Name that DUmmy, wookin’ pa nub in all the wong places!

NOTE: Answers need to be in by 3:30 today as I am heading out to wedding cake shop, and will be out golfing tomorrow!

It’s like a retarded Where’s Waldo, but you know you love it. When I saw this thread I just knew it would be full of win. So, first let me set the stage, and then 4 responses to the original post. One of them is not a DUmmy, but our own Brown Neck Gaitor. The topic for this Juicey Bit of Awesome: Stay away from Match.com.

I’m commuting back and forth between Orlando and D.C. for my new job and I don’t really know anyone up here in D.C. and I’ve never had a lot of luck trying to get girls phone numbers in the first place. I’m average looking, 5′-11″, 43 years old, a degreed engineer with a good job who is successful professionally but not really so much with the women….

It didn’t show any promise at all and it is rather obvious as someone who has 1400+ friends on FB and has seen and rejected a lot of fake FB profiles that a lot of the female profiles I saw on Match.com just can’t be real – the language is extremely boilerplate and says little that is meaningful (e.g. I’m fun, funny, fun loving, like sports, camping, anything an average guy might want to hear, blah blah blah) and they have a lot of very incomplete profiles – nothing about education, income, occupation, kids, religion, previous marriage, etc…

Based on my criteria (age 28-40, 5’3″ to 5’11”, college educated, non smoker, social drinker, no kids, never married, makes 50,000 a year or better, and thin, athletic or about average) there were only 3 matches in Orlando and those didn’t change at all and while there were about 40 in D.C. those didn’t change either.

Didn’t get any replies (assuming they were even real profiles) to the ones I did try.

In less than one week, I got “winks” from two clearly FAKE profiles (profiles had no pics and no info and just how many 30-something women are interested in men from age 35-80?) these were clearly just phishing for personal info / emails.

OK folks, here are your 4 options:

DUmmy 1:

I don’t think he was wrong to have a criteria, It just might be too selective.

I had a very simple criteria on match a few years ago and it worked out pretty well getting them interested, keeping them is another issue.

I didn’t specify salary, because chemistry is more important to me.

Now, my story. I think I put 18 to 64 🙂 . I did put that liberal political views were a “must have”. I had this grand fantasy about doing political things together. But, when one looks like “conservative” (what ever that means), I have a hard time keeping my type of ladies interested. I have a thing for the light skin, dark hair woman, so I seemed to gravitate more towards that look. That goup appears to want to date someone that is more like them.

DUmmy 2:

I did the computer dating thing for a bit.
Match.com and OKCupid got me laid with surprising frequency but I never met anyone on either site who I wanted to date for more than a few weeks. This is not a slight to the women I did meet — they were all great, but chemistry shouldn’t be forced; we weren’t feeling it, so we moved on, always quite amicably.

There’s a certain desperation that is evident in the online dating profiles of people who are “looking for love” and it frankly creeps a lot of people out, men and women. I avoided those profiles like the plague, and from the conversations I had with the ladies I did date it was clear they did as well, perhaps even more religiously than I.

Frankly the money part of your criteria may be the culprit — in this economy even many professional women aren’t pulling down fifty grand+ right now. Also the “never married” part seems just a bit absurd — marriage is something almost everyone tries once (not me, but I’m an asshole ), so I’m not sure why a past experience matters that much. The no kids thing totally makes sense, of course.

DUmmy 3:

No, his first problem is using an internet dating service
They’re scams. They charge you a fee for nothing. As he describes, most of the replies will be phishing attempts, and, not to be too down on anyone, but i’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be looking to spend any real time with someone else I find on an anonymous matchup system.

I’m no Don Juan myself, but i figure it’s simple lack of effort on my part. The key to meeting someone is actually meeting them. Anyone would be better-off just spending a day in the park or even, heaven help us all, visiting a local club. Frankly, I’m of the opinion that one doesn’t go “hunting” for someone, unless you’re just looking to get laid. every decent romance i know of starts off as simple casual acquaintance.

Borrow a puppy, take a sunny day off, and someone will talk to you.

DUmmy 4:

I think having some preferences is more than reasonable
Think about it this way: If your cute 18 year old daughter were to put up a profile on a dating site, would you not agree that she should have the right to exclude, say, men over 30, men without high school diplomas, men with kids, 400 pound men, smokers, or men making less than 20K a year?

If your daughter doesn’t want to wind up with some middle-aged loser, then why does the author of the OP not also have every right to be selective?

He might be TOO selective and he might never meet someone who fills all of his criteria, but I think being selective is okay

OK Dummy detectives, ferret out the phony DUmmy!

Category: Politics