Matthew Jacob Wyszynski; phony Screaming Eagles medic
I guess this one has been around for a year or so, but he’s new to me. Guardian of Valor has the details on this mighty warrior. I know this will surprise you, but he’s kind of lazy – he knows nothing about the military, at all, not even stuff that’s pretty common knowledge. He says he’s a “Screaming Eagles medic” but that he stationed in Vermont, but he’s currently deployed to the war zone in Guam, you know that really bad war we’re involved in currently. But, it’s probably secret. If you’re wondering where he earned his mad medic skills, well, he went to that secret medic school somewhere in Arizona.
I’m convinced if uniform manufacturers quit making super-sized uniforms it would cut down on this crap by at least half.
Oh, here’s a picture of his platoon that he uses as proof;
What? Are you blind? That’s him right there, dumbass.
Category: Phony soldiers
@51 that would explain that poor excuse for a beard.
I would believe he’s been a she. It’s the way he’s flirting with the camera. Coy, trying to get the ‘come hither’ look past the scraggly chin feathers, acting cute.
Do you think he’s stayed at The Point? We should ask him.
I was in Guam convoys to Uncle Bob’s were hell.
Depends on who was duty driver from the tender. Although I loved the roads, right at 1600, just after the rain showers and people started coming down the hill out of the main base.
Now the trip to Dallas Club–THAT was hell.
BTW–WTF is that thing on his face–a crash pad for a nutsack?
Anyone find him/her on Facebook? Got an e-address, blog, anything. I am former Jump Status 101st, Screamin’ Eagles and I want some of this turd.
This fat fuck ain’t even trying.
Awww,jeeez….I had to see this before breakfast?
“Screaming Eagles”?…The only thing screaming are the seams on that ACU toga he has ratchet strapped around his corpulent body.
He looks like an ACU pattern fuel blivet stuffed with Krispy kreme.
I call BS on being in the Guam “Combat Zone”…we would have heard about it in the news…had he put one foot on Guam it would have gone the way of Atlantis and sunk beneath the waves.
Bet he is big in Japan….
“stuffed with Krispy Kreme” – Doc, you are too funny!!!
This Joker reminds of the Alley Oop comics when I was a kid. Wonder if s/he has the popeye-ish forearms and no biceps too?
Assigned to the 101st, lives in Vermont, fighting in Guam, and wearing an Arizona ARNG patch. Sure, why not?
Guam… fightin’ off those waves of attacking Candians riding camels must’ve been hell.
Well Guam is the base of operations set to resuce Stearling Archer from Whore I mean Priate Island.
@64. I’m sorry, did you say something? I was just imagining Whore Island.
Doc Savage–our “medic” here once did a belly-flop off Orote Point into the ocean. The tsunami took out Fukushima, and the crater he created is now known as the Marianas Trench.
Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life…..
I remember in WW Guam the great Spam battle of 13. It was hell from the get go, our opening keys were broken after just one twist and we had to bite open the tin buckets. Well Manning and me were so lost in the Bush we decided to change sexes right then and there. I showed him mine and he showed me his and we both kind of went eewwwww, after the intial shock we went to work becoming All WE COULD BE.
That damn thing looks like the Sta-Puf or Michelin man in ACU’s!! NO jelly doughnut is safe once that critter spots it!!
Did they change the physical requirements for entry?
This dude has to weigh 340 if he’s an ounce….he’s about 3 feet under height for that weight….
I wondered where Chaz went after Dancing with the Stars! Good on ya, serving your country like that tons o’ fun!
@66…Sparky;
President: What is this thing?
Truman: It’s an asteroid, sir.
President: How big are we talking?
Scientist: Sir, our best estimate is 97.6 billion-
Truman: It’s the size of Texas, Mr. President.
President: Dan, we didn’t see this thing coming?
Truman: Well, our dougnut defense budget’s about a million dollars a year. That allows us to track about three percent of the global lard ass, and begging your pardon, sir, but it’s a big-ass krispy kreme muncher.
Gen. Kimsey: And the ones this morning?
Truman: Uh, those were nothing. Those were the size of belugas and Blue whales, things like that.
President: Is this, going to eat us?
Truman: We’re efforting that as we speak, sir.
President: What kind of damage?
Truman: Damage? A total, sir. It’s what we call a bakery apocolypse. The end of all Duncan donughts. Doesn’t matter where it hits, nothing would survive, not even a canole.
President: My God. What do we do?
@24, martinjmpr- I would like to vote “comment of the day” for “SSG Fatbody Neckbeard”! HAH!
I got a move title, “A Fridge Too Far.”
@47: ah. My old job before I became a TSA Ranger! Glad they spared the SSDGs from The Sequester.
@68–I was a POW on Guam for two years. They stuck us in big steel cages with little tiny bunks three high. On the rare occasions they let us out, we had to dodge brown tree snakes and birds that were so aggressive we had to use badminton rackets to fight them off. And all the locals would feed us is this raw fishy stuff they called “kelaguen” which I think roughly translated means, “raw fishy stuff.”
And don’t get me started on the hell that was Tumon Beach. Yeah, I don’t think I’ll ever get over Macho Grande.
This is just for you, Sparky.
http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=4×4+stuck+in+guam+mud&mid=92A6405A6A2C3539754892A6405A6A2C35397548&view=detail&FORM=VIRE6
He is not fat–that dress just makes him look fat.
You may mock him, but when you are on Guam, you are always confronted with the potential for the entire island capsizing, drowning anyone unfortunate enough to be there. It’s bad enough just being on Guam, but imagine being so damned fat that you have to line up enough people to hang out on the opposite side of Guam to counterbalance your bulk when you try to go take a leak in the ocean.