{"id":87024,"date":"2019-05-15T12:00:29","date_gmt":"2019-05-15T16:00:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/valorguardians.com\/blog\/?p=87024"},"modified":"2019-05-15T07:35:30","modified_gmt":"2019-05-15T11:35:30","slug":"get-the-ginsu-missile","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/valorguardians.com\/blog\/?p=87024","title":{"rendered":"Get the Ginsu Missile!"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-84383\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/valorguardians.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/make-marvins-day.jpg?resize=241%2C300&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" width=\"241\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/valorguardians.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/make-marvins-day.jpg?resize=241%2C300&amp;ssl=1 241w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/valorguardians.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/make-marvins-day.jpg?resize=267%2C333&amp;ssl=1 267w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/valorguardians.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/make-marvins-day.jpg?w=451&amp;ssl=1 451w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 241px) 100vw, 241px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>This amazing new R9X secret missile is not only ready to lock and load, but will also shred your enemy into teensy-weensy pieces! Equipped with rotating blades that should strike fear into the hearts and empty minds of any Middle Eastern hillbilly, the mere noise of its oncoming strike will send them all running for cover!<\/p>\n<p>But wait! There&#8217;s more! While you&#8217;re shredding the enemy and serving him up as mulch, this amazing new compound weapon will also create a 100-pound rain of ground-bound flak that would do justice to a starving elephant facing a 1-ton hay bale!<\/p>\n<p>This offer is available for a short time only, for the incredibly low price of $5.95 plus shipping and handling! Hurry! It&#8217;s only available while supplies last!<\/p>\n<p>Shopping details are here:\u00a0\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.militarytimes.com\/off-duty\/military-culture\/2019\/05\/14\/ninja-bomb-is-a-bladed-anvil-that-shreds-terrorists-with-no-risk-of-collateral-damage-pentagon-says\/\">https:\/\/www.militarytimes.com\/off-duty\/military-culture\/2019\/05\/14\/ninja-bomb-is-a-bladed-anvil-that-shreds-terrorists-with-no-risk-of-collateral-damage-pentagon-says\/<\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>This amazing new R9X secret missile is not only ready to lock and load, but will also shred your enemy into teensy-weensy pieces! Equipped with rotating blades that should strike fear into the hearts and empty minds of any Middle Eastern hillbilly, the mere noise of its oncoming strike will send them all running for [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":653,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[301,400,307],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-87024","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-afghanistan","category-iraq","category-isis"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4ozh1-mDC","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/valorguardians.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/87024","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/valorguardians.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/valorguardians.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/valorguardians.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/653"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/valorguardians.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=87024"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/valorguardians.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/87024\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/valorguardians.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=87024"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/valorguardians.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=87024"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/valorguardians.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=87024"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}