Matthew Jacob Wyszynski; phony Screaming Eagles medic
I guess this one has been around for a year or so, but he’s new to me. Guardian of Valor has the details on this mighty warrior. I know this will surprise you, but he’s kind of lazy – he knows nothing about the military, at all, not even stuff that’s pretty common knowledge. He says he’s a “Screaming Eagles medic” but that he stationed in Vermont, but he’s currently deployed to the war zone in Guam, you know that really bad war we’re involved in currently. But, it’s probably secret. If you’re wondering where he earned his mad medic skills, well, he went to that secret medic school somewhere in Arizona.
I’m convinced if uniform manufacturers quit making super-sized uniforms it would cut down on this crap by at least half.
Oh, here’s a picture of his platoon that he uses as proof;
What? Are you blind? That’s him right there, dumbass.
Category: Phony soldiers
Geebus f-ing cripes!! For the love of all that’s holy; please stop putting these ri-tards up!!!
I’m 5 Airborne (no, I wasn’t military Airborne qualified, so I don’t have jump wings on my uniform; I did it while I was in, but at civilian jump sites) seconds away from a psychotic episode!!
You should not mock him. The war in Guam is hell, thank God for experienced “secret” medics like him.
Guam, eh? They’ve got a tree snake infestation there, maybe he’s flying in there as a “Screaming Eagle” to prey on and get rid of the tree snakes; I’m sure the Guamanians will apreciate it. BTW, love his screaming eagle beard…
Isn’t that proof of platoon picture from Kuwait and Desert Storm? I swear I’ve seen it before, better quality, but than again group photos from the desert all start to look a like to me after a while.
I do like the Canadian Combat Beard he’s rocking though.
I’ll echo old trooper. Jesus fucking christ. And double plus good on the fat ass sizes.
Jesus,next it will be a mess kit repairman poser.
I was in Guam convoys to Uncle Bob’s were hell.
Grooming standards,have changed…..
HEY, what if his missions to Guam are just cover for the Secret Missions in Paprika, which I’m sure he’d tell us about if hr could!!
He DOES need to quit using velcro-on rank insignia on his cover, though!
i did notice that on the back window of the vehicle he is in that there was a double Blue Star Mother sticker. Did he convince his mommy that he was in the military?
That’s no uniform, that’s an ACU circus tent!!
I remember the the GOV guys posting this….didn’t HE used to be a SHE too? I seem to remember reading that on one their phonies, but I could be wrong.
That boy looks like 50 ponds of lard stuffed into a five pound bag. L
It looks like he ate a medic. Or two
Jesus wept.
I’ll bet he’ll be screaming when the Eagle catches up to him.
WHAT. IS. ON. HIS. FACE????
OIF@13: I was gonna say he could get a job as a flotation device
PintoNag: Looks like a rotting squirrel tail to me.
I was right. There is some blurb on the GOV site about how Jacob was paving the way for “TRANS” soldiers. Trans as in Transgender, not Transportation. And I don’t want to be accused of being a biggot against TG folks. Live and let live as far as that is concerned. But from a Stolen Valor perspective, there are no Transgender soldiers. I think he’s sporting the beard because he’s on some form of hormone therapy…that’s not going on with anyone in uniform.
Don’t let him near the buffet.
Meh, San Antonio, Arizona-hey he got within a thousand miles or so, that’s closer than he got to the war zone with Guam.
Anyway, that’s clearly not a 101st patch on the ACUs he is wearing. I’ll give him a pass on the velcro rank on his hat, I once knew an E-8 who wore hers like that (she was married to the battalion commander in the guard).
Might be a furry female they have those.
The only battle he was ever in was the battle of the bulge. And the bulge won.
Also am I the only one who is disturbed that SSG Fatbody Neckbeard here is eye-f*cking us in that ACU picture? Be afraid. Be very afraid.
The candidates for next years tourney are starting early!
Wow… Just f’ing wow.
That boy is special… Really special.
Rep. Hank Johnson was right!!! Guam will tip over and it’ll be this guys fault.
a medic with no EFMB or CMB? and he still made E6? Smaj must have liked him to recommend for promotion.
Well if he’s on Guam then Hank Johnson may not be such a Dumbass after all Guams listing 6 degrees to Port on Google Earth.
Thats him right there in the group shot. In the boots.
ooooh.. that crumbcatchin’ lincolnator he’s got there is making me all sorts of hot and bothered.
I’d like to see that tub of marshmallow puff run up the hills at the Fort Bragg 2 mile course
Isn’t this the man/girl?
Holy crap! It’s a ManBearPig!!!
@27…Johnson knew something we didn’t? LMAO!
I pray EVERY medic…especially in 101st lays into his ass…maybe that is not a good idea.
Hey! That desert pic is a graduating class from the shuttle door gunnery school. The class number is still classified, but it would have been around 1990. More or less.
Thought we’d burned all the pics. OT? Suppose you’re gonna blame that one on the Navy?
why does the platoon pic look like it was a picture taken of a tv/monitor screen?
at the rate we’re going we may need a monthly Stolen Valor Tournament.
Maybe TAH could one day sport a “Gallery of Retards” or a “Hall of Shame”? This bearded specimen of a Sta-Puf man in ACU’s would belong in the former!
The folks at Guardian of Valor tell me that he was a she, but they didn’t post that part.
To echo what #14 Pat said;
He ISN’T the medic, because he ATE the medic.
And #23 Martinjmpr for Quote of the Day;
Battle of the Bulge, indeed! ROFLMFAO!!
He grew the beard after he was assigned as Hasan’s driver.
Holy Leprechaun eye sore Batman!
I remember this stooge…if you’re going to pretend, can’t you at least TRY and look the part?
I’m for him and spankarella having a sumo match.
The faker tried to pass off a normal looking check as his “Army check.” I remember getting paid by check before the switch to direct deposit. The checks were greenish, with the Statue of Liberty on the right side, and had something written on them dealing with the treasury of the US/US Treasury. Today, pay is via direct deposit.
This guy is testing the tensile strength of ACU cloth.
The only thing that Eagle is screaming is, “HEY…Fat boy! You eat too much! You go eat somewhere else. The sign says all you can eat, not eat all you can!”
Fatboy is wearing an Arizona national guard patch. He must have found the oasis in the desert. Or Lindy’s on 4th
@34. OWB: Speak of the devil. Looky what I found on the USA Jobs website today!
DOOR GUNNER: NASA
NASA, the world’s leader in space and aeronautics is always seeking outstanding door gunners…in support of the International Space Station (ISS), Multi-purpose Crew Vehicle (MPCV), Space Launch Systems (SLS), Commercial Crew and Commercial…
Department: National Aeronautics and Space Administration
Agency: Lyndon B. Johnson Space Center
Open Period: 7/26/2013 to 8/2/2013
Who May Apply: This announcement is open to all qualified U.S. citizens.
Location(s): Houston, Texas
Salary: $92,252.00 – $119,926.00 / Per Year
Series & Grade: GS-0854-13/
Position Info: Full Time – Permanent
Control Number: 348278000
JOA Number: JS13D0019
My guess is Hank Johnson had this turd flown in secretly to balance Guam when all the Marines left Okinawa and moved to Guam to prevent it from tipping over.
Wow. just wow.
You tell that kid to haul ass, he’d have to make two trips.
Dude looks like a fat vertical smile.
This posering fat tub ‘o lard was once a WOMAN? I’m….at a loss for words…