Spooky 8; the anal emission

Editor’s Note; Bob King passed away Monday, April 28, 2014.

I was given a reading assignment last Thursday by Blackfive who got a tip from one of his readers on a possible Stolen Valor case. The title of the book is “Spooky 8; the final mission”. It was published in 1999 by a guy who calls himself Bob King. At his website about the book, he plants the seed of doubt by writing;

As for believing this story, I don’t give a damn if anybody believes this story or not, that’s not the point. Remember, it’s not about who is saying it, it’s WHAT is being said! What I want people to do is consider the possibilities. Pay attention to what is going on around them, and seek the truth for themselves. Don’t let anyone tell you what or what not to believe. Make that decision for yourself!

Yeah, that’s the way I’d start out my true story. Oh, and if I was hiding, I’d put my picture on the internet where no one can find it. This is what tipped off Motor Cop, the Blackfive reader who sent this to us;

In his description of how his team makes a jump from an OV-10 Bronco, he states “the light switched from red to green, the door snapped open, and it was time to go.”

The door “snapping open” after the green light sounded mighty strange to me. According to FlightGear.org, “The fuselage rear cargo door could also be removed, as was necessary when dropping paratroopers.”

Uncle Jimbo chimes in with his boundless experience;

Having jumped a Bronco my damn self the bit bout the door snapping open is BS. The strap story is correct, then the bird goes vert and shits you out. Not something you would ever forget is a fact.

Cordially,

Uncle J

Let me tell you, that’s about the most believable part of the book. Here’s some of the stupid shit I found that he’s trying to pass off as non-fiction;

He was never “stationed” in Vietnam. Him and his “team” would hang out at home until the Army came and got him for a mission – then they’d fly him to Vietnam from the States for his operations. Because, ya know, there were so few soldiers between Vietnam and the States that the Army could get to the theater faster. Then they’d do ops like deliver an envelope to a Cambodian general. There was no one closer to Vietnam that could do that complicated shit.

Of course, the Army picked up on his studliness while he was in basic training at Fort Ord. So studly was he that he didn’t have to go to infantry training (which was at Fort Polk, LA at the time). The Army convinced him to go to that SpecOps agent-producing Basic Airborne Course in super-secret Fort Benning. I remember the CIA trying to recruit me from Zero Week while I was guarding the Infantry Museum with a stick.

So he joined in May 1972 – three months before combat forces were withdrawn from Vietnam (which is probably why they had to fly him back and forth from the States – even though putting him in Japan, the Phillipines, Guam, Hawaii or South Korea might have been easier) and ETS’d in 1975. By the time he had ETS’d he was a master sergeant – there’s that studliness again. I’m guessin’ that he had to submit his promotion package to the E-7 and E-8 boards on the same day

He was so Spec Ops that he was eating MREs in Vietnam – the CIA probably time-traveled to 1984 to get them for him.

On one mission, flying in a C-119 from a secret air base in Vietnam, they caught a Surface to Air Missile as they crossed the Thai border. Luckily, the surface to air missile only hit the cargo they were carrying (the heat seeking missile probably zeroed in on Bob King’s hot manliness instead of the engines on the wings) so they merely pushed the heavy pallets out so they could continue. Turns out that the missile also damaged the tail section so they had to crash land the aircraft – again, luckily, they crashed a few hundred meters from their secret airstrip in Thailand.

As they straggled up to the secret airbase (which was so secret that they didn’t need perimeter guards or fences) , all of the pilots were hanging around their aircraft drinking beer (because that’s what pilots do – they hang around their aircraft and drink beer all hours of the days and nights). They said “We saw you crash. Here, have a beer.”

Whew! A real page turner, huh?

For his missions to South America, instead of using the traditional methods of reconnaissance, King would use “remote viewers” – you know like the psychics who travel around in their minds and see stuff in another part of the world. Blackfive says he only used the remote viewing powers he learned for watching porn. I think most of us would.

I wondered why they’d bother using sophisticated electronic equipment to monitor drug routes when all they needed to do was to have these remote viewers watch the stuff for them. But that’s just me.

I hate to spoil the ending for you, but it turns out that the CIA decided that dealing drugs was a more lucrative way to fund the government than taxing the shit out of a few hundred million American people. They started Just Cause to firm up the drug trafficking routes. Iran-Contra was just a part of it all – damn that Ollie North!

You’ll be happy to know that our studly hero has documentation that would bring down the government if he ever released it and that’s why he’s still alive. He published proof of the government’s treachery with a letter from the Department of Energy to the Environmental Protection Agency telling them to shut down “S8” (that’s code for Spooky 8, the name of his team). I always suspected that the EPA’s dirty pot-smoking hippies were just a cover for for elite special operations thugs.

We’ve got a FOIA in on our intrepid author and I’ll update that as soon as POW Net forwards it to us.

Category: Phony soldiers