sleep on a Seeley mattress, does that make me a seal? What if I sleep on a Serta? Or a Postur-pedic?

Airborne

No word yet from our poser or the cops. I did however, get my opposing craigslist ad deleted.

Green Thumb

You run across these old maggots every now and then.

They always start speaking loudly and acting insulted; trying to shore up attention and support from their loser (or oblivious) friends that they have been conning for years.

See a lot of these turds at bars and so forth.

Just call them out and ask someone to call the cops to clear things up.

That is the last thing they want. Chances are they have warrants or are know scumbags. (80%)